Minor edits, addressed inconsistencies with previous chapters. My apologies for putting up an incomplete product before, I was eager to get these up as soon as I could!
Disclaimer: Avatar belongs to Nickelodeon and Bryke.
The first time Ame awoke, sleepiness blissfully kept her ignorant of the larger situation. She was almost back to sleep again by the time she remembered that her world had changed. The realization crashed into her like a wave, chilling her insides and bringing tears to her eyes. The agony that ripped through her as she remembered what had happened caused her to choke on sobs.
Having been found out as an Avatar was not what tormented her, but the memories of how Zuko reacted. What he did with that information did not concern her, whether he decided to turn her into the Fire Nation or to use her to get to Aang. Rather, the knowledge that they had something, and could have had so much more, if she had simply told him, this was the thought that destroyed her. It was through her own carelessness that he found out, rather than through her caring enough to tell him.
She replayed that awful day through her head, seeing clearly how Prince Zuko had opened up to her in the morning, and the way he expressed his affection on the island. If she had just taken it, enjoyed it, rather than thinking about what would happen next, maybe she could have changed things. She was so close to having what she wanted, so close she could literally taste it, and now it was ripped away from her simply because she was careless. The floor had been ripped out from underneath her, plunging her into a deep depression.
Unable to think past the violent sobs that racked her whole body, making it ache, she curled into a ball, clutching herself as she tried desperately to stop the whimpers. All she wanted to do was find Zuko, get him to hold her, tell her everything was ok. Thinking these thoughts and facing the reality they would never come true only caused her more pain though.
It wasn't until she finally stopped resisting the pain that she was able to stop crying, her body throbbing numbly as anger at herself, disappointment, sadness and despair coursed through her. Despite this, or maybe because of it, Ame somehow managed to fall back asleep.
The next time she awoke, numbness protected her from the brunt of her emotions. Ame stared dully at the wall, still curled into a ball. Numbness was overtaking, acceptance of her own stupidity and the situation she had created for herself enforcing the numb fog overtaking her. Unable to feel much of anything, she got the faint urge to gather her bearings, to situate herself in the world. She purposely kept her mind blank and tried to ignore the hollow feeling in her chest as she heaved a sigh and slowly sat up.
Her head swam as she settled into a cross-legged position on her bed. Dimly she recognized she was in her own room, but all that was inside was her bed, pressed against the wall, and a small bag in the corner. The rest of her meager possessions had been removed. There was also a steaming teapot, teacup, and a bowl of noodles resting on a small table by her bed.
The sight of these items brought to her awareness that she was hungry, but she couldn't bring herself to make the necessary movements to either eat or drink. There was also the faintest tickle in her throat, the kind that makes a person cough violently if they let it. She stared at the items, not really seeing them, until she became aware of time passing and sighed heavily. She lay down again, curling into a ball facing the wall, and fell into a deep slumber.
Her sleep was uneventful, with the exception of one dream. In the dream, Prince Zuko was walking beside her as they entered a village. The market was chaotic, and they were separated. As she pushed through people, searching for Zuko, she caught a glimpse of him moving away from her. Colors and chatter moved past her as she struggled to catch up, until finally she broke through the crowd. In the open space in front of her, Prince Zuko and another woman were walking away from her. As she started to run to catch up, Fire Nation soldiers surrounded her, and as they swarmed towards her Zuko laughed, the most beautiful and heartbreaking sound. As the soldiers drowned her, she became aware of Iroh's voice.
"Ame. Ame!" Rising through the black, shapeless mass that had encased her, Ame woke up from her dream. Iroh was shaking her gently, repeating her name in an attempt to wake her. He must have turned her onto her back, because once she opened her eyes the ceiling and his face came into focus. He withdrew his hand from her shoulder and silently sat back on his stool.
"You need to eat." Iroh said after it became apparent she was going to continue lying in bed, dully staring at the ceiling. When she still did not respond, he sighed and stood up. "I know things look bad." He began, pacing around her room and stroking his beard. "But they can only get better. I spoke with my nephew and he has promised to refrain from action until his head is clearer. The priority is to ensure your safety." With this said, he knelt at the side of her bed. A ripple of awareness passed through her fog at the mention of Zuko, and she felt ready to burst.
"Wait. Iroh, I need to know. Zuko, I mean, Prince Zuko, he is still angry with me, right? And things will never be the same between us, will they?"
Iroh sighed, and walked over to kneel by her head. "I believe so. He feels hurt and betrayed that you were hiding this part of yourself from him, and that you couldn't trust him." He tried to explain.
Ame sat up, and shook her head. "No, I think he is angry that I kept him from going home. He is angry that I took advantage of him." Ame completed the list of reasons. She drew her knees to her, and wrapped her arms around them.
From the corner of her eye, Ame could see Iroh studying her, concern drawing his eyebrows together. He looked tired, ragged even, and guilt swept through her for causing such a caring man so much trouble through her elaborate lies, and how much more they must have affected Zuko.
She squeezed her eyes closed as they threatened to leak again, and turned to the wall as the pain washed over her. She did not want to cry in front of Iroh. He did not need to be burdened with the depth of her pain when it was her fault. Iroh sighed heavily, before he left. The metallic clang of her door being locked from the outside resounded within her room.
With Iroh gone, Ame still kept herself from sobbing. The aching within her chest was the only thing she could focus on, and how tired and heavy her body felt. Just as she started to drift off again, the door was unlocked and opened. Thinking it was Iroh, she feigned sleep as the person closed the door behind them. They silently crossed the room and settled on the stool.
It was a few moments of silence before they spoke, startling her out of the near-sleep state she was in. "Stop pretending to be asleep. Its childish." Goosebumps raised on her skin at the sound of Prince Zuko's voice, and her insides turned cold. Slowly she turned onto her back, keeping her eyes closed. He growled, and snapped, "I mean it. Stop this childish behavior."
