"So lemme get this straight..." Zoro says slowly. "Not only did you idiots take this floating deathtrap ten thousand meters underwater and then sail it through some of the worst currents this side of the Grand Line - SOMEHOW without it breaking in half - and not only did Luffy bring that goddamn kraken along for the ride- but you're telling me the thing's still out there, towing us along like a bloody sled dog?"

"Sounds about right."

"... y-you guys are fucking crazy, you know that?"

"Yeah, well," Sanji drawls, amused by the incredulous expression on the swordsman's face. "-we didn't have much choice, did we? Since the captain was pretty damn adamant about hunting you down and rescuing your sorry ass-" The cook flinches as Nami delivers a swift, fierce kick to his shin out of sight beneath the table, shooting him an infuriated look and hissing at him to watch what he's saying, and he blinks at her in confusion for a moment or two before his poor choice of vocabulary dawns on him. "Wha- OH. Oh, shit... uh, sorry..."

It'd taken only an hour or two for the full story of what happened in Impel Down over the last few weeks to circulate among the Straw Hats in hushed, discrete exchanges, and even Chopper, who normally discourages the crew's members from discussing what he considers confidential patient-doctor information, reluctantly agreed that everyone- including Zoro himself- would be a lot safer knowing what might inadvertently trigger another full-fledged panic attack. Planning ahead will hopefully allow them to avoid a repeat of yesterday afternoon, because they now know that despite being heavily gravid, their green-haired nakama's still agile enough to severely injure or possibly even kill someone who startles him badly enough to provoke a violent response.

None of them will openly admit it, but knowing he's capable of doing so with no weapons other than his own teeth is slightly unnerving.

To the swordsman's vast embarrassment but also his unspoken relief, he'd been transferred with meticulous care and great ceremony to Nami's bed in the women's quarters immediately following the sponge bath that left a laundry bin piled high with towels and sheets stained pink by diluted blood. He's not thrilled about being confined there until further notice, but his new location's much cozier and far less discomfiting than the sterile, clinical surroundings of the ship's infirmary.

There'd been a brief emergency meeting in the dining room preceding the move, conducted in concerned tones pitched too low for him to understand. Guided by the medical advice of Chopper supplemented with a few wise words from Robin, they'd discussed Zoro's condition and, more importantly, established a strictly-enforced list of rules intended to keep their convalescent crew mate and his unborn charge as comfortable and stress-free as possible.

Conscious of his frayed nerves, they've implemented a new routine of announcing their presence before entering the room, and they're also careful to keep their hands to themselves unless he's given them a direct invitation to touch him. If physical contact's not expressly invited yet still absolutely warranted, he's warned in advance and given plenty of opportunity to accept or deny the request. No one's exempt- not even his doctor. Or his lover.

Other things they've learned by trial and error. References to Impel Down and the injuries and treatment he received while imprisoned there are best avoided unless Zoro himself broaches the subject first, and even then, the thread of conversation might require being dropped or diverted elsewhere if he starts showing signs of extreme agitation. Direct eye contact's profoundly awkward for the swordsman, and although it's difficult to prevent their gazes from being repeatedly drawn to that new, fantastic arch of his belly when he's hesitant to look them full in the face, they do their best to refrain from staring.

Luffy's the only person whose rapt attention seems begrudgingly but honestly welcome, and the captain's become somewhat of a badly-needed emotional anchor for his partner, who can't seem to rest comfortably without the younger pirate curled beside him with one possessive, protective arm draped over his swollen side or at least located somewhere within his immediate line of sight. They'd discovered this urgent need for security and reassurance the first time he dozed off alone in bed, when he'd begun to toss and turn and struggle with the thin cotton sheets shortly after entering the rapid-eye movement stage of sleep, making urgent, choked sounds of distress and bringing worried, frightened nakama hurrying to his side. Sluggish to regain his bearings, he'd only calmed after several minutes of a well-known voice murmuring in his ear while equally familiar fingers rubbed gentle circles on his stomach.

The rubber man now insists on staying close in case he's needed, and their crew mates realized rather quickly that they'd better avoid being caught between their captain and the bed when his services are suddenly called upon- or risk being trampled underfoot.

Zoro finds all the overt solicitousness and deference to his precarious mental state a bit humiliating, and he's grumbled at everybody repeatedly to quit treating him like a goddamn invalid, but it's difficult to believe his angrily muttered assurances that he's perfectly capable of handling anything they might do or say when particularly quick or unexpected movements and even certain vocal inflections make him tense and - unbeknownst to the swordsman himself - watch them warily, as though he's still not entirely sure he trusts his own nakama. And if that's not awkward enough-

Good job there, genius. Talking about the poor guy's ass'll make him feel SO much better, Sanji tells himself with disgust. "S-Sorry," he apologizes again, eyes locked on the tabletop before him. "I didn't mean to-"

"Will you quit doing that goddamn walkin'-on-eggshells crap around me?" Zoro growls. "I TOLD you, I'm FINE."

