For the rest of September and most of October, I kept to myself, not talking to anyone unless necessary. I requested mission after mission to stay away from my friends and most of all, Kakashi. He would try to visit me every time I was home, but I pretended I wasn't. The mental image of him with that other woman and every time he left me to be eye-humped by my teacher were still burned into my skull. He didn't love me. It was all a ruse. He was just having fun because he was bored.
And sure enough, I was right.
It was toward the end of October when Kakashi stopped coming to try to see me at all. He had gotten bored. He had tired of me and moved on. I looked up at the door of my apartment and shrugged, ignoring the pain inside. I wanted to be alone. I didn't need anyone. I didn't want to let anyone get close to me again. I didn't want to trust anyone again.
That way, I couldn't get hurt.
"Zury? It's Iruka. Please let me in," he said as he knocked on my door later that evening. I didn't answer. I heard him sigh then start to pick the lock on my door. "I hate to do this, but you leave me no choice." The door opened and he walked in, obviously annoyed at me. "Why won't you talk to us anyone? You don't see us anymore, you don't hang out with anyone, you just hole up in here all alone. Why?" I only blinked at him then shrugged.
"I don't want to be friends anymore." It looked like I had slapped him.
"Wha- what do you mean? How can you break your ties to the rest of the world just like that? You can't shut us out without a reason," he demanded.
"It is my life and I can choose who I do and do not wish to befriend. So leave me alone," I spat coldly. Iruka just gazed at me sadly with his big brown eyes then turned around to leave.
"Very well. But I think you should at least tell Kakashi what's changed you so much. He's been worried sick and only stopped trying to check up on you because Lady Tsunade ordered him to," he told me over his shoulder then turned around. "No. You know what? I want to know what happened to you. You owe me from that merging jutsu of yours. I trusted you with my body now I want you to trust me with your mind." He paused, waiting for a response. My mind was racing, trying to figure out some way to get out of it, to make him leave. I couldn't think of one. "Very well," he said and fashioned his hands into a jutsu I barely recognized. It was a mind reading jutsu. Those were used almost exclusively to interrogation ninjas and medical ninjas dealing with trauma victims and was very gentle. Suddenly, I felt a strange, fuzzy warmth in my head. It was kinda dizzying and made me feel spacey at the same time. Then the next thing I felt was Iruka's arms around me in a tight hug. "I'm sorry, Zury. I'm so sorry." I nodded slowly in his hold, knowing he felt bad because I felt bad. He straightened up and took hold of my upper arms, looking me dead in the eyes.
"I can't change what happened to your family, and I don't know what to say about most of the rest, but I can assure you that Kakashi never slept around. You're everything to him. You should know that." I lowered my eyes.
"I know what I saw." Iruka shook his head.
"Look. Tiger-Dog-Dragon-Snake-Pig. Those hand signs in that order. You felt how much chakra I used. Remember the jutsu now? Kakashi will let you use it on him if you must. That is, if you're ninja enough to try." And with that, he left me to decide my next move.
A few hours later I found myself outside of Kakashi's apartment door.
"I can't believe I'm doing this. Shows how weak I really am," I muttered to myself and knocked on the door. Kakashi answered and regarded me warily, unsure of what to do now, seeing as I've avoided him for so long.
"Iruka came by and explained," he started slowly. I nodded. "So you're here so my memories can prove I haven't cheated on you, correct?" Again, nodded.
"And some other things."
"Very well," he said, muttering under his breath right after. I could have sworn he said, "Fucking Itachi" but I wasn't completely sure. He sat on the floor. "Ok. Go for it." I sat next to him but didn't make the hand signs.
"You're going to let me? Just like that?" He nodded.
"It hurts that it's come to this but I understand that you need it." I did need it. I needed to know for sure that at least one person special to me hadn't betrayed me. I already forgave him for my blindness. That was my decision and I got past that. But the rest… And he was willing to let me do it, let me see in his mind, invade his private thoughts so that he could prove to me that he was true to me.
"Tiger..." He isn't afraid to let me see. "Dog..." He trusts me not to hurt him. I know the damage that can be done if done improperly or too harshly. He could die. He trusts me with his life. His mind. "Dragon…" His soul.
