More explanations! Yea!

And this weeks episode… awesome! I totally loved seeing Nate going all kick-ass =] hell, just seeing him again... I hope he's back for good!

Disclaimer: see all my other chapters =]

Chapter 14: The Shock

There was silence, and then there was silence. All eyes in the room shifted over to Callen. He refused to bow under the pressure of their stares, keeping his back straight and stiff, and his eyes flashed with defiance.

"You were in that house?" Abby's voice was hushed, unnaturally subdued. She had noticed her friend looking decidedly uncomfortable since he had entered the room; she could see the pain in his eyes, and she didn't like it. She looked after her friends, her family. But she couldn't protect him if she didn't know what was wrong. One look at Gibbs, however, told her that he did. Just like it told her that he would do anything to protect the man she knew he thought of as a son, no matter the cost.

At Abby's words, Callen turned his gaze to the woman he liked second-most in the world. He acknowledged the worry and concern in her eyes and voice, and threw out a smirk and a shrug to try and alleviate it. "I was the blood pool on the left," he confirmed, in his typical sarcastic manner.

No one laughed. They all turned to look at the stain in question, feeling their concern grow at the result of what clearly had to have been a life-threatening injury.

Even Kensi, who had heard the story and would never be able to get it out of her head, no matter how hard she tried, still felt sick at the sight of her husband's blood splattered across the decrepit floor. Though some of that feeling may be due to an entirely different reason. She leaned over and rested her head against Callen's shoulder, wrapping her arm around his, reassuring herself that he was here. He had survived. No matter how serious it looked in the photos, he had survived.

Callen glanced over to his wife, and briefly rested his head on the top of hers, taking comfort from her presence.

Tony, looking from the screen to the LA agent, raised his eyebrows. He thought these people were close, but that seemed a bit… much. They had to be a couple. Which explained why Agent Blye was so uninterested in him.

Abby studied the picture on the screen briefly, but couldn't keep her eyes off of Callen for long. She couldn't believe that her friend had lived through that. Being the forensic genius she was, she could estimate the amount of blood on the floor. Pulling equations out of her head, she calculated the number of liters soaking into the floorboards. Given her rough estimates, Callen had very likely nearly died in that room, along with Agent Nichols. The thought of never getting the chance to meet the secretive yet caring man was almost too much to bear. Unusually somber, she moved forward until she was standing on the agent's free side. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his arm, trying to keep the tears from falling.

Callen stiffened and lifted his head up when he felt the second body. The next second, he relaxed, recognizing the warm embrace of the over-caffeinated scientist. He couldn't push her away. Again, it was that wounded puppy feeling. He never enjoyed being touched – Kensi excepted, of course – especially when he didn't know it was coming, but he didn't mind so much with her.

The room remained silent for several more moments, before Nate spoke up. Abby pulled back, giving the agent some breathing room. She suspected this story wasn't quite over, and she could tell her friend wasn't comfortable with human contact. She had noticed it before – small ticks, little tells that would be invisible to the naked eye, but not for someone who was trained to notice minuscule details.

"How did the FBI get involved, if Tachota happened in Russia?" the operational psychologist asked, voice steady and calm. He refused to allow any of his turbulent emotions through. They were all reeling from the information their generally tight-lipped colleague had divulged. He kept his secrets close to the chest, and this seemed to be a big one; he doubted the young man had ever forgotten any aspect of this case, the one that nearly cost him his life, and they hadn't even managed to get the man behind it all. He had kept silent for the most part, observing the lead agent, and he could see the strain in the Callen's eyes, his posture, and the set ridge of his jaw. There was definitely more to this than met the eye, and if he were the least bit sane, he would immediately submit his official recommendation that the man be removed from duty.

