Chapter 14 : The Worst Day
Haymitch dragged the two boys away from the Big Top and to his own trailer by the arms, refusing to let go even when they struggled and tried to shrug him off.
He didn't have an office and given the display of that morning with her mother, he didn't want to bring them back to Effie's trailer either. The small foldable table was waiting for him in front of his trailer. He shoved Gale on a chair and pushed Peeta on the crate Brutus always used as a seat when he sometimes joined him and Chaff at night for a glass – and, occasionally, when Enobaria was in the mood to join them, for poker although that wasn't something Effie was aware of.
He flopped down on the other chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at the two teenagers in turns. "So? What the fuck got into you today?"
Gale's nose was bleeding and the boy was trying to stop the flow with his sleeve. As for Peeta, the shiner around his left eye was already starting to show. And that was without counting the scraped knuckles and the various bruises they must have been sporting under their clothes.
That tended to happen when you started brawling in the middle of the ring during rehearsals.
He waited for an answer to his question but he got none. The two kids shared a glance and then looked away, both scowling.
Haymitch was strongly reminded of why he didn't want children.
He wasn't sure when they would even find time to have kids of their own anyway. The adopted ones sure took a lot of time as it was. And he wasn't sure either why he was thinking about that. First the marriage proposal that hadn't really been a proposal that morning, now he was thinking about kids like it was a real thing to consider…
"Oh, come on…" he scoffed. "Don't give me that attitude. You've got a chance to explain yourselves before I hand you over to the boss. See if she's more understanding."
Threatening to involve Effie was as effective as threatening them to feed them to Buttercup – which was to say really not because the lion was as placid as they came. If Prim was around, they could even pet him. Even Haymitch had gotten used to seeing him wander around the circus on a leash. Effie was very much like Buttercup. She might look scary when she was angry but all the kids knew whatever lecture she gave would be followed by hugs and hot chocolate. That didn't mean she didn't scare them enough into obeying but it did mean Haymitch was left handling the disciplinary problems more often than not.
Peeta broke first.
"I didn't do anything." the boy spat. "He jumped on me."
"You didn't do anything." Gale snorted. "Right."
"What are you implying?" Peeta hissed, half rising from his chair, prompting Gale to bolt to his feet…
Why was today such a bad day?
Haymitch brought his fingers to his mouth and let out a long ear-splitting whistle. "Sit the fuck back down."
He was puzzled. Not as much as he could have been because he had a good idea of what they were fighting over but he was still a little surprised it had reached that point. The boys weren't best friends but they had been going along well enough for the most part.
At least until a certain someone had started paying attention back…
"Now… If this is about Peeta's new girlfriend..." he said quietly.
"She isn't my girlfriend." Peeta said quickly and defensively.
Gale glared. "Yeah? Why are you kissing her, then? Cause if you're toying with her…"
Haymitch fought the urge of slapping his own face. He hated having to deal with teenagers' problems. It was bad enough that he had been in the room when Rue had run to Effie, a little panicked and a little too emotional, when she had had her first period – and he had fled as quickly and as far as was humanly possible to Effie's never-ending amusement.
"I'm not toying with her! I love her!" Peeta retorted, never ashamed of his feelings.
Gale was foaming at the mouth now. "Yeah, well… Well..."
Haymitch took pity on the kid. "Look… Katniss is a very pretty bird, we all agree on that." The glares changed tracks fast and he lifted an eyebrow at their ridiculous reactions. Being jealous of each other was one thing, entertaining the thought that he might be interested in a sixteen year old was another. They had the good graces of looking down at their boots. "Ain't any excuse to beat each other up. That can't happen again." The boys remained stuck in a sulky silence and he rolled his eyes. "You're both off the show for tonight. Find Chaff and have him put you to work."
He spotted Effie hurrying in their direction, looking upset. She was wearing blue high waist pants and a softer shade of blue blouse, hair held back by a scarf. She was beautiful and his lips twitched.
"It's fine, sweetheart." he called out as soon as she was close enough. "I've handled it. The boys are sorry and won't do it again. Right, boys?"
Peeta and Gale both mumbled an assent but Effie's gaze only vaguely passed over them and he had the feeling she had no clue what had happened yet. It wasn't what had upset her.
"What's wrong?" He frowned. "Your mother again?"
"Would you leave us, please, dears?" she asked, her voice a little shaky.
Gale and Peeta shot her worried looks but on Haymitch's imperious jerk of the chin, they ran away each in a different direction.
Haymitch was already on his feet, cradling her elbow in his hand because she looked like she was about to faint. She was pale and her eyes were far too bright, her lips were pursed in a tight line…
"Sweetheart…" he said carefully.
