I'm so sorry it has taken this long to write this chapter— it isn't even that long— but I've been really busy. Uhg, there's no excuse, just read.

It was the middle of March, and since the red dust, there had been no progress in getting Stan back. And that was mainly because… well, I kind of… lost the book.

But before anyone starts screaming at me, let me make it clear; I found it. Even if it did take me a month. It was kicked under my bed, and everyone knows there are probably radioactive mushrooms and killer vermin living under there, so it was the very last place I checked. Apparently the vermin had the day off.

So, early morning in the middle of March, I was actually sitting in the library by myself skimming chapters looking for something I could use, but it wasn't easy. I mean, you ever seen Kyle read? He makes it look easy! Hell of course I can read—I'm not that redneck—I just lack the patience. Plus, I got through the first five chapters, and every word of information was something I already knew! I knew about Heaven and Hell, I knew about Portal Pond, I knew about how to find God in the outskirts and everything.

I went ahead and left the library then, seeing as I wasn't getting anywhere, and began walking down the path towards my house. It was snowing lightly, better than the usual weather, but still kind of unusual for March… whatever. I passed Stark's Pond, it was still iced over, but it was definitely starting to thin in the middle, there were signs put up saying "WARNING! THIN ICE! NO ICE-SKATING OR HOCKEY!" I didn't care much, I don't play sports.

It was beginning to get dark, the sun was setting quickly but the nice colors of the sunset bouncing off the ice across the pond was soothing to my sight, and I slowed down to watch it before the sun vanished behind the mountains. That was the one thing I kind of hated about South Park, we were in a bowl. Up high among The Rockies, we sat in a miniature valley with mountains on every side of us. The weather was always—well, normally—bleak cold, and there was no kind of view or anything. Sometimes I'd wish I lived in Nevada, or Utah, or Arizona, or some state with hot climates and flat land with no snow, and a perfect view of the sunset, that was my dream. To someday, leave this hick town behind for something better, but that will never happen. Not as long as my duty is to serve Stan and Kyle, and my parents still don't have enough money for a plane ticket out of here.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I accidentally crashed into someone else walking on the trail going in the opposite direction as me. It was Cameron, one of girls who hung out with Wendy and Bebe and some of the other girls in my grade, she had knocked into me dropping her handbag. I bent over and scooped it out of the snow, then brushed it off and handed it too her.

She didn't look to grateful, she looked more like she was glaring at me. She snatched it back hastily, then pushed past me mumbling, "What a jerk!"

I thought about yelling at her, "You're welcome!" but I decided not to and just continued walking. What was her problem? All I did was pick up her purse after I accidentally bumped into her. Girls are weird sometimes.

Speaking of girls, Butters was doing fine lately, that was probably the other reason I misplaced the book, he's so distracting sometimes, and just pops up at my house at random times then crawls through my broken window. Of course my mom had a new one put in, but it got broken again within the week, so I didn't get another one. I had nothing to do with it, it was hailing ice the size of baseballs one day, alright!

Anyway, Butters, we still hadn't come out or anything—besides once after school getting caught by my freshman PE teacher while we were making out in the locker rooms. He actually gave me a detention, that homophobe. Everyone knows if it were the female PE teacher she would have let us off the hook! Mrs. Faith is such a lesbian; I'm not even kidding. And I know a lot of kids don't think so just because she got married to this guy named Cory, and they're having a baby, but I can see through that. There is no such thing as a straight, female gym teacher.

So I doubt my old PE teacher would tell anyone about it, but now there could be word out there that we're together. It shouldn't matter though, I dumped Red over a month ago, she wouldn't connect it. I kind of feel bad for her now, she's been spending a lot of time with Bebe, and I can only imagine what kind of shit she's been telling Red. Kind of glad I ran into Cameron now, better her than Red. That would have been really awkward.