But he wasn't sane. You couldn't be if you wanted to work in the OSP office; he couldn't make such a recommendation without incurring the wrath of everyone in the room. And he knew Callen. He knew more than he suspected the man thought he did. Special Agent G Callen was the perfect undercover agent: he could become anyone, anywhere, at any time. That was why learning that he had served in the CIA before NCIS had come as no shock when he had read it in the agent's file. Well, after he had gotten to know the man, and learned a little about him, it hadn't been a surprise. Callen knew how to hide emotions – you never knew if what you were seeing was real, or a fabrication. So for this much raw sentiment to be so easily read, Nate knew there was something more, something big. Something that was still haunting what could possibly be one of the best agents NCIS had ever been able to get a hold of. And that thought scared him. He was so used to Callen lying or stretching facts whenever certain topics were broached; he wasn't sure he could handle the truth.

Callen looked over at the psychologist. He could practically hear the gears turning in the man's brain; a distant part of him noted that if he didn't get a grip on himself, Nate would likely pull him off active duty – he wouldn't put it past the man to call the Director personally, if he thought Callen shouldn't be working this case. And analytically, Callen knew he shouldn't be; he was way too close. But he knew that he would downright refuse to leave, no matter what Nate said. And Hetty and Gibbs would back him up, he was sure of it. Dropping his gaze, he turned back to the computer screen. He didn't think he trusted himself to continue looking a psychologist in the eye – the man already saw too much, he didn't want to give him any more ammunition.

"The signature matched several open federal cases. They were tracking a lead on a state building bombing when Tachota went south. Rather than fight it out, our bosses decided to join forces." Callen was almost proud of the clinical detachment he was able to portray – he was just glad that his voice didn't shake.

Nate nodded, furrowing his brow as he made more mental notes.

There was another bout of silence, while the agents tried to come up with ideas for how to proceed.

Finally, Callen turned to the tech pair. "Eric, Abby, see if you can find any links from Myers to our mystery man. Let me know what you find."

Eric looked at the lead agent with confusion. "Didn't they try that already?" he asked, trying to read the man he both respected and admired – and was very worried about at the moment.

Callen locked eyes with the techie. "Technology changes a lot in a decade, Eric," he reminded the younger man. He paused there for a moment, and then let his mouth twist in half a smirk. "Besides, I trust you more than I trusted any of the techs we had back then. You can find a way into anything, right?"

Eric felt his own answering grin with the unexpected praise. "Of course. We're on it, right Abby?" He turned to face the woman, but she wasn't looking at him.

Abby was still watching Callen, her eyes searching. He stared back, refusing to look away under her powerful gaze. Finally, she nodded, still looking at the agent. When she spoke, her voice was low and determined. "We'll find something, promise." She didn't know what she was promising, but she knew that this case was important, even vital, to her friend. So she would do whatever she could to help.

Callen nodded back, his face carefully blank, and moved to leave the room.

Kensi kept her hold on his arm, letting it slide until only their hands were clasped. He paused briefly, their arms extended as she tried to keep him from leaving. But with one last squeeze, Callen let go of her hand and kept moving. He didn't turn back to look at anyone.

Hetty and Gibbs shared a significant glance.

Kensi stared at the door, before turning to look at Hetty. The small woman shifted her eyes over to the young agent. A moment of appraising, and then the operations manager nodded. Needing no further opening, Kensi quickly followed her husband out.

For those that were left, confusion filled the room.

"So…. What now?" McGee asked, looking at his boss, but asking the question to everyone.

It was Hetty who answered. "I suggest we break, for the time being. Mr. Beal, Ms. Sciuto, we leave the investigation in your capable hands." With one last look at Gibbs, Hetty made her exit.

"So, we've got the rest of the day off?" Tony ventured, adding a psyched "Awesome!"

Gibbs turned to look at his senior agent. Turning the power of his gaze up, he waited long enough for the man to wilt slightly, before he spoke. "Take McGee with you. And keep your phones on." With that, he followed the operations manager.

Tony deflated visibly at that. Muttering something about babysitting and babes, stalked out, McGee on his trail, trying to hide a grin.

Sam and Nate were left alone with the two techs. Eric and Abby had ceased to pay attention to anything other than the computer, since Callen's departure.

Agent and psychologist met gazes, worry and concern clear in both. Needing no words, both exited the room together.

