"Kamil, do you know how memory works?"
Kamil knew this question had nothing to do with his check up. He noticed the pink haired doctor had put his pen down and his clipboard sat on his lap.
"Kindly enlighten me," Kamil politely replied, earning a smile from Dr. Marian.
"Make yourself comfortable, Kamil. Angela told me before that I tend to bore people with my long explanations, but I'll try to keep it simple. You never know, this may help you," Dr. Marian told his patient with a small wink. His long eyelashes and glittery, purple eyeshadow reflected some light, giving off a suspicious looking glimmer.
"Memories are complex little things, you see. Some can be very vivid, depending on how you retrieved it, how it was made, what the context was, how much it stimulated your senses… Emotion is a very strong retrieval cue. It makes memories stronger. So, the more emotion you felt in that moment, the more likely it is you'll think about it and you won't forget it. This is probably why, sadly, you cannot forget about this painful memory of yours. So much stimuli, so much rehearsal…"
Kamil nodded in understanding. His love for Lillian, the fear he felt when he saw her in the water, the pain he endured when she left, and the constant, physical reminder of her through Annie… they were all "stimuli".
"But," Dr. Marian said, lifting a delicate finger, as if warning Kamil, "memories are also fragile, malleable, and inaccurate. One can be tricked into believing false memories, you can forget things easily… or worse: amnesia."
Kamil's breath hitched at the word. He began to fiddle with his thumbs. Again, he felt like Dr. Marian knew too much, or maybe even knew something he didn't know. He replied nervously, "I- I'm not asking for amnesia-"
"No, no, of course not, honey," Dr. Marian laughed, waving his arms jokingly to reassure him, "but I'm already on a roll with this so let me go on, will you? I'm sorry, I can't help that I'm like this!"
Kamil didn't know how to respond and simply forced a laugh. Maybe Dr. Marian was right. It can help him.
"Amnesia is a loss of memories, correct? It can occur from neurological damage, like an injury or surgery. There are two main types of amnesia. One: anterograde and two: retrograde. Anterograde is when one forgets their memories after the incident, meaning they can't make new ones."
Not Lillian, Kamil thought.
There was a strange glint in Dr. Marian's eyes as he said, "The other, retrograde, is when one's pre-existing memories, or, memories before the incident, are lost. However, they can still make new memories. You know, movies really don't do a great job at accurately portraying this type of stuff! If one suffers from this amnesia, they can still function as they remember their general knowledge and language, but maybe not specific events in their lives…"
Kamil tried to hide the shock on his face. He gulped. Lillian? But why is Dr. Marian bringing this up?
"Could possibly…" Kamil spoke up. His throat felt dry even though Dr. Marian was doing all the talking. "Could a hit to the head cause amnesia? Could low oxygen levels cause amnesia?"
Kamil breathed slowly and absentmindedly looked at the floor. The image of Lillian in the hospital bed was burned into his memory.
Dr. Marian gave him a genuinely concerned look. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped. "Dear Kamil, don't tell me-!"
"What?" His attention went back to the doctor.
"I better not catch you self harming your brain just so you can forget!"
"What, I- Goddess, no, Dr. Marian!" Kamil spluttered out a reply, being just as shocked as he was. "I was just curious, is all!"
"Well..." Dr. Marian said, clearing his throat, "I guess it depends on how badly the head was injured and how traumatic the accident may have been… It really has to cause internal damage to the brain's structure. So, I guess a scratch to the surface of the head at the most can cause a concussion. Usually, there is memory loss closer to the actual incident due to shock, but maybe not complete amnesia."
Kamil tried piecing the information together. Lillian probably couldn't accurately recall what happened after her cart crashed and she fell into the water. She probably didn't even know what was going on when he found her and Kana brought her to Konohana. So, was the incident not enough to cause complete amnesia?
"But," Dr. Marian added, "there are cases where someone can try to trick themselves into forgetting. Some people with anxiety or their own reasons just block it out entirely, but in the end, they're just lying to themselves…"
"Why would someone do that?" Kamil was suddenly more interested.
Dr. Marian pressed his lips together in thought. "Insecurity? Lack of love or support? Anxiety can do that to you. That's why, Kamil dear, do not subject yourself to that. It will only bring you more pain. Find beauty in all of your memories. Don't forget it. Come rain, come shine… You will grow from it, like a flower."
Kamil smiled when the doctor incorporated something he was familiar with.
"Right? A flower needs some rain in order to bloom. And I want you, Kamil, to help not just yourself, but others with that too." Dr. Marian then took out a small slip that he jotted down on and pasted it to a pill bottle. He passed it to his patient.
"I can try," Kamil said, taking the medication.
"I'm sure you will." Dr. Marian beamed, and as the two started collecting their things, he gasped in excitement. "Look at you, radiating so much beauty right now…" The doctor faced Kamil. "As thanks for listening so attentively, I hereby officially induct you into the 'Beautiful Dreamer Alliance'! Not that our alliance does anything in particular, but simply being a part of it lets one's inner radiance and beauty shine forth!"
Kamil, slightly confused, replied, "O-Oh, great! Thank you!" He heard that word before, from the farmer Giorgio, who too had a sense of fashion, beauty, and class. It made sense to him that it was between Giorgio and Dr. Marian, but he never would've guessed that he would be joining them.
Kamil took the melatonin pill bottle and put it in his coat pocket. He was glad Raeger suggested he visit Dr. Marian. He was so helpful, so reassuring, and Kamil felt like he might come back if he ever needed anything – even just to talk.
"My, my, would you look at that… right on time. Marvelous, I am so impressed with myself," Dr. Marian said triumphantly. "Kamil, you are aaaall done, and now I have my next patient."
"Thank you so much, Dr. Marian. I really feel a lot better… more radiant after seeing you." Kamil nervously rubbed the back of his neck. He wondered if he used Dr. Marian's definition of radiance properly.
Dr. Marian was pleased. "You are very welcome, honey. Visit anytime you feel ill again."
Kamil made his way to the exit and as he pushed the door open, the doctor's next patient was trying to enter and his green eyes locked with purple ones.
"Oh, hello Annie," Kamil said in surprise when he noticed how close she stood in front of him. So much for feeling more radiant. His mood dropped a bit upon seeing her. "Are you here to see Dr. Marian?"
"Y-Yes, just dropping in after working at the farm, and you?" Annie asked, nervously playing with the fabric of her skirt. Her work boots were dirty and she gave off an earthy smell. Her hair was in a ponytail, but her side bangs stuck to her forehead from sweat.
Before Kamil could explain, Dr. Marian called out, "Annie, is that you? No need to come in, I can just give them to you."
"Oh, thank you, Dr. Marian," Annie replied over Kamil's shoulder, "but actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a bit."
"Of course."
Kamil stepped to the side, allowing Dr. Marian to walk up and pass her what looked like a prescription. He gave it to Annie so casually and right in front of Kamil. He tried to avoid looking at it, but the bottle was a bright orange, with a white label in red font.
TAKE AS DIRECTED. ANTIDEPRESSANT.
Kamil pretended he didn't notice, but how could he not? Knowing he was no longer needed, he silently left the two as they took their seats. He closed the door behind him and was now left alone with his thoughts. What a coincidence that Annie dropped by after he saw Dr. Marian. The timing of everything was suspicious, as if it was planned... as if fate brought Kamil to Dr. Marian's office.
a/n: hope you enjoyed some of that info on memory and amnesia lmao. how much does dr. marian know...? can you put the pieces together like kamil?
as always, thanks for reading! i hope you liked it.