Slowly turning around, Sirius tried desperately to fight the wave of nausea that hit him when he heard his mother's voice.
"I told you I was out doing stuff for school," Sirius's voice shook as he spit the lie out through gritted teeth, trying to hold back vomit.
"I don't care where the fuck you were." Sirius could see a look so menacing in his mother's eyes that his legs went numb. He suddenly had a feeling this wasn't about missing curfew.
Sirius could see his brother shrunk into the corner behind his mother, with a look of… was that regret on his face?
"We have a certain image to uphold in this family." Walburga growled. "I don't know how many times I've had to tell you this." Her voice had that certain lilt of someone who's had too much to drink, but that only made it scarier.
"I'm sorry I was out late." Sirius whispered, his head down. "It won't happen again."
"I DON'T CARE THAT YOU WERE OUT FUCKING LATE! I CARE THAT I'M UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE TO CALL YOU MY SON." Sirius's face went slack as the harsh words hit him across the chest. He almost didn't feel it when she swung at him with the fireplace poker and sent him tumbling into the wall, leaving a dent in the plaster with his elbow. Tears started to stream down his face. He didn't even know what he had done.
"It's bad enough that you're practically a delinquent," Walburga spat, her voice back down to its terrifyingly quiet decibel. "It's bad enough that you'll never amount to anything." She drew closer to the crumpled form of her son, lying on the floor. "It's bad enough that you can't do even the simplest things asked of you." A swift kick hit him square in the ribs and he felt something crack. Sirius cried out, as it got harder and harder to breathe with every sob, the blinding pain in his ribs almost paralyzing him.
Walburga knelt down so her face was inches from his. "But now-" She grabbed his chin and wrenched his neck up towards her face. "LOOK AT ME." She roughly pulled him closer and grinned when he screamed from the pain. "But now, you're telling people you're gay?" She growled.
Sirius's entire body went numb as his mind reeled. How did she know? He hadn't told anyone…anyone but that cashier. He could barely make out his younger brother's cowering figure in the corner. No. He remembered that the cashier looked a little familiar and suddenly, with his mother's hot breath blowing in his face, he remembered why. He was the older brother of one of Regulus's best friends. He must have told his brother, who must have told Regulus, who…Sirius's heart broke in half. Had his brother told on him?
"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" His mother's breath smelled of whiskey. "Did you think I would let this fly!?" Her voice got louder and Sirius flinched when spit hit his face. Walburga reared back her arm and stuck Sirius clear across the face. The sound echoed throughout the empty hall, followed by the echo of Sirius's hollow cry.
Walburga dropped her grip on Sirius's face and he instinctively clutched his cheek, already beginning to feel the hand shaped welt she had left.
"Do you think I would keep a faggot under my roof? That I would care for you? FEED YOU?" She was throwing things now. Books, candle sticks, anything within reach. Each missile hit its target with a sickening thud. A bookend hit Sirius in the chest so hard he couldn't breathe and a searing pain spread behind his ribs.
Weakly he tried to stand, gripping the wall behind him for support. The entire time, Sirius stared at Regulus through his tears. He couldn't believe that his own little brother had betrayed him.
Shakily he tried to head for the door. He had a panicky feeling that if he didn't get out of here soon he wouldn't survive.
Walburga quickly saw the opportunity he was taking. She grabbed the back of his t shirt and pulled him towards her, his neck snapping as she did so. But as soon as she had him close to her she decided she'd rather let him leave.
"You are not my son," she growled into his ear. She grabbed his keys off the side table and pressed them so hard into his palm that she drew blood. "I never want to see you again." She let him go and he limped as fast as he could through the front door.
Scrambling down the driveway, half walking, half crawling, Sirius got in his car and started it. His wheels screamed as he whipped out of the driveway. Sirius got to the end of the street before he realized he was crying so hard he couldn't see. He pulled over to the side of the road and threw his car in park. Sitting there he couldn't hold it back anymore and he just let it all out.
Tears streamed in waterfalls down his face. There was something pressing into his lung that he though was his rib and he could barely breathe. Each sob pushed whatever it was further into his lung. Sirius took a deep breath and just screamed, letting all of his anguish out in a single wail. His head slumped forward and hit the steering wheel as a panic attack hit him and suddenly he was hyperventilating and crying all at once, snot bubbling and dripping out of his nose.
How could he have been so stupid? Why did he tell that cashier that he was gay? Was that really worth the derailing of his entire life? He didn't have a family anymore, he didn't have a house or a bed or food. All because he thought he was gay? This wasn't worth it, he thought as he started to cry harder.
There were no more tears now, just great heaving dry sobs, and muffled screams as Sirius bit the sleeve of his t shirt. He needed to calm down.
He sat there in his car for a few more minutes. Just trying to breathe, just trying to calm down. He stared into the dark and just repeated that in his head for a while.
Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe. Calm down.
After a few minutes his breathing was at a normal enough pace where he wasn't seeing spots anymore. I am gay, he thought. He said it aloud. "I am gay." And that's ok, he tells himself. Because eventually he will find that guy if he hasn't already and it will be worth it.