Sure thing, Marimo. That's real nice, conveniently forgetting you tried to stab Nami-san in the heart. Or that you get all wide-eyed and spooky whenever somebody forgets to knock before they walk into the room. Yeah, you're FINE, alright.

He's not sure which of these makes him angrier. Not at Zoro- god, no- the man's been through hell and obviously feels terrible about his mistake considering the miserable guilt that flashes across his face every time he glances in the redhead's direction.

The truth is, Sanji's just more than a little furious with everything right now. Particularly his inability to snap his fingers, roll back time and simply undo the events of the last few months. Maybe if he'd been more useful during the painfully short battle against those shitty Admirals and successfully repelled their attack until Luffy and the others arrived, instead of getting his ass kicked-

And while the cook certainly doesn't condone violence against what he considers the fairer sex, everything he knew- everything he THOUGHT he knew- about women has been challenged by what he's learned about his crew mate's traumatic experience. He's always believed that ladies should be adored, protected, raised on a gold pedestal of worship and forgiven their indiscretions- but seeing the way Zoro flinches at sudden, loud noises makes his stomach hurt and his chest ache. It's not right, what's been done to the green-haired pirate; it's a transgression- an atrocity- the blond can't forgive. And it's been committed by a woman.

His own confusion and discomfort makes him testy. Argumentative. "... well, if you say so, Marimo, but you sure as hell don't-"

"So WHERE'd Luffy go again?" The navigator seated beside him interrupts, tactfully changing the subject and shooting a meaningful glare at Sanji to prevent him from continuing. "I'm surprised you guys aren't still attached at the hip."

It's the first time in nearly twenty-four hours the captain's willingly left his partner's side. Although the entire crew's taking turns keeping the bedridden swordsman company - not just because they're too concerned with his psychological and physical well-being to leave him unattended but also because they feel a pressing need to repeatedly assure themselves he's been safely retrieved - Luffy's insisted on being present regardless of who's occupying the sofas.

No one's challenged his stubborn perseverance, not after witnessing Zoro spend the entire night dozing off only to wake extremely disoriented and close to hyperventilating minutes after his eye flutters closed, with only his lover's surprisingly gentle embrace and murmured assurances that everything's okay now, you're safe- you and the baby are both safe- sufficient to calm the older pirate when he finds himself yanked rudely from the edge of sleep, sweating and trembling and choking back the sounds of panic clawing their way free from his throat.

"Probably in the kitchen. I keep telling him I'm not hungry but you know how he doesn't-" His jibe about their captain's tendency to let things go in one ear and fly right out the other halts abruptly as he stifles a curse and hugs the pillow in his lap more tightly against his middle, prompting his nakama to exchange startled glances and scramble to their feet.

"Zoro-?"

"O-Oi, Marimo, you okay? You want me to go get-?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. It's nothing to-"

"Are you SURE? 'Cause Chopper's probably right out-"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Jeez, don't get your panties in a knot, Curly-brow. It's just hiccups."

Sanji and Nami frown at him, perplexed, because it certainly doesn't SOUND like that's his problem, and Zoro snorts wry laughter at their bewildered expressions. "Not me, you dorks. The baby." Mouth quirked with amusement and a trace of discomfort, the swordsman shifts his weight, leaning back momentarily to tuck the bedding down where it'll better support his belly and leave both hands free to rub unselfconsciously at his lower abdomen as he tries to ease the persistent tension and aching caused by tautly stretched muscles. "It kinda freaked me out at first 'cause I didn't know what the hell was going on in there."

He's lost a great deal of his former shyness about touching himself in front of his crew mates, too grateful he's finally got two free hands- not to mention a set of mostly unscathed fingers- capable of perceiving the baby's fitful movements to care whether or not he's got an audience. And he supposes it's ironic considering how persistently he tried to hide those startling initial physical changes from his crew mates back when he was only beginning to show and horribly embarrassed by the thought of anyone besides Luffy - or, to a somewhat lesser degree, the ship's doctor - catching a glimpse of his growing bump, but now that he's advanced well into third-trimester pregnancy and not just looking but feeling positively enormous, he doesn't give a shit. He's just too tired, too unwieldy, and too relieved to see friendly faces again to care if his belly's hanging out.

"It feels all twitchy," he explains, surveying his lower half with weary complacency. "-kinda like there's bubbles popping in there, and if the hiccups don't wanna stop, the little brat gets pissed and starts kicking the shit out of me. Mmph. Just like he's doing right now."

