Disclaimer: hmmm.. yeah... still broke, I can't be the owner of HP then.
AN: And for your reading pleasure the 2nd chapter release in 1 day. Yey for thinking 14 was 13 and so on. ^^; And YES I am aware of what I do not tell you at the end of the chapter. Secrets are secrets for good reasons! And as always ty for the story alerts and reviews. They make me a happy panda.
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Chapter 14 - The State of Being
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Alexander frowned slipping into Lizzy's room. It was vacant. Lizzy was never up this early unless they were running around the pitch together. He noticed her trainers were missing, but her homework was out on her desk. Both were unusual for her. Peering at the materials on her desk he frowned. Why was she studying potions? And love potions to boot. She had no reason for love potions, not with him around. Arguments or not it would take more than yelling at her to get her to turn away from him.
Who was she helping with an insane endeavor as a love potion? Let alone her. She was pants at potions, often going through several tries before succeeding. It was either someone out to have a laugh at her, or they had no time to try it themselves and wanted it anyway. Least he remembered what a love potions smelled like to him, perhaps he could save whatever poor soul might be inflicted with it soon.
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Neville felt like he was going to die. He was jogging with Harry on the Quidditch pitch. But if anyone asked him, he would have said chasing Harry. The lithe Savior of the Wizarding world seemed unfazed by the taxing work. Neville felt as though he would vomit up what little he had actually eaten at the party yesterday. His stomach growled in protest at the violent motions almost as much as his legs protested being put to use. His whole body was screaming to go back to bed or find the nearest library and study.
"Hey Neville, I was wondering…" Harry panted only glancing briefly over his shoulder. "Did the Sorting Hat scream when it was on fire?" Neville lost it then. He stumbled, his knees jarred from the sudden impact.
"What kind of question is that Harry?" He snapped pushing himself back up. What had been on Harry's mind to recall such a painful memory? Merely thinking about the hat on fire brought tingles back to Neville's scalp. He remembered the smoke, the tears, and the intense pain that he had had to fight in order to pull the sword from the hat.
"I don't know, I just thought- well the hat speaks does it feel too?" Came the weak reply. Neville was about to question Harry's sanity. However, he was interrupted by a dashing figure. It was Lizzy, her brilliant eyes sporting killing curse green pupils with matching raven locks. She paused next to the pair with a grin.
"Two left feet, huh?" He could hear the laughter in her voice and opted to ignore the insult. "Care if I join you guys I don't often run alone." He was almost certain she was running alone because of the argument she and her boyfriend had had.
"I don't see why not. Are you alright with that Neville?" Harry questioned seemingly unfazed by the female twin. He gave a nod waving Harry on as they started jogging once more. Neville mused out how weird they all looked together. Harry wore grey sweatpants and a Gryffindor house t-shirt. Neville wore similar attire. Though, his shirt was plain back with the Longbottom family crest imprinted on the left sleeve. Lizzy looked like an average teen wearing plain white shorts and a tight tank top.
A pure-blood, a half-blood, and an American wizard running silently together around the Quidditch pitch. If Neville had used a Time-Turner to go back in time and tell himself of two years ago where he would be today he was almost certain he would have had him committed. In fact if he had had told of two years ago about the man he was today, he was almost certain he would have asked if Draco Malfoy had put him up to the hurtful joke.
He frowned thinking about what a different person he had become. If his vision was true he also wondered about the person he was still to become. How long would he have to wait to become that fit confident teen that could stand equal to Harry Potter, if only in presence? Feeling his body he frowned, that was probably a good while away yet. He dared a glance at Lizzy, but she seemed distracted. He could see she was running by following Harry's figure; her thoughts were turned inside. The glace turned into a full stare as her Harry inspired traits faded. Her hair turned a sick unhealthy grey while her eyes faded to an inky black.
He thought of the wolves in his vision. He remembered them berating him for being narrow minded. The animals in Hermione's vision had spoken. In fact she regaled them on the fact that the bloody animals wouldn't shut up. How could someone like Hermione overcome a hurdle that he could not. She was a muggle-born, bias to their way of thinking, and took the written word as the will of world. Was it that he was so ingrained in his own way of thinking? The idea that wolves could speak was definitely impossible. The closest thing to a speaking wolf would be a werewolf and they could only howl.
He was thinking too small, too self-centered again. Of course wolves could talk, well spirit wolves could. The Ward Guardians could, however they had only taken the form of wild animals. Was it so far a stretch to think that anything could talk? Centaurs could talk and they were mostly horse. He wondered if the intelligent beasts in Harry's visions could talk? Not that he had run into any other then the wild beast that had killed Ron in the first vision.
"You seem deep in thought." Lizzy panted her eyes swirling with color. Neville gulped, the emotionless Lizzy from St. Mungos vivid in his mind. Forcing the vision from his mind he focused on her statement without tripping.
