##### Toronto General roof, 8 days after rescue #####
Karen rolled the wheelchair to a foot from the edge of the flat roof. Tears were streaming down her face which she had upturned to take in the sun as it beat down on her. Momma, she thought. "Momma. It's too hard. I can't take it. They want me to keep reliving it and all I want to do is forget. I wanna forget Momma." She slipped back into the Texan accent she'd worked so hard to forget. "Please help me forget. I-" she stopped when she heard the door swing open and boots crunched on the asphalt.
She looked behind her and saw five Team One members come through the doorway and spread out. She looked down and saw Wordy and Spike looking up at her, scared and concerned. She sat back in the wheelchair and it rolled back an inch. Oh god. "Please just go. I don't want you here. I don't need you here," She said desperately. It was then that she heard his voice.
"Karen. Please pull back from the edge. We aren't here to hurt you, we just want to help you." Greg said as he and Jules moved closer to her.
"Don't negotiate me Greg. I'm not some poor soul you have to stop from making a grave mistake." Karen said angrily.
"You're not?" Greg asked and they stepped closer. They were three feet from her. Jules got low and hooked Greg onto the nearest solid structure which was a set of pipes, welded together, going from the AC into the building. She hooked on and moved to Karen's left.
"No." Karen turned the chair to the right and looked at Greg. She was facing Lew and Sam who were inching closer to her. "Stop." She said angrily to them. "I don't understand you." She directed her anger at Sam.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked, stopping in his tracks.
"Careful Sam. She's directing a lot of anger your way." Greg stepped back and said in a low tone.
Sam stole a look at Greg, then turned back to Karen. "What do you mean you don't understand me?"
##### Toronto General, Room 1185 2 hours earlier #####
Karen was sitting in her wheelchair, looking anywhere but at Sam or Dr. Lauria. She didn't want to do this and couldn't understand why the woman was so insistent that they talk about everything.
She had woken a day and a half after her leg surgery. It was slow and painful, but she had opened her eyes. She was surprised to see Sam sitting in the chair next to the bed watching the news. He looked rested, but very agitated. She looked up at the TV and saw that it was talking about a JTF2 soldier that was wounded on a mission in Afganistan. When they had said the man's name, Corporal Derrick Braddock she understood. He must be a relative, she thought.
Why was he even here, she wondered. He knew what Peter had done to her in the past and again in the office. Why would he want to be with someone so disgusting? Why would he care. Her heart sped up as she watched him pacing, running a hand through his hair and talking on the phone. The monitor betrayed hr and started beeping loudly.
Sam turned, saw that she was awake and said into the phone, "Sir, I have to go. Yes she's awake. I'll tell her. Yes thank you Sir." He had used his military tone when talking to his father, but dropped it when he went to her side. "Hey. Your heart is beating really fast. Try to take slow breaths. I'm going to get Dr. Miller ok?" He left and came back with the doctor.
Doctor Miller examined her and told her everything that they had done in the first four and a half days. He said they would remove the restraints, as long as she promised to talk to the psychiatrist. She had nodded in agreement and the doctor took off the restraints.
She looked at Sam. "Your relative?" She pointed to the screen.
He turned to look at the TV and frowned. She was worried about his cousin? "He's ok. No serious wounds thankfully. How are you?" He looked at her with wonder. Her first words since that horrific day and she asked about him and his family? He had spent quite a few hours with Dr. Lauria the past couple days sorting through his feelings.
Sam had bought a bouquet of roses for Cheryl and a sIx pack of beer for Lew for setting up the cot for him and mattress for anyone else that wanted to "sleepover" as Cheryl called it. He had seen a jealous glint in Jules' eyes when he gave the bouquet to Cheryl, but then Jules had smiled and told him what a sweet guy he was. He loved hearing her say that, but he held himself back from her a little. It was getting confusing for him.
He loved Jules, there was no doubt about that. He would always love her, but he knew that this wasn't the right time for them and it was possible there never would be. He liked Mikaela, but was it love? No, but he thought maybe one day it could grow into it. It would never be the same as his love for Jules. He talked to Dr. Lauria about it. He knew she couldn't ever say anything about what they talked about unless it was detrimental to him being an SRU officer so he was safe. She had told him not to make a decision about he and Mikaela. It was still too early and they needed to do some counseling sessions together first.