The swordsman must be right, because the repeated movement rippling across the widest part of his prominent stomach is distinct enough to be visible across the room, and Sanji thinks it's definitely one of the weirdest things he's ever seen in his life.

"Is that supposed to be... normal? The, ah-" The blond makes a wiggling, jouncing motion with one hand as he addresses the doctor who's just trotted in to join them after tapping noisily at the door with a hoof to announce his entry, medical bag tucked under one small arm. "The kid's not gonna like- pop a foot out or something, right? 'Cause that's some freaky shit..."

Zoro's not listening, distracted by the foot smashing him repeatedly in the ribs. "Oi oi oi, enough already," the green-haired pirate mumbles to his belly, quietly enough that only the reindeer now standing beside the bed catches his words. "I know it sucks, but that's getting really fucking annoying. I can't help it you get the damn things all the time."

"Yes, it's normal," Chopper calls over to Sanji before turning back to his patient. "-and Zoro- all those hiccups at this stage are actually something very good! They're considered a sign of well-developed lung function, which means the baby probably wouldn't have too much difficulty breathing on its own if you needed the laparotomy performed right away, even though you haven't quite reached full term."

"How much longer did you say I- we- gotta wait?"

"Ahhh..." The doctor squints thoughtfully, tapping his chin. "Well, I'd still like to hold off AT LEAST three more weeks to make absolutely sure we're not rushing things, and we'll need to find some place with decent surgical equipment- oh, and somebody to help me too, because it's not exactly a SIMPLE procedure even though it's a common one. I know you're not too thrilled about being on bed rest for that long, but..."

"Damn. I was hoping I heard you wrong when you were talking to Luffy last night," Zoro mutters. "I feel like a friggin' beached whale. I feel like LABOON. Hell, I LOOK like Laboon," he groans, puffing out his cheeks briefly in frustration- and then stiffens, cursing through clenched teeth and peering down at his overly distended midsection. "Oh shit, please tell me you're not gonna-" He gasps, wincing and reaching behind him to brace one hand on his lower back when there's sudden pressure as the baby wriggles and struggles to roll over, apparently searching for a more comfortable position. "C'mon, you- urrrgh, gimmie a break! Quit rearranging my insides and just go back to sleep alread- OW! That was my kidney, you little bastard!"

When he glances up again, Chopper's hiding an enormous smile behind his hooves, Nami's chuckling and Sanji looks both amused and disturbed, and the swordsman flushes, realizing that although he's been doing it for a while now, it's probably the first time any of them have really heard or seen him directly addressing his stomach at length. "O-Oi, it's not funny, okay? Seriously, the little monster's worse than Luffy on a sugar high. He's been jumpin' around nonstop ever since he kicked me awake this morning."

This time his matter-of-fact, no-nonsense use of masculine pronouns registers and Nami turns around in her seat, climbing to her knees to stare skeptically over the back of the sofa in the direction of the bed, because although their captain's been casually referring to the baby as a boy for months- "Wait a second... Zoro, did you just say- do you mean to tell me Luffy's RIGHT? How-?"

"Oh, yeah, that asshole quack doctor kept saying all this shit about the scan not being clear enough to read, but Chopper confirmed it the day we went to that medical center- said it's definitely a boy. Full set of junk and everything. What, didn't he and Luffy tell you guys?"

"No," the redhead turns her head to glower at the reindeer. "They didn't."

"I'M SORRY!" Chopper squeaks, nervously dodging over to hide on the wrong side of the sofa where Sanji's sitting. "Luffy said we should wait, so I just-!"

"Huh? What'd I say about waiting?" The captain in question asks from the doorway, awkwardly juggling the bowl of hot broth he's holding from hand to hand as he struggles to reach back and pull the door closed behind him. To Nami's relief, he finally succeeds in using one foot to kick it shut without dumping the crockery's contents on the carpet, and the navigator makes a mental note to thump the idiot's head later for not having the common sense to use a pot holder.

"You better've left my kitchen in the same state you found it, shitty Gomu. If I find a goddamn mess in there..."

"Nah, Brook was boiling water for tea, so I just-" He gestures with the bowl he's clutching. "Look, Robin helped, okay, so don't flip out or anything." He sticks his tongue out at the disgruntled cook, then heads for the occupied bed, smiling. "Oi, Zoro, food!"

"C'mon, Luffy, I said I wasn't hungry," the older pirate grumbles, although his reluctance to accept the dish being pushed into his hands wavers and then crumbles when his lover manages to somehow scowl disapprovingly while simultaneously give him puppy-dog eyes. "Okay, for crying out loud, fine, give it here." He balks, however, when the now-beaming younger man brandishes the loaded spoon in his direction. "Gah, NO, just- oi, gimmie that goddamn thing- you don't gotta actually feed me too!"

