Disclaimer: The song Emily belongs to Keri Noble.

A blonde Ravenclaw brushed shoulders on her way out of the Great Hall with a brown haired Hufflepuff boy who walked in rubbing his bleary eyes. My eyes flicked upwards to check the clock mounted on the wall right above the doors of the hall. It was eight thirty and there was no sign of Stone. I tightened the grip on my coffee mug and brought it up for a drink. My eyes never left the door as I poured fresh coffee into my cup and added two heaping spoons of sugar. Hearing another door open and shut on the other side of the hall, I turned my head to check whether it was Dumbledore who had entered but I was disappointed once again as Slughorn waddled in. I picked through the gummy bears in my plate and popped a couple in my mouth and chewed absently, scanning the teacher's table, knowing Dumbledore wasn't really there but looking anyway. Where the hell was everybody today?

As if on cue there was a flurry of movement around me as Lily and Remus sat down on the either side of me. Mandy took a seat next to Remus and James, Alice and Frank took seats from across me.

"Morning." Lily said as she reached for the plate of toast. Automatically James placed the butter and pineapple jam in front of her. Lily loved pineapples. He gave me a small but sincere smile when our eyes met. I looked away and glued my gaze to the door once again.

"Aren't you going to eat anything else?" Remus asked softly.

Somebody tell her she can't carry it all

I brought up my mug and took a long drink, delaying my response. From my peripheral vision I could see everyone reach out for assorted foods as they dug in heartily into their breakfast, as if last night hadn't happened. Everyone was sitting around me as if the past week hadn't happened.

I almost sighed as I looked away from the doorway and looked at James, "What are you doing here?"

James' relaxed expression fell as his features tightened with grim resolution. "We're here to help."

"We know you're here to keep an eye out for Stone and we're going to help." Lily added.

"How exactly?" I wanted to know.

"Sorry I'm late." Instantly I took a deep breath and choked as the coffee went down the wrong pipe. Sneezing hysterically, snorting and coughing all at the same time, I felt someone take the coffee cup from my hand and place a napkin in it. Another hand settled on my back and thumped it lightly. I brought the napkin to my face and mopped up the coffee from my nose and mouth, blew my nose on the corner and then buried my face in it as I fought to catch my breath and keep from expiring from embarrassment. My shoulders stopped heaving and now I could feel my nose burning and eyes watering. God it sucked to choke on coffee.

"Okay?" Lily asked softly.

I nodded, my face still buried in the napkin.

It's getting hard to pretend we're not watching her fall

"Ready to face the world again?" There was a teasing lilt in her voice. Trust Lily to hit the nail on the head. Slowly, I lifted my hand and placed the napkin by my plate and reached for my mug that Remus had set aside. Hesitantly I looked up, my eyes met with steely grey ones and this time my stomach flipped. Closing my eyes, I drained the cup once again.

Reaching for more coffee, I repeated my question. "How exactly do you plan on helping me?"

"Well you are going to need someone to hold Stone down as you 'coax' the answers from him." Alice answered.

Amused, I cocked an eyebrow as I looked at Lily. "That's what I'm going to do?"

"Aren't you?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, isn't that how you got…" James circled his own cheek and the corner of his mouth with his finger. "Bastard." He muttered softly.

Jesus, how in the world had I managed to meet such amazing people?

"The bruise on my cheek was an accident." Of sorts, anyway.

"So he did hit you on the mouth?" Sirius asked, his voice silky and soft.

I jerked my head up at the sound of his voice and opened my mouth to answer. But the anger shinning in his eyes shut me up. Who knew what exactly had made him so angry.

Opting for pretend nonchalance, I popped a few more gummy bears and washed them down with coffee. Frank winced. "That's disgusting."

"Aren't you going to eat anything else?" Mandy asked. "Stone bashing will require some strength." At my confused look, she added, "Alice filled me in."

"Joy." I muttered. My stomach was burning, but I didn't know if it was because of my nervousness or the amount of coffee I had consumed. What difference did it make anyway? "Look, I appreciate you guys wanting to help, but like I told you last night, I don't need it. I don't want it. Just forget about it."

"Sit your arse back down." I froze when I heard the angry command. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was shocked. Everyone's head turned towards Sirius, including others who were in the Hall. I considered walking away; pretty sure he wouldn't follow me. "I will drag you back here, don't think I won't." Well that settled it, as I sat back down.

