Author's Note: Yes I know, I suck. I'm sorry for the super long wait. I have no excuse for you guys and I am very sorry. I hope this chapter makes up for it. The show has been making me so mad with the glacial pace they have this fandom going that I decided to shift this story from the way I initially planned. And when read the chapter and see that Felicity says she "lost" Oliver for a little while, it's a reference to the major lack of Felicity in the last six or seven episodes, so before you send me the hate mail know that's what my mind set was. And yes, I do the editing myself so I miss stuff and instead of being cranky at me and demanding I get a beta, offer to him/her and save everyone the heartache. Okay I think I'm done with this now. I hope you guys like the chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Arrow and I get nothing out of writing this besides satisfaction of a job well done and the occasional cranky message
May 1, 2016 2:58 am
Dear Journal,
I did something tonight. Something that I'm willing to bet two of my bank accounts on was not a good idea, and be that as it may I know there isn't a thing in the world that would make me want to take it back.
It was Diggle and Carly's wedding anniversary tonight and they were renewing their vows which was followed by a party they put together at their house. I wasn't planning on going, but Speedy pretty much pushed me out the door. Stating that I need to get out of the house, so to humor her I went. She also made the argument that since I was the best man at their first wedding, a memory might come to me while I watched them recreate it. It's safe to say that the first half hour there I didn't know anyone and I still had another half hour to wait for the ceremony to start. Many people came up and talked to me which was very friendly of them, but it didn't change the fact that I didn't know them at all.
There was this one guy who came up to me shook my hand and then pulled me into a friendly gentleman's hug. When I didn't returned it he pulled back and said, "I forgot, she said that you wouldn't remember me."
"She who," I asked.
"Felicity. She told me about your accident. I'm sorry you have to go through this man."
When I looked into his eyes I could tell that he really meant what he saying. "Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm Oliver Queen."
"Oh right," he then lightly slapped himself in the head and then continued talking "you don't know me. I'm Barry Allan. We worked together a couple of times and actually became pretty good friends. Not like you are with John and Felicity, but considering how closed off of an individual you are I'd say we were good-ish friends."
He kind of reminded me of Felicity, he babbled just like her and was slightly socially awkward. "It's nice to meet you again Barry."
After the introduction Barry and I shared in simple conversations about everyday things, like what he did for a living and where he was from. About fifteen minutes before the ceremony started Barry stopped mid sentence while looking toward the door. When I followed his line of sight I understood perfectly why he stopped speaking.
Felicity was in a simple yellow dress and walking toward us. She looked beautiful. I hadn't realized I had become so accustom to her in her pajamas and though she looks cute in them, she was a vision tonight and judging by Berry's silence he agreed completely. When she reached us she simply gave my forearm a slight squeeze before moving to Berry and wrapping her arms around him in a right hug.
They exchanging words, their lips were moving the whole time, but I couldn't pull myself to focus on the words being said because I was to busy looking at the facial expression that Barry had. I might not remember the last ten years of my life, but I know what it looks like when someone is harboring deep romantic feeling for another and that was the look that was on his face. I think I even saw him smell her and it wasn't until then I felt the sting of my finger nails biting into my hand because I had clenched my hands into very tight fists.
When she pulled away from Barry (I don't know what came over me) I got a sudden feeling that a simple arm squeeze wasn't enough and I leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek. I watched her cheeks develop a hint of pink on them and she then looked at her feet. I looked to Barry and he gave me this look like we were sharing an inside joke that I wasn't in on at all, but before I could question the look Felicity grabbed our hands and lead us to some seats to prepare for the ceremony.
The ceremony was pleasant enough and as it went on images flashed in my head putting together what I think was the original ceremony. I saw Felicity behind Carly in a royal blue dress that stopped at her knees. She looked beautiful and in exception for the parts where I had to participate in (like handing over the ring) I stared at her the whole time. I think she knew too, because the blush on her cheeks slowly grew darker and darker as the wedding continued.
When the memory came to an end I looked toward Felicity who had tears in her eyes as Diggle and Carly recited their vows to each other. I grabbed her hand and started to slowly run my thumb over her knuckles. I expected her to look at me, but she didn't... She simply readjusted her hand so she could tighten her hold on my hand as I tightened my hold on hers.
When the ceremony ended we parted ways, agreeing to meet up at Dig and Carly's place. When I arrived I saw that Barry had beaten me there which kind of struck me as odd because I left before him.
The thought was forgotten when he walked over to me then gestured his head toward our hosts and said, "You got to love seeing people in love. There is no sight more perfect... Not anywhere in the world."
"Been around the world a lot have you," I asked out of simple curiosity.
"Oh I've been around the world quite a few times and I think that gives me the necessary qualifications to make that assessment."
"Perhaps it does." I said. I was then overrun with another curiosity and before I could stop myself I asked, "So you and Felicity... Was there ever something there?"
Barry looked to his feet and laughed for a moment before he responded, "No, but not from lack of trying on my end... Felicity... Well, since I met her she's always had feelings for someone else and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get her to really see my that way. It's for the best though, I have Iris now and she's the brightest part of my life and Felicity will get her happily ever after one day... I'm sure of it."
It was like he made her appear after that because all of a sudden, there she was. Walking threw the gate that lead to the backyard all the wedding guests were starting to gather. She gave us a huge smile and walked toward us. The three of us shared small talk for a while until Diggle came join us. The conversation between the four of us was almost effortless and when John excused himself Barry went with him saying he wanted to talk security business, leaving Felicity and I to ourselves.