"Just 'cause Zoro's not hungry doesn't mean the baby isn't," Luffy insists as the utensil's yanked from his hand, his smile brightening further when the swordsman sighs and, after a cautious spoonful to test its temperature, starts obediently ladling soup into his mouth. The rubber man drops to his knees beside the bed, nudging insistently under Zoro's elbow so he can rest his forehead and one hand against the older pirate's belly to address their child, laughing delightedly when there's an answering thump. "Nee hee, see, food's here just like I promised- didn't I tell you Zoro would listen to me? Betcha he'll do whatever you want too, so you gotta let him know when you're ready to come out and meet everybody!"

"Oi, forget it. One bossy captain's more than enough- there's no way I'm letting the kid push me around too," the swordsman snorts, pausing to peer down at his own abdomen. "You hear that, squirt?" This proclamation's greeted with soft laughter, and he glances up to find their crew mates watching the exchange with identical grins, as though silently contesting his assertion that he's not going to find himself firmly wrapped around his offspring's little finger. "So you didn't tell 'em we're having a boy, eh, Sencho?"

"Oh... umm, no... I didn't." Luffy's smile goes slightly brittle around the edges. "Dunno if Zoro remembers, 'cause it was way back right before he started breaking stuff and trying to strangle that doctor, but we agreed we were gonna wait and tell everybody when they all got back to the ship for dinner. But then- well..."

Then all hell broke loose, and we hadda find you and come and get you outta Impel Down, but even though we did all that, and even though we tore the place apart before we left, and even though you killed the person who hurt you, and even though you'd probably get mad and upset and say I'm crazy if I told you this- I think part of you's still back there, chained inside that cell with HER picking and poking and prodding at you, trying to get under your skin and see how much she can make you bleed...

There's a moment of excruciating silence as everyone looks anywhere but at each other and, surprisingly, it's the rest of them that jump when there's a loud knock on the door, while Zoro calmly continues emptying his bowl.

"Robin and our skeleton-bro just took watch," Franky announces as he and Usopp enter the women's quarters. "Pretty quiet out there right now. Some weird-ass giant mutated eely-lookin' thing with purple polka-dots and more eyes than I wanna think about showed up about an hour ago and seemed like it wanted to check us out, but Calamari-bro scared it off."

The captain glances up at this, looking a bit disappointed that he missed something so exciting, but he doesn't budge from where he's still kneeling by the bed, splayed fingers gently caressing the curve of bare abdomen that's protruding above the very loosely-knotted belt of the fuzzy blue robe Zoro's wearing. The garment, not quite voluminous enough to close completely over the older pirate's stomach, was covertly donated by Sanji after he found an anxious, frustrated Chopper rummaging through the crew's laundry in search of something that might fit their swordsman. The cook's threatened to stuff the reindeer in the kitchen's giant oven if anyone, especially Zoro himself, learns he handed it over willingly rather than having it confiscated.

"I don't know what freaks me out more," Usopp mutters as he drops onto the sofa beside Sanji. "The monsters that keep eyeing the ship like it's a floating smorgasbord, or the monster we're depending on to keep the other things from eating us."

They've been posting two sentries rather than just one because, even with Surume's confidence-bolstering presence, they're keenly aware that while they're relatively safe from inquisitive sea kings, there's an uncomfortably high likelihood of encountering one or more Marine vessels. And although the Kairoseki-plated ships might normally repel or at least evade the attention of the monstrous creatures inhabiting the Calm Belt, there's no guarantee the sudden disturbance caused by a pitched naval battle might not draw some very large fish and other animals determined to defend their territories or feed on casualties and men gone overboard, and even the kraken might find itself hard-pressed dealing with so many opponents simultaneously.

After a thorough inspection of the fresh damage accrued during the prison break, Franky's warned them the ship's in no shape for an altercation of that magnitude, and while having multiple people on watch won't necessary prevent them from sinking if they get caught in a large scale melee, hopefully the extra eyes will allow them to spot trouble coming far enough in advance to formulate a plan of retreat.

Zoro's spoon reaches the bottom of his bowl with an audible scrape, and he shoves the empty dish back into his captain's waiting hands. "There. You happy?"

"Yeah," the younger pirate allows, pleased. "See, and Zoro said he wasn't hungry!" He watches contentedly as the swordsman rearranges the mountain of pillows occupying the bed so he can lie down, fussily adjusting the ones cradling his abdomen until he's finally satisfied with their configuration and relaxes with a faint sigh, relieved the new position's taken some pressure off his disgruntled spine. Curling on his side with his knees pulled up under his belly might still feel a bit strange, but it's far more agreeable than his usual habit of sleeping sprawled on his back, which he hasn't been able to do for some time now. The baby's increasing weight makes it too uncomfortable, putting too much pressure on his bladder and lungs and making it too hard to catch his breath.

