A/N: This chapter is rated M for sexual content.

—

"Well, look who's back," James commented, he and Peter grinning at Sirius as he entered the dorms. "So, did you have fun last night?"

"Yeah," Sirius muttered without looking at either of them. He pulled his trunk out from under his bed to finish last-minute packing for Christmas. "It was brilliant."

"How far did you get?" Peter asked eagerly. "We waited up for you for awhile, but then you didn't come back and we figured you were spending the night in the Room of Requirement. So did she stay with you all night?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Sirius responded coolly. He caught the eye of Moony, who was sitting on his bed and looking at him, then looked away and turned deliberately back to packing.

"Why not?" Peter asked, nonplussed. "It's just me James and Moony here."

"I know," Sirius answered. "And I don't want to talk about it. Let it go."

He could see Peter and James exchange a look, but ignored it. None of them said anything else about the night before, and before long they all finished packing and went down to breakfast before the train ride back to London.

—

Sirius stared at his ceiling, stroking Moony's hair. He wondered if his pet found the touch as comforting as he did.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back last night," Sirius whispered. "Just...didn't feel like facing the interrogations."

"Don't apologize," Moony murmured. "It felt weird sleeping in your bed without you, but you don't need to be sorry about it."

Sirius scooted closer to Moony on the bed even though they were already nearly touching. He liked how it felt to have the werewolf so close to him. "I'm glad you're my pet, Moony," he whispered.

"Me too."

The wizard wished his pet could sleep in bed with him like this every night, erotic dreams be damned. They weren't any more frequent when Moony was with him than when he wasn't. Sometimes he wondered if the werewolf enjoyed sleeping together as much as he did, but the first time it happened he'd said he hadn't minded. And he'd never complained about it.

Then again, Moony never really complained. About anything.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Do you like sleeping here?"

Moony rolled over so that he was facing Sirius. They were inches apart. Sirius wanted to kiss him. But that didn't make sense because he didn't like kissing, remember? Rebeka and Rhonda had proven that.

"Of course I like it, Sirius."

"And you're not just saying that because I'm your master and you feel like you have to?"

Moony smiled fondly at Sirius. "No. I'm content to sleep wherever you'll put me because you're my master and I have to, but I really do like it in your bed. It's warm and it makes me feel safe. And when you fall asleep first your breathing relaxes me. And when you pet me...that relaxes me too. I like it, Sirius."

Reassured, Sirius smiled. "But listen," he whispered. "If there's anything...you don't like...if I do something or say something...I want you to tell me. I know that technically I'm your owner and you don't want to offend me or anything, but I still want to know. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Moony whispered, his amber eyes gazing into Sirius's. Again, Sirius wanted to kiss him for some reason. "I'm happier than I've ever been in my life." His eyes were so beautiful...well, his whole face—no, his whole body was beautiful. Thinking about it made Sirius tingle all over. And his smile...Merlin, those lips...

"But there is one thing I don't like," Moony said, and Sirius perked up. He forced himself to focus on the words coming out of the mouth rather than just the mouth itself. "When you bring me chocolate from Hogsmeade, sometimes you buy these chocolate cauldrons with coconut inside them."

Sirius couldn't help but giggle. "Moony not liking a chocolate? I never thought I'd see the day."

Moony smiled. "The chocolate is brilliant. But whoever had the idea to ruin something as perfect as chocolate with something as foul as coconut ought to spend the rest of his life under the Cruciatus Curse."

Sirius continued to giggle and after a moment Moony joined in. "All right," Sirius whispered once he'd calmed down. "No more coconut chocolate for Moony."

"Thank you," Moony whispered, smiling at Sirius.

It would be so easy, so easy, just to move his face forward another two inches and kiss him. He could do it if he wanted to. He really could.

"Goodnight, Moony," Sirius murmured, giving him a quick smile before rolling over and facing away before he could give in to temptation.