Sam had looked at her with surprise and said, "yeah my cousin. The General's brother's son was wounded in action. But how are you? Are you in a lot of pain?"
She had lied and said no, but she knew her pain was emotional. She could barely look at him without wanting to cry. Even then the tears had slipped down her cheek. When he put a hand on hers she changed it into a fist and pulled away. "Please go. I, can't." She choked out.
Sam had left, his head bowed, but he hadn't gone far. He stayed outside the door and gave her some space. He knew she probably needed that more than anything right now. He grabbed his phone and dialed Dr. Lauria to let her know Mikaela was awake. She had told him she'd come in the afternoon.
As they sat forming a circle, Sam wondered for the tenth time if this was such a good idea so soon. He sat forward and put his elbows on his knees. He knew that Mikaela being in a wheelchair already was probably not a good idea, but she had been insistent. She hadn't let him put her in the chair either. He had to get Cheryl and one of the other nurses to get her in the chair. She didn't want any men to touch her.
"Mikaela?" Dr. Lauria asked looking at her steadily.
"Karen. I'm Karen." She said angrily, looking at Sam.
"Sorry, but you're Mik-" Sam said returning her look.
"Well, that isn't me! Ok? She's dead." She sat up in the wheelchair causing a stab of pain in her stomach. She let her breath out and said, "Mikaela died in Texas and that day."
"Why did she die in that day Karen?" Dr. Lauria asked.
"Because, I died in that day. The moment that I called 911, and-" She had her breath for a moment as she tried to keep the tears from coming. She swallowed, but it didn't keep he tears from her voice. "And asked for him to help me. I knew. It would all come out." She sniffed and her lips trembled as she looked at the floor. "That he'd know I'd lied. That he didn't really know me and-" she put her hands over her face.
"And what Karen?" Sam asked. "I'm glad you asked for my help. It kept you alive. You helped me save you."
"For what?" She cried. "Everything is gone. Everything!" She yelled and broke down, sobbing hysterically, her hands covering her face.
"Ok. Sam, we better take a break." Dr. Lauria looked at Sam and tilted her head to the hall. They both stood and went out into the hallway. "She's very fragile right now. I don't want to push her too hard." She sighed as she looked at Karen still sobbing into her hands. "Let's try again tonight after shift, ok?"
Sam looked into the room and nodded. "Yeah, ok." He hated to, but he had to get to work. It was already nearly nine. Dr. Lauria had cleared him for duty yesterday after their second conversation of the day. She said that he seemed to have a good handle on things and would be ok to return. Sam had been warned by Ed and Greg, mostly by Ed's angry yet firm blue eyes, that if they felt he was compromised they would put him in the truck. Sam had agreed. He went in and said goodbye to Karen and told her he'd be back later but she didn't react.
Dr. Lauria walked back into the room and tipped her head down to try to catch Karen's eye but she didn't look up. She sat in her chair and waited.
Karen stopped crying, but left her head in her hands. "I just want to be alone." She said quietly. "Please."
"Ok," Dr. Lauria said cautiously, "but I want you to get back in the bed. You need your rest."
"No. I'm fine right here." Karen shook her head. "I just want to sit here. Look." Karen looked at Dr. Lauria with determination. She put her hands on the wheels and rolled herself to the window. "I'll stay here."
Dr. Lauria stood. She wasn't sure she should leave Karen alone, but Karen was completely shutting herself off. She didn't want to push Karen any more right now. She needed to calm down. "Ok Karen. I'll be back in a little while." She walked out and went down to the cafeteria.
Karen stared out the window. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. It was a beautiful day to die. She turned and went to the door. She watched the nurses for a few moments then slowly opened the door. She looked down the hall and heard a fast beeping and people running to a room down the hall. She slipped down the hall in the other direction and pushed the button for the elevator frantically. She knew Nancy was going to be in to check on her soon.
Thankfully, the elevator doors opened and Karen wheeled herself in. A few minutes later, she was working to get the door to the roof open. It was metal, opened toward her and auto shut so she had trouble maneuvering the wheelchair and the door.
Nancy walked into Karen's room, looked around and walked back to the nurses station quickly. "Where is Karen Greensby? Did she go for tests?"
Jenna looked up from the computer and frowned. "She's not in there? No tests that I know of."
Nancy frowned back. "She couldn't have gotten far. Call security and have them search the building. She shouldn't be moving around. I'm calling Sam."