Disclaimer: FFVII and all respective characters belong to Square Enix

Updated: 30 September 2011

Glass Butterflies

Chapter 14

Holding his breath, he let his fist connect with the thick, wooden door after what felt like an eternity. The first thing that followed was deafening silence. Not a sign of life on the other side. Reno could see light creeping out from underneath the door, and he knew Rufus was inside. He took another breath, and knocked again. What if there's someone else there with him?

His breath hitched in his throat. Another lover? Was he replaced so soon? Just sex, Rufus said, sure, but was he really that detached, so clinical about his lovers?

The door was yanked open. Blue eyes flashed over him, and the blond man sighed audibly. He leaned against the thin end of the wood, and nearly glared. "What?"

"Hmm." the redhead started, suddenly not sure where to look, and resisted the urge to bite his bottom lip. Rufus' apartment was empty, save for large, black feline lazily laying on the couch. A shaky breath escaped his lips, followed by a hasty, whispered "I'm sorry".

Rufus raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Sorry?"

"Yeah..." Reno's gaze kept darting about, resting on everything except his lover's face. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I don't know why things got out of hand, but I shouldn't have stomped off like that. So... I'm sorry."

The door swayed slightly with Rufus balancing it between his shoulder and his hand on the door handle. He kept his eyes fixed on the redhead, eyebrows scrunched together in thought. Reno watched him from the edges of his vision, not daring to lift his head. The hinges complained silently under the added weight. For a split second, Rufus' eyebrows arched in surprise, before being pulled back into a frown. He pushed himself away from the door, and he crossed his arms, tilting his head every so slight.

He let out a short, barked laugh. "Let me get this straight... you want me to take you back?"

The redhead clenched his jaw and balled his hands into fists, but forced himself to remain still. Was it really such an outrageous thing to ask? He took another breath, and swallowed. This was no time for pride. "Yes."

The blond glanced away, abrupt, staring at something in his apartment, before looking at the Turk again with a puzzled expression on his face. "Why?"

"Because..." He tried to meet his gaze, but his eyes kept falling back to the man's chest.

"...yes?" Rufus inquired.

His jaws clenched despite himself. Thoughts rushed through his head, but the words would not come and his body did not answer any of his commands. He stared at Rufus' black, polished shoes like they were the last things left in the world to look at. Then... mustering all of his strength, he tore his gaze away from the floor and locked onto those blue eyes for the first time. "I'm in love with you."

The man visibly startled, just barely keeping himself from taking a step back. His eyes were wide and they darted across his face, studying him intently. He could've sworn the man suddenly looked a shade lighter. "You..."

"I wasn't supposed to, I know!" he said, and closed the distance between them with a single step, taking the man's head into his hands. "I know. But how could I not? How could I possibly...?"

He pressed their lips together before Rufus could register what happened, and felt how the man's first reflex was to melt into it. Then he felt two hands tightly gripping his shoulders, and pushing him away.

"Reno." The blond man's voice was curt, his eyes hard. "Leave."

The redhead backed away as if stung. "What?"

"Leave."

Although he had seen this coming from the very start, to hear those words being said with such determination, to feel them hanging in the air... Reality still hit him like a brick wall.

"Is it really so unforgivable, Rufus? To fall in love?" He took a step back. "It's not like I'm asking to move in with you. All I want is to spend some time with you, like we did before."

Rufus snorted, and turned his head away. "Last time you stormed off complaining about a lack of attention. Am I to believe any of that has improved now you claim to be in love with me?"

"We could-"

"No. Just shut up. This discussion is pointless." he cut in and took a few steps towards the couch. "You will leave, now, and give up on this... this foolish notion. I don't have the time for this romance nonsense."

"But-"

"Is that clear?"

"...perfectly." Reno muttered, and shook his head. "It's just that..." Rufus glared at him.

"We're through. Go home." He gestured at the door, irritated.

