When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Haymitch and Finnick talking just outside my hospital room. Through the window I can see they're having a mildly heated discussion but I can't hear what's it about. Now that I'm awake, my whole body aches again. A involuntary grunt escapes my lips as I shift my body to lay a bit more comfortable. My movements must have gotten the attention of the two men outside and they move towards the door, about to pay me a lovely visit.

"Don't let him in! Abernathy, don't!" I instantly yell at Haymitch, prohibiting him to let Finnick in.

Judging from Haymitch's confused look, Finnick hasn't told him about our little fight yesterday and his hesitation gives Finnick enough time to ignore my angry shouts, swerve around Haymitch and enter my room.

"You look much better, my dear Jo," he says while making himself comfortable on the end of my bed.

I try to kick him under the covers but I can hardly get a pained yelp from him so I give up my attempts to hurt him. Instead, I just tell him to go back to his girlfriend's compartment. "Or is it your compartment together already?" I add, sarcastically emphasizing the 'your'.

"It is actually," he says bluntly.

I fall silent. It's more a stubborn silence than a silence because I don't know what to say.

"Aw come on, Jo. If you're feeling lonely, you could always move in with us?"

"A ménage-à-trois with you and miss Crazy? Sounds tempting but no, thanks."

He lets out a chuckle before he retorts. "You know, she's actually doing wonderful. Much less crazy than you, Mason."

I snort. "Whatever you say, pretty boy."

"Good to know I still have my looks. Thanks for pointing that out."

He runs his hand dramatically through his hair, nonchalantly messing it up so he would look even more handsome.

"I was just comparing your looks to mine right now. Even Katniss looks like a freaking model next to me."

"Jealous much?"

"Let's just say I'm happy that I won't be much in demand for a date here in 13. Maybe you should try some torture as well, does wonders on your general image and appearance."

I don't know why I can speak so lightly about everything that has happened to me in the six weeks I was imprisoned but I find it brings me some kind of relief to talk about it to someone I know won't make a big deal out of it. Or at least I hope he won't.

"So," he suddenly asks, obviously trying to change the subject, "What have you been up to since you banished me from this room?"

I make a weird hand gesture that implies 'not much'. "Just a few psychologists, morphling and Hawthorne showing up every now and then."

"Gale? Why would he come here?"

Is that…a hint of… jealousy? Could it really be? I decide to test that theory a bit.

"Oh you know, just bonding with me since no one else does and you're too busy playing house with Cresta. So you know, friend stuff."

"Right."

Now he falls in a stubborn silence. I try to contain my amusement but he's so deep in his childish behavior (something he probably learnt from me over the years) that he wouldn't even notice if I was laughing in his face.

"Well," I say to wake him up from his thoughts, "This was a nice conversation but if you're not going to say anything, then could you go find Hawthorne for me? We have some … things to discuss."

I couldn't care less about Hawthorne but it's been a long time since I had this much fun and teasing Finnick has always cracked me up so I'm not planning on letting this opportunity slip through my fingers.

"What kind of things?"

I have clearly sparked his interest.

"Just things."

I know how much Finnick hates my mysteries and secrets: almost as much as I hate his.

"What kind of things, Johanna? Why won't you tell me?"

"Because you don't have to know everything about me, Finnick!"

The look on his face is so sad and dumbfounded because I'm leaving him in the dark but yet it's way too funny for me to let him off the hook.

"Ok." He crosses his arms and stares at me angrily. "I'm not leaving until you say what kind of things."

"You're a child." I say.

"You're a secret-keeper."

"Puppy."

"Huh?"

I let my tongue hang out of my mouth and let my hands down, imitating a little puppy. "Annie! Annie!" I scream in a high-pitched voice.

Finnick looks at me for a second before he bursts out in laughter. He's laughing so hard, he has to cling to my bed not to fall off it.

"Aaah, one day, Johanna," he sniffs, wiping the tears of laughter off his face.

"One day what? I'll be a puppy as well?"

"You're already becoming Gale's pup, right?" he asks me, still smirking every now and then.

"I am not becoming anyone's pup nor will I ever become one. And neither should you by the way. You're Finnick Odair, keep that in mind, will you!"

I'm getting frustrated and my body is hurting again.

"Yeah yeah, Finnick Odair. It's something. Oh and eh, Gale's not here anymore. He's in 2."

"What?!" I shoot up, almost knocking Finnick to the ground.

"Yes, with Katniss. Apparently she couldn't handle being around Peeta who hates her so much so she went to 2."

"Coward." I mutter.

I mean, I like Finnick in more ways than just best friends-way and he likes Annie more than me but I'm not running to another district to avoid it. Everyone has things they don't really want to deal with. But then again, Peeta is kinda scary. But he can't help it and Katniss should stick around to be mental support or something like that. So conclusion: she's a coward.

"Speaking of Peeta," I continue, "how is he doing?"

Finnick shrugs. "Not very well. Prim had a good idea though, to hijack him back. That reminds me, she wanted me to introduce her to you."