Sanji chuckles, nudging Usopp's shoulder. "Marimo really does look like he's nesting now, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," the sniper snorts. "I figured he'd want some extra pillows, but I didn't expect him to use ALL of them. I hope I'm gonna get mine back eventually."

"If looks could kill..." The navigator indicates the sleepy one-eyed glare being aimed in their direction. "Come on, don't tease him- I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be lugging that big belly around. Chopper, are you positive it wasn't twins you saw on that scan?"

"Please-" Franky mutters, before the doctor can assure them he's quite certain there's only one fetus and that although the swordsman might look exceptionally rotund to them, he's actually quite a bit undersized considering he's got no uterus to add extra padding. "One kid's gonna be more than enough to keep us on our toes. If Haramaki-bro here starts poppin' out a whole goddamn litter, I may just jump off the ship 'n swim for it."

The cyborg's remark and Zoro's responding grumble of "sure as hell better NOT be more than one in here" eases a great deal of the tension, and Sanji and Usopp look at each other and snicker conspiratorially.

"Damn, can you just imagine? An whole horde of mini Marimos?"

"I know, right? The Grand Line'd never be the same again."

"That's enough," Nami scolds, but she's barely containing laughter herself at the mental image of Zoro swarming with miniature versions of himself, all tugging at his trousers and haramaki and clamoring loudly for attention while wearing identical scowls. "Although Franky's right- one baby's plenty. Any more than that and once they started crawling, we'd have to tether the lot together to keep them from getting lost."

"Thanks a lot," Zoro complains as his nakama dissolve into laughter, but he can't quite hide the smile tugging at one corner of his mouth because he's glad to hear their stupid banter even though they're poking fun at him. "All four of you, c'mere so I can smack you, 'cause I'm sure as hell not getting up to go over there."

"Shishi-" Luffy's doing a poor job at disguising his own amusement, but he summons a sincere expression when his lover leans his head back to eye him suspiciously. "-mmph. Does Zoro want anything else?"

"Well... my back kinda hurts," the swordsman admits grudgingly, his statement holding a gruff, dismissive tone that says he doesn't want to acknowledge exactly how badly it's actually bothering him. "Dunno why, 'cause the kid can't weigh more than a few pounds. I mean- jeez- I don't even own any barbells that light."

Having already set the bowl aside and climbed into bed to curl up behind him, the captain applies gentle but firm fingers to his spine, laughing quietly and leaning forward to affectionately rub his cheek against the older pirate's shoulder blade. "Yeah, but Zoro doesn't carry his weights around in his tummy."

"Nah," Zoro murmurs, his eye drifting closed. "Just your hyperactive brat."

"Not just mine- he's Zoro's too," Luffy insists more softly. Fingers still kneading industriously, he kisses the shoulder he's been nuzzling. "He's OURS."

"Mmm..."

"Oi..." Sanji calls over reluctantly. "I'm not trying to interrupt you guys being all maternal- paternal-" He makes a frustrated noise. "Look, whatever the hell you wanna call it when you're doing the weird lovey-dovey parent thing with each other, I'm not saying you gotta STOP doing it- but shouldn't we talk about where we're going? I mean, just exactly how long do we plan on letting our, uh, excessively large friend out there tow us around while we hope like hell that we don't run into some shitty asshole who'll take one look at our beat-up ship and think we're an easy mark?"

"What about Amazon Lily? The Isle of Women's already right here in the Calm Belt, isn't it, and I bet-" Usopp suggests, but Luffy's already shaking his head.

"Forget it- I don't want Zoro or our kid anywhere near Hammock. She's kinda nice if it gets her what she wants- but she still thinks I'm gonna marry her or something no matter what I say or how many times I say no, and she might come up with some stupid idea that she'll - I don't know - win me over or something if she gets rid of Zoro." He refrains from giving his other reason for wanting to avoid Amazon Lily, although he suspects that Nami's guessed it from the slight tremble of the navigator's hand as she tucks her shortened hair - which Robin helped her trim to an even length last night - behind one ear.

Too many women. While Zoro's been fairly calm around the Straw Hats' male crew members unless someone other than Chopper or Luffy himself touches the older pirate without giving him fair warning first, he's definitely still very nervous around Nami and even slightly leery of Robin as well, even though the historian looks nothing at all like the late Chief Guard. And this despite their entirely self-appointed changes in attire, which include not only flat-soled sandals but also loose-fitting t-shirts rather than their usual bikini and tank tops.