"You once said you liked me." he tried, his voice barely rising above a whisper.

"I don't recall."

The two looked at each other for the longest time in silence.

Reno had expected a heated fight at the very least. Not this. Anything was preferable to this. It made everything feel so... so fake. As if all the passion and attraction had been an act, discarded without a second glance and any difficulty. Had there been any attraction? More than physical at least? Surely...? He couldn't have made it all up! Or was Rufus really that cold and manipulative?

Yet, what about those times he opened up? Had all of that been in his head too? He couldn't believe it. He refused to believe it. Reno's face hardened into a whole-hearted glare.

"Forget it. I'm not going anywhere. You wanna get rid of me? Show a little effort."

Rufus glanced over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow, but his face betraying no emotion. Dark Nation lifted her head from the couch and perked up her ears, watching him as silently as her master.

"Was that an invitation to go get my shotgun?" he asked, icy.

Reno forced himself to stand still and not let himself be fazed. "You'd really kill me?"

He shrugged. "If it wasn't for the white carpet, who knows. Death is so messy." Bored, he inspected his finger nails, and sighed. "Seriously, Reno, give up already. I'm not taking you back, you're too demanding. I have better things to do."

"Like what?" the redhead spat. "Work? Or wait, let me guess, don't tell me... more work!" His foot stomped on the floor as he took a step in the vice-president's direction. Dark Nation sat up, perking up her ears, and growled, warning. "Do you ever do anything else? Other than picking up unsuspecting men and discarding them again when you're through with them?"

Rufus glanced over his shoulder, and gave him the foulest look Reno had ever seen.

"Oh! Oh? Does that get under your skin? Being called on your behaviour?" Reno was getting really angry now, still stomping further into the apartment. "Bet your old man never does that, seeing what a spoiled little kid you are."

"Back to that again?" the blond bit back, and aggressively turned to the older man. "After all this time, that's the best you can come up with?"

"You want to talk about your well concealed personality instead?" Reno now stood right across the man. "Guess what? You don't have one!" He violently pushed against his shoulders, almost making Rufus fall over. The man's face turned red, and he took a step back. "You're just an empty, emotionless shell thinking of nothing but sex and power. I can't believe you fooled me in thinking there was more."

"You're out of line." Rufus hissed with a dangerous tone in his voice.

"Yeah, well, what are you going to do about it, huh?" Reno pushed his shoulders again.

Rufus angrily yanked the offending hands away, and said in a low voice: "Dark Nation..."

The big, black cat perked up her ears and got off the couch, elegantly walking towards the two arguing men. Reno startled and took a step back in the direction of the door. Dark Nation fixed her yellow eyes on the redhead and laid her ears flat in her neck. He took another step back, and she bared her teeth and growled softly. Deciding not to waste another second, Reno turned on his heels and ran towards the hallway as fast he could. The big cat shouted out cry and leaped into action, her sharp nails audible on the wooden floor as she clawed into it for better traction. She was like a big flash of black, passing him by before he'd crossed half the distance, and took her stance in the door opening, growling and hissing at him with fully visible fangs.

In reflex, Reno put one more foot in her direction and pushed himself away from her with all his might, stumbling back into the apartment. Immediately, Dark Nation leaped up again and chased him. The Turk tried to run backwards, but quickly bumped into Rufus who grasped at him for support.

Almost abruptly, the black cat stopped her growling and sat down on the floor, looking at her master with an unreadable expression.

"What's gotten into you?" Rufus cried out to his pet, and let go of Reno who immediately crashed to the floor with an offended, hurt yell.

She let out a long, whiny babble and pulled her head between her shoulders. Then she got up, still babbling in her domestic cat-like way, walking to and fro on her spot between Rufus and Reno, but never taking her eyes of her master.

"I can't believe this..." Rufus sighed and rolled his eyes at the ceiling. Then he took one step in Reno's direction, grabbed his shirt and jacket's collar and brusquely dragged him across the smooth parquet floor.