I dropped my hands into my lap, defeated.
"It wasn't real, was it?" I asked quietly, unable to look him in the face. His gentle hand tilted my chin up so he could see my eyes.
"It wasn't real. Itachi put that image in your head because you were afraid. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you like that. Do you understand?" I stared deep into his eyes and smiled faintly. I didn't need a jutsu to tell that he was telling the truth. He trusted me with everything. ...And I trust him. But…
"Kakashi…Touda-sensei is alive," I whispered. He inhaled sharply and looked away. "He told me what happened," I went on. Kakashi nodded slightly and looked back at me.
"I'm sorry. I wanted to protect you…for just a while longer…" I nodded, understanding what he meant.
"It's not that," I told him. He looked at me and I could see the confusion in his eye. "He said he loved me. He killed my family because he loved me. I don't understand that. And…I don't understand…Touda said he wanted me and it was obvious...that you knew..." I looked up at him, imploring eyes begging him to tell me I was wrong, "...and didn't do anything." Kakashi looked away again and he didn't offer an explanation. "Kakashi?" He sighed.
"I knew. Rather, I guessed. I saw so many times when he stole a touch or a kiss. I thought you wanted it. But by the time I realized that you didn't understand what he was doing, your family had talked to him. It wasn't my business. I…" his voice lowered to a whisper, "I didn't care." I bit my lip to keep the tears at bay. Even knowing how cold Kakashi was back then, it still really hurt to hear him say flat out that he didn't care about me.
"But that was then," Kakashi went on, facing me, eye imploring me to understand. "The fact is, I care now. Very much." Slowly, I nodded.
"I have something for you. Sort of." Kakashi walked over to his freezer and picked up a piece of mistletoe. He sat down next to me and held it over my head. "'Time cures all wounds. But it's up to those close to us to help us along.' Remember that?" I nodded. Of course I remembered. And it made me want to burst into tears all over again.
:Flashback:
"Zury, do you know what this is?" Touda-sensei asked me, intense eyes staring straight into me.
"A plant?" I responded, not having a clue.
"It's called mistletoe. It's from the Land of Snow." I looked at the small plant with its white berries on it.
"What's it for?" I asked, thinking this was a small herb lesson. Touda held it over my head then leaned in and kissed my cheek, lips lingering. Surprised, I blushed a little and looked at him curiously. He seemed hesitant, but pointed to Kakashi Hatake, who had just joined our team due to losing his last two teammates.
"Time cures all wounds. But it's up to those close to us to help us along. We only have to make sure they know how much they mean to us." He handed me the mistletoe and nodded in Kakashi's direction. I ran up to him, placed the mistletoe over him and gave him a small kiss on his cheek. I told him the same thing that Touda-sensei told me then gave Kakashi a big hug. It was hard to lose someone close to you, much less two someones.
:End Flashback:
Kakashi pulled down his mask and leaned in slowly for a kiss, unsure. Hesitantly, I met him halfway, determined not to let my past ruin this any more than it already had. He pulled me in close, dropping the small plant and savoring the first kiss he's had from me in over a month. I savored it too, just then realizing how much I missed loving him.
His hands cradled my face, deepening the kiss. I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling off his headband then ran my hands down his back. I wanted to feel every inch of him, assure myself that he was really there and that this was really happening. If it wasn't, then I sure as hell was going to feel as much as I could before I woke up. Kakashi seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me and increased the ferocity of the kiss. He let go of my face and ran his hands down the sides of my body, coming to a rest on my waist. His fingers moved to my sash and undid it without moving his lips from mine. I responded by unzipping his tactical vest. Kakashi took that as a go-ahead and moved his hands all over my body, caressing some parts and groping others. I smiled in the kiss and returned the favor, feeling the muscles under his shirt. My fingers found the bottom of his shirt and slipped under it. He groaned in my mouth when my fingers trailed across his stomach, making me shiver. I felt the blood pounding though my veins as I got even more tuned on. Kakashi continued undoing my uniform, pausing in kissing me only to pull my oversuit off. I savored the feeling of his chest under my fingers before relieving him of his shirt. I had seen him without a shirt before, but this was so different. Actually seeing his bare chest and running my fingers down it was so much better. He didn't let me keep my hands there long, instead pulling my shirt off and capturing me in another heated kiss. My hands found their way back to his chest, then abs, then his lap. Oh god.