While he might not be known for his sense of foresight, requesting permission from Boa Hancock to land on an island occupied by nothing but scantily-clad women doesn't strike the captain as a particularly bright idea, and the Pirate Empress might turn them away anyway when she gets a good look at Sanji, who's likely to turn to stone even if she DOESN'T immediately use her Mero Mero no Mi powers on him, but she's almost certainly going to refuse once the crew's forced to explain why they need to lie low for a while.

Hammock mighta tricked the Marines to help me sneak into Impel Down and even fought against 'em at Marineford to gimmie a hand while I was trying to save Ace- but he was my BROTHER. Zoro's- well- I guess it's kinda complicated 'cause he's my friend but he's more than a friend too 'cause we have sex and stuff- and now we're having a BABY, but... well, I definitely don't think of him the same way as anybody else, and she's gonna be mad as hell that he's pregnant with my kid, even though Zoro's- no, ESPECIALLY since Zoro's a guy 'cause she HATES guys. And she's still a Shichibukai. If she doesn't try to kill him herself or order the Amazons to do it, she might try to turn him over to the World Government instead...

The idea of his lover and, by default, their son falling back into enemy hands and ending up locked in another cell - or maybe even another weird infirmary-lab thing like where he'd discovered them inside Impel Down- greatly disturbs the younger pirate. He doesn't understand why anybody besides him and Zoro and the crew would be so interested in the baby.

It's not like he's gonna fight Marines or overthrow the government or anything. I mean, he's not even BORN yet!

But whatever the reason, apparently they ARE interested- at least according to what Zoro learned during the last few days of his captivity. Unless, of course, Sadi-chan was lying about turning their son over to the Admirals and just fishing for a violent reaction from her stubborn, tight-lipped victim.

She sure got one, alright, Luffy growls to himself- and blinks when the swordsman under his hands utters a muffled groan and goes limp, fairly melting against the mattress. It seems he's been kneading a lot more vigorously in his growing agitation than he intended. "Oops, sorry, Zor-"

"Nngh. Don't stop. Don't you dare or I'll tie your balls in a goddamn knot."

"Uh, Zoro, aren't you supposed to wait 'n threaten to do that kinda stuff when you- well, no, I guess Chopper did say you're not gonna actually go into labor 'cause of the whole not having a-" Flustered, Usopp shrugs and changes the subject. "So, anyway, scratch going to the island of beautiful but homicidal Amazons who seem to hate all men except Luffy-"

"Some bastards get all the luck," Sanji interjects. "I'd still like to know how-"

"Franky, you said the ship won't make the trip back to Fishman Island without a whole lotta repairs 'n Luffy doesn't wanna get Princess Shirahoshi or her dad involved anyway 'cause of that Reverie thingie, SOOO what about-"

"Water Seven." Nami proclaims, with an air of self-satisfied finality, and the sniper shoots her a dirty look for beating him to the punch, but their shipwright's nodding enthusiastically.

"Bakaburg's got enough connections to stay pretty well informed on the Marines' movements, and he's got access to all kinds'a medical junk in case the Galley-La guys get hurt workin' in the shipyard. I'm sure he'll have whatever our reindeer-gorilla here needs to deliver that baby."

Despite his pained expression at the cyborg's choice of words, Chopper can't keep the excitement from his voice. "Do you think he's got Balfour retractors?"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but yeah, probably?"

"High-grade stainless steel!" The doctor exclaims gleefully, launching into an overly detailed explanation that leaves everyone else cringing, except for Zoro, who raises himself on an elbow to peg a pillow at the excited Zoan and insist that he better stop talking about Pfannenstiel incisions and the pros and cons of overhand versus underhand grips for tissue retraction before the captain, who's turning decidedly pale, either faints or pukes.

"I- I dunno if I want anybody doing that to Zoro. Maybe I'm- maybe we're- really not ready for this- this whole having-a-kid thing," Luffy protests nervously, and the swordsman seizes the younger pirate's ear, giving him a rough shake and angrily indicating his bulging abdomen as he points out that it's a bit too late to be getting cold feet now.

Once the captain wriggles free and placates his perturbed lover with gentle kisses and a good deal more enthusiastic back-rubbing, Nami explains that while she's more than capable of navigating them to Water Seven using the sea train tracks as a guide, they'll need to pass uncomfortably close to Enies Lobby again. Hopefully without drawing too much attention to themselves this time, she notes meaningfully, so Luffy reluctantly agrees to temporarily bring down the Jolly Roger and turn Surume loose once they exit the Calm Belt and get their bearings.

