Burned to Ashes

Severus makes sure Remus gets back home safe, he's not happy with Remus' decision over Filch, and they both do a bit of soul searching.

Disclaimers and Warnings: I don't own the HP Characters nor do I make any money from it.

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"Do you have everything, Remus?" Severus asked as he glanced around the room. He kept his voice even but kept clenching his jaw as he looked at the man packing his possessions.

"I believe so. I didn't really have that much."

Severus sighed as he listened.

"Severus, please don't be upset with me. I just thought-"

"Your nobility supersedes your judgment at times, Remus. I don't understand how you could ask that of the Headmaster and other Professors."

"I only thought that he could have one more final chance before having to leave this place. This is all he's ever known."

Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose and felt his head throbbing, "Lupin. It's done and he has a little over a month to change-I don't think he will. You make sure you stay far away from him and let Hagrid deal with Filch. Do not interfere. I mean it."

Lupin nodded and could feel the hair stand up on the back of his neck. He really couldn't answer why he felt the need to negotiate for his tormentor.

"Remus. Let's get you back to your cottage and I'm going back to my Chambers."

"Severus, don't be mad. You don't have to just drop me off-"

"Remus, it's Saturday. You know I have roughly a week to ensure your potion is ready to brew. Your transformation will be here before you know it and you will take the Wolfsbane Potion this time."

"Oh, sorry. I forgot-"

Severus stared at him and shook his head while rolling his eyes, "Not surprising-"

Remus grabbed his cane and took in a deep breath. Severus picked up his own overnight bag as well as Remus' and prepared to floo back to Remus' cottage.

When they entered the modest home, Remus put his cane up and walked around his cottage. It felt wonderful to be back. He watched as Severus put his bag in his room and turned as he walked to him.

"Remus. I'll come by to check on you off and on. If you need me, please don't hesitate to come to me."

"I will do that, Severus. Thank you so much for being there for me through all of this."

Severus nodded and turned to the hearth. Picking up his bag in one hand and the powder in the other, he went to his own chambers to be alone. He needed a minute to collect his thoughts. He had been acting out of character and knew that he had a few moments where he had slipped with Remus. He couldn't explain what he was feeling and those emotions were starting to pester at him.

He sat in office and put his chin on the back of his hands as he contemplated deeply. The recollection of Remus being bent over his desk. The scent of the werewolf's cologne, clean shaven all but the mustache, and his eyes with fear and trust at the same exact time. He couldn't blame him for being scared but Severus' heart was incredibly warmed at the trust. To be the man responsible for those emotions, he didn't know how to grasp that thought. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and looked at the dark mark.

The allegiance from more than a decade ago still haunted him. He had to be even more cautious to guarantee that his thoughts were intimately guarded. If he were to carry his emotions on his sleeve, there is no telling what would happen. The life of duplicity was not an easy one.

Caring for someone was dangerous because that could be exploited and people would be hurt. However, each day that passed that he spent with Remus, he couldn't deny that he was starting to care for him. The man was insufferable, naive as a child, and he thought that, down deep, he would have been friends with him in the past.

Severus stared blankly at the wall as he let the thoughts flood into his mind. He reached in his top drawer and pulled out the ink, quill, and parchment. He smoothed it out on his desk and began to write.

"I have spent so long alone but now this has changed drastically. I, at first, relished in the fact that my old classmate and former foe would be out of Hogwarts and out of my hair forever. No parent would allow their child to go to the same school and I had no problem with giving him away. I still stand by that decision.

Remus has a horrible technique of making decisions. I truly don't believe he thinks about what he does or says before he actually does it. Suppose he lacks a filter or he goes purely by emotions. He should learn to control that. But, at the moment, I'm having trouble controlling my own emotions.

I haven't had, or allowed, anyone to get close to me since Lily. She was everything to me- now and for always. She needed someone when her sister, that dreadful little girl, called her a freak.

I notice that the more I look at Lupin... Lupin, the werewolf-the double freak. He's a wizard and a werewolf. People are so quick in their judgments.

As I was saying, the more I look at him, the more curious I become. I've interacted with him for a bit over a month now and I've welcomed the company.

I did not take pleasure in seeing him laying helpless in that dungeon of that brute. I wanted to hold him and take away all his pain. He did not deserve that, no matter how much he has infuriated me long-ago or even in the present. He was always the smartest of the four. Studious, tried to help when he could, but never had the resolve to stand up for what he truly felt.

Until yesterday, that is, at that trial. I wish that he would have stood up for something other than allowing that-Filch-a leniency as he did. It is done and I will make certain that Filch doesn't even look at him sideways, I do swear this.

The werewolf was insane to do that.

I forgive him, though, and continue to do what I can to help him. When I look at him, I see someone that has so much good in him but hasn't realized it yet. I hope I can manage my emotions and perhaps, at the same time, bring those qualities out in him.

He does have amazingly expressive eyes. I should probably push these thoughts to the back of my mind and forget about him. I should forget how his skin felt to my touch as I tended his wounds. I should forget about having him at my mercy but still showing the compassion he said I lacked. I should forget that when I look into his eyes, I feel a pang in my heart that wants to love.

