Interesting Times, by GirlX2

Chapter Fourteen

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It had been three weeks since Barney had woken up in Ted's tub, tiny. He was suiting up in his apartment, getting ready for his first day back at work.

'It'll be great. You know they're barely coping without you.' He tightened his tie. 'Nothing to worry about.'

Ted knocked on the roof, startling him.

"Enter." He managed not to stammer.

Ted slid the removable panel off. "You ready?"

"Of course." Barney stepped onto Ted's palm. 'As ready as I'll ever be.'

Ted gave him an encouraging smile, as if he could hear the tiny man's thoughts. "I'll be right there the whole day."

"I know. You better not mess up my office, Mosby. I spent years turning it into a pantheon of awesome." Barney scoffed.

'If he wants to play it cool, go with it.' Ted slid into the passenger seat. Marshall had offered to drive every day so he would have his hands free to deal with Barney.

At least, that's what he told them.

"Hey guys. I got coffee." Marshall handed Ted a large cardboard cup, and a plastic cap for Barney.

Barney sipped the drink and made a face. "Tastes like cherries."

"Uh…guess I didn't get all the chapstick off the lid." Marshall said sheepishly.

About a second went by before all three of them broke up laughing.

"Okay, terrible coffee aside, what's the day look like? I know the Peterson thing is going down today, and they'll want me there." Barney asked.

"Yeah, it's right after lunch. You and I are supposed to head to the conference room early, though." Marshall kept his voice even.

"Okay, so the three of us eat lunch, then head over."

"Um…they actually want to meet with Ted at the same time in your office." Marshall faltered. "Since you'll be busy at the meeting, they thought it'd be a good time to install some of the new stuff."

"Oh. That's…that's cool." Barney gave his best fake smile.

Ted felt him shiver. It was time for one of his famous telepathic conversations with Marshall.

'Dude, we talked about t this. I'm supposed to be the one who carries him.'

'I know, but what can I do?' Marshall shook his head. 'I'll just have to try not to freak him out.'

'You better.'

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They ate lunch in relative silence. Every time Marshall moved to pick up something, Barney flinched. It wasn't made any easier by the fact that half the office had stopped by over the first half of the day to tell Barney they were happy to have him back.

"They just want to get a look at me." Barney grumbled as the last coworker left his office. "I'm the office freak."

"Do you care what any of them think?" Ted asked.

"Not even the littlest bit." Barney finished his scrap of a sandwich. "Okay. We should probably get going."

"Okay." Marshall swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. He laid his palm flat in front of Barney, keeping it totally still.

Barney marched confidently onto his hand, hoping that would hide his shaking legs. "It's the Menendez room, right?"

"Yeah." Marshall lifted his hand slowly from the desk, keeping his movements smooth.

Ted watched them go, Marshall's steps small and slow. Nervously, he shuffled his papers, waiting for Barney's (well, his now) bosses to arrive.

Under his breath, he chanted his new mantra. "He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He'll be fine."

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The meeting went slowly. Barney was seated in front of Marshall on a chair Ted had made, pretending to care about what was being said. Everyone else was pretending the same thing apparently; Barney caught more than a few people staring at him.

'It doesn't matter. You've said your piece, nobody laughed, you've just gotta ride this out until…'

Until Marshall carried him back upstairs.

The giant had been gentle, Barney conceded. Marshall was too scared of hurting Barney to do anything even the least bit risky. It should have been enough to make him feel safe.

It should have been.

Barney was disgusted with himself. Marshall wasn't going to hurt him. He knew this. So why wasn't it getting through?

"Barney? It's time to go."

The meeting had ended while he was pondering. "Oh. Right."

Marshall eased his hand down with the same maddening slowness as before. Barney felt even worse; Marshall was trying so hard to treat him gently.

He tried his hardest not to shake, shiver, or even twitch as he stepped on to the massive hand. It didn't quite work. Barney caught Marshall's split-second distraught expression.

'Okay, maybe some exposure therapy is in order.' He cleared his throat. "Hey Marshall, wanna go up to the roof for a while? I need some fresh air."

"Uh, sure." Marshall said, surprised. "That'd be fine."

He hurried up, eager to please. Barney felt another pang. Marshall was practically at his beck and call. Why didn't he feel better yet?

It was a warm day, and the fresh air was welcome to both men. Marshall placed Barney on a small table set up for smokers to congregate around. It had a filthy ashtray, and nothing else.

Marshall stood awkwardly, hands in his pockets. "So."

"Yeah." Plan averted, Barney sat on the edge of the table, legs dangling.

"Barney, what can I do to make this better?" Marshall voice was soft and pleading. "I want us to be friends again."

"We're still friends." Barney sighed. "And you're doing too much already. I…I don't know why I still feel like this. I know you're not gonna hurt me."

"You know it, you just don't feel it." Marshall said sadly. "Barney…I'm so sorry for what I did."

"I know. And I forgive you. "

Marshall shook his head, face to the wind. "I really want a cigarette."

"Me too. That's one of the really sucky things about this; no way can I smoke."

They sat quietly for a few minutes. The wind stirred under Barney's feet. 'Good thing it's not any windier, or I might get swept off the table.'

Something that wasn't the wind stirred under his feet. Barney scrambled backwards. "What the hell?"

"Hm?"

"I felt…" Barney trailed off , eyes growing wide.

It was monstrous. Several sets of eyes peered at him; Barney could see his pale face reflected in each of them. Massive jointed legs hoisted the bulbous body onto the table top, micrometers from him. Fangs stuck out of its mouth, dripping with neurotoxin. Hair-like filaments covered it's black-brown body.

Marshall saw a large, ugly spider.

Barney scrabbled backwards, unable to get to his feet. He was shaking too much for anything but an awkward, crab-like scuttle. His back bumped the ashtray, halting his escape. He wanted to scream, but his voice had gone along with his co-ordination.

A massive slab of flesh slammed onto the creature, crushing it. Barney heard a loud 'CRUNCH' and shuddered.

Marshall wiped the spider goo onto a concrete wall. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine." Barney got to his feet. "I…I don't like spiders."

"I know." Marshall laid the spider-free hand in front of him. "Let's get out of here."

Barney climbed on, shaking for a new reason. But these shakes would subside soon enough.

"I think we're good here." He braced a hand on Marshall's finger for support. He wasn't sure if his friend even heard him. It didn't matter. He understood.

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A/N This was another toughie, but not because of the concepts, which were relatively simple once I got rolling. I had to look at a LOT of pictures of spiders. I'm massively arachnophobic. The things I do to make it realistic…