Chapter 14 ; "Commitments"
. . . . . Today is the anniversary of the arena explosion. Exactly a month ago today, I shot an arrow into the arena's forcefield, in which brought down the entire Capitol's network. It's the anniversary of our rebellion's birth, and it's the anniversary of the day that I went mad. It also just so happens to be the day that the rescued captives are announced as stable. Both my prep team and Effie have to stay put in the hospital for quite a bit longer. Haymitch has barely left Effie's side since she arrived, and I haven't had a chance to see how she's doing. According to the medics, she's responsive, and often talks to Haymitch when she isn't resting. Little by little, she's been getting stronger, but I'm unsure if she'll ever be the same. As for my prep team, they all seem to be recovering quite well. I'm surprised that they haven't already been putting on their signature makeup. Part of me hopes that they'll just stay natural though, because they look good without all the hair extensions and artificial skin colors. They could almost pass as normal.
Enobaria on the other hand is already stable enough to leave the hospital and start her life in District 13. She's determined to be an important member in the rebellion, and they've already decided to let her into headquarter meetings, so that she'll have just as much of a say as I do in what goes on. She's been moved into Finnick's compartment, since he has an empty bedroom. Not going to lie, I sorta envy her for that, but I know that Finnick despises her. I have nothing to worry about.
. . . . . I go down to the cafeteria with Enobaria at my side. We've become sorta close in an odd way, despite the fact that we were trying to kill each other less than a month ago. It's kind of like how Buttercup and I randomly bonded out of nowhere... it's not so much that we like each other, more that we've just found something that we have in common. Between Enobaria and I, we're both suffering over the fact that the boys from our districts could be dead. For her, she's worrying about Brutus. For me, it's Peeta... but at least when she goes to sleep at night, she can assure herself that Brutus is strong. For me, I don't have that sort of comfort... I'm not sure if Peeta is strong enough for what he may be going through.
We get in line and have our schedules for the day printed on our arms. Like me, Enobaria doesn't have any intentions to follow it. Instead, we get our rations of breakfast for the morning and head straight to the armory with it. Just a week ago, I was granted permission to leave District 13 in order to hunt in the forest above. Our agreement, is that I can use their weapons as long as I'm willing to turn in all the game I catch to the kitchen. To be honest, it's not much of a fair trade, but its worth it to me. Usually I would go up there with Gale, but today he has to begin training for who knows what.
. . . . . Enobaria and I retrieve me and Gale's bows for hunting, allow ourselves to have the usual tracker bracelets locked around our wrists, and then finally head to the elevator. The fresh air feels cold on my skin when we step out of the vault, but more refreshing than ever. I love the feel of the breeze after being locked underground for so many days at a time. Its rather gloomy, and looks as if it may rain, which would be fantastic. We head for the electric fence thats much like the one in District 12, ducking under it and then finally letting our guard down and just letting loose like we had planned. We're pretty much as safe as we can get with the security and weapons that District 13 has, but it's not like the Capitol doesn't know where we're located. We're required to stay down until we get out of the district boundaries, and then after that, as long as we have our bracelets on and don't stray too far, we're practically free.
After a while of wandering, we find a place by the river where we can settle down and just enjoy the nature around us. An overturned log serves as a seat, and we just take time to listen to the breeze and the birds chirping over head. "Do you think there'd be Mockingjays out here?" She asks, and I glance up into the trees. "I've never seen one before... Ever since your games, I've been wanting to experience them for myself..."
"I don't know, go ahead and try." I suggest, and she gives me an odd look. "Sing." I explain. She sits kinda awkwardly for a moment as I watch her in anticipation. Soon, she purses her lips and sings a familiar four notes that I know all too well. Her voice sounds a little too much like Rue's, and for a moment, I feel shaky inside. Her voice is quickly greeted by the chirping of a single Mockingjay in the tree directly above us. Another one chirps off in the distance, followed by another, until the entire forest is alive with Rue's song. I suddenly taste metal, and realize that I've been biting straight through my tongue. Before I can attempt to contain myself, I let out a hoarse gasp. I can see her in my head, Rue's lifeless face, so clearly that it makes me want to vomit. "Make it stop!" I yelp, and Enobaria looks bewildered. I cup my hands over my ears, but the noise only intensifies. "Stop!" I cry again, and I practically fall too my knees off the log and try to drown out the world around me. It doesn't work.