"Hey! What are you-" Reno protested and grasped for the offending hands, but unsuccessfully.

Without much ceremony, Rufus gave the man's collars one last, hard tug, effectively tossing him into the hallway and slammed shut the door. The deafening sound echoed through hall like a gunshot.

In disbelieve and shock, Reno stared at the closed door from where half laid, half sat against the stairwell balustrade. He continued staring for a while longer until the situation had fully sunken in. Then he tensed up, sucked in a loud, angry breath, jumped up, and kicked the door with all the frustration and humiliation that flared up inside him. "Yeah? Well, SAME TO YOU! Asshole!"

The door didn't budge a millimetre and Reno quickly stormed down the stairs in case Rufus would come out with his shotgun.

The next day, the Turks found themselves stuck in their offices again. When Rude left to grab some coffee from the next floor, Elena peeked around the corner and skipped into his room.

"So... how'd it go?" Her eyes were wide and hopeful as she propped her elbows up on his desk.

He glared at the computer screen and kept typing. "It's official. He's an ass."

"No!" she said, "He turned you down?"

The redhead huffed. "Turned me down? He literally tossed me out of his apartment! He might as well have shot me. I can't believe I misjudged him like that."

The younger Turk frowned concerned and pressed her fists against her lips, still leaning on the desk. "Maybe he's just scared?"

"No. He's just a dick. And a very good actor." He huffed again. "Fooling me into thinking he was genuinely looking for someone to open up to. He played it so well."

She tilted her head. "Maybe he really did want that..."

"You weren't there, Elena. An ice cube would've shown more emotion than he did." Reno finally tore his gaze away from the screen and looked at his colleague. "I told him I fell in love with him and he ordered me to leave. Not 'I'm sorry, I don't feel the same. This isn't gonna work', you know? Just... Like I was there to sell him something useless."

Elena met his gaze and studied him with sympathetic eyes. Then she straightened up, stepped in his direction and – without warning – tightly wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Reno tensed up in surprise. "Shall we kidnap him and stuff him in a paper container? Would that cheer you up?"

The redhead barked out a laugh, and shoot her a funny look. "No. I want to see him suffer. I want someone to toss him aside like he did with me, and then pour salt in his wounds."

She studied him again, silent.

"But first... I'll get wasted and forget any of this has ever happened."

Months passed and the days outside Midgar grew shorter and colder. Winter had finally arrived, covering great parts of the land under a thick layer of white snow. The city itself was spared, but that did not prevent the cold from creeping through every crack and thin surface it could find.

Even human hearts. Reno felt the cold inside him. On the outside everything seemed fine, like things were the way they used to be. He picked on Elena, went out to town with Rude to drink the nights away, argued with Tseng when he really shouldn't, and scowled at the rising towers of paperwork on his desk.

But everybody noticed the change, the well hidden yet always present air about Reno that hinted of bitterness. It showed in his smile. In his eyes. The little things he did. Elena knew why. Rude guessed as well as he could with the little information he had, and Tseng… Tseng wisely kept himself at a distance.

And so did everybody do their best not to pour salt in open wounds.

Until the inevitable happened.

"Wake up, sleepy head!" Elena wickedly grinned and let herself fall down on the bed where Reno slept.

"Mornin'." Reno nonchalantly said as he leaned against the door frame with a toothbrush in his mouth.

The blonde held his pillow in her hands with temporary confusion. Reno had gotten out of bed long before she'd arrived. The rookie Turk pulled an embarrassed face, staring at her colleague's naked chest and the threadbare towel around his waist, and shoved the pillow back under the duvet where she'd found it.

"What's the matter, 'Leny?" He grinned and purposely dropped his towel on the floor before grabbing his uniform from a chair, "You look unusually flustered today."

"Tseng summoned us." she answered, uneasy, and kept her head turned away.

"For a mission I hope. I'm tired of sitting around all day and doing absolutely nothing worthwhile."