His words stung, and an urge to snap back flared, but died down as quickly as it grew. She sighed and sat up, averting her eyes from him. An awkward silence followed, as Ame studied her hands resting in her lap, trying to find the courage to do something else, anything else. She could hear Zuko moving, but kept herself from turning her head to watch him.
What he had been doing became clear once he shoved a cup of tea in her face. "Drink this." He demanded it. She took it, keeping their fingers from touching, and took a halfhearted sip.
The tension in the room prevented her from drinking much. She wasn't sure if his presence meant he had forgiven her, or if it meant he was going to yell at her some more. The uncertainty of his presence, and the anxiety it inadvertently caused within her, made Ame feel even more exhausted.
Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that she must have slept a lot recently, but her body was still exhausted. The longer she sat, staring at the teacup in her hands, the more restless she felt. All at once she wanted to go back to sleep, to storm around her room and scream, run until she couldn't breathe anymore, and crawl into Zuko's lap for comfort.
"Drink your tea." The firm order from Prince Zuko startled her, having been lost in her own mind. Mechanically she obeyed, the tea soothing her throat as her awareness slipped back away from her body and disappeared. At this point she was unaware of what was actually happening, numbness overtaking her being.
The teacup was somehow replaced by the bowl of noodles, and the contents eaten and the empty bowl removed. Even though she had just eaten, emptiness was the only thing she felt. A sigh escaped her at this point, and all she wanted to do was go back to sleep.
"Stop this." The words floated through the numbness and it was a few moments before she realized someone had spoken.
Struggling through the fog to become more aware of her surroundings, she murmured, "What?"
Her head turned towards the sound as Prince Zuko responded, "Stop acting this way! Acting sad and pathetic to get sympathy... its below you." Ame closed her eyes tight at this, trying to understand. Everything around her felt out of control and wrong.
Was she acting this way to get attention? All at once she didn't know herself, who she was or what she was doing. Was she the Avatar? Was she an Airbender or a Firebender? What was going on around her? Delirium overtook her as these thoughts raced through her head. She slowly realized she was mumbling things, unclear even to her own ears. Somehow she had laid down on her bed again, and slipped into a fitful sleep.
At this point the fever had Ame tightly in its grasp. She slept fitfully, and during her moments of consciousness she babbled nonsense, unaware of her own actions. Somewhere deep in her brain she knew something was dreadfully wrong. In that same area lie the thought that she was going to die, and what sweet relief that would be.
Occasionally she would recognize that there were other people around, but she did not recognize them. Somewhere during this, a voice, small and helpless, drifted through her muddled mind.
"Will she remember? Can't we ignore this all like before?"
"Prince Zuko, I have never known you to do anything else but face things head on. As such, you cannot keep avoiding this. You have to decide what to do. For her."
Not understanding the meaning, she had drifted off into the next delusion. Later, on one frightful occasion, she was held down by a larger man as a smaller one forced something into her mouth. It was tasty, but she did not understand what was happening. The struggle exhausted her already weak body though, and she soon passed out.
Ame was startled awake by someone sliding an arm under her. "It's alright. Rest." Iroh's soothing voice calmed her as he sat her upright. He brought something to her lips with the command, "Drink this, slowly." She complied, finding it to be a thick broth.
After he removed the cup and laid her back down, she swallowed hard. "What happened to me?" She asked, feeling uncomfortably weak and confused. It was difficult for her to make sense of what had occurred recently. Iroh took a sip of broth himself before answering.
"You became ill, after being in the storm. A dangerous fever and deliria overcame you. We are lucky you got better." She processed what he told her, trying to fit her scattered memories into this knowledge.
Finally she opened her mouth to speak. "How long... have I been out?"
Iroh hesitated before answering. "It was been a while." He admitted. "But all that matters now is that you are awake and better."
Ame raised a hand to her head, brushing hair out of her face, and in the process realized her arrow tattoos were exposed. She was also made aware of the clothing she was wearing, the soft gray underclothes. It was unsettling to see the two, contrasting yet natural, parts of two different worlds. Ame struggled to sit upright, suddenly restless, but found she was too weak to do so. She collapsed back into bed, and sighed. Her mind was too tired to think extensively.
"You should get some rest. It will do you good to get some restful sleep."
He stood up to leave as she watched him, and she muttered, "Wait." She forced her voice to be stronger as he moved to the door. "Thank you, for curing me. I'm sure I wouldn't be better without you."
He paused at the door, and gave her a wry smile. "It was my nephew who figured out how to cure you." He then exited the room, locking the door behind him.
Ame was shocked at this, but quickly stopped herself from dwelling on it. She made the conscious effort to not think about Prince Zuko and what had happened, what she could remember anyway, after the storm. She let herself sleep instead.
Ame slowly regained her strength over the course of three days. Iroh visited her twice a day, always equipped with some new food and tea. He chatted with her about casual things, and while she enjoyed his visits, she felt there were too many serious things happening to ignore. It was difficult for her to process everything on her own, and she desperately wanted someone to talk to.
In the rest of her time, when Iroh wasn't around, she alternated between pacing the room, trying to get some strength back, and meditating. Unfortunately, when she tried to meditate, it only served to agitate her. It stressed her too much to think about what was going to happen next, about Zuko, about her mistake. It was embarrassing that she got sick too, and the things she may or may not have done during her delirious state. She was left to meditate on strengthening herself, but there were only so many hours she could spend on that. It also felt like it would be worthless once she saw Prince Zuko.
On the fourth day of Iroh coming to visit, she blurted out, as soon as he entered her room, "When can I get out of here?" Ashamed of her own outburst, she quickly followed it up with, "I am feeling much better, but I want to get out of here, into the fresh air, to walk around, to practice my bending."