"Goodnight, Sirius," Moony whispered back.

Sirius closed his eyes.

When he woke up, he knew it wasn't quite morning yet but couldn't tell what time it was. The house was quiet, so he wasn't quite sure what had waken him. And he'd rolled over in his sleep to face Moony. Sirius spent a moment just watching his sleeping profile because he thought it was beautiful and it might help him fall back asleep. The profile moved slightly and the werewolf gave a small moan.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered, slightly concerned. His pet wasn't having a nightmare, was he? Did animals have nightmares?

But at the sound of his name, Moony just smiled in his sleep and let out a content "hmm."

So he was definitely dreaming, but it didn't seem like a bad dream. Moony shifted slightly under the covers, and when Sirius's eyes followed the movement, he discovered the most likely source of the quiet nighttime noises.

Sirius's blanket was tented down on Moony's side about where his crotch would be. The bulge was barely noticeable, but there. Sirius stared at it. Moony murmured again. Before long Sirius had his own bulge to match Moony's, and he really wanted to give it a stroke but feared Moony waking up and catching him. So instead he just watched, transfixed, as Moony rode out his dream, moaning softly and quivering under the covers. After a few minutes a soft cry echoed through the room and as Moony shifted under the covers the tent disappeared. It was the hottest thing Sirius had ever seen. Sirius checked to make sure the intensity of his orgasm had not woken Moony up and once he confirmed that the werewolf was indeed asleep, he reached his hand under the blanket and went at himself, picturing the vivid image that his covers had hidden from him. He was finished less than a minute later, panting and trying not to because he didn't want to wake Moony up. Once he'd recovered he grabbed his wand from the bedside table and cleaned up both of them with two quick spells. Sated, he fell asleep with his arm over Moony's waist.

—

The next afternoon, Sirius approached Moony. He'd wanted to do it since they woke up this morning but kept backing out at the last minute. But he'd been getting more and more tense about it as the day went on and by midafternoon he couldn't take it anymore. Sirius sat down on the sofa beside his pet, hands in his lap and select lines rehearsed, and took a deep breath.

"Moony, I need to ask you about something. And it's...kind of personal."

The werewolf set his book down and looked curiously up at his master. "Of course, Sirius. Anything."

Sirius sighed. "Do you ever...you know...have dreams that are like...well...you know...?" Moony gave him a blank look, and Sirius sighed again. "Sex?"

"Oh," Moony said suddenly, looking taken aback as a flush crept across his face. He looked away from Sirius and nodded. "Sometimes."

"Does it ever happen when you sleep in the same bed as me?" Sirius had never noticed Moony having an erotic dream before last night but was immensely curious if it had happened before. Just thinking about it got him hard again, and he adjusted his robes, trying not to think about it.

"Sometimes," Moony repeated, still looking away.

"Really?" Sirius asked, and his werewolf turned to look at him. "I never noticed before."

"I know I shouldn't," Moony whispered, looking at his lap, "but if I come in my sleep I use your wand to do a cleaning spell. I just get so embarrassed about it and didn't want you to find out."

"Don't be embarrassed," Sirius said quickly. "All guys have those dreams, even me. I just...I wasn't sure about you before since...you know...you're not human and I didn't know that it happened to werewolves too."

Moony nodded.

"So..." Sirius said, studying him, "...what do you dream about? Werewolves? Are they in their human form or wolf form?"

Without looking at Sirius, Moony shook his head. "I dream about humans," he whispered.

Sirius stared at him. "Are you sure?" he asked after a minute. "Are you sure they're not just werewolves on nights other than the full moon?"

Moony nodded. "Positive," he whispered.

"Oh..." Sirius murmured.

Moony shook his head. "It's unnatural," he whispered. "I shouldn't be desiring humans...as if a human would be sick enough to sleep with an animal like me."