I reached home pretty quickly, we didn't live far from Stark's, and I put my book in my backpack, then flopped down onto my bed. I was closing my eyes when my head started hurting really badly, and my the hole in my window let in a cold chill and a couple flakes of snow from outside, another blizzard probably. I sat up waiting for something to happen, but when nothing did I spoke up.

"Kyle?" I said loudly. "Are you trying to haunt me?"

I didn't hear anything at first, then came a choked; "…Yeah."

I sat up with my knees crossed and pulled my pillow around to hug it to my stomach, "What's up?" I asked, it seems like we haven't talked in a long time.

"…I dreamt about him today." He said.

I mentally gulped, "You did?"

"…You were there too… everyone was there… we were… at Stark's Pond, we were alive…" He said.

"Did he talk to you?"

"We talked for an eternity." He said, quicker this time. "He said he missed me, and loved me, and he was stuck, and he didn't know how to get home, and… that I shouldn't worry about him."

"That's good." I said.

"No it's not!" He yelled. "What if he's not okay? What if he's in trouble? W-what if… what if he really doesn't give two shits about me!" I could hear him choking and tearing up already.

"Kyle." I sighed, hated doing this all the goddamn time. "He does care about you, and he misses you, where ever he is he's missing you right now. Trust me, trust him, and don't worry about it. Everything will be fine."

"How can you just say that! How can you be so sure!"

I sat a moment unable to say anything; "…I'm not."

He was silent for a long time, then eventually said, "There was someone there looking for you. He said his name was Doug, he told be to tell you 'page 621'."

Our conversation was over then, the line dropped, and my headache vanished. So did Kyle. I knew he understood what I meant, he was the smart one. Of course, he was also the dumbest smart person I know, but still smart enough to understand what I meant.

What was that last part again? There was someone in his dream who was looking for me, and there name was Doug. Sounded familiar, I glanced back over at my book and saw that name at the bottom of the cover page; Doug wrote the book, and he wanted me to look at page 621.

I flipped to the very back, it was the last chapter in the entire thing, "The Mirror of Slaw". Made me hungry for Cole Slaw. The only words on the page were "Portal Pond". Weird.

I closed the book and put it on my nightstand, this whole dilemma was beyond confusing, I think this book is part of the whole universe conspiring to make my life hard and miserable. Oh well, I stood and got my belt from my dresser, then looped it around my neck, then got out my chair, and hung the belt from my ceiling, on the usual hook. Tipped over the chair; I was dead before you could say "fuck you, universe".

Heaven was bleak, and rainy, which it normally never was, but it was expected now with all the weird weather. I made my way quickly to Portal Pond, which was practically overflowing; how long had it been raining exactly? They really shouldn't call it Portal Pond though, it's more of a pool, it's not even in the ground, it's kind of like a fountain with no spout.

I went ahead and turned it on anyway, just saying Red's name, because she was the first person I thought of. The thing lit up the way it always has, and she was asleep in her bed in her bedroom, what did I expect?

So some Doug guy wanted me to find that page, and read that chapter, then go to Portal Pond, now what? It's on isn't it? Maybe I should look this guy up.

"Doug." I said clearly, but it just turned off.

That's what it does when either: it hears a name that belongs to no one, that person is dead, or it can't recognize who you mean by who you're thinking of. Probably the last one, I don't even know this guy, and there's probably millions of Doug's, no way I'll ever find the author of my book.

What else could I do? I couldn't find Doug, there are no other references in the book to anyone else, all I have is "Portal Pond" and "The Mirror of Slaw", and you can't find Portal Pond using the Portal Pond, and you can't find items… can you?

I decided to test it first, what was an item I could target?

I went ahead and said "Bed." Meaning of course my bed, but it didn't do anything. It didn't even turn on.

I leaned back taking my hands off the wall around the pond and frowned, this was getting me no where, I was getting soaked, and it was a complete waist of time. I went ahead and sat on the wall, no one else was out and around to tell me not too, then thought over my options again.

No options.