Trying to calm himself further he turned his thoughts to his friends. Lily and Marlene were so nice and funny. He laughed when he remembered how Lily was so embarrassed when Sirius caught her staring at James in English class. But laughing hurt so much it brought tears to his eyes. He smiled when he thought about how Marlene would wink every time he caught her eye across the food court at the mall. Frank and Alice were hilarious and so so sweet. Alice always let him have her cookie at lunch since she was "trying to cut down on sugar anyways." Frank was always whispering funny things under his breath in history class, making Sirius laugh enough to get in trouble. And how would he have survived high school without James and Peter? Those guys had had his back since the sixth grade. James taught him how to ride a bike, since his parents never bothered to teach him. And Peter taught him how to sneak into R rated movies and how to play any type of card game under the sun. And oh god Remus. He had known Remus barely a week but already he was so impressed with his smart, funny and beautiful friend. He has to stop himself from laughing when he remembered how devious his innocent seeming friend was and how he got him in trouble on the first day of school.
Tears began to roll down his face again. He does have a family. But they're all with their real families right now and he's parked in a ditch with a possibly broken rib, soaking the front of his t shirt with his own tears, struggling to breathe.
What the fucking hell does he do.
Eventually he decides to intrude in his best friends privacy a little more because he doesn't know where to go, or if he should go to the hospital, or even where the hospital is. But he knows where James is.
It's 3:41 when Sirius staggers up James's front porch and pulls out his phone.
Sirius: (Are you awake?)
There's a minute where Sirius doesn't think he's going to answer, but then…
James: (Barely. Why?)
Sirius: (Could you come outside?)
A light turns on upstairs and Sirius can hear James flying down the stairs. The front door opens and a bewildered James steps onto his front porch to see his bruised, wheezing, broken best friend.
"What the fuck Sirius."
"I think I need a ride to the hospital." Sirius croaks out and it takes James a millisecond to grab his keys and lock the front door behind him.
"Let's go."
James helps Sirius up and the two boys manage to limp all the way to James's car before the front door opens again and James's mother comes flying out.
"What's going on?" She cries, before she sees the broken frame of her son's best friend draped over him. She takes a second look just to make sure she's comprehending the situation right, then nods. "Help him into the back seat. Give me a second to get your father and my purse and we'll leave." With that she flies back into the house to grab her handbag and her husband, Fleamont, who emerges from the house rightfully confused and still in his pajamas.
It's a somber ride to hospital. No one knows what to say, and secretly Sirius is grateful for the silence. He spends most of the ten minute ride trying not to get tears on James's pajama shirt.
The doctor confirms Sirius's fear of a broken rib, and gives him ice for his rib and face, and a sedative for his panic attacks. He hands James's mother a prescription for pain killers for Sirius to take as his rib heals. His work done, the doctor quietly leaves the room for James's dad to sign the discharge papers. But before any pens are uncapped, Sirius is met with the stern but pitiful gazes of his best friend and his parents.
"You have to tell us what happened, son," Fleamont says, still looking confused and very out of place on account of the pajamas.
Sirius grips the ice pack tighter to his face. "I got in a fight." He laughs weakly, "You should see the other guy." He knows it's a weak attempt at humor but his face grows hot whenever he thinks of uttering the truth.
"This is serious, Sirius." James says, not even grinning at the use of the word serious, even though it always makes the two of them laugh.
He desperately tries not to cry again, but a few tears find their way out. "I got kicked out," he whispers so softly the three Potters can barely hear it. "I think forever, this time."
James is immediately furious. He gets up and paces a bit, clenching and unclenching his hands. "And that bitch had to break your ribs to kick you out!? You're a kid!"
"James…" his mother whispers at the foul language her son uses, but she makes no effort to correct them. Walburga Black's nasty reputation precedes her.
"I can't imagine- I just- How- What the FUCK?" James would normally be heavily chastised for such language, but neither Fleamont nor Euphemia feel it appropriate in this situation.
"I'm getting the police involved." James states matter-of-factly. "This isn't ok." But Sirius jolts a little at the mention of the police.
"No, James." Seeing Sirius's discomfort, Euphemia and Fleamont slip out of the room to sign the discharge papers and discuss payment with the nurses. However drastic the situation, both of them respect Sirius's right to decide how to proceed.
"What? This isn't acceptable Sirius." James is very adamant.
"I'm fine James."
"YOU THINK A BROKEN RIB IS FUCKING FINE?"
"No police James, please." Sirius had to fight to make his voice audible, he was trembling so much.
"Why Sirius. Why?"
"You don't understand, James. It would only make things worse."
"How could locking that fucking bitch up for good make anything worse?"
"You don't understand James." Sirius whispered, "You've never had any one pity you."
"What?" James asked quietly.
"If we went after her legally, she'd win," Sirius stated. "My father owns the most influential law firm in the area. What's the use of bringing this all out in the open if we're going to lose anyways. I don't want anyone to know."
"Sirius…"
"No James. Do you think anyone wants their friends to know that their own mom beats the shit out of them?" Sirius bit his lip to stop the floodgates from re opening. His voice cracked a bit, "Do you think anyone treats you the same once they know that? You just don't get it."
James hung his head in defeat. "Ok. No police." He thought for a second, his sad eyes sweeping over his friend. "But you're living with us."
Sirius's mouth opened and closed for a second, unsure of what to say. "What?"
"If you think I'm going to let my best friend live on the street, then you're wrong, mate. You're living with us. It's not up for debate."
"Thank you." Sirius whispered.
The discharged papers were signed, and the service was paid for. Fleamont and Euphemia reassured Sirius the whole ride home that they were more than happy to have him stay under their roof as long as he needed. The three of them helped them inside their house, and James tucked him into the right side of his bed before climbing into the left side, himself.
Both boys were exhausted but both agreed to get up for school the next morning, even though that meant getting up in less than an hour and a half. But Sirius was adamant that he would go on as if nothing was wrong. And you don't miss school if nothing is wrong.