"Hey," Sirius said gently, empathizing more than Moony could ever know. He put a hand on Moony's arm. "It's okay. It's not your fault. You can't help it. It's probably just because you spend so much time with humans."

"Still wrong," Moony murmured without looking at Sirius. "I'm a freak," he whispered, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"Don't," Sirius said, rubbing his arm. "You're not. Damn, I'm sorry I ever brought this up. Please don't cry, Moony."

"Sorry," Moony mumbled as the tears began to flow. "It's just so wrong for something as low as me to want something...to want a human."

"Don't," Sirius said again. He put his arms around Moony and held him, hoping and praying that he would stop crying if Sirius could comfort him enough. "Don't, it's okay, you're not the first one in the world to have...unusual...sexual desires. It's okay and it's not your fault. Just please stop crying."

Moony pulled back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling slightly.

"Okay, a...are you better now?"

Moon nodded and Sirius sighed in relief. He hugged Moony again for a second. "Okay, good, let's...let's not talk about this anymore. I'm sorry I upset you."

"Not your fault," Moony whispered.

Sirius didn't argue the point despite the fact that he knew, of course, that it was his fault. If he wasn't such a sick fuck that his werewolf of all things turned him on...but then again, Moony was attracted to humans too, so maybe it wasn't that weird after all...

"It's the body," Sirius said suddenly, despite his declaration a moment ago that the conversation was finished.

Moony gave Sirius a blank look again.

"Moony, don't you see?" Sirius asked. "A werewolf when it's not transformed has the same body as a human. So the body of a human would turn it on. It makes sense, Moony, doesn't it?"

"Sort of," Moony murmured, "but why wouldn't I just be attracted to untransformed werewolves, then?"

"Maybe because you don't know any," Sirius pointed out. "It's been years since you had contact with others of your kind. You spend every day surrounded by humans. And since they have the same type of body as you, it would make sense for you to be attracted to them." And since Moony had the same body as a human when he wasn't transformed, in that manner it would also make sense for Sirius to be attracted to him, though obviously he didn't say that.

"Maybe," Moony muttered, looking away.

"I mean, it's just sex," Sirius pointed out, reassuring himself as much as if not more than his pet. "It's just the body you're attracted to, and it's just the body you would be attracted to."

"All right," Moony agreed softly. "If you say so, Sirius."

Yes, Sirius said so. Sirius was triumphant about it. Being attracted to Moony didn't make him perverted, since it was just Moony's human-looking body he was attracted to. The only thing it made him was...well...gay. Of course, he had no desire to deal with that issue either, but it was looking more and more like he would have to. Neither the really pretty girl nor the girl he really liked had ever done anything to arouse him, and Sirius was pretty sure he knew why. Part of him had known from the beginning, from the moment he'd first seen Moony naked in the lake.

However, he was determined not to actually think of himself as gay until he found a way to confirm it.

—

"Sirius!" Rhonda squealed, throwing her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips.

For the first time he didn't fake enthusiasm and instead held her gently until she pulled back.

"I missed you," she whispered, gazing into his eyes with adoration.

"Yeah," Sirius muttered. "Me too." It wasn't a lie, not really. He still liked Rhonda and enjoyed her company and he had missed talking and laughing with her. He just hadn't missed snogging or anything of the like. "Listen," he said, squeezing her hand. "I need to talk to you. Do you think we can meet after dinner in the classroom?"

"Yeah, sure," Rhonda smiled. Then her smile faltered. "It's not anything bad, is it?"

Sirius tried to give her a reassuring look, though once she found the actual news it would certainly be anything but reassuring. "We'll just talk about it later. Don't jump to any conclusions, okay?"

Rhonda nodded nervously and gave Sirius a chaste kiss before heading off. Sirius sighed as he watched her go. After thinking about it all Christmas he still wasn't sure what to say or how much to tell her...but he knew he couldn't continue with the charade of being her boyfriend any longer. It wasn't fair to either of them.