"Neville's like that. He's the silent brooding type. I remember in our first year he didn't really do anything until the night my friends and I tried to sneak out. We had to jinx him to finally get out of the common room." Harry snickered. Shaking his head Neville winced at the memory.
"Yeah, I remember that."
"What were you sneaking out for?" Neville wondered if Harry noticed she was sporting Ginny's red hair now.
"Oh you know. I was going to stop Voldemort from getting immortality." He said his face blank, his voice giving away nothing.
"I wouldn't be you for the world." Lizzy replied anguish lacing her words. Neville had to agree with her. What kind of personal demons did Harry harbor?
"I wish I weren't me for the world actually. My reputation precedes me." He laughed back.
"In a decade or so people will forget and you'll be normal again." Lizzy added with a hesitant voice.
"Nonsense, Dumbledore was one hundred and sixteen years old and could never live down his defeat of Grindelwald. It was always, 'Oh hey it's Dumbledore, he killed Grindelwald. Let's give him an Order of Merlin First Class!'" He snapped sharply.
"I take it you are up for one of those? You know you should follow in his footsteps then!" She piped back in anger.
"What do you mean?" Neville interrupted before Harry responded with his own retort.
"Dumbledore, even I've heard of him, couldn't live down his awesome defeat of the Dark Lord Grindelwald so he lived up to. He became the person everyone saw him to be."
Harry stopped running. Neville almost ran into him, but stumbled to a halt just in time. Lizzy ran a bit passed them then turned around. "What go will that do me? If I become what someone else wants me to be, what happens to the real me."
"It stays right there," She pointed at Neville, "in front of people like him that don't give a rats ass if you're a Hero or the Devil Incarnate." Harry turned to Neville his eyes wide and lost. Neville wasn't sure he liked that look on Harry, but he was allowed to be human. Lizzy was at least right about that. If Harry couldn't be himself around his friends, who could he be real around?
The conversation was cut short by Alexander. He ran up to them in animagus form turning into himself at the moment. "Liz, Darling, where have you been? We were suppose to meet up thirty minutes ago."
"What time is it now?" She shot back keeping her eyes to the floor. Neville felt the distinct urge to move closer to the teen and defend her from her boyfriend, but he resisted.
"Ten minutes until your first period starts." He said flatly.
She gave a strangled groaned. "I'm going to be late!" She shouted running off towards the building. Neville started to panic too. If she was going to be late he was going to be late too.
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"Professor I think I've determined my subject for my thesis." Hermione said as the transfiguration class came to a close. Professor Hamnet nodded quietly waiting for her to continue. "I wish to do research to see if I can find what makes wizards and witches magical." She was glad she had asked Neville to stay behind she needed his support with their Head of House. She knew that the man was a solid teacher. He was as serious about teaching as Snape had been about potions. If a student wasn't learning he wasn't doing his job, or in Hermione's case if a student wanted to excel he went out of his way to help.
"Not without assistance." He said watching the students retreat. Hermione fumed wondering if the man was going to give her his full attention.
"With all due respect I think I can finish the project on my own."
He snapped to attention focusing on her, his eyes intense. "I am giving you all the respect you deserve Miss Granger. I know for a fact if you aren't paired up with someone else you will fail as thousands of other have before you. I know you are the brightest witch of our age, but you need help to answer this question. Someone to think opposite of you, I would suggest Mister Weasley, but his plans have changed. My next option would be Mister Longbottom." She frowned. "I will not meet you half way on this Miss Granger. You have a partner or you change your topic."
She nodded stomping off. Neville chased after her confused. Professor Hamnet stared motionlessly. "If anyone one will find the answer to this problem it's you Hermione." He whispered his mind already working over all the material he had read on the subject.
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"What do you want to know?" The question range out in the Chamber of Secrets. Harry frowned ankle deep in murky water. He was the only one who still had not progress in their Animagus training. He wanted to move forward, but he wasn't sure if he would know the right question to ask.
"What do you want to know?" The voice asked again. The water next to him began to bubble.
"I want to know," He paused thinking hard, "if after everything I have done- can I still be normal… or will I go mad."
Like an erupting volcano the Basilisk of the chamber shot from the water near Harry. It was dead even as it reared up hissing at him. There were large gaps in its body where the scales and muscles had rotted away. He was thankful the light in the Chamber was poor and he couldn't see into the sockets where its eyes had been. "You Mister Potter have finally asked a worthwhile question." The Basilisk hissed a hole visible on the roof of its mouth. It didn't escape him that it was missing a few fangs.
"Took me long enough…" He muttered. The basilisk laughed at him its corpse swaying with the effort of the movement.