This sucks. This whole thing sucks, I finally get one step closer to ending this whole ordeal, and it's a dead end. To Hell with the whole, "You're Guide to Hell" book! To Hell with it's "Realms" and "Other Magic Crap!"

"To Hell with it's Mirror of Slaw!" I accidentally yelled out loud, and a bright light suddenly light up behind me.

I turned back around to look in the water, it had found something. Once it cleared, there was a pentagram-shaped view of what looked like looking up underwater. Where ever it was, it didn't look very deep, probably only twenty feat, but there was something on the view that got in the way. A black triangle was covering the lower right part of whatever I was looking at, it was attached to a string, and there was something written on it.

"KM" It said in large uppercase letters, it was carved into the back of what looked like a shark's tooth.

"Holy shit!" I screamed. "It's my necklace!"

That necklace Stan had bought me on that field trip so many years ago, the one he carved my initials into the back of! THE ONE I THREW IN STARK'S POND WHEN STAN DIED! That pentagon-shaped view was looking out of the Mirror of Slaw, and that underwater was Stark's Pond!

I needed that mirror, the universe had conspired that this happen, and it conspired that I get that mirror, but Stark's pond is still frozen over, and with that blizzard happening down on Middle Earth right now, it's probably getting thicker. But, this afternoon, the sign said thin ice. I could probably walk out to the middle of the pond where I threw my necklaces, then just jump until I fall through and get it! Even if I die in the process, I'll still have the mirror! Fool proof!

I was just walking around then, because I didn't have anything else to do, and I was waiting for my body to go back to the living, I ended up going over the apartment buildings. I don't know why, but I went ahead and went in building C78, then up a few stories, and I found myself standing in front of room 506. I don't think I was even aware that I had been walking to Stan's room the whole time—I was too engrossed in thought—but there I was.

Just standing outside the door I could hear soft whispering, but nothing I could make out. I went ahead and let my self in, but it wasn't easy; one of their kitchen chairs was propped up under the knob. Once I got that aside though, I stepped in and found Kyle alone sitting on the edge of his bed holding that feather, talking quietly to himself not blinking. He looked like he hadn't slept in forever, but that was impossible, he talked to me less than an hour ago about a dream he had.

"Kyle?" I said, closing the door. "Are you alright? You look… tired."

"I am tired." He choked out, not bothering to look up at me.

"You okay? You should get some sleep." I said, standing directly in front of him.

"Can't sleep." He said plainly. "I'll have the nightmare again."

I sighed, "The one with Stan and the rest of us all being alive and together again?" He just nodded, so I sat next to him. "That's what you want though, isn't it?" I asked. "Wouldn't you want to have a dream like that."

He stood up quickly then, waving around the feather and threatening to knock over the end table and the lamp on it, "BUT IT'S NOT YOU! IT'S NOT STAN! IT'S NOT REALLY ANY OF YOU!" He screamed, turning around to look me in the eyes. "WE TALK, AND WE LAUGH, AND I ACTUALLY HAVE A GOOD TIME, AND THEN I WAKE UP AND I'M HERE AGAIN!"

He sat back down then, hiding his face behind the feather, and I almost put my hand on his shoulder, but I shouldn't console him. I shouldn't tell him I know what it feels like, or I understand what he's going through, because then I'd be lying.

"Screw my promise to Stan." I said to myself. "I know where he is." I told him, he stopped shaking. "But you can't go there, I can't tell you where he is, you wouldn't be able to reach him anyway, but he's trying to get back, he's trying so hard. The only way he can even live with himself and keep going is because he knows you still believe in him." I said loudly. "And if he could see you now, doubting him, you know he'd die again, only this time on the inside."

He put down the feather, and looked at me with big, glassy eyes, "Really?" He asked.

"And he told me to tell you that he loves you." He said, and he started crying and smiling a happy, crooked smile, as tears streamed down his face. "He loves you so much, and he's fighting to get back, and be with you, because you are his whole world, and that ass wouldn't know what to do without you. So you just need to believe he'll make it, and wait for him." I said, smiling a little myself; I'd done good for once.