—

"All right, Sirius, I'm here. What do you want to talk about?" Rhonda stood in the center of the classroom looking very serious. It was clear she had not taken his advice about jumping to conclusions. He could see in her face that she assumed bad news.

Well, she wasn't exactly wrong.

Sirius sighed and sat on the teacher's desk, looking at the floor. Rhonda hoisted herself up to sit beside him, studying him. "I've been thinking," he murmured. "About...us."

Rhonda slipped off the desk and stood in front of Sirius, glaring at him with her hands on her hips. "And now that you've gotten into my bra and felt up my breasts you're done with me and you don't want to be my boyfriend any more—is that it?" she asked angrily.

"Rhonda, it's not like that," Sirius insisted, getting off the desk. He tried to approach her but she shook her head and turned away.

"I thought you were different," she said, and though she wasn't facing Sirius he could hear her voice break. "Rebeka warned me—all guys care about is seeing you naked and then they're done with you—but you!" She turned to look at him again, and he could see tear tracks down the sides of her face. "We always had such a good time together! Being with you made me feel so good inside. And even the making out and the things we did before Christmas—that never really seemed to be at the forefront of your mind." Then she paused for a second and Sirius could see the wheels turning in her head before she changed tracks. "Or is that it?" she asked, striding up to him. "Is it that I'm just not good enough at snogging and all the rest and it's so boring to you you've decided to ditch me?"

"No," Sirius said, frustrated. "Rhonda, it's not personal, it's not you–"

"–Well what do you want from me, Sirius?" she asked. "You knew from the start that this was new for me and that I was inexperienced, but you said we could try anyway because we liked each other. Or at least I thought you liked me," she sniffed.

"Rhonda, I do like you," Sirius insisted. "Just...I only like you as a friend. I thought I could like you as a girlfriend, and I really wanted to, honest. I just...don't."

"Why?" she asked, tears beginning to flow from her eyes again. "God, Sirius, I've had a crush on you for so long. Why don't you like me that way? Because I'm not as pretty as my sister?"

"No," Sirius contradicted. "You're plenty pretty, it's nothing like that."

"Well what then?" she demanded as the tears streamed down her face. "What is it? What do you find so offensive about me that after all this time you still don't like me?"

"It's nothing to do with you," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "I don't like you in that way the same reason I didn't like Rebeka in that way."

"So what's the reason? Tell me, Sirius! I've been your girlfriend for two months, I've gone farther with you than I ever have with any other boy under false pretenses! Don't you think you owe me the truth?"

Sirius uncrossed his arms and sighed. She had a point, and he still liked her enough to not want to hurt her. "Rhonda, this isn't easy for me," he murmured. "I want to tell you, but only if you promise not to tell anyone."

Rhonda stopped crying and looked curiously at Sirius. "What?" she whispered.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" Sirius asked.

"I promise," Rhonda said, stepping closer to Sirius and staring at him.

"All right," Sirius murmured. His heart was pounding so loud and hard he thought Rhonda might be able to hear it. He'd never spoken the words aloud but he trusted her...and maybe if he said it it would make him one step closer to accepting it himself. "I think," he whispered, staring into Rhonda's eyes. "I think I might be gay."

The girl took a step back and stared at him.

"Don't tell anyone," Sirius repeated. "Please. I never told anyone before and I...I'm not even sure yet. But I...I think I could be."

"I won't tell anyone," Rhonda said in a hushed voice, still staring at him with wide eyes. "Sirius..." She took a step closer. "Why didn't you say anything before now?"

He sighed and leaned against the desk. "I thought if I spent enough time with you...kissed you, you know, and all that...then maybe I could prove I wasn't."

"Sirius..." Rhonda murmured, sympathy in her eyes. She took a step forward and put her arms around him in a platonic hug. "I'm sorry I yelled at you...I never knew you were going through all that."

He hugged her back, relieved. "So you're not mad?"