XXX

Gibbs found Hetty sitting at her desk, hands folded primly on her lap. She was staring at the computer in front of her, but as it was currently asleep, the agent deduced she wasn't doing anything imperative at the moment.

With no introduction, Gibbs took the seat across from the woman; he said nothing, just waited.

Finally, Hetty spoke. "It bothers me too."

Gibbs nodded solemnly. They had both had the pleasure – and some times annoyance – of working with Callen. Both would count him as a friend, not the asset he knew most of the agencies the man had worked with saw; and both looked upon the younger agent in an almost parental way. He may have known Callen first, but that didn't mean Hetty didn't care. That she didn't feel the same rage and resentment on behalf of their friend. They both worried about the inevitable break they knew was coming: Callen wouldn't be able to hold it in forever. He was very good at hiding things, but when they broke loose, the fallout was equally considerable.

Not breaking eye contact, he asked, "Did you know Audrey?"

Hetty sighed, and shook her head. "Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity. I wish I had."

Gibbs nodded. "Me too," he agreed simply.

Hetty pulled out a key and looked down to open the bottom drawer of her desk. Rifling through the papers, she pulled out an envelope. Sifting through the packet inside, she pulled out a single item. She looked at it briefly, before meeting Gibbs' eyes and handing it over.

Gaze still locked with Hetty, Gibbs reached across the desk to take the article gently; only then did he look down. It was a photo. The location the picture had been taken was somewhere in rural America. The background showed an open expanse of land, with a forest in the distance. A dirt road led back along the z-axis, and in the foreground two people were leaning against an old pickup truck. Callen had his arms wrapped securely around a small but well-built woman. Her hair was a dark auburn, tinged with red that sparkled in the sun. In the tank top she was wearing, her muscles were easy to see. Her hands were reaching up to clasp his forearms at their place around her shoulders. Her head was thrown back slightly and the laughter was evident in her grin. Callen was resting his chin on her shoulder, his own eyes alight with mirth. The frame ended around their waist, and a diamond was clearly seen glittering from the woman's left hand.

Gibbs felt sorrow for the dispersion of the scene in front of him. These people looked so happy, so in love, so ready to live life. But in the time it took to fire a gun, it had all ended. He looked up.

Hetty's eyes were locked on the photo in Gibbs' hands. When she spoke, her voice was soft, tinged with sadness. "Until embarking on his relationship with Ms. Blye, I had never seen Callen half as happy as in these pictures with Audrey."

Gibbs nodded, and glanced back down. He had never seen the younger man that happy in real life. "He loved her."

Unnoticed to the two of them, lost in their thoughts as they were, Sam and Nate approached, intending to voice their own apprehensions, but when they noticed the picture, all preconceived thought left them.

Sam was shocked. He knew that his partner had dated before, but he had never seen such a smile on his friend's face. And then he recognized the woman. The FBI picture of Agent Nichols was much blander, and showed a slightly younger woman, but there was no doubt that the laughing female in Callen's arms was the same person. There was no mistaking the closeness of the pair. There was no denying that they had had a personal relationship.

Nate, too, had similar thoughts. And at nearly the same moment, both noticed the ring. And that was where his mind went blank. He had never known Callen to have any serious relationship before Kensi, and that one had come as a huge shock, to all of them. And yet, there was proof in this photo. The love in the stance, the smiles, and most importantly, the eyes, of these people was clear to anyone. And that ring…

To Sam, his voice sounded like it was coming through a tunnel. It was far off, hazy. He could form the words, he knew what they meant, but he couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that Callen was not the loner he had claimed he always was. "That's Kensi's engagement ring."

Hetty's gaze flickered up to the pair, while Gibbs turned around slightly in his seat. The agent and psychologist refused to be cowed by the almost-glares. If they had wanted their conversation to be completely private, they would have had it somewhere with a door.

Gibbs set the photo down on the desk, and Hetty watched as both Nate and Sam followed the motion, their eyes still locked on the small rectangle.