Iroh paused at this, but ultimately ignored it. "I brought you some ginseng tea today. I am hoping we can stop at a port soon. I am running out of tea leaves!" He dramatically declared. Ame sighed, and he silently gave her a bowl of noodles and poured two cups of tea. She ate in silence, and Iroh started talking about the things he needed to get at market.
Ame rudely interrupted him, asking, "Is Prince Zuko still angry with me? What is he going to do with me?"
Iroh ignored the disgrace, and sighed into his teacup. "Patience is required in such a sensitive matter. I understand things are frustrating right now, but it will get much better, given time and patience."
Ame shook her head, not satisfied with that answer. Keeping her voice calm, she replied, "I am getting tired of being in here. I want to have access to my elements again. Can't I at least go out on deck, just for a little while?"
Iroh heaved a heavy sigh before taking a sip of tea as a response. As he lowered the cup, she realized his teeth were clenched. A shock of realization went through her at the frustration he was dealing with, such an uncharacteristic thing for him, and she instantly regretted her actions. He was just as trapped in the situation as she was. They finished the meal in silence, both lost in their private thoughts and frustrations.
Once he stood up to leave, a sudden wave of loneliness washed over Ame. "Wait, don't go… not yet." She pleaded, not wanting to be left alone for another day.
He stopped at the door, but did not look at her. "I must. Things cannot improve if I stay. Now, I will see you later." With that, he left the room.
Left in the silence again, where her every movement echoed, Ame curled up with her forehead resting against her knees. Even though she could have practiced her bending, she couldn't bring herself to. It represented the part of her that was wrong, that she shouldn't have. With the state of uncertainty surrounding her, it was difficult to find comfort in her elements. She leaned back in her bed to lay on her back, arms behind her head. Staring at the ceiling, she decided to pass the time by planning out what she was going to say to Iroh when he came back.
The lock of her door quietly slid open, and she sat up in anticipation of Iroh entering the room. There was a pause between the lock and the door opening, so she stood up and stepped forward to take the tray from Iroh, attributing the pause to a heavy load. When the door opened, she stumbled backward. Instead of Iroh entering, it was a soldier, their face hidden behind the standard issue mask. A brief flash of the last time she was confronted with a faceless soldier intimidated her, and she stepped back again.
Steadying herself, she took a deep breath. This time, she could fight with everything she had in her. No more worrying about hiding her bending, or what the consequences of fighting would bring. She refused to be caught unaware and to be taken advantage of. As her initial panic subsided, Ame realized the soldier hadn't moved beyond shutting the door behind himself. He was carrying the tray Iroh usually brought, complete with steaming teapot and bowl of food.
Ame continued glaring into the black eyeholes of the helmet's mask, but she relaxed her body. "Who are you?" She halfheartedly asked, knowing already that she wasn't going to get an answer. The way the soldier held himself gave her no clue as to their identity, and there were quite a few soldiers on board who were the same height as herself.
Dismayed, she sat down on her bed, and the soldier then moved. He marched towards her, and she cringed, instantly on her guard again. He set the tray on the floor a few feet in front of her, then took a few steps back. He stood with his back to the door, expressionless mask still watching her.
Sighing, Ame reached for the tray. As she did so, the arrow on her arm seemed to mock her. She brushed it off, but it was still odd to see herself exposed in that way.
After eating in silence for a while, she leaned against the wall behind her, half-empty bowl in hand. "So… come here often?" Ame said sarcastically. The soldier didn't move. She sighed, but upon realizing how lonely she was earlier today, she wasn't about to let this dissuade her. Besides, gods knew who was in that helmet. It could have been Yukio, and maybe she could persuade him to talk with her.
"I didn't think so." There was a tinge of disappointment in her voice. "Well, let me give you a tour. In this corner we have my bed. In that corner we have the…" She trailed off as she realized her stuff was gone. "Oh, well, that corner would have held my things, but I didn't have much. A change of clothes, makeup, some trinkets…"
She trailed off again as she realized her Lotus tile was gone along with the rest of her belongings. "Well, that sucks." She said softly as she lowered her bowl. It was the last item she possessed from her life before everything had happened, her last relic of the Air Temple.
Ame shook off her depression, and continued, trying to keep her tone neutral. "In that corner we have nothing, over there is nothing, and over there is you, guarding the door. Entertaining, huh?" There was still no response from the soldier. Heaving forward with a sigh, the bowl clattered onto the tray. "Who needs stuff anyway…" She lamented, trying to prevent herself from dwelling on her lost tile.
She downed her tea quickly, and as soon as she set the cup down the soldier moved. He stepped forward as she shifted back, and swiftly picked up the tray. He turned to leave, and as he exited, she called out darkly, "Have a nice day…"
As the soldier brought her meals now, she spent her time with him by talking idly, or on days she felt more brooding, she tried to guess what his facial expression looked like. Her efforts to elicit a reaction from him never succeeded, but it was more to entertain herself than to get an actual response.
It was halfway between visits from the mysterious soldier, and Ame was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Having lost track of time, she was struggling to guess if it was day or night, and she tried to imagine the sky accordingly. The lock on her door quietly slid open. Someone was obviously trying to sneak in.
She sat up, clutching the blanket closely, as the door opened. Her adrenaline started pumping as she mentally prepared to fight. The soldier entered, but he neglected to close the door. Ame watched him warily as he stood just inside her room, the mask staring blankly at her.
The soldier turned around, stopping in the doorway to gesture sharply that she should follow him, and she supposed he was looking back at her through the mask. "Who are you? What's going on?" She demanded, but he merely gestured again. "Are you here to rescue me?" She asked softly, but no answer. She stood up, the blanket drifting away from her body, and stepped forward. He started leading her through the ship, and she pushed aside her concern and stopped thinking about what was going on to enjoy the chance to leave her room.