"The letters…" she whispered and her voice was raw as if she was forcing herself to utter the words. It took him a while to remember the bundle of letters her mother had tossed on the bed that morning. "The letters were from Portia."
Her lips wobbled but her tongue darted out to lick them and she took a deep breath. From that alone, he figured out all he needed to know but she started speaking again so he let her say it, because he suspected she needed to. He simply drew soothing circles on her arm with his thumb.
"I haven't heard from her in months." she continued. "I thought… The letters get lost sometimes and if you miss one it is hard to know where to write to me afterwards. I kept thinking I should find a phone in town and call or send her the upcoming schedule but there is always so much to do I never actually got around to…"
Her voice broke and he tugged her closer, wrapping both arms around her when she leaned against him.
"It's okay, sweetheart." he sighed. "That's the kind of life we have. It happens. I'm sure your friend knows that."
She buried her face in his neck and locked her arms around his waist, tight enough that it almost hurt. "She was trying to reach me because… Because…"
He pressed a kiss on her temple and then on her cheek. "I get it. I'm sorry, Princess."
"Cinna… Cinna is dead." she said anyway and then a sob escaped her. Just one. She took another deep breath and she was back in control again. He wasn't sure for how long though. "It's been months. He has been dead for months and I… I did not know. I…"
She started crying, then. Really crying.
There wasn't a lot of people around but he guided her inside his trailer all the same, knowing she would like her privacy.
He held her for what felt like hours, petting her hair and dropping random kisses on her skin, knowing there was very little he could say to make her feel better.
"I need to tell the others." she whispered eventually, curled up against his chest.
He kept on running his finger through her hair, distractedly toying with her curls. "I can take care of it, if you want."
She shook her head. "No. It should be me." She let out a deep sigh and slowly tore herself away from him, rubbing her face and spreading her already smudged make-up a little more. "Today is the worst day of my life."
He didn't offer any acknowledgement. He had already lived the worst day of his life and it didn't compare but he could admit that today was pretty bad. What he didn't say was that the day wasn't over yet.
Bad things tended to come in three.
"We should cancel the show." she said as an afterthought. "It would be for the best."
"Or the show could be a tribute." he countered and then shrugged. "Your choice, Princess. You know I'm with you whatever happens."
Her smile was small but genuine. She cupped his cheek and kissed him, deeper than he had thought she would.
"I know you hate to hear those words but I love you." she whispered.
He did hate those words because they brought him back to another time but he made an effort not to let them shake him.
He bumped his forehead against hers. "We're a team."
That was usually her line but he thought she could have used the reminder.
"Always." she promised.
The day didn't get any better after that.
Effie gathered everyone under the Big Top and delivered the news with as much delicacy as possible. She held herself straight and didn't let herself waver even though her eyes were shiny. After that, it was all about comforting the kids. Cashmere and Gloss - who had no clue who Cinna was but could understand well enough that the matter was serious - took care of Marvel and Glimmer. Chaff appeared next to Tresh in time to squeeze the boy's shoulder and hug Rue before she started to cry. Effie embraced Prim who was in tears… Johanna stormed off, kicking everything on her way and screaming curses at the top of her lungs - Haymitch was tempted to follow but Enobaria waved him off and took off after her… Finnick and Annie were holding each other… Peeta and Gale were sitting on the first row of bleacher side by side, hunched over and looking in the distance… So that left…
He wasn't sure how Katniss had left the tent without anyone noticing but he had troubles tracking her down to a narrow space between two storage trucks. It was barely big enough for him to slip in between and he couldn't help but think that if someone moved one of the trucks, they might get crushed to death or run over. Still, he sat down beside her with some difficulties and sighed.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"I want a drink." she retorted.
That made him chuckle. "Finally something I can help you with." He almost took his flask out and handed it over but there would be hell to pay if Katniss got herself drunk. "Come on, sweetheart. It's alright to cry."
He wasn't sure if she had been waiting for permission or if it became simply too much for her at that moment. Katniss was always on the edge. Always looking out for her sister. Always being the responsible one in their family because she needed to be. Always put Prim first and herself second.
It started with a sob and then it was outright wailing.
She resisted at first when Haymitch tried to wrap an arm around her, she pushed him away so he respected her wishes and just sat there, his head resting against the truck at his back, his legs uncomfortably folded against his chest, hurting to hear her hurt like that…
He shouldn't have had favorites and Katniss was a pain in the ass but… He'd felt a connection with the girl as soon as he had seen her.
It took a while for Katniss to accept he wasn't going to leave her alone, that he would sit right there with her until she was ready to crawl out of her hiding place… And when she finally realized that, she leaned against him and finally accepted the comfort he wanted to give and it broke his heart a little more.