He just continued to cry and laugh as best he could, "Thanks Kenny." He said, then tried to hug me, but his arms went right through my body.

"I think I'm going now." I said, and I started turning see-through.

"Bye." He said, while wiping his face with his robe's sleeve. "Tell him 'ditto'."

I woke up a minute later feeling like a giant weight had been lifted from my chest, and I could literally float on air, today was going to be an amazing day! I was so happy for myself and Kyle, I forgot about the mirror on my way to school, then remembered by fourth period and mentally cursed myself for letting it slip by. School was already more than half over, so I decided to wait out the rest of it.

I was right, it was a good day! Up until lunch, that is.

I was sitting at my usual table, alone. As usual. Enjoying my cheese sandwich, when Bebe got up from her table with the girls and sat herself down in front of me. She didn't say anything, she just glared at me from across the table.

"Yes? Can I help you?" I asked casually putting down my sandwich.

"Alright, you might be able to fool Red, and the other girls, but I know you better than that." She said. "So cut the bullshit out now, before you start."

I mentally groaned, "Just because you dated me, for—four—months… doesn't mean you know me, Bebe," I said, "because you don't."

"Just shut up." She said acting cool. "I know what's going on between you and Butters… and I know it's been going on for a while."

"Since when has my personal life been any of your biz-natch?" I asked. "What's your point? How'd you even find out? Wendy tell you?" I asked.

She just flicked her hair, "As a matter of fact; yes. She did."

"Oh." I said leaning back very unconvinced. "And I'm sure you know how she acquired that information, or was it that you were stalking me? Because I'm pretty sure neither Butters nor I told anyone but Stan and Cartman, who are both dead."

She was speechless then, and looked around trying to think of something to say back, "Well… it was just the once—"

"You literally stalked me!" I screamed cutting her off. "You really are a crazy bitch! Who actually has not enough of a life to stalk their freshman ex-boyfriend!"

"Shut up!" She yelled, loosing her cool. "It's your fault, you broke my heart!" She screamed standing, and making a scene.

I stood too, and pointed a single finger at her, "YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!"

Her face tightened with anger, and she whispered to me too quiet for anyone else to hear, "Stick a dick in it, fag."

That was it! Bitch deserved everything she got then! I went ahead and—without thinking first—threw my fist and punched her in the face. She fell, luckily hands first and caught herself on the floor, but everyone was looking at me now. Holy shit I punched a girl.

Not only that, I punched my ex-girlfriend.

None one moved, not even Bebe. I looked around frantically to see if anyone had witness, but that was kind of pointless, because everyone had. I bent down slowly to pick up my backpack, then bolted from the lunchroom, out into the hall, then jump the school fence. I kept running until my legs grew so tired I could hardly stand, and it felt like my heart was going to explode.

I made it all the way to the park, so I dropped my back next to one of the many, empty benches, then went to sit on the top of one of the slides.

"Why does this crap always happen to me?" I asked out loud. "Now Bebe and Red are going to hate me even more, so will the whole school, and Bebe will definitely be telling Red now about Butters and me. Shit."

I sighed. I didn't really feel like having a social life anyway. I could be home schooled, I could run away from home, or just stay dead for long periods of time. But, no way could I ever show my face back at that school again. Not to my friends, and pretty much anyone else.

I sat there cursing myself for a while before my phone went off in my pocket; it was Butters.

"Dude?" I said when I picked up.

"I heard what you did at lunch today." He said, he sounded ill.

"You at home?" I asked.

"Yup."

"News spreads that quickly now?" I groaned to myself. "How'd you find out anyway? Did one of the guys call you or something?"

He was quiet for a moment, "Bebe put it on her facebook page."

I sighed out my nose, "What did she say?"