Despite the darkness, Ame soon recognized they were heading to the deck. The closer they got, the more the silence pressed on her. She kept herself calm, but excitement prickled within her when she felt a cool sea breeze. Her footsteps picked up, and she followed the soldier closer. Finally they reached the stairs, and she was excited to see it was night out. There were so many stars, and she bounded up the stairs ahead of her guard. He made no move to stop her, so she grasped at the opportunity.
Stopping in the middle of the deck, she took a deep breath of the fresh salty air while twirling around slowly, to look at the stars and the ocean surrounding them on all sides. The soldier stopped at the top of the stairs, motionless and seeming to watch her. Undeterred, she summoned a flame in the palm of her hand. It greeted her warmly, flickering back and forth while it illuminated her face. A soft smile graced her features at the freedom she felt.
Ame moved to the middle of the deck again, noting as she did that the lights in the tower were off, including those of Prince Zuko's room. She sat on the deck, the cold metal biting into her skin through her thin clothing, Ignoring it, she relaxed and stretched out on the deck. Looking up at the stars, she sighed softly at the memory of Zuko laying with her.
The footsteps of the soldier clomped over to her, and he sat a short distance from her. Having settled into her sense of freedom, she began to wonder why he had brought her here. Was it to let her have some fresh air? Or were they supposed to go somewhere else and he was waiting for her to stop delaying?
"What now?" She breathed softly, her question directed more towards the stars than the soldier. As expected, there was no answer. "I'm… I'm scared." She admitted, voice low, honesty and emotion dripping from her words. The admission surprised her, but the stars seemed to beg her to speak, to share her emotions even as she worked so hard to ignore them. "What now…" She repeated. "I've lost everything. All these things that made me safe, the secrecy, the control, I've lost them. I am at the mercy of the gods, I suppose. And of Prince Zuko." She added as an afterthought.
The thought of Prince Zuko make her want to cry. Out of everything, she regretted what had happened between them the most. It was because of her strong feelings for him that she hated who she was, and wished for a different life for herself. Forcing herself out of this mindset, she sat up.
The soldier followed suit by standing, and she looked at him expectantly. "What now?" She asked firmly. He stared blankly back at her. "That damned mask." She muttered. The soldier then moved, leading her back below deck. Slowly she followed, wondering if she was now walking into an ambush.
The soldier walked her back to her room, the trip being uneventful. As they neared her room, thoughts of escaping ran through her mind. She had no idea who this soldier was, but chances were they wouldn't be able to stop her. Even though it seemed they were in the middle of the ocean, she could hide within the ship until they landed. But then what?
Ame realized then that they had stopped outside her room, and the soldier was waiting for her to enter. Glancing up and down the hallway, she tried to decide what she wanted to do. If she left, she would be leaving Prince Zuko behind. If she stayed though, who knew what would happen to her. Sighing heavily, she entered the room, knowing she wasn't strong enough to do anything else. The soldier closed the door behind her, but she did not hear the lock slide closed.
Timidly, Ame approached the door. The silence pounded into her ears as she hesitated, wondering if it were a trap. Deciding to not test it, she sighed and went to her bed. The thought of the unlocked door made it difficult for her to relax, as she was plagued by thoughts of what it meant, and if there was a nefarious purpose behind leaving it open. Finally, she managed to drift asleep, the excursion to the deck having worn her out.
Ame woke up suddenly, panicked. She turned over slowly, realizing she wasn't alone in her room. Peeking between her eyelashes, she saw that, standing close to the doorway, Iroh and Zuko were watching her.
Opening her eyes fully in shock, Ame sat up as Prince Zuko spoke. "You can go," he ordered, before turning around and leaving. Iroh looked at his nephew's retreating back, before turning to Ame. He looked better rested, his appearance smoothed and expression trouble free.
"Let's go on deck." Iroh simply said, before leading the way.
Fresh air revived her as they approached the deck, while the breeze played with her hair, welcoming her. This time, with no hesitation, she ran, faster then she should have, and stopped only when she got to the rail, stopping against it with an "oomph", hair flying past her. She leaned on it, the lack of food and the sudden excursion making her head spin. She breathed deeply, inhaling the crisp cool air.
It was early in the morning, the mist rising from the nearby shore. She watched the water splash against the side of the ship, the endless water melding with the sky at the horizon on one side and the strip of land on the other, with distant mountains visible.
As she turned around, she became aware that she was being watched. Most of the crew were gathered outside the tower, watching her. It occurred to her that she still did not know what was to be done with her. As she watched the eyes of the crew flick over her, studying her, she became painfully aware of the thin grey clothes and her visible tattoos. There was silence as she waited, wondering if Zuko would throw her to the crew to do as they wished, paranoia growing at the stillness.
Yukio was the one to break the silence. Bursting out of the crowd, he made a beeline towards her, and put his arm around her neck. "Freak!" He declared in a friendly way. "How I have missed you!"
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek as she muttered, "Who are you calling a freak?"
He burst out laughing, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I'm glad you are ok! Though, if the prince had tried to do anything to harm you, I wouldn't have let him." His smoky, herbal scent engulfed her long after he had released her, and turned to the rest of the crew. Rather than approaching her though, they had uncomfortably shifted their focus away, some of them retreating below deck.
Ame turned to Yukio, their noses almost brushing as he still had an arm around her. "What's wrong with them?" she asked, stepping back uncomfortably.
He grimaced and shook his head. "It's hard to know what to do with you, ya'know?" He said sorrowfully. He perked back up, saying, "Don't worry! I will protect you!" Striking a heroic pose to emphasize his point, he grinned and winked at her.
Seeing she wasn't cheered up, he became serious. "Ah, come on Ame. Everything will be alright. I promise." He pulled her into a soft hug, and it was tempting to give into the comfort his familiar presence offered.
