To quote Zombieland: "I am SO f***ing sorry!" It's been almost three months! I'M SO SORRY!

"So, Heather," Astrid said, leaning towards Hiccup.

"What about her?" Hiccup said slowly. "Astrid, I swear nothing happened with her. Except, you know, the stuff you already know about."

"Nothing," she said, "Fanfiction is just writing about her, is all."

"Really?" Hiccup asked, knowing there was more to the story. "What are they writing?"

"Oh, they insinuate I'm jealous," she said airily.

"Ah," Hiccup said. "I really didn't like her like that, I swear. You're Astrid, you know? I mean…we hung out some, in a perfectly plutonic way, she slept in my house. No big deal." He was fumbling and moronic, he knew, but he really was trying to reassure her.

"Well, they're all terribly out of character anyway," she said. "You and me both."

Hiccup grinned in relief, and Astrid generously kissed his cheek and enjoyed the bright pink he turned.

"I can't stand when you're mad at me, you know that?" Hiccup shook his head, rueful. Toothless and Astrid had him whipped.

"You know, it's interesting how there's all these different representations of our families," Fishlegs, ever the analyst, noted. "Nobody uses the same names, and you have these really different personalities."

"Except Stoick, because everybody knows Stoick," Snoutlout added.

"Well, my dad is like ninety percent of the time really out of character. In some he's so…fluffy. He's really been great lately, but he's not all cuddly or anything. And in some, he's way harsher than he ever actually was," Hiccup said.

'Well, gender switch, modern AU, sounds fascinating," Tuffnut said, opening the scroll. "Two for one."

They all seem to be grasping this sarcasm thing.

"Wha..?" Hiccup muttered. "Okay, this is so messed up. I'm in prison! Legit, prison! Well, Snoutlout apparently pinned it on me... and the Red Death is a person is a gang leader trying to make me his bitch—! And Toothless is my cellmate, and … oh, there's Toothcup coming. Yep. Thor almighty. These AUs…" He shook his head.

"Speaking of trying to make Hiccup gay," Ruffnut said, smirking at Astrid. "In this one, Hiccup married this guy, Dean."

"Is that even allowed in our legal system?" Fishlegs asked.

Hiccup shrugged. "That'd be a question for my dad. Though I think he might wonder why you're asking, Legs."

Legs blushed. Hiccup laughed. "Just kidding, Legs."

In a rare instance, Astrid was alone in the library. It was her parents' anniversary, and she was avoiding any PDA she might see.

It was stupid to read Plans, since it was rated M, especially with the description. But it was the author of Chasing Thunderstorms, and she did like that one quite a bit.

Yeah, she regretted that after she got into it. SO SEXUAL…

Then, perfect timing, Hiccup walked in. His hair was windblown, and he was still in his riding gear. Toothless lumbered in after him. She quickly set aside the scroll.

She felt her face flushing, but she sounded remarkably normal when she asked, "Flying this late?"

Hiccup nodded. "Flying by moonlight is amazing. It's like you're right next to the stars. Anyway, I saw the light on and landed to see who else was up."

"Well, me," she said.

Hiccup sat down and absently put an arm around her. Astrid blushed harder. That story did this! She was never this timid!

Hiccup, looking at her, started to blush himself. At times like these, he thought about Astrid, and how eventually, he hoped, they'd get married. And he'd be chief, and she'd be a fearsome warrior, and they'd have kids, and Toothless would fight for control of his human, and they'd get old together and end up in Valhalla…

He was brought back to earth by said girl poking his side. "What are you thinking about?"

"N-nothing, Astrid," he stammered.

It was Snoutlout who found it first.

The rest of them were commenting on the unnatural appearance of a drawing that looked like the girl had been blown up with a pump, when Snoutlout said, "Hey, what's this…" before emitting a girly scream.

"WHAT?!" Everyone cried.

"SPIES!" Snoutlout yelled. "SPIES!"
He threw the scroll at them and they read the title:

Oh Gods, by Wordwielder…

HAHA CLIFFIE! I'm made my decision, by the way: I will write one more chapter for sure. It's gonna get crazy ;D then I'm in for that thing with Astrid Goes for A Spin. I might still occasionally post on this, so keep ideas coming. Thanks! Review!