Is that even possible? Can I, Death Eater, love? Any time I've ever tried, I've been left with scars. The scars aren't as visible as his but they are present.

Remus Lupin. I do think you are my friend and I consider that I may feel affection for you. I may never tell you that..."

Severus put the quill back into its holder and re-read the words he had just written. He laid his arm with the mark beside his words and stared blankly back and forth between them. The moon was shining brightly out of his window and he furrowed his brow.

He stood up and lit the fire in the hearth. He watched as the flames danced and drummed his fingers on the mantle. He stopped and allowed them to trace over his mark slowly. He looked down at the desk and leaned over to pick up the parchment. He read the words again and swallowed hard.

"I may never tell you that..." he said softly as he balled up the letter and threw it in the flames. The parchment twisted and turned as it became wholly incinerated within the blaze. The secrets of his heart were visible for a moment but disappeared into ash before his eyes. He put the fire out and turned to his Potion's laboratory. He lost himself in his work on the Wolfsbane Potion and attempted to clear his mind.

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As Remus watched Severus depart, he closed his eyes tight. He heard the faint ticking of his grandfather clock as he was left alone. He balled his fists at his sides and bowed his head. He wanted to say so much more to Severus but the words wouldn't escape his lips. He turned and started out the door.

The sun was beginning to set. He walked up the hill to the Oak Tree and sat under it to watch the sun slowly creep below the hills. He breathed in and smelled the scents of summer. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he wondered how could he ever get Severus alone for long enough to tell him what he was feeling.

He believed that, in his heart of hearts, that if Severus could forgive him as he had then maybe Filch deserved one more shot. He rested the back of his head on the tree as his eyes were glued to the fading sun. He recalled the first time he laid eyes on Severus so long ago. He was about his height at the time, dark black hair that was greasy, deep dark eyes, and just as skinny as he was. He watched as Prongs called him Snivellus and berated him. He had never made a friend as fast as James and didn't want to lose him, Sirius, or Peter. Of course, that memory is always there but he was constantly intrigued that he could find something similar connecting them. He kept to himself mostly and had his nose in his books, completely introverted, just like himself.

Now, he counts on Severus to make sure that the potions are given to him. Not only that, he has tended to all of his wounds and nursed him back to health.

Remus shook his head, "Twice in a month. He deserves a show of gratitude for that."

The sun's light hit his eyes before it receded into the night. Lupin thought of Severus' astonishingly tender touch on his back, the low whisper in his ear telling him to relax, and the gentle motion of him putting his hand on his during the trial. Remus touched his hand at the memory and smiled softly to himself.

He mused over the fact that he willingly requested Severus to discipline him for his wrongs and he felt, even through the bite of Severus' cane, free. He had been beaten and Severus didn't think twice when he saved him. The care that went into each movement of his hand took his breath away.

Love, sometimes, is not something that's said but felt. Remus stood up and whispered, "I feel it..."

He went back to his cottage and picked up the floo powder in a trembling hand. He didn't know what was going to develop but he had to make an effort. He knew Severus came across as stoic but what he felt needed to be said and damn the consequences.

He entered Severus' quarters and walked slowly around to search for him. He walked down the hall and looked in his office to find he wasn't there. A few doors down, he heard a noisy bubbling and knocked on the door.

"Who's there?"

"Severus, it's me. Remus."

"You may enter, Werewolf," he said with a snide smirk to himself. Remus just shook his head and opened the door. He walked up to Severus' desk and watched him as he had all his ingredients out and his book. Severus looked up at him for a moment, his features showing no emotion.

"Yes? Is there something you need?"

Remus felt his chest pounding and softened his eyes. Severus stole a quick glance and controlled his own sensations that he felt inside.

"Yes, Severus."

"Well, what is it?"

Remus started moving his hands together nervously and stepped around the table to get in front of Severus. Remus kept trying to open his mouth to speak but closed his lips. Severus arched an eyebrow at him, "Are you all right? Is there something wrong?"

Remus shook his head no, then yes, and ran his fingers through his hair. Severus stopped what he was doing with the potions and turned to stand squarely in front of him.

"Remus. Please. What is it that you require?"

Mentally, Remus was damning himself for being so speechless. He stepped back from Severus and dropped his hands to the sides. Remus' entire body went weak and he did the only thing that felt right to him. He fell to his knees before Severus and looked up at him meekly. Severus looked down at the kneeling man and into his eyes while raising his eyebrows.

Finally, Remus opened his mouth and the words came to him in a soft whisper.

"Severus."

Severus tilted his head, "Yes?"

"I mean, Severus. It is you that I require."

Severus put his hand on the table, looking closely at him and considered what he meant.

"How do you mean, Remus?"

Remus bowed his head and felt his body quiver as he placed his hands on his thighs.

"I need you in my life Severus. I'm a better man with you. I've been a lone wolf for far too long."

Severus rose his hand and ran his fingers through his dark locks. He closed his eyes and thought, "Merlin's beard."

TBC~

A/N: Thanks for all the awesome feedback, follows, and favorites. And I hope that your weekend has gone well. Sorry for the evil cliffhanger, there. Much love to you all!