Suddenly, he pulled away. "I know what will cheer you up! I got you some new clothing!" He bragged loudly. "I bet I can get you to wear them too!" He pulled them from a cloth bag that he had slung around his shoulders, and she looked at him suspiciously.
"And you just happen to have them on your person?" He chuckled as articles of clothing were produced from the bag.
"I didn't know when I would see you next. I wanted to be sure I got them to you." As he held the articles of clothing up, one at a time, in front of her frame, he quickly admitted, "And, ya'know, I didn't want anyone to find them and think that I was wearing them…"
The first thing Ame noticed amongst the clothing was the gold sash. It was a heavy material that still seemed to flow in the gentle breeze. She wasn't paying attention when Yukio had held things up, so everything else in her arms were just bundles of colors and fabrics. "Wow… thanks Yukio." She finally spoke, unsure of how she should feel.
He grinned and replied, "Don't thank me until you try them on!"
She looked down, embarrassed at the kind gesture. "I mean it though." She insisted.
He shrugged it off, by suggesting earnestly, "Let's go try them on!" He quickly followed it up with, "I mean, let's go… have you try them on, I mean, I don't want to wear them… and if you don't want to try them on I understand, but, you know, um…"
Ame laughed to herself before leading the way down to her room. Yukio followed her in an amiable silence, then positioned himself outside her door while she entered.
In her room, Ame dumped the clothing on her bed. It was a sweet gesture, but she was worried that she wouldn't like what he got her. He seemed so proud of himself, how could she disappoint him? That kind of pressure made her uncomfortably start to peel off her current clothing, the gray clothes crumpling on the floor.
Digging through the pile on her bed, she first pulled out the pants. She studied them, and had to admit the rusty brown leggings were of good quality, with soft fabric. Pulling them on over her undershorts revealed they fit her form nicely, stretchy in the areas she needed them to be while still conforming to her shape. Testing them out, she spread her legs and did a few hot squats, before becoming embarrassed at her own actions.
Jumping up, she reached for the next item. It was a ruby skirt that tied closed over her hips, with slits up the sides of the skirt. It was simple to figure out, but the next article confused her.
It was a long tube, with one end being open and the other end meeting at a point and sewn together in a ring. As she studied the gold trim, she realized it was a sleeve. Amazed, she pulled her arm through it, and it conformed to her arm pleasantly. The smaller ring went over her middle finger, leaving a triangle of fabric on the front and back of her hand. They were of the same soft material as the pants, and matched in color. It traveled up her arm and stopped midway on her bicep.
She turned her hand back and forth, admiring the effect, before swiftly digging for the other one in the pile. Once that had been acquired, she smiled to herself. Yukio had done a good job when he considered her outfit. Excited, she pulled out the next thing, a tube top. She shook her head as she sighed, realizing she may have thought too soon about it.
A knock on the door startled her, as Yukio called out, "Everything alright? I hope it wasn't complicated." Ame hurriedly pulled the tube top on, replying, "Yeah, I think I got it." There was silence as she adjusted her chest wraps to stay concealed under the top, and Yukio timidly requested, "Can I come in?" Ame considered herself for a moment, before softly replying, "Yes."
Yukio slowly opened the door, hand over his eyes, and closed it promptly behind himself. "Are… are you decent?" He stammered.
Ame sighed and shook her head at him. "I wouldn't have let you in if I weren't." He sighed in relief before peeking between his fingers, then letting his hand drop.
"So you have it partway figured out." Yukio affirmed. "But you are missing the next step." He stepped forward and lifted up the red piece of fabric on her bed.
As he held it up, she realized it was a shirt. "See, this part goes around your neck," he narrated as he smoothly wrapped it around her neck, "and ties back here. Then, this part, the body, goes against your body, like so." After tying the halter-top of the attire closed and wrapping the rest around her, he tied to shirt together in the back. "Oh, and you forgot this part!" He deftly grabbed the sash from her pillow and tied it around her waist. "Perfect!" He stepped back to admire his work.
Ame, in turn, started looking at the result. Her midriff was exposed, which made her uncomfortable, but she was more concerned with her tattoos. The sleeves covered her arms adequately, but she would have to be cautious of raising her arms.
Feeling the back of her neck, she noted the tie of the shirt covering her tattoo there, and the excess fabric hung down to aid in covering the tattoo on her back. This was also achieved through her long hair flowing down her back. The tattoo at the small of her back was exposed, but she adjusted the gold sash to cover it.
Yukio tsked and pulled it back down, smiling as he did so. "It looks better like this." Ame protested, but he cut her off. "Watch this!" He stepped behind her and adjusted the tie to the body of the shirt so the excess fabric hanging down covered the tattoo, then tucked it into the sash.
Once again he stepped back, a wide grin on his face, to admire the effect. "You are beautiful." He stated tenderly. She felt a blush rise to her cheeks, wishing she had a mirror. Yukio must have noticed he made her uncomfortable, because he broke the silence that followed by exclaiming, "You forgot the boots!" He retrieved them from where they were by the bed, and Ame was surprised she hadn't noticed them before. They were beautiful dark brown leather, and once she put them on, she was delighted to see they fit her perfectly. "Lovely." Yukio affirmed.
"I wish I had a mirror…" Ame murmured, trying to imagine what the finished effect was. Yukio grinned and entwined her fingers in hers.
"There is one in the bathroom!" He exclaimed, pulling her kindly along, out of her room and into the bathroom down the hallway. He busted into the room without hesitation, and Ame shyly followed, wary of catching someone with their pants down. After establishing the room was empty, she stopped in front of the dirty floor length mirror and critiqued herself.
The clothing fit her better than her old clothes did, as if they were made for her body. Ame was stunned at how she looked. She didn't look like herself anymore. The clothing exposed just how thin she was, and something about the colors accentuated the dark circles that were usually under her eyes.
