Chapter 14 Love hurts

It's 3am and I'm writing. And of course I haven't sat in front of my computer the whole day (well, yesterday) waiting for an inspiration. And of course I didn't get the inspiration 15 hours later than I had hoped… And I'm tired so there's probably some things that sound funny, but I just want to upload this now (no idea why, I just do). Well anyway, the end is near :O (I think that is also a part of this chapter's song's lyrics…) Hope you enjoy!

Derek sat in the corner of his room leaning to a wall. He should get up, it was going to be a long day. It was funny how guilty he felt. Like he had lied to Karen. Well, he had. And Ivy. 'Hey Ivy, now that we're not having a baby, we can just break up, right?' Derek said in his mind and laughed. Why couldn't it be so simple? Well if he hadn't pretended to love Ivy… But what was he supposed to do? He had wanted to change for the better and make the right choice and here he was again. Derek gave a laugh. He didn't know what to do but Karen probably would have. She always brought up the best in him. Derek smiled and sighed then. If he could take back the words he had said the day before yesterday. Then Derek smiled again. He was behaving like he knew that Karen loved him. When he had said that she was like a sister to him Karen hadn't even tried to say anything else. Stupid. Derek closed his eyes. He was probably like a brother to Karen. Great. Derek got up. He should've slept instead of sitting and drinking on the floor, thinking about Karen. Derek sighed. She would've been in his dreams too. Love was horrible.

Karen stared at her image in the mirror. She hadn't cried at all. Her heart was just aching, breaking into little pieces, but she couldn't cry. She didn't want to do this anymore. She couldn't torture herself like this. She'd had to forget about him. Derek didn't even know what she felt for him but maybe it was for the best. He was having a child with Ivy. And she thought that Ivy had been terrible when she had slept with Dev. What was she even thinking? Love was horrible.

Derek sat in his seat watching the second last scene. It was the wedding scene. They had had some problems with Ivy's white gown and other stuff but it was all sorted out now. He just didn't want to concentrate. Derek didn't want to do this right now. Derek glanced at Karen. She had looked sad when she came here today. She still did but that could be just acting. She looked so lonely at the stage, like she didn't belong there right now. Usually she glowed.
"Okay, that was fine so far. Let's take a break", Derek shouted. He needed something to keep him awake.

Ivy sat down next to Derek and asked: "Are you all right? You look a bit tired."
"Yeah I'm fine", Derek said.
"I was thinking that maybe we could go somewhere tonight."
"I don't know. I don't feel like it but let's see", Derek sighed. He took a sip from his coffee and glanced at the stage. Karen sat there, on the edge, talking to her friends and laughing. And still she looked so sad. "Let's continue shall we!" Derek shouted.

Ivy went back to the stage. Derek had looked at Karen. He looked like crap. And yet, every time he looked at Karen, his face just lit up. Ivy sighed. He had looked at her like that. He hadn't done that in a long time.

A fine frenzy: Borrowed time. Youtube: watch?v=Ti6jp2ckeHk
[B]

Ivy shook her head and took her place. Ivy frowned when a thought popped to her mind. She had looked at him like that. She had adored him and loved him so much. But now, she hadn't looked at him like that in a long time either. She wanted to be with him, right? Maybe she just wanted him to be with her.

Ivy looked at Fred. He played the role of a nervous groom well. Ivy smiled a bit. It would be horrible to finally realize what a huge mistake you're making when you're at the altar.
"I do", Fred sighed. "No, wait, Fiona I want to say something."
"What is it, can't it wait a moment?"
"No. I have to say it now. Fiona, I love you and I guess that I learned to love you slowly. I liked your smile and eyes and, well, just you. And I will always love you but… But I don't love you enough for the rest of our lives and you don't either." Ivy took a few steps back.
"What do you mean?"
"For a long time we have been together just because we have to. Haven't you noticed? We are the perfect couple, so we can't break up. That's what everyone says, that we're meant for each other. But we're not. I'm sorry but I don't think I could be the happiest for the rest of my life with you. We lie for love Fiona. We lied to ourselves and to others. We lie so we wouldn't hurt the one's we love because I do love you. But I don't love you enough, not as much as you deserve." Ivy felt a tear in the corner of her eye. How horrible it would be to find out that you're making a huge mistake when you're at the altar... Ivy glanced at Derek. It was painful but at least it wasn't too late. They hadn't said 'I do.' She had to give him up.

[E]

"Okay that was good. The final scene if you please", Derek shouted and crossed his arms over his chest. He was a bit worried about Karen. She didn't look like herself. Derek frowned. And she didn't act like it either.

Karen sat in the dressing room. They had ended the rehearsals early and she knew why. She had probably been horrible and they had the preview tomorrow. It was weird. It was almost like Derek hadn't shouted at her so much today. Why was that?
"Can I come in?" Derek asked through the door and Karen jumped up. She was still in the dress that Iris had in the last scene. Karen sighed.
"Sure."