"You're making a scene." I hissed as people continued to stare at us and whisper.

"Since when did making scenes start to bother you Alex?" Okay, him using Alex instead of Lexie bothered me more than it should have. "Frankly, I don't care one way or another but everyone else has their knickers in a twist when it comes to you. You don't care, I get it, but they do. And whether you admit it or not, you owe them an explanation."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I asked through clenched teeth. "Get off your goddamn high horse Sirius and smell reality for what it really is. I don't care what you think I owe them. If I don't want to do something, no one in the world could make me do it. If I want to give them some answers then I will, if I don't want too then I won't. If I want to leave then I will and I swear you will regret it if you try and stop me."

Why does she always give more than she's got
She think the world's gonna stop but it's not

"Alex." Lily placed a soothing hand on my arm.

"Lils." I turned to her, hoping she would finally get the point. "You have to trust me and stay the hell away." I whispered. "Please."

"What could possibly be so bad that you have to resort to this?" She wanted to know.

"Everything." I insisted. "Every fucking thing."

"You're so stubborn its not-"

"Shh." I shushed her, having spotted Mulciber walk through the doors. Several other Slytherins waltzed in. Everyone but Stone.

"Goddamnit." I muttered.

"What?" Lily asked as she craned her neck, trying to see what I was. Which didn't really amount to much.

"Where in the world is Stone?" I demanded.

"With Carmen Sandiago?" Lily answered, tongue in cheek.

"Smart ass." I grinned despite myself. "His cronies are here, it's eight forty-five in the bloody morning. Breakfast stops in fifteen minutes. He should be here, hoping to catch my eye, gloat and smirk. Maybe threaten a little, scare me most definitely. So where the hell is he?"

"What are you going to do?" Lily wanted to know.

"What I have to." I replied and dropped my mental guards.

She's letting everything in, trouble is that it's gotta come out

I would never ever get used to that jolt that hit me everytime my guard dropped for the first time. That overwhelming flow of thoughts and emotions, that noise and confusion, the chaos, the roaring in my ears. I was so swamped in that moment that I was blind, deaf and dumb everything else around me. Ironic, wasn't it? Being so in tune with what was going inside everyone's minds but unable to know what was happening outside them. Considering the number of times I'd used my telepathy in the past week, closing in on Mulciber's mind was easy. His mind was well blocked, but I was good. It took me a couple of minutes maybe to find what I was looking for. Withdrawing gently from his mind, I rebuilt my defences and greeted the sudden silence in my head with a gasp.

"Merlin, Alex!" I heard James yell.

"Remus, don't shake her." Lily was saying.

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. "You back?" I heard Lily ask.

I nodded wordlessly, "When I finally see Stone, I'm going to fucking kill him." I snarled and launched to my feet. I forced myself to walk, not run, knowing Mulciber was keeping an eye on me, on Stone's orders. I heard a flurry of movement behind me and then Lily was walking right next to me. "What did you find out?" She wanted to know. I didn't answer because I knew if I opened my mouth, I might say something that I shouldn't or worse, cry. I headed towards the Entrance Hall and walked out into the cold, brisk morning. And then I broke out into a run. I ran across the grounds and past Hagrid's hut, all the while ignoring the shouts urging me to stop. Reaching the edge of the forest, I let it all out. With a swipe of my hand, I unleashed a wave of pure telepathic energy. Several trees groaned as they fell backwards, their roots uprooted as the snow fell from their leaves. Birds screeched as they flew away, scared of the sudden burst of wind.

"Sonovabitch!" I yelled on the top of my lungs. I didn't even remember when I'd drawn out my wand, but before I could do any further damage I flung it away.

Emily, leave it with me
under the stairs in a box
'til your safe an' sound, Emily

I doubled over, resting my forearms against my knees as I fought to catch my breath, letting the anger take over. That way I could forget just how scared I was, that everything hadn't gone to shit.

I heard footsteps, muffled by the snow, enter the clearing. They stopped short, no doubt surveying the damage I'd wrecked. I didn't even care anymore. Normally I would have come up with an appropriate excuse, make up some convincing lie but not today. Today, I officially didn't give a shit.

I sank to the snow covered forest floor, truly unsure of when my next step was going to be. Drawing my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and rocked.

Front and back.

Front and back.