Aside from that, however, it made her look younger, and more vulnerable, instead of someone who has seen the whole world, and the horrors that come with it. Her shoulders and stomach were exposed, and the pale flesh looked appealing for once. The form fitting clothing showed off the smooth curves of her hips and the perky breasts, with a bit of cleavage peeked out from above the halter-top.
She turned slowly, assessing the coverage of her arrows. A sigh of satisfaction escaped her. Never before had she felt so free and pretty, without having to be ashamed. Ame brushed her messy hair out, and clipped it back again, before pulling at her face a bit, trying to get rid of the dark circles.
Yukio appeared behind her in the mirror, grasping her wrists gently. "Don't worry about it. You look beautiful." He assured her, pulling her hands down. A grateful smile graced her face. They stared at each other through the mirror, a gentle smile on Yukio's face as he admired her. The desire to feel close to someone, to have them support her, pulled at her.
As she watched him, Ame could see Yukio was melting out of his usual, fun-loving person into someone more passionate. Unsettled, she broke eye contact to fuss with her hair, realizing that she needed to get it cut into bangs to hide her forehead tattoo.
He seemed to realize she was uncomfortable, breaking the silence. "So, I'm sure you are tired of being stuck below deck in this stuffy dungeon. Let's go back on deck, huh?" Nodding in agreement, she followed as Yukio led the way out.
As they walked, she noticed the clothing was lighter than the underclothing of the soldier uniform, and seemed to be alive, moving with her. Yukio seemed to notice this also, saying, "Wow, Ame, you look amazing."
Another rush of warmth to her face prompted her to reply, "Don't make a big deal out of it, Yukio. Sheesh." She told him. He chuckled, and remained silent the rest of the way.
On deck, they found a small group of crewmembers, muttering to themselves. As they climbed the stairs, the murmuring of the group stopped, and they stared at her. Ame sighed, feeling persecuted by their stares, and softly whispered to Yukio, "Can we go to the helm? I want to find Iroh."
Jaw clenched, he nodded in agreement, giving hard stares to his fellow soldiers as they moved across the deck. Climbing the ladders up to the helm, Ame relished the feeling of the fabric moving with her. The sense of freedom the air rushing against her skin lent her caused Ame to move a bit faster than she should have. As she mentally chastised herself for using Airbending, she came to a realization that stopped her cold.
"What? What's wrong?" Yukio asked, having come up the ladder behind her.
Ame turned to him, face breaking into a smile. "I don't have to hide. I don't have to hide!" A confused grin spread on his face as he waited for her to go on. Her breathing picked up at the revelation. Of course, as far as she knew the men did not know that she could bend multiple elements. But she didn't have to hide the arrow tattoos anymore, and that imparted a sense of freedom she had missed.
Most importantly though, Prince Zuko knew.
Finally, finally, Ame could allow herself to simply be. She did not have to worry about her movements revealing she was an Airbender, she did not have to worry about keeping herself from Airbending, she didn't have to worry about Prince Zuko finding out. To bend air was to live with it all the time, to have it be a part of you so completely it was going against your very nature to contain it. Ame used to get headaches when she first tried to contain her Airbending, and it was only after a long time of practice that she was able to keep herself from Airbending with every slight movement.
Yukio shook his head at her and laughed. "You should never have to hide who you are." He stated before ruffling her hair.
She smiled at him, before dashing off. "Race you!" She yelled.
He cried out "No fair!' but she was already leaping up the ladder. The previous time she had done rushed through the helm like this was from irritation, and it felt so good to move for fun.
Ame sprang into the helm, breathless from excitement, beaming, thoroughly startling Iroh. He grinned when he saw her, but she realized she had interrupted Iroh and Prince Zuko. Yukio appeared behind her just as the trio gathered their wits, and Prince Zuko stormed off.
Her good mood ruined, the smile fell from Ame's face. Iroh, who was sitting at the Pai Sho table, gestured for them to sit. Declining, she went to the balcony. Leaning on the railing, she sighed heavily, guilt coursing through her. If she wasn't this… thing… then maybe Zuko wouldn't have looked at her with such derision. Or if she had just told him from the start, he could be home already. Her head slumped forward, a sign of her aggravation.
A hand rested itself on her shoulder, and Ame turned, to see Yukio staring at her. "Ame, you loved him, didn't you?" Asking softly, a pitiful look on his face.
He moved closer to her, and when she looked away, he gently grasped her chin. "Please, Ame, just give me a chance. I can make you forget about him." He leaned forward, and she let him kiss her. She gently pulled away, and moved his hand.
At that moment, Iroh entered. Yukio moved backwards out of respect, and Iroh handed her a teacup. "I spoke with my nephew. He says you have free rein on the ship, but on a few conditions. You have to have a guard with you at all times."
Yukio immediately spoke up. "I volunteered already." Iroh glanced at him, and nodded.
Turning back to Ame, he continued, "You must be… secured, in your room at night. And under no circumstances are you to step foot on land without his accompaniment." Ame nodded in agreement, feeling hollow, not even fully listening.
Iroh turned to leave, but he paused. "Your new clothes suit you, my dear." She nodded in response, not feeling the excitement about it she was hoping. Iroh lingered for a moment, and she considered taking the opportunity to catch up on what was happening on the ship, and with Zuko. However, she couldn't bring herself to, and Iroh left.
As soon as he had, Yukio tried again to kiss her, but she dodged him. "Yukio, please don't." Ame said, voice rough. "I don't want to ruin our friendship." She pleaded with him.
He looked softly at her before pleading. "Please, Ame, listen to me. This won't ruin our friendship. It will make everything so much better."
The familiar emotional fog streamed over her, welcoming her in its unfeeling embrace. She almost let it, but then realized she didn't want to be surrounded by a numb fog anymore. She fought against it, by facing the uncertainties that made her desire the fog. Ame knew she wanted a relationship, to test the idea that love did exist. If she did choose Yukio, she knew she would question her decision for the rest of her life.