"He hasn't told me anything yet." She shot a quick glance in the redhead's direction to see if it was safe to look.

There was a glimpse of a bare back, just before his shirt covered it up. She turned her head back to look at Reno, and silently sat on the bed staring at him. She wondered how much he still thought about it, about what happened between him and the vice-president. She swore she could see circles forming underneath his eyes.

"So, he told you to come and fetch me, eh? Such trust in me coming in time…"

Elena snorted, but didn't get the time to respond.

"You picked my lock again, didn't you? I have a doorbell, you know."

She glanced in the general direction of the front door, and said: "Yes, but… you wouldn't open up."

"Would've." he protested, and finally slipped on his suit's jacket.

"Only because you were already awake this time. Did you even sleep?"

"You know what I need?" he started, and made a wide gesture with his arms. "A vacation. Get away from everything for a couple of weeks. Nothing to worry about except what bar to check out in the evening. Waving palm trees to my right, beckoning me with the promise of shade, and to my left: the ocean and beautiful women in wet bikinis."

Elena chuckled and raised her eyebrow. "Women?"

He shrugged, casual. "Just because I had a... thing for a man, doesn't mean I don't care for the ladies."

"If you say so." she smiled, "All in all, that sounds great. What's keeping you?"

He motioned towards the front door, and muttered: "Not enough off days."

She hopped off the bed. "You know, Tseng wouldn't keep withholding them if you came in time for a change."

When Reno stepped in with Elena on his side, perfectly on time, Tseng cast them an approving glance from behind his desk. Rude was already there, standing firm before the wall-high windows, facing both the desk as the door.

"So, we're going on a mission?" the redhead asked, hopeful, as he crossed the room.

"We're going to Costa del Sol. President Shinra offered us to stay at his villa for a long week." Tseng stated, all business, and flipped open a folder that he slid to the other end of his desk. The three Turks stared at the sunny pictures inside with disbelieve on their faces.

"No way." Elena gasped.

"Seriously?" Reno exclaimed, and looked as if he desperately needed someone to pinch him.

"Yes, seriously Reno." Tseng responded, irritated by the interruption. "Now wipe that grin off your face. It isn't a vacation."

"…of course not." the redhead muttered, scolding himself for getting himself worked up over nothing.

Rude shot him a look through his shades, a smug grin tugging on the corners of his lips. Reno answered it with a glare. Like you weren't fooled.

"We're to track down and eliminate a terrorist group we believe is hiding in the area. It's possible they are the ones behind the attack on the vice-president some months ago, or it could be different group entirely. They are dangerous nonetheless – to the company in particular." Tseng recited from memory, and flipped the first page in the file, revealing sheets with printed information on the group in question.

"So… what's the whole 'vacation' cover-up for, if this is all?" Reno asked, confused, and he flipped through the contents of the folder.

"It's only one part of the mission. The president…" For a moment, the tall Wutaian looked for the right way of putting it. "suspects his son is secretly seeing someone, and wants us to find out who it is."

At that all three looked up, surprised, albeit Reno looked more hurt than anything. Just until the full realisation sunk in. He looked at Tseng with wide, distraught eyes.

"What? He's going to be there as well! Doesn't he have work to do?"

"His father told him to take a vacation. He is making too many mistakes." Tseng coolly said. "I trust that won't be a problem?"

The second-in-command opened his mouth, but caught himself in time. "No, sir, it's just…" He cleared his throat. "No, it's not a problem. Only if it had been a vacation. Which it's not…"

Reno noticed Elena looking at him, concerned, but said nothing. How was he going to survive in his presence for nearly two weeks? The man who had brusquely showed him how he dealt with men he was through with, men that fell in love with him. The man who up to this day he lost sleep over even though he didn't want anything to do with him.

What for two whole seconds had seemed like a dream come true, was quickly turning out to be his personal Tantalus torment. Which gods had he angered to deserve this?