Author's note : Hi ! Sorry I took so long to write this chapter, but with school and everything I didn't have much time. And also sorry because this chapter is longer than the others, but I couldn't cut it in two halves. I hope you'll enjoy it !
Day after day, District after District, always the same ceremony, always the same speech. The only elements changing were the faces of the dead tributes. Katniss was becoming better at her role. Her smile was more confident, her tone more natural. She learnt not to look at the tributes' families. These crowds, these people, they didn't matter, they were nothing to her, that's what she was trying to think. Only the cameras mattered.
She was going through the days with such ease, as if she had done this all her life. A smile, a wave at the camera, a speech, and a dinner. It was so easy not to think. Choreographed moves, arranged words. Katniss didn't exist anymore, she was a puppet manipulated by strings. Her whole being was animated by a single obsession, giving the Capitol what they wanted.
But it was not that easy to let go. Day after day, District after District, it was harder. The train rides had become a torture. So much loneliness, so much spare time when she was alone with her thoughts, when she was trapped inside her own head. How she missed Peeta in moments like these. How she missed the warmth of his arms, his heartbeat under her ear, his breath in her hair. How she wished he was sleeping next to her, protecting her from the nightmares.
Every day was bringing her closer to the Capitol, and every day Katniss was becoming sullener, lonelier. She couldn't stay in her room for long, because the silence was unbearable. She couldn't stay in the living room either, because she was fed up with Effie being excited about the Tour. Haymitch was of no help. Apparently, the Victory Tour had triggered some bad memories in his mind, and most of the time he was in his room, probably drinking. Sometimes Effie would disappear, and Katniss suspected her to go in Haymitch's room. She couldn't help but being mad at them, even though it was no business of hers. The idea of Haymitch and Effie making out felt wrong.
When she needed comfort, she would go in the car where her piano was transported. When she couldn't sleep, she spent hours watching it, touching it, playing the few notes Madge had taught her. It was her only reminder that she was not alone. She wouldn't be alone in the Capitol. Madge would be there to help her bear the unbearable. It was the only hope she clung to. She wasn't alone. People were waiting for her at home. Prim would be delighted to hear everything about the dresses she had worn, the places she had seen. Her mother would be concerned about the pain in her missing hand, which hadn't stop increasing since the beginning of the Tour. Gale would want to know about the living conditions and the oppression of the Capitol in the other Districts.
Gale… He had said he would be waiting for her. But waiting for what ? Katniss still didn't know if she had liked his kiss or not. In times like these, she was tempted to abandon herself in his arms, to give everything to him. But that would be selfish because it wasn't Gale she wanted. She was only starving for human closeness. She couldn't use him like that. She felt guilty to even think of it.
Finally, the train reached the Capitol, and she had to ride through the city on a chariot. She was used to it now. Katniss disappeared and she was the puppet again. Smiling, waving, throwing kisses at the crowd, looking dazzling in the fire red gown Cinna had designed. People were cheering, shouting her name, throwing flowers at her. Not because they were forced, but because they really loved her. It was harder than in the Districts, though. The chariot felt too large, without Peeta at her side. She could almost see him next to her, his outfit on fire. Now he would never ride this chariot again. He would never be next to her again.
When she finally went back in her old floor in the Training Center, Madge was already there, glancing awkwardly at the Avoxes. She had put on her most beautiful dress, but she still look out of place in this Capitol building. When she saw Katniss, her face lightened and she hurried to hug her.
"Katniss, I'm so happy to see you !" she said enthusiastic. "I watched you through the window, you were fantastic !"
"Yea, I guess I'm becoming quite good at it." Katniss replied with a laugh. Of course, Madge didn't know about the puppet thing. And she must continue to ignore it. Katniss didn't want to put her in danger. It was already too risky to have brought her to the Capitol. But she was the mayor's daughter, she must be safe.