After much debate and some collaboration with Robin, who's joined the discussion via an ear and pair of lips sprouted on the closet door and promised to relay the conversation to Brook when they pass each other during their deck patrol, they eventually have a simple but logical plan: ask Iceburg to use his considerable influence to hide them for the next three months or so. Long enough to give Zoro sufficient time to reach full-term pregnancy and then recover from major surgery, provide an opportunity for everyone to familiarize themselves with the inevitable changes in routines that will accompany the baby's arrival, and also ensure they've the time and assistance required to complete full repairs on the Sunny.

"Nah, don't worry," Franky laughs when the swordsman, uneasy at the prospect of being seen by an actual known acquaintance, asks hesitantly if the mayor's going to have a problem temporarily sharing his household with a newborn. "Bakaburg's a sucker for small cute critters- remember that mouse of his?"

"Assuming that whatever those two produce is legitimately cute and not a three-headed green-haired Haki-powered rubber child capable of levitating small objects with his mind," Sanji mutters a bit more loudly than he intended, and Nami hits him. "Ow. Don't worry, shitty swordsman, I'm sure your kid's gonna be positively adorable- as long as he takes after Luffy. Ow! Nami-swan's fists of love are especially potent todaaay-"

"... stupid asshole ero-cook."

xxx

Everyone breathes sighs of relief when the ship slips past the Judicial Island without incident, and when the captain ends his tense, self-appointed vigil at the helm and hurries back to the women's quarters to tell Zoro and Chopper it looks like everything's proceeding without a hitch, he's surprised to find Sanji already standing by the bed and delivering the news.

The cook's actually in the process of fluffing and carefully tucking a pillow against their nakama's lower back, his continuous grumbling and the dark scowl on his face belied by his actions, when Luffy pushes open the door, barely remembering to fling up an arm and rap his fist on the lintel before he crosses the threshold.

"Marimo wouldn't quit bitching 'til I helped remake his nest," the blond mumbles sheepishly, crossing his arms as he moves aside to make room for the rubber man. "I just wanted him to shut up."

It's a feeble excuse and not entirely truthful judging by Chopper's giggling and Zoro's expression of sleepy bemusement, but Luffy just flashes a knowing grin at the embarrassed cook and snuggles closer to his swordsman, reaching over to lace his fingers with the older pirate's where they're resting against his belly.

Taking a nap seems like an excellent idea. Nami's at the bow, ensuring they're moving towards safety, even if the steady wind filling the sails won't get them there anywhere near as quickly as Rocket Man once sent them in the opposite direction, and the captain - who hasn't gotten decent rest in weeks and none at all in the past seventy-two hours - thinks he's more than ready to sleep the entire way to Water Seven.

The ship rocks slightly, prompting a sharp intake of breath from Zoro as the sudden movement startles him from the uneasy doze into which he's drifted.

"Shh- shhh, s'okay," the captain murmurs reassuringly against his lover's neck, giving him a gentle squeeze around the middle. "S'just Surume."

xxx

Twenty-five minutes later, although it seems only moments since the swordsman relaxed enough to fall asleep in the protective arms cradling him securely against his partner, they're roused by heavy, hectic knocking and the women's quarters' door banging open against the wall as Franky bursts into the room. "OI!"

"Shhh!" Sanji, Usopp and Chopper hiss in unison, glaring at the cyborg from the sofas, but he takes no notice, bounding across the carpeted floor to drag Luffy, dazed and bleary-eyed, from the bed by the scruff.

"Oi, sorry, Mugiwara, but it's time t' wake up. We got unwelcome company- looks like a G-1 ship comin' up fast on the starboard bow."

"Damn," Sanji mutters, exchanging a disgusted look with his crew mates as he rises, loosening his tie to unbutton the collar of his shirt. "I KNEW it seemed like things were going a little too well. Alright, guys, let's-"

"No," Chopper tells him sternly. "Fractured ribs, remember? You're staying here and keeping Zoro company."

"But-"

"NO BUTS."

"Son of a-" Sanji drags the vanity chair over to the bedside and drops into it facing the wrong direction, crossing his arms on the backrest. "Guess it's just you and me, Marimo. Bloody Marines picked a hell of a time to show up."

"Unnngh, couldn't they have waited a few hours at least?" Luffy groans, rubbing his knuckles into his eyes and stifling a yawn. He twists away from the huge hand clutching his collar and turns back to the swordsman who's rolled over to stare anxiously up at him, reaching down to caress his cheek. "I'll be right back, 'kay?" Nobody's gonna lay a finger on you- either of you- ever again. Not over my dead body.