"Yeah well you can do that when I'm not hooked on morphling and when I don't look like a mutt."

"Aww it's not that bad anymore, you even have a few hairs growing back on your head! Look, one, two, three, four hairs!"

I slap his hand away from my head but unfortunately, he was just pinching the last hair between his thumb and index finger so I yelp when he pulls it out. "Oh, now you have only three. Yeah you're right, I'll wait a few more days to introduce you guys," Finnick laughs.

"I hate you," I mutter, shooting him an playful angry look.

"You adore me. Can't blame you, I adore me too."

"Yeah and so does the Capitol's population. I heard about the propo. Never thought you could be this tough."

He shrugs again and steals one of my pillows to put behind his back. "I didn't want to do it at first. Too hard. But then Plutarch said in an oh-so-soft voice that he was sure I could hear: 'Johanna would've done it'."

"Happy to be a good influence on you. But seriously, I'm proud of you for that."

I give him a genuine smile and he smiles back. Ok, so I guess we're friends again. It happens all the time: Finnick and I fight and one way or another, before we both know it, we're friends again.

"So what are they doing in 2?" I ask my renewed best friend.

"I don't know, probably doing all kinds of heroic stuff to get more people on our side."

"Our side," I whisper, thinking about what our side actually is. What will happen if the Capitol wins? They can't just kill every single district citizen, that's impossible. And what if the rebels win? What will they do to Peeta and me? We both said things to Snow we shouldn't have.

"What are you thinking about?" Finnick asks me while fidgeting with his rope.

I pause for a second, not sure how to explain my fear. "Just… I'm safe now right? But for how long?"

He gets a non-comprehending look on his face as his eyebrows come together and he vacantly stares over my head. "I don't know."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Finnick, for once try to come up with another answer than 'I don't know'. It's getting old."

"But what do you mean? You're not in the Capitol anymore, you're here in 13, in the hospital. You're safe. The Capitol can't hurt you anymore."

"But how can we trust these people? What makes you so sure they will look after us when we win?"

"I have a bad feeling about the thoughts roaming around in your head right now, Mason. Spill it."

I look into his eyes to let him know what I'm about to say is serious business, serious as in 'this doesn't go any further than us two'-serious. "Peeta and I told things about the rebellion. Peeta mainly after he was hijacked but I… I said things, Finnick. Secret stuff. Stuff that could've gotten you all killed."

He climbs over my bed until he's lying right next to me. I lift my head to he can put his arm around me and I can crawl into the safety of his body.

"No one got hurt, Johanna. Whatever it is you said, it didn't do any harm."

I appreciate the fact that he doesn't ask what exactly it was that I said. Truth is, I can't really remember. All I know is the pain that preceded my talking and the pain that followed.

"There's something else too…"

I feel Finnick tense beneath me and I know he has heard the tremor in my voice. His hand strokes my bald head before I can even tell him.

"Go ahead, I won't judge, you know that."

When I start crying uncontrollably, I let him know this is going to be worse than anything else. His hand just keeps stroking my head and cheek.

I can control myself just long enough to tell him. "Finn, Cinna's dead because of me."

He doesn't respond to that, his arms just tighten around me, as if he's afraid I might die too just because I said that, as if I might let myself slip away because of what I did.

"Cinna was too dangerous in the eyes of the Capitol. You had nothing to do with it, Johanna," he comforts me.

"They shot him right in front of me, because I told Snow that we, Victors, don't care about our stylists and mentors and prep teams."

"Why did you say that?"

He's not accusing me of anything, he's just asking a simple question.

"Because I was afraid that, if the Capitol knew how much we did care about our prep teams and stylists, they would torture them. But then he shot Cinna. And then he and that peacekeeper left, leaving Cinna locked up with me for hours. All I could do was stare at his blank eyes! Finnick, I …"

"Ssht. It's not your fault."

As Finnick is gently holding me, comforting me, Annie suddenly walks in, a euphoric expression on her face.

"Hi Johanna! Finnick, are you coming? Plutarch wants to talk to us about the wedding!"

Finnick's arms tense around me but I hardly pay any attention to it as Annie's words slowly sink in. My tears have stopped coming: they're making room for shock.

You know these moments in life where people tell you they didn't know what to say, or that the worst possible situation turned out to be the change they needed so much? And you know how you feel when you hear people tell you such things? You don't believe them. You laugh in yourself, thinking they're nuts. Thinking they're just lying to themselves to feel better. But right now, I feel the need to lie to myself as well. Because this is the worst possible situation for me. And Finnick knows it, and that's why he didn't say anything about the wedding. He was going to wait until I was mentally in a better place. And I love him for that. That's the reason why he, and nobody else, is my best friend. And I know that this moment will just be a story I'll once tell, perhaps to my children, perhaps to a stranger. It'll be a story about a girl losing her very best friend to another girl. But right now, it's my reality. A reality I didn't see coming, one that snuck up on me and bit me in the ass. And once again, I hate reality.