"Careful, Zury," he whispered huskily. "Keep that up and I won't be able to stop." I smiled and ran my fingers along the top of his pants, fingers skimming the sensitive skin.
"And if I don't want to stop?" I whispered back. He stood and picked me up so my legs wrapped around his waist. Kakashi carried me to his bedroom, kissing my lips and neck along the way.
I awoke the next morning feeling the best I had in a long, long time. Kakashi pulled me close to his bare chest.
"How did you sleep, lover?" I smiled and blushed slightly at the term.
"As little as we slept, it was strangely restful," I responded. He chuckled.
"I agree. But we're going to have to get up sometime." I groaned in response. "As much as I'd love to stay and cuddle, we need to see what missions we have." Sighing, I got out of bed and put my clothes back on. He did the same and I watched as his naked body moved in the morning light. My eyes fell on his left shoulder. His ANBU tattoo was there, a mark of his expertise and past rank. He caught me staring.
"You knew, right?" I shook my head. "Huh. Guess it slipped my mind," he muttered.
"It's not a big deal," I insisted. "I just didn't think you were one for tattoos." Kakashi shrugged and pulled a shirt on.
"I don't really care. But this one was mandatory. You never got a tat, did you?" he asked, seeming only curious. I frowned slightly in thought then smiled.
"I had my face painted at an Okitsumi party once. Does that count?" He blinked at me, dumbfounded.
"No," he finally said once his voice came back to him. I shrugged then kissed his cheek.
"I'll make breakfast," I told him happily. I couldn't help but be happy. I couldn't stop smiling either.
/-/
Months went by in a blur. I knew I was happy for sure because time crawls by when you're sad. It slowed down enough in December for me to remember saying goodbye to Naruto. He left to train with Master Jiraiya. That meant that two members of Kakashi's squad were gone. Sasuke with Orochimaru, and Naruto with Jiraiya. But once again, things sped by in a happy blur. Sure, I missed Kakashi when he left for a mission, but then so did he when I left for one. However, when the two of us were at home at the same time, we would spend that time together, happy to simply be with the other. At night, we would share a bed. It came to be that it was almost natural to sleep with one another, even if nothing sexual happened every time. Just sleeping with one another was intimate enough.
It was early March when I found out about the cherry blossom viewing party. I wanted to go with Kakashi more than anything else, but I was afraid to ask. The last time I did, it didn't turn out so pretty. Last time, he shot me down really hard. But we're together now. I took a deep breath and went in for the plunge. I walked up to Kakashi as he walked down the street and read his book.
"Hey, Kishi-kun. Um, I was wondering...about that upcoming cherry blossom party...would you like to go? You know...together?" He glanced at me sideways.
"Haven't we had this conversation before?" Of course he'd say no. He's still a serious ninja. Why would he want to go? "Oh wait. We didn't." He lowered his book and rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand. "I forgot I hadn't asked you yet. Sorry. But it sounds like fun, going as a couple." I grinned ear to ear.
"Alright."
"Great. I'll come by your place to get you at six. Sound good?" I nodded.
"Good."
:Thursday:
I went into the Kimono store to fine a decent yutaka for the next evening's events.
"Hello, there. I'll be with you in a moment," the store lady said and went back to attending a young girl with pink hair.
"Sakura? Is that you?" She turned and smiled.
"You ladies know each other? Then it wouldn't be a problem to help you both at the same time, would it?" The both of us shook our heads.
"Looking for something for the yozakura?" I asked. (yozakura is a cherry blossom viewing party that is held at night)
"Yes," Sakura replied.
"Same for you?" I nodded.
"Who are you going with?" I asked her with an evil smile.
"Rock Lee. He asked me when the party was announced."
"How nice," I told her with a smile, this one more sympathetic and less evil. She's only going with Lee for two reasons: Sasuke isn't here to go with and she's too soft-hearted to turn Lee down. Poor girl.