"Look to the Slytherin for your answers." The Basilisk intoned before falling to the floor. It resumed its proper role of a giant dead snake.
"Look to Slytherin?" He turned to look at the giant stone face. He peered at the lifeless statue, its open mouth a void of darkness beckoning to him. With a sigh he paced into the open mouth unafraid of the dark.
He found he heard snakes hissing within the darkness. He wasn't sure where the noises were coming from as the cold stone under his hand was normal. He didn't feel any bumps on the ground either so where the snakes even really there?
"You've lost your mind Master." One voice said. Harry frowned, he had hoped with the death of the Horcrux inside him he would no longer be able to hear snakes.
"Nonsense Master- Once a Slytherin always a Slytherin." Another snake voice snickered.
"All Hail Lord Potter." A female snake voice cooed.
"I am not your lord," He shouted back his face hot with anger.
"We bow to you, slayer of Dark Lord Voldemort! Our new Master!"
"Yes, Master! Take your place above the mudblood scum and half-blood plague."
"Wipe the wizarding world clean of the filth. Make us new, make us strong."
He howled in anger hoping the corridor would end soon or that he would wake up. He did not want this vision. He was beginning to wonder if it was worth the mental torture to learn his form. "I am not your Lord. I Lord over no one! I will kill no one."
"You killed Tom." A human voice cried. He bumped against the wall trying to turn in the tight corridor. Ginny was behind him standing alone in the darkness. Under a single pale light she was crying. "You killed the only person who understood me." She screamed.
"I acted in self defense, you were there, you saw. I didn't cast the killing curse." He retorted.
"It doesn't matter it was still your fault he died. My Lord is gone." She snapped looking up at him her eyes full of hate.
"You don't mean that Ginny. He was just using you, saying what you wanted to hear."
"Does it matter? Even if he faked it, he told me what I wanted to hear. He told me he cared, that he would treat me better then Harry Potter ever would, then you ever did."
He frowned not liking where this conversation was going at all. "Ginny I know we didn't work out, but I still love you. I would die for you Ginny don't do this." He whined feeling his anger slip away.
"Would you Harry?" Her voice was soft as she stepped closer to him the light following her. "If you became dark Harry, and started hurting people… would you promise me here and now you would end your own life. I couldn't bear the thought that my dearest," she paused for a moment, "brother hurt people. Just the idea that you killed a man, even the Dark Lord hurts. I can't stand seeing my most cherished brother tainted with the stink of death."
He closed the distance between them distinctly aware he was no longer confided to the tight corridor. "Of course Ginny, I would let you run me through yourself if I ever went dark."
"That's what we like to hear." A voice laughed. Harry turned to face the new presence only to see a giant dragon grinning eerily at him. How Harry was certain he was grinning he didn't know, but he didn't press it.
"Excuse me?" He snapped irritated knowing that Ginny would already be gone if he turned back around.
"You, the Boy-Who-Lived, Scion of Light, the Chosen One- We could not bear the thought of you losing yourself to that which you spent your life fighting." The dragon cried laying on the ground it's snout at Harry's feet. He could see the giant tears gathering on the lower ridge of the dragon's eyes.
"Who is we?" He questioned.
"We are Hermione Granger, we are Ronald Weasley, we are even Ginevra Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Molly Weasley, Draco Malfoy, George Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Bill Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Percy Weasley, Severus Snape, Lily Potter, James Potter, we are the many who have died, and the many who have yet to live.
"We are everyone and we are no one. We speak for Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore when we say we are sorry for what you have had to endure. We are sorry for the pain we have caused leaving you alone. We are sorry we died on you. We wished you to have a happy life with loving mother and father. We weep for your loss and the uncertainty of your future.
"We weep for the loss. We are sorry… so very sorry." The dragon whined the tears pouring freely from its large multi-faceted eyes. Harry felt his heart clench. Dropping to his knees he laid his body on the dragon's snout crying with the dragon.
"I forgive you. I will not go Dark I swear it on my magic. The day I take pleasure in the pain and sorrow of others I will snap my wand. I swear it."
"Do you promise us this above all else?" The dragon said sniffling.
He nodded stroking the hard scaly ridge above its left eye. The dragon hummed in pleasure. "Very well, we shall let you see him."
"See who?"
"He who will help you. We should not, but we are sorry for your pain and suffering. We will bend the rules just this once for you. Give you comfort in place of the pain we have given you. We are sorry and we hope that you come to us should you need us. Stand back," the dragon ordered rearing back up. It stood on its hunches staring down at Harry. "Do not be afraid." It said softly as the smoke and fire curled around its lips.
The blazing fire fell to the floor like molten lava. Gathering together slowly but surely a figure stepped towards Harry. It had no discerning features save that it was taller than him. The figure stumbled forward the dragon eyeing it carefully behind him. He panicked when the figure put a solid hand on his shoulder. His gasp died on his lips as he realized he was not catching fire or in intense pain. The figure blinked at him its white eyes focused on him and him alone.