"Jesus Christ." Lily stopped short; as she surveyed the damage I had wrought. Slowly she approached me and sank to her knees.

"Alex." I saw her bring her hand up.

"Don't touch me." I croaked. Contrary to what I said, I didn't hate being touched. Quite the opposite, I enjoyed it too much. I drew too much comfort from even the simplest touches… it made me believe I wasn't alone. I snorted at that thought.

"Alex." I heard her call out gently once again. "Honey the ground is too cold."

"I don't think my butt's in any danger of falling off on account of frost bite." This time Lily snorted.

"Tell me what happened Alex." She was still talking to me in that voice people used with wild animals while trying to calm them down.

I looked away from where I had been staring at the snow on the ground to meet Lily's eyes, "I want to, I really, really do. But…" I shook my head.

Lily sighed and then sat down next to me, her arms resting on my knees. "Alex, I want you to listen to what I have to say without interruptions. Yes?" Her eyes were full of compassion and love, resolve and determination. Everything that made her the incredible person she was. I looked away and nodded wordlessly.

"And I want you to look at me. In the eye."

I didn't move. She tightened her hands on mine. "Hey, it's me. I'm the one you shop lifted candy with. It's all cool between us."

"I hate to break it to you Lily, but circling one aisle for two hours, sneaking candy from an already open packet does not count as shop lifting."

"Fine. Remember the drunken table dancing at P3."

"I thought we were never going to mention that ever again."

"I'm not. Just reminding you that I've seen the best and the worst of you. You don't have to hide from me. And the candy eating was your idea."

I sighed and then slowly lifted my gaze to meet hers. Her eyes widened as she saw the tears that I wouldn't allow to fall. "Oh Alex."

Somebody tell her she's just fooling herself
She thinks she's just fighting the shadow of somebody else

"Don't. Just say what you have to." I didn't need her pity.

"If you want to cr-"

"Do you remember the last time I cried, cause I don't. It's stupid and pointless. Now will you get on with it?" My words didn't hold much heat.

"Fine. You remember our first Christmas after getting into Hogwarts?" She asked. I did. We'd spent it at Lily's, but I didn't get how it was relevant to our situation now.

"You remember how unbelievably cruel Petunia was to me?"

"What's that got-"

"She kept calling me a freak. Telling me how my hair and eyes only confirmed the fact that I was so unnatural and against everything good and normal. And then you told her that if we all turned out to be what our looks dictated then she should be running in the Epsom Derby with people placing bets on how badly she would lose this time." I smiled as I remembered that. And what I said was absolutely true; Petunia did have very horse like features. "And that time you tripped her when she made me cry because mum bought me Luke for topping class that summer." Luke was the owl Lily was gifted when she stood first in our class in first year.

"Don't make it sound so simple Lily. I had to concentrate really hard not just to make her fall but make sure she fell a certain way. It was classic. Your mom actually made us sign her nose plaster."

We both chuckled. "I still can't believe you drew a crab on the tip of her plaster."

"I can't believe she actually cried about that."

"Well she also tried to throw the vase at you. But for some mysterious reason she couldn't move a darn muscle. Poor thing thought she was paralyzed."

"Stupid cow had actually substituted our tea with mud water. Which fourteen year old does that?" I shook my head, a slight smile on my face as I remembered that afternoon. "Your point?"

"My point is that in our somewhat short life, you've always stood up for me." She saw me opening my mouth. "You promised to shut up and listen." I snapped my mouth shut. "Alex, everyone keeps asking me why we're still friends. You won't believe the number of times James has questioned that in the past week itself. But they don't know you like I do. They don't know that you've taken care of me our whole damn life. Protecting me from Tuny and then Severus. Discretely nudging me towards James, don't think I didn't know… I'm not that stupid. Putting up with my mad moods last year during the OWLs and then getting me through the summer waiting for our results… There are so many things that might have seemed small but… they're not. Alex, you've always been there for me and now it's my turn. And I'll be damned if you take that away from me."

"It was just con-"

"I will beat you, I swear to God I will, if you say it was convenient. I'm bigger and stronger and I can take you on. You made me question our friendship that day and like an idiot I fell for it. You really think I imagined the past sixteen years? I will never forgive you for that. Not unless you tell me why you did it. We're not moving from here till you do."

"Lily, some things are better left alone."