In a quick movement, she stands me up and begins to pull me back towards the district. The forest won't quiet down, and I'm starting to feel as if I'm there again. I see Rue get impaled right before my arrow goes piercing into Marvel's throat. I can barely contain my screams of complete horror as my friend tries to get me away from the thing that's haunting me. Even when she locks us up again in the district vault, I can still hear the song... only this time, it's only my imagination. "Katniss!" She exclaims, as I let out another scream. "Katniss!" She cries again, grabbing a hold of my shoulders and shaking me violently until I seem to wake up. The tears are flowing in waterfalls, and I grasp onto her for dear life. She holds me even tighter, and I just sit there and cry until I finally manage to calm myself down. I realize now that the side effects of being a victor aren't getting any better for me. They're getting worse.
. . . . . That evening, after being summoned to headquarters, I take my seat at the long table for a meeting that looks like it's going to be a serious one. Coin stands in her spot, and Finnick takes a seat between her and I. I see Enobaria walk in and take her new spot, followed by a group of both men and women who are officials that I've never actually met. I don't expect to see Haymitch in the meeting, but he surprisingly shows up, but not by himself. He's holding the hand of the mangled blonde women that I haven't seen outside of the hospital, who looks as if she's lost within her own mind. Effie isn't as colorful as she used to be, and again I'm hit with the unsure feeling of if she'll ever be that way again. They take their seats next to each other, and it isn't much longer before the meeting begins.
"As you all know, just a week and a half ago, we were able to rescue and deliver five captives to the safety of our district." President Coin begins, glancing around the room until she's made eye contact with everyone at the table. The silence is long and eerie before she speaks up again. "And as you also may know, there are three more captives awaiting their rescue in the Capitol. Brutus, Johanna Mason, and Peeta Mellark." A few people mumble back and fourth as Coin takes another long pause. Her sharply structured face looks even more aged than it did during our meeting about going to District 12. It's scary how much a war can change someone, both physically and mentally. "After many hours of research and development for our second and final rescue mission, we have come to an agreement that sending a team would just be far too dangerous to pursue." I can feel my heart sinking straight into my stomach, and for moment, I expect to wake up from another nightmare... but I'm already awake. "Therefore, we have decided to discontinue the effort to retrieve the missing victors. By the time we reach them, they could very well be beyond repair. The loss of rebels would be much greater than the gain." I listen intently, even though my mind is racing with ways to fix this. I see the hurt registering on Enobaria's face across the room, and I try to grasp for a solution. Say something, you can't just let them give up. "It's hard to give up on something we've worked for so many hours on, but the rebellion itself is much more important than a few torture victims. I'd say we've accomplished rescuing enough of them, and-"
"Wait!" I cry, and I feel myself standing before I can even process what I'm about to do in my head. All eyes turn to me, and I find myself at a loss for words. "W-we can't just..." I begin, but my voice fades. Everyone is silent, and I look around with wide eyes, unsure of what I can possibly say to convince them otherwise.
"What were you saying, Miss Everdeen?" Coin finally asks, and my eyes move to her.
"I..." I swallow hard, and then look around again. "We can't just... give up... N-not now, not when they need us most." I glance around, looking for support from someone, anyone. Thats when Enobaria stands as well.
"I agree. We can't give up, not when there are people out there who are on our side, that are being tortured because of us." She says. We both look around for more takers, and thats when Finnick stands up next to me. He nods, and thats when both Gale and Haymitch rise too. Nobody says a word for quite some time, as we watch Plutarch and Coin exchange a long and silent look.
Finally, Coin opens her mouth. "Very well, the efforts will go on." I expect to be happy for a moment, but there's still a chance that they'll never come back to us even now. "But you simply cannot expect me to send Boggs with another team, especially after he almost lost his life to save the captives we have." We look around the table for Boggs, one of the generals, but he isn't anywhere to be seen. "If someone would like to go ahead and volunteer to lead the team, then we will do our best to prepare one." Everyone is silent, and almost all of our faces get crossed with fear. We look around at each other, all praying in our hearts that someone would speak up. None of us are nearly qualified to lead a rescue team into the Capitol, which is the scariest part about it. Nobody speaks up. "Nobody?" She asks, clearing her throat. "Well then it's settled, the mission will now be clos-"
"I volunteer." My head spins around just in time to see Gale stand from his seat. My throat suddenly becomes jagged, and my heart seems to drop even further into the pit of my stomach. Not Gale, please not Gale, anyone but Gale. I look around, praying that someone else would volunteer over him... but nobody did.
"Very well, Gale Hawthorne shall be leading the rescue team... Would anyone else like to join?" Momentarily, Enobaria stands.
"I do." I shoot her a look, and she gives the look right back to me.
"I do too." Haymitch stands, and Effie looks bewildered beside him.
"So do I." Finnick stands, which brings a deep gasp into my throat. I lose all terms of self control, and before I know it, I stand and announce in a loud and clear voice.
"I volunteer."