She wanted to risk choosing Prince Zuko, even if he would reject her. Even if he already had. There was still something that drove her to try to reach out to him. Ame didn't even know if she deserved Zuko, or even Yukio. She did know that they could never have a normal life with her though. It would always be a life of uncertainty and hiding. She didn't even know if she could do that to them.
"Ame, are you okay?" She heard.
"Huh…what?" She said, blinking to moisten her dry eyes, having been staring into space.
Yukio was looking at her, concerned. "Are you alright? I mean, your eyes glazed over, and you dropped the teacup. I thought you might fall." She tilted her head, and thought that if he was worried she might fall, why was he standing away from her? Was he just going to let her?
Ame mentally shook herself, and answered, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I was just thinking about something."
Yukio still looked concerned. "So, Ame, what is it going to be?" He asked her, his voice growing hard. It hurt to see this was not going to be easy, and he wasn't going to help.
She sighed, and said, "Yukio, I realize that you and I want different things. But we can't let that ruin our friendship. I can't imagine life on this ship without you, so stop trying to selfishly take yourself away." She said this angrier than she felt, suddenly feeling exhausted. Softer, she said, "Yukio, I need you. But not in that way. I'm sorry. If you can't accept that, I understand if you don't want to talk to me."
Ame sidestepped him, entering the helm. He attempted to follow, his words falling on her deaf ears. Iroh thankfully noticed, and distracted the youth. "Ah, Yukio. The poor old man needs some assistance with something if you would be willing."
Yukio, unable to turn down a request from the esteemed general, reluctantly stayed behind while Ame left the helm, quickening her pace until she was able to use her Airbending in the empty hallways to rush through and down the hallways and ladders.
Knowing Yukio would probably find her if she retreated to her room, she was determined to find another hiding spot. She settled for hiding in the back of the ship, where the miniboat would have been stored, if they still had one. The room itself was large, with the floor dipping down to allow for the curved bottom of the boat. A chain and winch system was in the bottom of the divot, to hoist the boat in or out. Curiously the miniport was missing.
Partly out of curiosity and partly out of a desire to escape the rest of the world, Ame stayed in that room for a few hours. Guilt was the deciding factor in her finally leaving, especially since she was supposed to have a guard with her at all times.
Timidly she left the room, to find the inner workings of the ship silent. As she approached the deck, faint echoes of noise greeted her, until she was able to discern it was music. Hesitantly she climbed the stairs, to discover it was Music Night.
This event wasn't as elaborate as the first Music Night she attended, but she could attribute this to Iroh wishing to boost the morale of the crew. A few of the men were dancing, but most were listening peacefully to the music. Yukio saw her almost immediately, and approached her. He politely asked for a dance, which she accepted out of good will.
"I'm sorry about earlier." He whispered. "I just get so agitated seeing you upset." His hand tightened on her hip, and she accepted his apology.
"Just… try to control yourself, ok?" She whispered back. He nodded, a glimmer in his eye. Unexpectedly he dipped her, just as the song ended. Ame sighed and shook her head in amusement.
"Oh, and I talked to the crew. They aren't afraid of you anymore." He snickered as another crewmember approached, smiling in a friendly way as he asked her to dance.
Ame didn't feel as animated this time, but she still danced with anyone who asked. However, during slow songs, Ame politely refused to dance with anyone, opting instead to listen peacefully. The night passed uneventfully, until Jee was convinced to step up and sing a love song.
After his stirring song, the rest of the night wasn't the same. Yukio kept looking meaningfully at her every other note, and it was driving her nuts. Everything had a sweeter, more romantic meaning, and Ame quickly escaped from the room.
As she headed below deck, the destination of her room in mind, she was unable to resist the urge to look for the miniboat. Grudgingly she allowed herself to change course, to the back of the ship. When she saw it was still gone, she continued to her room, mortified at her own behavior. At her room, she realized that she wasn't tired or sleepy. It felt like she had spent so much time in her room lately, it felt like a prison. Restless, she traveled to the deck, where the sun was just rising over the horizon. Relaxing, she allowed herself to lay on the deck, near the prow .
Looking up at the changing sky, Ame started to process her feelings again. She had a lot to absorb. She knew that Yukio loved her, but she also realized that she was falling in love Prince Zuko. She knew it was less likely they would ever have a relationship, but for some reason she still wanted to try. She realized that she was severely affected by his mere presence, and was happier when things between them were going well.
Even if they never got romantically involved, she wanted to be around him merely because he made her happier when he was around. She turned onto her side, frustrated now. It was easier to bottle everything up, and to ignore her feelings, but it wasn't going to work for her anymore. Cradling her head in her arm, she focused on her breathing as she let her mind wander.
Ame must have fallen asleep, because she was woken by the soft, drifting notes of a Tsungi horn. Sitting up, a bit stiff from sleeping curled up on the hard metal, she saw Iroh was on deck, playing one of the songs from Music Night. He had a small table next to him, but rather than having tea with him, he had the monkey statue they bought from the pirates.
Without him asking, Ame went to the kitchen, and brewed some tea, to help wake him up after the late night. As she brought the tray back to the deck, she was surprised to see the mini-boat heading towards them. Her suspicions were confirmed then, that they had gotten a new boat, and the Prince Zuko must have taken it to shore. Hesitating, Ame continued on towards Iroh, hoping Zuko wouldn't be angry to see her.
Zuko had to travel below deck, then take the stairs onto the deck, to get to the tower, to get to his room. As he passed the two on deck, Ame was still holding the tray, and Iroh stopped playing. "Where have you been Prince Zuko?" Iroh asked. "You missed Music Night! Lieutenant Jee sang a stirring love song." He gestured for emphasis as he said this.