They had some time alone to repeat their songs, and Katniss was glad to talk to her. At least it prevented her from thinking too much about Peeta and all those kids that died in these sick games. Then Katniss had to go through the prep team's hands for the interview. The prep team was talking ecstatically about the party at President Snow's mansion. It was the first time they were invited to such an important event. Flavius had even dyed his eyebrows purple for the occasion.
At the interview, Caesar welcomed her friendly and Katniss did her best to be the puppet she had been the last few days. She smiled and laughed at Caesar's jokes and tried to act as a happy victor. It became hard when she had to watch a recap of the Games. She thought she would be prepared this time, but no. Seeing all those faces again was a torture. She couldn't avoid looking at them, unlike in the Districts. She had to watch and hide her pain, her sadness. This time, she didn't cry, though. Only a teardrop at Rue and Peeta's deaths. The puppet idea was making it easier to hide her feelings. Not that she was less sad than the first time, but it was easier to hide it now. Finally, Caesar asked her about her talent.
"Now, let's talk about your talent, Katniss. I'm so glad you listened to me, I knew you'd make a great singer." he said, his perfect white teeth shining, and the audience shouted in approval. "But what made you chose singing ?"
"Well, I think that music has always been part of my life, somehow." she replied, blushing.
"I heard that your father was a good singer, is that true ?" Caesar helped her.
"Yes, he had such a beautiful voice." Katniss answered, taking the opportunity to play the game. "I miss him a lot, you know. When I was a child, we used to sing together, and that made me happy."
"And that's when Peeta fell in love with you, when you were kids." he said with interest. "He said the birds felt silent to listen to you. After we heard you sing at the interview in District Twelve, some months ago, I can only believe him."
"Ahah, no… I think he had just imagined this part." she answered with a laugh. "But yea, it's for him that I sing. In memory of him, and my father. And Rue too."
"Rue too ?" he asked, surprised.
"Yes of course, Rue too. You know, when my father died, I stopped singing. Music had become painful, because it reminded me of him. But then, when Rue asked me to sing for her, she triggered something. I remembered how music was important to me. So it's also for her that I sing. It's for all the people I love." Maybe she was exaggerating a bit, but that was what the audience expected. Talking and confessing to Caesar like old friends. Just by watching the interview, nobody could tell she was just playing a game. Maybe she was becoming good at it. Peeta would be proud of her. She was becoming more and more at ease in her puppet role. But a part of her mind was disgusted about herself, she felt weak, she felt like she was becoming a minion of the Capitol.
"I understand. Then, we can all thank Rue !" he laughed. "Before you go, I have one more question. Could you sing something for us ?" The audience applauded his suggestion.
"No !" Katniss laughed. "I'd like to, but you'll have to wait for the party tonight."
"Oh, come on !" Caesar encouraged her. He turned toward the audience. "Do you want her to sing ?!" The crowd shouted in approval.
"Okay, okay, if you insist… But just a few notes, right ?" Then she began singing the chorus of Rue's lullaby, a cappella.
"Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."
The audience acclaimed and chanted her name, and she knew it was a good thing. These people loved her, and she would have to fuel this love if she wanted her family to be safe. So just when she finished singing, she threw a kiss at the audience, making the acclamations intensify.
"Ahah, that was great !" Caesar said, thrilled. "That's what I call a talent ! Well Katniss, thanks for being with us tonight. It has been a real pleasure, but it's already time for good byes. Ladies and Gentlemen, please stand up for Katniss Everdeen !"
Caesar kissed Katniss on the cheek, she waved one last time at the audience and left the stage, while Caesar talked about the TV program of the evening. She breathed a sigh of relief while Effie came toward her. She had navigated through this more easily than she had thought. Playing the game was easier now that she could transform into a puppet. No emotions, just an empty shell with a smile. The pain was still there, of course, but asleep. It would awake when she would be alone, but at least she hadn't burst into tears in public again. She would have plenty of time for that later.