"No they aren't. Not with us. I want to know Alex and you're going to tell me."

"No I'm not." I shook my head.

"What is the matter with you? We've told each other everything. Every single thing. No matter how small it was, no matter how insignificant. And you thought you couldn't approach me to tell me that some psycho was blackmailing you! That he'd kidnapped your grandmother!" Lily's eyes darkened with anger and her cheeks were flushed. "Makes me feel so stupid about all those times I woke you up in the middle of the night complaining about a class, or a letter that Petunia had written or something James had done. I was so selfish!"

Jesus. "Don't you ever think that. I didn't mind it, not one bit and I won't have you thinking that."

"Then why won't you reciprocate? What in the world is that matter that you couldn't find it in you to tell me something to big, so consequential? Was it something I'd said or done that made you think I didn't care?"

"I was looking at the goddamned bigger picture, you bird brain!" I finally yelled, unable to listen to her stupid speculation.

"What is this new bigger picture nonsense?" Lily demanded.

I looked up at the overcast sky, wishing I was anywhere but here having this conversation. "Alex."

"It's like I said, it was important to tell Dumbledore that Death Eaters were starting to discover Wicca. And tonight would have been a good opportunity to nail top death eaters who have eluded the Ministry for so long. The Order and the ministry both need breakthroughs when it comes to Voldemort because he still has to go public with his madness."

"But it doesn't concern you. You could have just altered Stone's memory and gotten away with your grandmothers… why do this?" She actually had to ask?

"What do you mean why?" I demanded angrily. "Just cause I pretend not to care about this world doesn't mean I don't. You're a part of it. People who I've spent a better part of my last six years are a part of it. You're a muggleborn in a world where being you is the most dangerous thing right now. I sleep in the same dorm as the girl whose father was killed by the maniac couple who just might know about my grandmothers and might be doing God only knows what to them right now. I'm not that selfish Lily."

She smirked. "I know you're not. Good to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, though."

I'd walked right into that one. "So what's the bigger picture that made you keep something like this from me? That you refuse to talk to people about yourself, people who you claim are you friends."

Doesn't she notice how much she has lost

"You want to die Lily?" I demanded. "You really want another reason to die? Isn't it enough already that you're a muggleborn. That you're dating a pureblood. That you're a member of Dumbledore's secret group who has dedicated her life to fighting Voldemort and his lapdogs. You really like living on the edge that much?" I could see the confusion cloud her eyes before the realization dawned. "You really want demons running after you, soulless monsters who won't blink twice before using you as a way to get to me? You really want Voldemort have yet another reason to come after you- the best friend of a wicca whose grandmothers are the strongest practioners of non-wand magic out there? Are you really that eager to die? The whole goddamn lot of you?" I stood up and started to pace. "You think you would be able to look me in the eye after James is killed by a warlock? Don't answer me. I know you'll say yes right know, but I know better. The moment you realize that the love of your life died because of me, you won't be able to look at me. You'll resent me and you'll walk away. They all do. And I can't have you walk away Lily. Not you." I clenched my fists tightly as the frustration started to build up once again. "You really want me to live with the knowledge that I'm the reason the only friend I ever made is dead. You want that to hang over my head for the rest of my life. I can't lose you Lily. I'd rather we not be friends then have you die. I couldn't live like that." I whirled around to look at her. It hurt to see the tears in her eyes. "I can't live like this. Knowing that you are in danger because you know I exist."

My eyes lifted to the trees behind Lily and my heart dropped to my feet. There leaning against a tree sat James. Remus and Sirius flanked him, each leaning on the trunk. Jesus fucking Christ. I brought my hands up to my face and then ran them through my hair.

It's like she's nailing herself to a cross

"Did you know they'd followed us?" I asked Lily.

She nodded.

I turned away, "Fucking perfect."

"Want to rip out some more trees." It wasn't really a question and Lily hadn't phrased it to sound like one.

"You wouldn't believe how badly."

"Will you come back and tell them the truth?" Lily was right behind me and her questioned was whispered softly.

"Did you not hear a single word I just said?" I whirled around, forgetting about our audience.

"You really think I care?" Lily didn't back down. "What kind of person would I be if I walked away because I was scared?"

"A smart one." I yelled. "Jesus."

"No, that would make me a coward. And that's one thing I'm not."

"Lily this isn't about proving a point. No one would blame you for walking away."