"Luffy, wait-" But the captain's out of reach and heading for the open door before Zoro's able to grab his hand, and the older pirate pushes himself up on his elbows, struggling valiantly to haul himself into a sitting position. Luffy's far too tired and- hell, they're all severely exhausted and strained nearly beyond their limits, completely unprepared to deal with an attack now. Not without someone getting seriously injured or killed. "Oi, Luffy, w-" As he forces himself upright, wincing, he doesn't register the growing discomfort in his abdomen as a tugging, tearing sensation until it abruptly ends and leaves nothing but pain in its wake, along with the distinct impression that something's given way inside him.

"Hiccups again?" Sanji teases at Zoro's small, startled cry, smirking when the swordsman clutches at himself. "Guess your kid's gonna have one really good set of lungs. Probably keep everybody awake all-" He falters. The color's draining from his nakama's face, and there's no mistaking that alarmed expression for anything but horrified comprehension.

"N-No, no fucking way-!"

"... Marimo-?"

"You gotta be fucking kidding me! I wasn't doing anything! I wasn't fighting- I wasn't even lifting anything; all I did was sit up! H-How-" The baby shifts, sending a crippling spasm of pain through his gut, and everything inside suddenly feels wrong- too loose and disconnected and watery. "Hnnh- oh, oh shit."

"O-Oi, what're you-?" The blond's eyes widen as the swordsman hunches forward with both hands now clutching desperately at his belly, gasping, and when Zoro speaks again, the sound of his actual name scares the cook nearly as badly as the way his crew mate's speaking through clenched teeth and regarding him with poorly concealed terror.

"Nngh, S-Sanji-? Sanji, I don't think- I don't think we're gonna m-make it to Water Se- oh, oh fuck, that hurts-"

"LUFFY! CHOPPER! CHOPPER, WE NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!" He doesn't need to yell - they're both only a few feet away and the reindeer's already rushing over - but he can't restrain his panic, bellowing their names again as he bolts out of the chair and kicks it aside. "GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE, YOU SHITTY BASTARDS!"

The captain, having somehow sensed that something wasn't right even before he heard Zoro's cryptic statement or Sanji's shouting, is halfway back to the bed when he's stopped short by Franky barring his way with one massive arm. "Franky, move! Zoro's-!"

"Let the doctor do his job," the cyborg admonishes, sweeping the struggling, protesting younger pirate towards the open door. "Come on, Mugiwara! Holdin' his hand won't do either of you any good if the goddamn ship starts sinking!"

Luffy knows Franky's speaking the truth, but he still can't help clawing his way up the much larger man's torso for one last frantic look before he's forcibly ejected from the women's quarters, meeting Zoro's panic-stricken gaze as Chopper pushes the swordsman down and orders him to hold still.

Once outside, the captain can't concentrate with the persistent alarm bells clanging in his head, reaction time slowed by fear. He manages to bounce away most of the cannonballs spinning towards the ship, but he's hit directly in the head when he hears a door open behind him and glances around to see Usopp charging past in the direction of the dining hall and infirmary, and several minutes later, another plows into his chest and knocks him flat when he pauses again to watch the sniper streak back across the lawn deck carrying a long pole and an armload of mostly unidentifiable medical supplies.

He's dimly aware he'd be dead twice over if it wasn't for his unique physiology, but his preoccupation with the predicament facing his swordsman and their child's making him even more careless of himself than usual.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Franky roars, leaping to the helm and bashing a projectile from the air before it can hit Nami, who's clutching the wheel and struggling to follow the faint shimmer of the sea train tracks beneath the surface despite the battle raging around her. If she loses them now, there's no telling where they'll end up, and it's possible Zoro's already run out of time. "YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED IF YOU DON'T STOP DAYDREAMIN' AND START KICKIN' ASS!"

There's a round of explosions below-decks as Robin utilizes her Akuma no Mi abilities to fire all their starboard cannons simultaneously.

Luffy can't shake the lethargy gripping his brain; he's still dazed from being woken so suddenly after too little sleep, rattled from being clouted repeatedly by the enemy fusillade, and too worried about what's going on behind the closed door he's determined to defend.

So when the Marine vessel attacking them breaks suddenly and unexpectedly in two as it's driven from the water by the submarine rising beneath it, so close that bits of splintering planks rain down on the Straw Hats' ship, the rubber man's too overwhelmed to do more than stop and stare, dumbfounded, as his confused nakama shout to him and point excitedly at the man emerging from the yellow behemoth's hatch, nodachi resting casually against one shoulder.

"Looks like you could use a hand," Trafalgar Law calls, nonchalantly kicking away a wounded man in uniform who's clinging to the side of his ship before he leaps easily across the gap separating the two captains to balance on the Sunny's railing. "Been a while, Mugiwara-ya. We've got to stop running into each other like this, eh?"