"Rock Lee? Ah yes, I remember the yutaka I sold him. Would you like one with colors to match?" the sales lady asked.
"Um...depends I suppose," Sakura told her kindly. The old lady went over to a rack and found a yutaka in the right style for Sakura.
"He bought a black and pine green bamboo design. This is the same color pattern, only with white and pink added to it and a pink obi the same shade as your lovely hair." It was quite pretty. The small colored flowers on the black and green fitted her quite nicely. Sakura went to try it on. "And for you my dear?" I blushed heavily.
"I'm going with Kakashi Hatake," I told her. For some reason, despite the time we had been together, someone else talking about it made me embarrassed.
"He hasn't bought his yet. So I can't match you two yet. But this one here should look nice." She pulled out a black yutaka with sleeves shorter than Sakura's, but that was because I was older than 20, and dark blue, green, gold, and silver petals patterned like they were blowing in the wind across the material. The obi was gold colored too. "Go on, try it on, love," she instructed. Nodding, I went into the dressing room. A few minutes later, I came out with it draped over my arm. Satisfied, we paid and went on our ways.
The next evening at five, I started to get ready. I was lucky it was a spring, outdoors event so that I only had to wear a yutaka instead of a full kimono (not that I could really afford one anyway). Those things are so many layers and a professional has to help just to get one on. Beautiful, but crazy. I had just finished putting my hair in chopsticks when a knock came at the door. Glancing at the clock, I shrugged. Kakashi was only five minutes late. For Kakashi, that was very impressive. I could never actually get mad when he was late because I knew why he was. I answered the door with a smile.
"Hey Kishi-kun."
"Don't call me that," he replied with a sigh as he leaned lazily in my doorway. I bit my lip. He was soooo cute all dressed up. His obi was a patterned black against a simple dark blue and green yutaka. Of course his mask and headband were still being worn. "So you ready?" he asked. Nodding, I walked past him into the hallway, locking the door on the way out.
Things were just kicking off in the large grove where the cherry trees were; it was only sundown after all. There were plenty of booths set up for people to play games. Ninjas were, of course, not allowed to play the targeting games. However, there were many others: fishing for the spotted codfish, guessing jars, tossing rings, balls and hoops, face painting, stuff like that.
"So what first?" Kakashi asked, still reading his book as he walked. The booths with food and snacks were open but neither of us were hungry yet.
"Cod fishing?" I asked with a sweet smile.
"Alright then."
We played a few games and had a few snacks but wound up sitting under one of the many cherry trees, enjoying each other's company. It was a good night, too good for it to last. A slight chill ran across my spine and the hairs on the back of my head stood up.
"I feel it too," Kakashi murmured and I felt him tense slightly next to me. I reached casually for the tessen hidden in my sash but a kunai flew from the shadows and pinned my new kimono sleeve to the tree behind me. Kakashi leapt forward, only to be hit in the chest by kunai. I gasped, but it was premature. In a puff of a smoke, he was gone and a log was there with the kunai in it. Pulling the kunai pinning me to the tree from its hold, I rose to my feet and got in a defensive stance.
"Oh, my little Zury. My sweet little Zury," a cold, mocking voice said from all around. I spun, trying to find the source. Kakashi reappeared next to me, standing back to back, ready to defend my back as I was immediately ready to defend his. A swirling of leaves danced across the ground to my left and a man appeared. I tensed visibly. Cold blue eyes stared at me from underneath tapered dark brown hair. A twisted and crazed smile lit up the man's lips.
"Touda," I spat at him. Kakashi openly stared at the man he once called sensei long ago. The man stood there in his white and purple outfit, katana drawn with another strapped to his back.
"I've made a decision my dear," he told me. "I will give you a choice. You will either come with me and we can finally be together, or I can kill you where you stand. It's your choice." His voice was low and menacing. Kakashi snarled.
"We pick the third option. You don't touch her and I'll kill you quickly." Touda looked Kakashi over for a moment then his manic smile grew even larger.