"I would blame me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I walked away Alex. I wouldn't be the same person if I did."

"Lily-"

"The world is a scary place and there are a thousand things a day that can kill you. I'm not going to throw away a friendship that means so much to me because it's a little risky. Alex, honey, it's okay to be scared. I mean if you aren't scared then you aren't paying attention, but what's life if you keep hiding from it? I love being with James and I'm not going to stop just because people won't accept me in his life. You think he would walk away because my being in his life threatens him."

Listen to me, this is crazy

"That's because he knows I'll do more than just threatening him if he did." I grumbled.

"See, so if you think him choosing to stay is the right choice then how can you justify your bailing on us?" She crossed her arms and stood her ground. "That's because you're the one you are protecting."

"And what's so wrong in that huh?" I yelled, all thoughts of our audience forgotten. "What's so bloody wrong in taking care of myself for a change? I know it sounds selfish as hell Lils, I know that. I fight for the world on a daily basis, so why can't I fight for myself too? I lo-" I couldn't bring myself to say it, I just couldn't. "I care about you Lily. More than you'll ever know. But I care about myself too. Just as much. And maybe a little more. So why can't you just accept that?"

"Because it's not true. And I'm not going to let you hide from it anymore." Lily walked up to me and rested her hands on my shoulders. "Alex, you hide yourself behind your surly attitude and your I-don't-give-a-damn-about-the-world nonsense. But that's all it is, an act. Your real problem is that you care too much and that scares you. But guess what, we're all scared. Just because I love James doesn't mean I'm not scared that I will be killed for that. That he will be killed for it. You think I walked into this relationship without giving this issue serious thought? But then I weighed the pros and cons and I realized that the happiness I get from being with James is worth fighting for. That the good in this world, the magic that surrounds me, that runs through me is something that I want to keep in my life. At all costs. So I made a choice. And these people, they've made their choice too and they're going to stay. Even if you choose not to let them in, they're in for the long haul. And I'm not going to lie to you, it is a big risk and they could die. And you could let that sacrifice mean something if you'd just bother to overcome that fear and let them in. I swear, if you fall one of us will catch you."

It's all gotta stop

I sighed. "You make it sound so easy." I whispered.

"But it's not and I get that too." She replied.
It would be so easy to share the burden, to ease that constant ache in my chest… I shook my head and shrugged off her hands. "Yeah well, just last week they were making you choose between them and me. And now all of a sudden they're dying to help me." I snorted. "Yeah right."

"Yes, make them out to be the bad guys and walk away once again. Pretend like your actions didn't force them into an offensive position. That the reaction they had wasn't the one you had been planning on for that entire week." Lily smiled a sad smile. "They're human and they walked right into that one. You know human emotion and we played right into your hands. But, as you keep making me point out, I know you Allie. I've known you for a long time and you can't fool me. Not for long anyway."

I sighed. She was right. I didn't have anything else to say, no fight left in me. I shrugged my shoulders. And in that moment both she and I knew what I was going to do. Lily's face broke into a smile and she walked up to me and held out her hand. I stared at it for a while before I reached out and let her hand wrap tightly around mine.
"I'm going to hug you now." She warned.
"Get over with it." I replied and met her halfway.

Emily, leave it with me
under the stairs in a box
'til your safe an' sound, Emily

"Ready to head in." Lily asked, but she didn't pull away.
"Give me a minute." I told her.
I took two instead. Finally, I pulled away, dusted my snow covered butt and recovered my wand.

Finally, I looked up to see the three guys still lounging against the tree, acting all nonchalant. And then I turned back to survey the damage I had wrecked on the trees. Shaking my head at my stupidity and insensitivity towards nature. I sent up a short prayer begging for forgiveness and started to walk towards the castle. Lily fell in step with me. I passed the boys without looking at them. If I did, I was pretty sure I would orb out of there that instant. When the thing you're running from finally catches up with you, you'll do anything to avoid it just for a second longer. I had been running from my rubbish for so long that when it finally caught up with me it smacked right into me, knocking me to the ground. And I was still trying to get back up.

Burning bright you are
like a falling star

A/N: I know, I've been gone a while. And some of you've noticed, so thank you for that. I was suffering from a bout of writer's block and I'm not so sure about this entry. But I still hope you enjoy it and do let me know what you think of it.
Cheers.