Without asking her I grabbed her hand and dragged her to the area everyone was softly dancing at and pulled her close to me. I placed one hand on her lower back and the grabbed her other and we started to sway back and forth.
We were silent for a couple minutes before I asked, "Have we ever danced before?"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and responding, "Uh yeah, we've danced a couple times, at events for Queen's Consolidated and once at the Queen's annual Christmas party-"
"But you're Jewish," I interjected and she started laughing rather hard.
It took her a moment to compose herself, but when she did she said, "I haven't told you that since your accident." With a small smile on her lips she asks, "Why do you think you keep remembering such minuscule about me?"
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I don't know. It might have something to do with the fact that you have been a bit of a constant in my life since I woke up."
She broke eyes contact with me and looked down, it was then that another memory came to me. This one was unlike the one about wedding and more like a punch to the gut.
I was chasing after Felicity in a room full of people and balloons, "Felicity what wrong? And please don't say-"
"I'm fine."
"- you're fine."
She gives the face that she makes when she says something embarrassing and says, "You might have noticed that I talk a lot."
I feel the urge to smile at her, but I can see the seriousness in her eyes and decide it's better if I don't, "It has not escaped my attention."
Her face then shifts to a slight sadness and continues, "You might have also noticed that I don't talk a lot about my family."
Everything about Felicity is infectious, her smile, her laugh and from what I was experiencing in that moment her sadness as well, "I have noticed that."
"My mother is... She's... My mother. I don't really know what my father is, cause he abandoned us. I barely remember him. But I do remember, how much it hurt when he left. Just the thought of losing someone that important to me again."
The tears in her eyes make me have to intervene with what she is saying, "Hey, you're not going to lose me. Whatever it is that's bothering you. Is it about your family?"
She looks down to the ground and then back to my face and says, "No, it's about yours. Just please don't hate me Oliver, please."
I feel confusion and fear wash over me, "I could never hate you Felicity and no matter what you won't lose me. What is about my family that has you so upset?"
She takes another deep breath and says, "I came across some information the other day, information about your mother and Thea. Thea is your half sister... Not your whole sister."
I feel my breathing and heart stop simultaneously, "Then who-" I left the question hanging in the air, unable to finish it.
"Malcolm Merlin."
That's where the memory ended and I came back to the sound of Felicity saying my voice over and over again while lightly shaking me. When she saw that I wasn't inside my own head anymore she lead me from the backyard to a park a couple a couple houses away from the party. She sat me on a swing while she took the one beside me and just waited for me to speak.
I have no idea how long we sat there until I finally spoke. I told her the memory I had and like she always does, she simply waited for me to finish before she fills in the blanks.
"Yeah that was at your mother's campaign launch party, before she went to jail for jury tampering with her jury for the Undertaking. It took Thea a while to except it, but you told her that your father knew the truth and elected to love her anyways it really helped her move past it."
It took me while to process everything she had just said to me. It was a lot to take in, but the fact that my father knew the truth and loved her anyways really helped wash down the bitter truth.
Even after what I just remembered I still couldn't help but wonder something and I before I second guessed myself I asked, "After you told me, did I pull away from you? Did you lose me, even after I promised you wouldn't?"
She stared out to the greenery of the park and said, "A little bit, for a while. You were still there, but not. There was no witty banter or relaxed conversations, it was all business. It took us a while to get back to where we were as friends."
"I'm sorry I did that to you Felicity. You deserve better then that. You were just trying to be my friend, I shouldn't have given you the brush off."
She offered me a warm smile and a slight shrug then said, "It's fine really. It was a few years ago and it's kind of always been the Oliver Queen speciality... Something gets rough or hard to deal with you shut out the people who care most, so the only person who has to deal with your problems is you." She paused for a moment and then in the attempt to lighten the mood she said, "Shame that stupid accident happened, I think I almost had you broken of that habit."
It was a really I'll attempt at humor, but it made me laugh none the less. We sat in the park in silence until the sun started to set and then we made our way back to the party. She hung around for a while and then declared that she was going to head home.
After she bid good bye to Barry and hugged Diggle and Carly I walked her to her car down the road. I opened the door for her and said, "Thank you for filling in the blanks for me... Again."
She squeezed my hand that was resting on the car door and said, "I know so much seems uncertain and confusing to you right now, but I promise you that I will ALWAYS fill in the blanks for you Oliver. You have always been one of the most important people in my life."
I don't know what came over me or why I didn't try to stop myself, but after she said that I leaned into her and kissed her. I wrapped my free hand around her waist and pulled her until she was right against me. I know I took her completely by surprise so the fact that it took her a few seconds to respond and kiss me back didn't surprise or bother me at all. When she finally did respond I deepened the kiss as much as she would let me. Her lips were soft, her taste was addictive and the little whimper she made when I lightly bit down on her lower lip was audible perfection. The kiss could have lasted for hours, but to me it was only seconds.
I pulled away first because I knew if I didn't my self control would have just shattered. I kept my eyes closed not ready for the reality around us and rested my forehead against hers. She was breathing heavily and the electricity I felt while kissing her only intensified with everyone one of her breaths. I knew I should probably apologize for kissing her, but I just couldn't bring myself to lie to her like that. So instead of an apology I simply told her I would see her soon.
She didn't respond, but instead just nodded at me before climbing into her car and driving away. After she left I only stayed for a few minutes myself before seeing myself home. I have been trying to work out all the energy I have had since I kissed her, but two hours later and I'm no closer to feeling tired than I was when I first walked in the door. I really hope I didn't make a mistake kissing her, she's far to important to lose. Part of me kind of knows it wasn't, because something that good could never be a mistake... Not with a woman like her.