"Hatake. What's wrong? You never cared before," he taunted. "It's my lucky day. I will kill you then take her with me, then. I never cared much for you anyway." I launched forward, pulling out one of my two fans, more than ready to fight. He blocked me easily with his katana. Kakashi raised his headband so his Sharingan was exposed and dove in the fray as well. Touda had gotten stronger than I believed possible. It was insane. He blocked most of my and Kakashi's attacks and managed to make a few of his own. He took another swing at Kakashi but the copy ninja's footing was incorrect for the maneuver to move completely out of the way. I slammed into him, using my weight to push him out of the way and just barely missing the sword myself. Somehow, I was able to turn that brutish motion into a fluid one and move around to snatch the other katana from my ex-sensei's back. The two of us circled each other, katanas at the ready. Kakashi got up and made to get back next to me.
"Wait. This fight is mine," I told him.
"But-" he started to argue.
"No. He took everything from me. I want the satisfaction." Touda laughed openly.
"You silly girl. There is no way." He lunged at me, swinging his katana in a crescent fashion. I tried to dodge away from the attack but he feinted on the fourth swing and lunged. The action caught me off guard and his sword skimmed my side, drawing blood. He stepped back and shook his head. "Again, you disappoint me. You do everything half assed! Just because it comes naturally to you, you think you don't have to work for it. For someone with so much talent, there's no ambition. The only reason you moved higher in the ranks is because you got bored of what you're doing. It's a game to you. Then once you get bored or decide it's too hard, you quit! Just like swimming, just like learning the katana. And just like defensive maneuvers. That's why you'll lose." I smiled grimly.
"I've changed," I informed him and attacked, swinging the same blade again.
"You won't win- not this way. Ultimately, you must be true to your own nature." He struck again. And again. And again. "You don't want to go with me, do you?"
"No," I replied, a little confused. He just now got that?!
"Very well. If I can't have you, then you will have to die." His attacks increased in speed, ferocity, and precision. After a few more bold moves, he disarmed me and pushed me against a tree, sword to my throat and both hands disabled with a jutsu. "Don't come a step closer, Hatake, or our sweet little Zury will no longer have a flawless neck. This is your last chance, my girl. Please," he said, voice almost pleading. I blinked slowly, concentrating my chakra. I formed it into a solid hand around the fan still hidden in my obi. I eased it out, razor sharp ribs forward, and thrust.
"No." He backed away, hacking blood. He knew better to remove the object from the wound- it was the only thing clogging all the blood from pouring out of him. Kakashi walked over, hatred visible in his eyes.
"It seems your 'little one' has all grown up," he commented coldly before roughly pulling out the weapon from his stomach. "He deserves a slow death," he muttered as he put his arms around my shaking shoulders. "Come on. It's going to be ok."
"It's over," I said. "His life is gone. But I don't feel any better. We trusted him, called him friend and teacher...and he led my family to their destruction all for the love of me. Is love such a terrible thing?" I asked as he led me away from the dead man, feeling myself falling back into that cold void that Itachi had created in me.
"No. If he really loved you, he would have never done anything to hurt you. Or if he had, it would have been unintentional." I nodded, regaining my wits. I had never killed someone so close to me before... Kakashi made a motion to one of the ANBU at the festival- he had led me back to people.
/-/
The rest of March passed in a flash and every single day I grew closer and closer to Kakashi. But by growing closer, I noticed how figity he was getting. What could be wrong? When asked, he assured me it was nothing and not to worry. One day after asking, he suggested that the two of us go for a walk.
We ended up on top of the Hokage faces. It was nearing sunset, as it was when he brought me up here so long ago. This time, I could appreciate the colors. I leaned against the rail, appreciating the beauty. Hesitantly, Kakashi leaned next to me.
"Listen," he started lamely. "I've been thinking. We've been through a lot together and, well, I was hoping...we could stay together." I looked at him with a sideways glance.
"What are you trying to say?" He turned to face me straight on.
"That we should get married. So, what do you say? Will you be my wife?" I blinked at him, shocked. Composing myself, I looked back at village.
"You know, that sounds like a rather interesting idea."
"Yeah?" I nodded once, smiling ear to ear.
"Yeah." He leaned forward, pulling down his mask. Kakashi kissed me hard, happy as can be. I knew just how he felt.
Four months later, I was Mrs. Hatake. And I had never been happier.