AN: Hey guys, sorry I have been ill which means I will be obligated to rest this weekend instead of translating the next part of the story. I hope it's just a 24 hour virus or an annoying bug and nothing else. Sorry, this is unbetaed, if I hadn't posted it today I wouldn't have been able to do it until next week, so please forgive the errors. Thanks for your reviews, really appreciate it.

V

****
Instead of returning home, Helena went directly to the Golden Gate Park to her favorite spot; she liked to sit in that hiding place to think and she needed to do that. To see Dinah again was not as difficult as she thought, however, she couldn't deny that the pain was still there, she had forced herself not to think about Barbara, but it was unavoidable.

Once she parked her Jeep Liberty, she walked slowly to her secret place. She felt in peace living in SF, although she had decided long ago that perhaps she would live alone for a while. Sometimes, she couldn't avoid feeling alone; to see Dian again reminded her, what it was to live with someone else, to having someone to confide, to have fun and spend a good time with family.

Since she had been living in SF, although she had made several friends, actually they were more acquaintances than real friends, only Leah O'Shea was something more, discounting Kate of course. She knew something was missing, she also knew perfectly well what it was, but how do you give something that isn't yours? Since she was a young girl, she'd been in love with Barbara Gordon, how could you forget a love like that? How do you learn to live day by day with this feeling inside without going mad? How many times, she really believed that she was about to lose her mind? From jealousy, hopeless agony, burning desire and a secret passion.

That was the real reason why she was wounded several times those last few weeks, when her mind couldn't stop thinking about Barbara and her imminent marriage with Wade, listen to the smooth voice of Oracle in her ear night after night, desiring to fall at her feet and beg her to love you, or wanting to shout out from the top of the tower that she was dying of love for the redhead. That she would give gladly her life for the red hair without a doubt, that Barbara was her only reason to live.

For her, trying to stop loving Barbara would be as trying to stop breathing, hence she ran away. So, she could lick her wounds, to stop her heart from bleeding out each day that she had to see Barbara's smiling face, happy because of him. It hurt too damn much, and she didn't want to be the cause of the red head's pain as she would have been. God, just thinking about it, to see her roll away toward the altar where he would be waiting for her, the sweet and disgustingly boring Wade Brixton. She knew that she would have done something crazy. She couldn't have handled it. Her temperament could have been more than her reason, her love for Barbara would have blinded her and no, she couldn't do that to Barbara… No. she is not for me, she will never be.

It's better this way she thought watching the sun go down slowly on the horizon, she is happy now, and I have found something, a life that my mother have dreamt for me and I believed that could never have.

"Goodbye Barbara" she whispered softly when the sun set down, she closed her eyes when she felt a tear rolling down her cheek, when she opened her eyes, Barbara's smiling face appeared in her mind, I love you, and the tears pooled in her eyes blinding her, she hug herself and fell down on her knees. She didn't know how long she was there, as she wept non stop, her body shaking with painful sobs, the ache was too much for one soul, a woman who had lost everything that she loved, her mother, Barbara. Everything she held dear.

She cried for a father who never knew neither wanted to be. She hated him for running away, she hated for leaving her alone when she needed him most, and she hated him for being like him, because she now understood what meant to lose, what to lose your one true love could do to you. The despair was too much, you drown, and you don't have the strength to fight, when the despair and the emptiness of that loss are too intense that you are unable to see beyond the pain, to care for others. How to do so? If you're hollow, a mere shadow, just an empty shell.

When she finally recovered from her emotional meltdown she stood up slowly, she cleaned her face and began to walk towards the exit, she felt exhausted, empty, but ironically, a lot better, accepting once and for all that she had lost Barbara had been cathartic. Maybe now she could begin to really live her life, perhaps Leah would be willing to help her to achieve that. She had to start somewhere and she was a good friend, interested too. Possibly not for something serious, but at least it would be something. Finally, she could see a glimmer of hope at the end of the road.

"Will I be brave enough to do it?" She asked herself, it hurt too much to love someone, and she wasn't sure she could do it. She could have arrived to the conclusion that loving Barbara was pointless, but could she really forget her?

Well, it's useless to think about the ifs. She reminded herself.

****

The next day at twelve o'clock sharp, she was at the hotel lobby, waiting for Gabby and Dinah to get down. When Gabby saw her she was left open-mouthed staring at her in silence, Wow, thought to herself, she looks more gorgeous than I recall. The years had been good to her.

"Wow Helena, you're beautiful!" she said as soon as she was in front of her.

"Ha, ha, thanks Gabby, you also look very well" Helena flirted with her checking her out from top to bottom, making her blush furiously for the blatant appraisal.

"Ahem…The girlfriend is here, hello!" Dinah, said with false anger.

"Ah, wow Dinah, you can't deny that Helena looks gorgeous! She turned around to face her girlfriend a little bit flushed.

"She is like my big sister Gab, I so don't think of her that way!" she shook her head vehemently.

"Come on, are we going girls, those are your suitcases? Helena asked dispelling the awkward moment pointing at a couple of suitcases at their feet.

"Oh, yes" Dinah said.

Soon, they went on their way to the restaurant that Helena had chosen, it was relatively near the airport in order to avoid unnecessary delays.

The lunch was a success; Gabby took the responsibility to carry on the conversation flowing easily telling fun stories about Dinah and her life at the university. Dinah corroborated with some of her own and Helena put her bit telling about her travels, however, when the time to leave neared, Dinah was saddened, Gabby went to check in their baggage, leaving Dinah and Helena alone to say goodbye privately.

"Promise that you will not disappear again, don't be a stranger Hel, please. I have missed you so much and I need you in my life," she whispered between the tears.

"I won't," she promised, "you know where I live, you can come to visit whenever you want, 'sides" she pulled out a card of her pocket "this is my card, there are my phone numbers, my e-mail, and address. It is possible that if you call I will not answer, but in that case leave a message or write me, you know that I go on travels constantly, and at times, where I am going there is no signal. Ok?

"I will. As soon I arrive home I'll write you, please let me know if you go out on a trip, please, so at least I'll know why you don't write or call back, ok?

"I will." Helena was also on the verge of tears, but made an effort to be calm.

After more hugs and promises, Dinah had to leave to the boarding gates, with the new security measures it was always a mess. Helena saw her leave with sadness, after all she was like her little sister; there are two kinds of family, the one that you are born into and the one that you make along the way. Dinah was part of the latter; actually was the only one she had left.

With a sad smile she began to walk toward the short-term parking lot, she had a date to go to dinner that night and she wanted to be ready on time. Leah was delighted and accepted to go out with Helena that night; she had many things to tell her.

When Dinah was in the duty free zone, she rushed to buy a couple of stamps; wrote Helena's address on the front and took it to the nearest mailbox. Now, it only was a matter of waiting, she couldn't do anything more. When she was on the way back to New Gotham she couldn't stop thinking in the women that would almost certainly be waiting for her at the airport, ignorant of the truth that Dinah carried on her shoulders.

Please, Hel please open the letter and read it. She pleaded in silence she needs you and I know that you need her too. I'm still sure that you still love her, please, please.

One day after her arrival in New Gotham, Dinah received an e-mail by Helena telling her that she was going to the mountains for a while; Leah had invited her to her cabin in Colorado. Damn, you couldn't have chosen a most awful moment to go Helena, Dinah cursed when she read the email; that meant that the letter she had sent to Helena, that wouldn't take more than three days to be delivered will have to wait to be opened. "Darn!"

Two days later the letter arrived at Helena's empty apartment.

Don't forget to review, :)