"Hi?" He tested reaching his hand out to poke the figure in the chest. The poke grew to a palm, with a frown he realized it was male. It would not have bothered him so much, if while he had been testing the figure it had not wrapped its arms around him.
"Let go." The figure whispered. Harry was oddly aroused by the sensual sexless voice. He shook his head fiercely he was not excited that way.
"Let what go?" The question hung in the air for a moment. The figure seemed unsure if he could answer.
"We wish to see the life in you again," the dragon murmured curled into a tight ball behind the fiery figure. "We wish to see you love, laugh, and live again. No more of this darkness that plagues you. We do not want another Dark Lord. We wish to see you cry." The dragon cooed its long green tail flicking back and forth.
"Let yourself go." The figure intoned again its arms wrapping tightly around Harry's upper torse. He was being hugged. The warmth and affection rolling off the figure into Harry was painful. He remembered Tonks and Remus heads bent together after an Order Meeting. Memories of Sirius bubbled forth as he gave a tour of the honorable and most ancient house of Black. He remembered Fred and George prancing around their store after hours regaling Harry with their latest experiments. Even Colin Creevy and his annoying camera came to mind. Harry's last moments with Dumbledore push all thoughts away.
The clarity in which he remembered Dumbledore hurt. Dumbledore's last moments before Snape, who had killed not out of anger but request. His heart twisted for both of them. He mourned the loss of his surrogate Grandfather. He felt regret when he thought of Snape. How the man must have felt killing the only person who was looking out for him. All these thoughts brought a strangled cry out of Harry. His vision distorted with his tears the figure before him loosing definition.
As he cried his whole body shaking with the effort he felt the figure let him go. He tumbled to the ground another violent wail bursting from his lips. It hurt so terribly much. He was almost certain he had a life time worth of grief running through him now as he thought of his parents. He thought of his failed relationships with Ginny and Cho. How people had indirectly died because of his choices or by his hand. He had even accidently killed Lord Voldemort with sheer luck of the Elder Wand on his side. He was a murder and an half cocked wizard bordering insanity.
He let another howl break free even as the presence of others surrounded him. "So very Gryffindor to cry," The Basilisked snickered rubbing it's half rotted corpse against him. The stench of its decaying flesh could not stop Harry's crying. Though he coughed and gagged tumbling onto his hands.
"There there brother, let it all out. You'll feel better when you do." Ginny's soothing voice cooed as she patted his back gently. He fought back against the sobs racking his body. He didn't need to cry in front of Ginny.
"The child with the flaming hairy is correct. We will wait for you to heal." The dragon insisted butting against his shoulder with its large snout.
"Open your eyes Harry Potter." The cryptic voice of the figure commanded. He did was he was told still hiccupping between weak sobs. Wiping away the tears blocking his vision he was surprised to see the figure had transformed. Before him was a flaming animal.
"Answer me Harry Potter, what have you learned here in this Chamber of Secrets." The figure whispered.
He wrestled back the urge to gasp for air to facilitate more wailing. He sat up trying to stare at the figure not sure where to look. "I am hurting inside. I miss so many people, I have lost so much." He paused for a moment digging deeper into his feelings. "I have so many people that love me. Dumbledore said that was my greatest power. But I have no one I love so deeply to myself. I am alone in a mass of people." He winced realizing he wanted someone close to him. Someone like Ginny, before he had become disillusioned with their relationship. "I want nothing more than to give into my dark urges, to take the easy way out. But I also want to live for those left to me. I will not give into my dark side for the sake of those who love me.
"I swore to Ginny as I swore to the dragon and as I swear to you now. I will never harm for the sake of harming. Should I ever kill or cause another being pain it is for justice and the greater good. It will be to protect my family." He said in determination.
"You have looked inwards Harry Potter and have seen what I have seen. You have not lied and you know your faults. I will grant you the answer you seek," The figure hissed this time, "but know this. Your battle is not yet over, you still stand on the brink of darkness and despair. Do not give in or you will find yourself on the wrong end of a loved one's wand. You have taken your oaths, you have sworn to the magic and powers that be. If you turn you will die by your will and oath here and now. Are you ready?"
He gave a small nod. The flames erupted from the figure blinding him. He instinctively reached up to cover his face. Inwardly he berated himself, there was nothing to fear in this vision the fire wasn't real.
Dropping his arms he looked at the creature before him. He blanched at the sight his real eyes opening at the same time. Hermione was staring at him intently while Ron and Neville were looking anywhere else possible in the room. He felt that his cheeks were cold, clammy, and tear stained. He wondered if he had cried out like in his vision.