Derek stepped in and frowned. He hadn't seen Karen properly today. She looked tired. Karen stood in the middle of the room like she was lost.
"What's wrong my dear?" Derek asked and stepped a bit closer.
"Don't say that", Karen said quickly.
"What?" Derek asked.
"Don't say 'my'. All though I bet you haven't even noticed it." Derek frowned. He had noticed it but it just sounded natural.
"Karen, what's wrong?"
Karen avoided his eyes and said silently: "It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters. I haven't seen you this sad in a long time."
"How do you even know I'm sad. I could be just tired."
"Because you are", Derek said and stepped closer. "I know you", Derek said and lifted her chin a little.
"No you don't!" Karen shouted and stepped back. "Don't do that", Karen said and Derek watched at her. She was about to cry. She had looked like this last time when… when she broke up with Jimmy.
"Karen, is this about the day before yesterday?" Karen looked up at him and she had tears in her eyes. "Oh, sweetheart", Derek sighed. He wanted to wipe them away and make her smile again. Derek said silently: "Karen, you have to know that I love you. And I don't mean just love you, I'm in love with you."
Karen stared at him for a moment and said: "I don't understand."
"I am in love with you Karen Cartwright. I couldn't tell you that because", Derek started and fell silent. 'Because of the baby.' But there was no baby. Stupid. He couldn't just think that he could get out of this mess without hurting anyone. He had to talk to Ivy.
"Because of the baby. I know Derek and I can't do this because I'm in love with you too. But I can't be the third wheel anymore. I don't want to be the other woman", Karen said.
"No, Karen you don't understand."
"Derek, I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. Go, and spend time with Ivy", Karen said weeping and she turned to leave.
"No, Karen wait!"
"Bye Derek." Then she left. Derek stared at the closed door. Karen had said she loved him. And then he had lost her again. No! No, no, no, no! Derek picked up a glass and shattered it to a wall. No…

Karen walked home desperately trying not to cry.
"Karen!" she heard a familiar voice yell. Karen pulled a smile on her face and greeted the man standing next to her front door.
"Dad. What are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd drop by", he smiled.
"Have you waited here for long?"
"No, I just got here." Karen opened the door and let him in.

"Thank you", her dad smiled when Karen gave him a cup of tea. "Now. What's wrong?"
Karen looked at him for a moment and said: "Nothing."
"Come on. I know my own daughter better than that."
"It's nothing. I don't want to talk about it", Karen sighed.
"Is it about that director, Derek?" he asked and Karen stared at him.
"How did you know?"
"I said I know my own daughter. Besides, you're working with him again. Maybe you don't notice it but you seem to light up when you talk about him", he said and smiled sadly. "He's just that kind of guy who breaks your heart."
"No, he isn't", Karen said and started to cry. 'Not my heart', she thought. Derek didn't want to break it.

Karen felt better, at least she could pretend she felt better. Her dad sat at his seat watching the rehearsals. They had the preview tonight so things had to go smoothly. Well, they never did but at least the acting had to go perfectly.

Derek watched the stage. He had to tell Ivy. He should've told her ages ago.
"Okay, that's it!" Derek yelled. "The preview starts in three hours, so go, eat something but be here on time!" Derek glanced at Ivy and walked up to her.

Ivy sighed. She had postponed this for too long already.
"Ivy, I have something I…" Derek started but Ivy interrupted him.
"Wait, Derek. Before you say anything there's something I want to say and please let me speak." Derek crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. "At yesterday's rehearsals I saw you glancing at Karen and no, I'm not mad. It just got me thinking. The way you looked at her… I remembered how we used to look at each other like that and we don't do that anymore. What I'm trying to say Derek, is that I think we should break up."
Derek stared at her and asked: "You really think so?"
"Yes", Ivy nodded and Derek smiled.
"Thank you Ivy. I did love you but…"
"I know Derek. We had our moments but we don't love each other enough", Ivy said. It felt weirdly right. Like she had always thought so but just now finally realized it. Derek glanced at the stage behind them and frowned.
"Where did Karen go?" he asked.
"I think she mentioned dinner", Fred answered.
"Bye Derek", Ivy smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Bye Ivy. Be happy", Derek smiled back. If he'd hurry Karen might still be in her room.

Karen sat by her dresser. She had promised to go to eat somewhere with her dad. She forced a smile on her face. It was fine. She'd be fine. There was a photo of her in the Marilyn dress beside the mirror. Karen smiled sadly. 'You are a star', Derek had said. He had said it so many times. Karen picked up the photo. He had become so big part of her life and now she had to let him go? The door slammed open and Karen turned around surprised. Derek stood at the door and just looked at her for a moment.
Then he whispered just a simple word: "Karen."