She sighed as she pulled back. "I wish you would have said something earlier. I mean, this was my first relationship and now it's like...the whole thing was a lie."

"I'm sorry," Sirius apologized sincerely. "I didn't mean to hurt you, really. I just really hoped that I could make myself like you that way." He sighed. "I should have known that it wouldn't work."

"It's okay," she mumbled. "I...I believe that you care about me and didn't mean to hurt me. And I know it must have been really difficult for you to be struggling with that."

Sirius nodded, looking at the ground. "It's just...so confusing," he murmured. Actually, he felt better now than he ever had before...liberated now that he'd told his deepest darkest secret (or at least part of it) to another person. And though she was still understandably upset, she'd sympathized with him and it certainly didn't seem like she was about to run off and announce it to the school. He felt closer to Rhonda now than he ever had during their semi-relationship.

"Talk to me," she murmured, taking a step closer to him and looking at him. "I still care about you, I'm your friend. Please trust me. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"I...think I like boys," he explained, looking at her. "I mean, I know I didn't like kissing your sister and I didn't like kissing you—sorry—but I've never kissed a boy either and what if I don't like that either?"

"Well...do you want to kiss boys?" Rhonda asked. "I mean, I've always known I was straight because I've always crushed on boys and I want to kiss them. I wanted to kiss you and touch you before I even knew how good it would make me feel."

Sirius thought about that. He had no idea what it would feel like to kiss or touch Moony...or any other being with a human male body for that matter...but he knew he wanted it. The first night of the Christmas holidays when he'd lain in bed with Moony and talked with him just inches apart it was all he could think about.

"I think I'd like to kiss a boy," Sirius murmured. "But how do I know...for sure...?"

Rhonda chuckled softly. "When it happens, you'll know. Sirius, when you kiss me it's like the whole universe is jumping for joy. I get so happy and excited and I just want more. And when you touched me...even though I wasn't ready to have sex or anything, I knew it felt good and I knew that in time I would want more. Now I understand why you were so hesitant—obviously you didn't feel the same things I did—but you will."

"When?" Sirius sighed, leaning against the desk. "I mean, this place is crawling with straight girls and straight guys, but how do I find someone else...like me? The...the boy I think I might like is straight." And not even a boy at all, but a werewolf. So even if he were gay nothing could happen. I wouldn't let it. Because it's just his body I'm attracted to.

"Hmm..." Rhonda thought. "Well, I don't know any other single gay guys...but maybe you could talk to Lennie or his boyfriend; since they've been through it they might be able to help you out."

"Lennie?" Sirius asked, looking at her. "Lennie who?"

"Lennie Richards," Rhonda said. "He's in Ravenclaw and he's a sixth-year."

"The one on the Quidditch team? Tall, brown hair, good-looking?"

She smiled. "Yup. He's the one."

"He's gay?" Sirius asked in surprise. Though he'd never met Lennie personally, he knew exactly who he was. The whole school did. He was handsome and popular—the last boy you'd expect to be gay.

"Very," Rhonda confirmed. "He has his boyfriend over in our common room all the time. I mean, they don't do anything out in the open, but everyone can tell they're together by the way they interact. And Rebeka says she walked in on them in the dorms once when she was looking for her new boyfriend."

"So people like...know? They don't keep it secret?"

"I think only most of the Ravenclaws know," she explained. "Of course there are some people who don't like it, but most of us are rather open-minded and don't mind. But we don't spread it around because there's no reason to. It's not really anyone's business but theirs."

"All right," Sirius muttered. "Well...yeah...I think I'd like to meet him. It would be...helpful...to talk about it with someone who's been through it."

"Sure," Rhonda said. "Meet me at Ravenclaw Tower tomorrow after dinner and I'll introduce you to him."

"Okay," he agreed. "Oh...and Rhonda?"

"Yeah?"

Sirius smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Thank you...you know...for being so understanding."