Zuko walked past without even glancing at them, and said, "I'm going to bed. No disturbances." He put a hand to his head as he said this, but Iroh didn't notice.
Iroh resumed playing, as Ame set down the tray and poured him a cup. Taking one for herself, she tucked her legs underneath her to sit next to him. When he stopped to drink his tea, he said, "It seems as if my nephew has learned a valuable lesson while he was out. I hope he will take note of it, instead of ignoring it."
Ame, slightly confused at these words, still nodded in agreement, and quickly drank her tea. Iroh finished his own cup, and continued playing the Tsungi horn.
With the lilting tones of Iroh in the background, Ame decided to practice her bending stances. At least it was something for her to do, different from the usual routine. Before beginning, she thought about changing out of her new clothing, but decided the last time she did that, it did not work out so well.
On deck, with Iroh playing his horn, she cycled through different forms of the four elements, noting what felt similar and what flowed well into one another. It allowed her to connect with the elements on a different level, even if she wasn't actually bending. The clothes did not hinder her as she practiced, and her concern for them soon faded. When she chose to stop, Iroh had gone inside a long time ago. After she sank her chi, Ame turned to find him or Yukio, feeling guilty for not having an escort.
She was surprised to see, however, that Prince Zuko was standing near the tower, watching her. Hesitating before bowing, Ame said, "Excuse me, Prince Zuko."
He answered with a nod of his head, and replied, "I need to talk to you." She looked up at him, confused, and he motioned for her to follow him. She barely hesitated before faithfully trailing him, to his room. He closed the door behind her, and took a deep breath.
"I have a confession to make." He began, speaking hastily. "When I have been taking the mini-boat, I have been going to spy on Zhao." He pulled a mask out from under his mattress, and held it up. "I've been going as the Blue Spirit, to get an edge on Zhao. I wanted to do anything I could to stop him from getting the Avatar before me." He stopped and looked at her expectantly.
She finally had to say, "So? Where are you going with this?"
Zuko looked a little disappointed, but continued. "Zhao caught the Avatar. I broke into his fortress, and freed him. But I realized something, Ame."
He stopped suddenly, and Ame was left feeling like she missed something. "Wait, you freed the Avatar? And you let him go? But nobody knows it was you, because you were acting as the Blue Spirit?" She summed up, and Zuko continued impatiently.
"Actually, the Avatar managed to get away after I freed him. But he said something to me before he left. He asked me, if I could have been his friend, if the war wasn't going on."
Ame pressed her back against his door. She hadn't seen him so excited, or energetic, and it worried her that he had gone insane.
"He's right, Ame. If we met under different circumstances, we could have been friends. I realized, we can be friends."
He looked at her importantly, expecting her to realize the same thing he did. She tilted her head, and slowly asked, "Does this mean you are talking to me again?"
He sighed, and nodded. He seemed disappointed that she didn't understand the deeper meaning behind what he was saying. "You look a lot like him." Zuko said quietly, completely changing the subject. "Your movements are similar too. I realized that if I didn't know what you are already, I would have figured it out. I'm not angry at you anymore."
Ame was still confused by his behavior. "Are you feeling alright, Prince Zuko? You are not acting like yourself."
He drew close to her, and snaked an arm around her waist, seemingly overcome by passion. He kissed her strongly, and released her. "I want you to teach me how to fight an Airbender." Zuko said. "Not only that, I want you to teach me some of the tricks you have, that make it so hard to fight against you."
Ame nodded, dazed. Did she imagine him kissing her?
"I want to start as soon as possible, so get something to eat, and think about what I need to learn." He shooed her from his room, and Ame paused in the doorway, wondering what had just happened.
Before he closed the door on her, Zuko added, barely audible, "You look nice. Those clothes suit you."
Unable to be sure she heard him right, she started to head to Iroh's room, hoping to talk to him about what had just occurred. Unfortunately, she ran into Yukio. "Where have you been? You know, I am supposed to watch you!" He said, upset.
She sighed as her world came into focus again. "I've been practicing my bending on deck for a few hours. I don't know why you couldn't find me."
Yukio frowned at her, pressing, "But where are you coming from now?"
Irritation flared. He was being an ass, and it seemed he was doing it on purpose. She answered, "Prince Zuko wanted to talk to me, that's all, Yukio." She tried to reassure him, but he started glaring at her.
"What are you thinking, Ame? You know how he feels about you. He doesn't love you like I do! If it was up to him, and if General Iroh wasn't around, he would turn you into the Fire Lord without another thought as a false Avatar!" He finished yelling at her.
Ame didn't know why, but she felt emotionally vulnerable, and his words stung. Before she knew it, she was yelling back. "At least Zuko doesn't hide his feelings! You, you tell me you love me, but you do these things that hurt me! Instead of being supportive, you try to destroy me! You don't think about what I want, Yukio! You only think about what you want!" She stopped, breathing heavily, as he looked at her shocked.
"I do too, think about what you want!" He argued back.
"Oh yeah? How about when I pleaded with you to just stay my friend? You ignored me! Instead, you just tried to force your way into my heart! But guess what, Yukio? It's been dead for over a hundred years!" She finished yelling. Air was starting to circle around her, whipping her hair around, and it was now that she realized she was getting out of control.
Ame took a deep, calming breath, and stepped back from him. "Yukio, I'm sorry for yelling at you. But, I am tired of everyone making me feel things, and of trying to repress my emotions. I can't do it anymore."
Defeated, she turned around, resolving to go to her room. Behind her, watching them argue, was Prince Zuko. Ame sighed heavily again, feeling as if her energy was expelled with it. Things were too complicated for her here. She sidestepped him, although he was glaring at Yukio and ignored her. She jumped down the ladder, then rushed to her own room. She collapsed on her bed and slept for a long time.
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