Effie, Haymitch and Katniss all went to the President's mansion in a limousine. Effie had put on her most exuberant outfit, colorful feathers from head to toe, she looked like a giant and scary bird. Haymitch looked visibly annoyed by her aspect, but still offered her his arm to enter the mansion. The mansion was huge and majestic, with fountains and topiaries and hedges. For the party, it was illuminated with spectacular light effects. It was already crowded with the Capitol smart set, and Katniss laughed interiorly at their ridiculous fashion standards.
As soon as she arrived, everybody wanted to talk to her, to take pictures with her, to have an autograph. Katniss saw her mockingjay everywhere. Apparently, it was a new trend in the Capitol. People wore it on fashion accessories, pins, and even as a tattoo. Everyone wanted to wear the winner's token.
Effie had to intervene to disperse the crowd, saying that Katniss would sign as many autograph as they wanted after she had sung, and led her to the stage that had been built in the ballroom. She had to wait a moment while Effie announced her in the microphone.
"Ladies and Gentlemen" she said, elated. "Now is the moment you were all waiting for. I am proud to present to you our lovely victor, Katniss Everdeen !"
That was it. The moment she had feared the most. The audience was applauding and shouting, but all was blurry in Katniss' head and her missing hand was aching. She climbed the stairs to the stage, more stressed with every step. Cinna had the good idea not to make her wear high heels. It was hard enough to walk without them. Madge was already there, behind the mahogany piano. She was stunning in a beautiful aquamarine dress. It must be Cinna's work, because even if Madge was the mayor's daughter, she would have never been able to afford it. Of course, Madge had to go through the prep team's hands too. That made Katniss smiled. She was not alone. She could do it. She had done it thousands of time at home. She had done it on screen several times. She even had done it half an hour ago, and the crowd was larger than here. It was different, though. At the interview, she couldn't see the audience with all the lights pointed at her. Here, she could see every face turned toward her. Plus, she had the feeling that this first song will be decisive. President Snow watched her from a balcony, expressionless. What was he thinking ? Obviously, he was not here for the show. He was here to judge her. Yes, her life and the life of everyone she loved would depend on her capacity to entertain the Capitol tonight. Tonight was the night.
Katniss spotted Cinna's face in the crowd. That reassured her a little, but her right hand was sweaty when she took the microphone. Why was her throat so dry ? She coughed a little. She glanced at Madge, who looked uneasy, and she nodded. Katniss sighed and braced herself.
"Good evening everybody. I'm going to sing an old song from my District. It's called The Valley Song." she finally said. She looked at Madge who began to play, closed her eyes and sang.
The very song that made Peeta fell in love with her. As soon as she began singing, all her fears disappeared. All the pressure on her shoulders released, and the pain in her hand vanished. She was not surrounded by hundreds of people anymore. She was not even in the Capitol anymore. She was in the cave with Peeta. The cave where she had spent a few moments of happiness with him, before he was torn away from her. The cave where she had fell in love with him, despite herself. She was not sad, though. Actually, it was the first time since the beginning of the Victory Tour that she felt happy. The first time since the end of the Games. She couldn't explain why. Maybe because she had found a way to make Peeta alive again, in her mind.
When she opened her eyes, coming back to reality, everybody was applauding and asking for more. Katniss didn't have to feign the smile that came on her lips. She took a look at Madge, and she was smiling too. It probably didn't have the same meaning for her than for Katniss, but playing the piano for the Capitol must have been a stressful experience for her too. But Katniss knew she was going to do great. When Madge seated at a piano, her hands would fly over the keyboard, her fingers dance on it. She could take a succession of notes and turn it into a magical spell.
The audience was delighted. And so was Katniss. She was doing it, doing what Finnick had said. She was becoming famous. How could President Snow do any harm to her family now ? She glanced at him, on his balcony. In response to her interrogative eyes, he nodded slightly. Katniss knew instantly what it meant. It was an unspoken pact between them. As long as she entertained the Capitol, nothing would happen to her family. And as long as nothing happened to her family, she would continue to play the Game.