Finally, Nate managed to tear his eyes away, and looked up at the operations manager. When he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. "They were engaged?" He could still hear the disbelief in his tone. Hetty paused for a moment, before inclining her head once. At that confirmation, Nate's gaze fell back down to the picture still lying on the desk. "And she died," he whispered again. It was like another piece of the puzzle falling into place. Suddenly, the reason behind Callen's reluctance to date law enforcement made sense. His old aversion to relationships that lasted longer than a week, his general dislike of any FBI individual, his disinclination to trust authority figures… holes that had been empty for so long, began to fill in. And all he could do was stand there and watch. And then feel disgusted with himself, because of course, hindsight is twenty-twenty. He could remember clues, little things that he was trained to notice as a psychologist. But he hadn't. And now, there really wasn't much he could do.

"Does Kensi know?" Sam asked, making an effort to pull himself together, and feeling marginally pleased when his voice sounded closer this time.

"Why don't you ask Kensi?"

A new voice sounded, and they all turned to look as their female agent made her presence known.

She looked a little shaky, and still sick, Sam noted with concern. Or at least, the part of him that was still paying attention to his surroundings – rather than focused on the notion that Callen, his loner best friend who didn't do trust, had actually had more than one serious relationship in his life – noted. And then he was hurt that his partner hadn't felt the need to tell him. Oh, he could understand it, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

Kensi looked down at the picture. She had seen it before – Callen had a copy buried away with a bunch of other photos from that time. "How did you get this?" she asked Hetty, somewhat angrily.

The operations manager clasped her hands together again, folding them neatly in her lap. "That is neither here nor there, Ms. Blye," she replied, her tone courteous.

Nate furrowed his brow. She hadn't answered the question Sam had posed, and her own query to Hetty could be taken both ways. It didn't bode well if Callen hadn't shared with his wife, though it would fall more in with the Callen he had gotten to know over the years. "He didn't-" but he wasn't able to finish the sentence, as Kensi rounded on him.

"Of course he told me, Nate," she interrupted, the anger still clear in her voice. "Do you honestly think he would ask me to marry him if he couldn't tell me about this?"

There was no real response to that, so they all kept silent.

Until Sam ventured to speak again, carefully. "I thought you left with him."

Kensi turned to look at her friend. She still felt the anger and annoyance at this group that had been discussion her husband's past so cavalierly, and without Callen to diffuse her, she wasn't altogether certain she wouldn't snap. But she was aware that it was most likely mood swings, and she didn't want to say something she would regret later. Her voice was carefully controlled when she responded, "He was gone by the time i got down the stairs."

There was another beat of silence, and then Sam nodded. "I'll give you a ride," he offered, still wary.

Kensi took a breath to reply, and then let it out. "Thanks," she nodded, letting the anger go for now.

The pair left the small group, not looking back.

Hetty picked up the picture, and replaced it in her desk, locking the drawer and putting the key away.

"Will he be all right?"

The question had come from Nate, still worried about his friend, and still uncertain as to whether or not he should make a professional recommendation about removing him from the case.

Hetty and Gibbs looked at each other, having a silent conversation. It was Gibbs who answered, standing up and turning around so that he could look the psychologist in the eye. "He's not a victim. He's a survivor."

And with that, the DC agent left also, leaving Hetty to follow up, knowing that that wouldn't have allayed any of Nate's fears. "Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." Hetty took a moment to look up at the man standing in front of her, his concerned expression changing to thoughtful as she spoke. "Mr. Callen doesn't know how to lose."

With that one final comment, Hetty fully dismissed the man as she headed further into the bowels of the building, her own agenda at the forefront of her mind, and an afternoon to get started.

The final quote is from Voltaire. I thought it seemed kind of appropriate. And Gibbs' parting line was sort of taken from this week's episode of NCIS.

This chapter was longer than I intended, but like always, the words just kept coming! I hope you enjoyed, and the next update is coming soon. I have the ideas, I just need to write them down (hopefully before I forget them) =]

Please review!