He had hated holding Effie while she cried so many tears, hated that she was hurting, but this… This was simply painful.
He didn't promise her it would get better because he wasn't in any habit of lying if he could help it. He held her tight and offered whatever comfort he could and awkwardly carried her out of there when she fell asleep. He met Peeta not too far from her trailer and the boy wordlessly took her from him and carried her the rest of the way. He spotted Gale watching from afar and sighed to himself.
A majority of them still wanted to perform that night so they didn't close the circus. Katniss, Prim, Rue and Annie elected not to participate but Effie reluctantly declared she would do her acts.
"You were right. Show must go on." she whispered to him when he pointed out she didn't have to and that they could do it without her.
He gave strict orders to Chaff that the safety net was to remain in place during all aerial performances that night, regardless of personal preferences. Everyone was upset and he didn't want any accidents.
Everything went well though. Or as well as possible. Something was off beat all night. As if everyone's grief was tangible, a presence that overshadowed everything else.
They all gathered around one of the campfires afterwards instead of going their separate ways like they usually did. Some of them shared stories, Katniss reluctantly told them about how Cinna had designed her costumes and made her fire tricks possible… Each of the kids had a story involving Cinna and, listening to them, Haymitch regretted not having taken the time to get to know the man when he had the chance. He sounded like a good man.
War though… It didn't care about good men.
He was staring at the flames flickering in the air, trying not to let his mind wander too far from himself when Gale appeared in his line of sight. Haymitch looked up but it was Effie the boy was staring at. Effie who had leaned against his side and who looked ready to drop asleep right there…
"Can I talk to you?" the kid asked quietly, not to disturb Finnick who was in the middle of a story probably. The boy's gaze briefly strayed to Haymitch. "You too, I guess."
"Of course, dear." Effie agreed immediately with a tired smile.
She straightened and then used Haymitch's shoulder to stand up. He hauled himself to his feet with less grace but the same kind of exhaustion. They wandered a few feet away, following Gale. The boy didn't take them to either of their trailer, he stopped once they were far enough from the campfire so they wouldn't be overheard.
From there, they could see the Big Top being dismantled. The night was loud with the sounds of metal and shouts. If he had focused, Haymitch could probably have picked up Chaff's voice over the noise, screaming instructions and overseeing the process.
"What is it?" Effie frowned when Gale didn't say anything but shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the next.
Haymitch had a bad feeling. The kid never fidgeted.
"I wanted to say thank you." Gale said after clearing his throat. "For everything you did for me. Giving me a job and all."
"Gale." Effie almost warned. She must have been having the same bad feeling he did because her face was closed, guarded.
"Look… I've been thinking about it for a long time and today…" the boy continued.
"Gale." she insisted with more urgency.
"I am going to join the army." Gale declared.
There was a moment of silence. Behind them, the Big Top deflated like a balloon, Chaff's voice suddenly piercing the night with the usual calls to be careful.
"You will do no such thing!" Effie huffed suddenly, glaring at him. "This is nonsense! Your mother…"
"I will make more money in the army. I can help her out more." Gale argued.
"How will you help her out if you get yourself killed?" Effie snapped before turning to Haymitch who had, so far, remained silent. "Are you going to say something?"
Haymitch sighed and rubbed his face. "If it's because of Katniss… May not seem that way now but there will be other girls, kid."
"It's not." the boy scoffed. "I just… I need to do this. For my country. Cinna died for it. It's the honorable thing to do and…"
"Ain't anything honorable in it." Haymitch cut him off. "It's a stupid war and it's senseless death."
"Then why did you enroll?" Gale challenged.
"I beg your pardon?" Effie cut in.
The boy shrugged. "Given his age and when he was deployed…"
"I did enroll." Haymitch admitted, waving off Effie's incredulous gaze. "The circus was almost bankrupted and the recruiters were convincing. Seemed like a good way to earn money for my family and do something worthwhile." He shook his head and searched the kid's eyes. "Let me tell you it wasn't. There's no glory to what's happening over there, Gale."
But the boy had already taken his decision, he could see it on his face.
"Look, I just wanted to say thanks, Effie, that's it. You're not my mother and I've been of age for a month." Gale retorted. "I'm leaving tomorrow."
The boy left despite Effie's attempts at convincing him he was being stupid.
"Won't make her love you!" Haymitch shouted at his departing back.
If Gale heard, he didn't let on.
"You're okay?" he asked Effie carefully, coiling his hand around her nape and giving it a soft squeeze.
"Let's go to bed." she begged, shaking her head. "Let's go to bed before this day gets any worse."
Next week is the last show! I hope to see you there! Did you enjoy this chapter? Let me know your thoughts!