" 'Kenny—who you all should know dated me back in 9th grade—told me off today lunch! He said my mom was a cheap whore, then he punched me in the face!' Tones of people have already posted comments." He said. "Heidi said, 'that selfish dick!', Claire said, 'Sorry, but I saw this coming', and Craig said, 'your mom is a cheap whore.' What are you going to do?"

"Good, old Craig." I said smiling to myself. "I don't really know yet, hopefully someone will straighten things out, she's really out of control this time."

"Just Kenny, whatever you do, promise me you won't make things worse. You should give a public apology, and don't use your fists."

"Alright, thanks dude, bye." I said.

"Bye." Then he hung up.

I sat there a while longer then, trying to think of how I could fix this mess, or something that could distract me long enough to stop worrying about it. That's when I remembered the mirror, and I slid down the slide, grabbed my backpack, and raced off to Stark's Pond. At least this should clear my mind for a little while.

I made it there in record time, and the pond was still frozen over. I dropped my backpack, my parka, my shoes, everything to lighten my load before I went ice-skating. I took the book with me incase I needed it, then put one socked foot on the edge to test the ice. I didn't see why they were so worried, it seemed okay to me. I slid out on the ice towards the middle of the pond, I'm pretty sure that's around where the necklace fell in.

I was directly in the middle, no doubt about it, I bent over, put the book to the side so it wouldn't get wet, then started to hack at the ice with my fist. After a while of that getting me no where, I stood and started jumping on the spot; that worked plenty. The first jump and I fell crashing through the ice into the freezing water.

I've drowned a lot within this lifetime, but nothing can compare to the pain of icy water. Every movement was like razors, and it even hurt to open my eyes. The cold wasn't a problem, the second I fell in my body got so numb I can barely feel it anymore. I looked around a bit, then a flash of reflected light hit my eyes and blinded me a second, so I headed down towards that.

You run out of air faster in cold water, but I knew from experience if I went back up for oxygen, I'd be in the water too long; I'd die anyway. All I needed was to get the mirror, and even if I died, I would still have it.

I hit the bottom a few moments later, now my skin was pale blue, my ears were throbbing, and I could hardly extend a hand from my body to grab the handle of the mirror. I did though, and pulled it close to me, then pushed off the ground towards the hole in the ice I had made.

It was a miracle I ever made it up, but I did. I threw the mirror out first, and it hit the ice next to my book, but it didn't shatter. Then I tried pulling myself up and out of the ice hole, but that was difficult. I could literally feel my legs and feet turning black, but I managed to pull myself all the way out.

I lay on the ice next to the hole for what felt like an eternity, had to have been only seconds. My legs were purple, and under my socks my feet had to have been too. That's what I get for being under there so long. I reached out and grabbed my book, and the mirror, then tried to stand, but my legs gave out and I fell back on the ice, making it break again, and I fell through with them both.

The very second I was under the surface I could feel myself being lifted from my body, and a strong wind came up. I could feel my legs again, I couldn't feel the water, though it was still swirling all around me. I turned around to look down at my body sinking to the bottom of Stark's Pond, and then a big fissure opened on the rocky bottom, leaking out thick gas.

"NO!" I screamed, clutching my book and mirror. "NOT HELL!" The hands flew out and pulled me in, but I still screamed.

They were going to be confiscated. My book and the mirror, the only chance of saving Stan, and now they were just going to be taken away.

"NO!"

Then blackness.

...well, I know I'm starting the fifteenth chapter today, so hopefully I can update by Saturday. At the least, there should be four more chapters, maybe more. I told you guys this would be a long one.

Okay, I know in my first story— for all of you who read "Speechless", those who haven't, you should if you've liked this story up until now— I know Bebe wasn't exactly even in the story until the last few chapters, and I know she's a total bitch in this story, but I like Bebe, I think she's nice, I just needed a bitchy character.

Just like I don't hate Wendy, she's smart, and cares about the female image, I just hate her dating Stan.

Does that make sense?