I can't help but whenever I read your reviews I'm walking back and forth in my room with a big smile on my face while my crazy mind produce the new ideas about this fanfic.

Special thanks to my beta, Alysha for beta-ing this chapter! :)

Maybe I was wrong but I felt that you don't know where to put the idea of Alan as Red's brother so I think it's time to say goodbye to him (of course, if you want him reentering into the story again, all you have to do is ask :) ).

14. Pros and cons

Previously:

"Don't start with me, Kate. She didn't want to tell me…" he snapped.

"Of course she didn't want to tell you!" Mr. Kaplan interrupted. "She doesn't even know if she is pregnant or not!"

Red dropped his jaw and he was pretty sure that his heart skipped a beat or two. After a second he found his voice. "Lizzie…pregnant?"

###

Raymond Reddington had never been a nervous type.

He was the Tranquility itself in pretty three piece suits.

He had many times when he could have been nervous in the last twenty years but whenever someone held a gun against his temple, or tortured him with no mercy he hadn't been nervous.

Why?

Because the circumstances hadn't mattered he always had a Plan B. Whenever the FBI had been on his trail he hadn't run; a calm, classy man in three piece suits never ran – he walked away with confident steps.

Okay, maybe there had been moments when his heart skipped a beat or two, mainly when his woman tried to get herself killed but he always knew how to save her.

He'd been calm, collected and unbelievably confident.

But right now?

Right now he was at the edge of a heart attack; his heart quickened its pace like it wanted to break its cage his ribs provided and leave his chest, because at this moment it felt too tight and too small.

Raymond Reddington, the confident gentleman, was a step away from a panic attack.

Why?

Because he had just got to know that he had ruined his lady's life for good.

He had known the consequences of the fetus's existence; he had seen two types of the future in front of him with tremendous vividness; she would carry this little life in her but in the deepest side of her heart she knew that she wouldn't able to love it with all of her heart because of two reasons; she never wanted her own child and Red was sure that she wouldn't want a child from a monster.

The other image showed him his heartbroken girl who had just decided to end that which had barely started existing. It would break her and he would hate himself because he had done this to her; he would avoid seeing his Lizzie because of guilt, then at the end she would join the I-hate-you-Raymond-Reddington group. She would want a divorce and him to disappear.

Either way he was screwed... Oh so screwed!

"Raymond, do you hear me?" a faint voice from the distance spoke to him but Red was too occupied with his racing heart to recognize the source of the voice. A second later he was more conscious because this somebody started hitting his cheek softly to wake him up from the shock. "Breath, dearie; in…out…in…out. That's it. Alan, would you bring him some scotch? Don't moon about with glass; bring the entire bottle." Mr. Kaplan said and she turned back to Red. "Raymond, do you hear me?" she asked again with more effort.

"Ye-yes." Red cleared his throat in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry, Raymond." Mr. Kaplan said with unusual shame in her voice because right now she felt like a gossipy old woman…well two minutes ago she had really been a gossipy old woman. "I shouldn't have told you this."

"Last night…Lizzie went to you?" he breathed and took the bottle of scotch from Alan's hand to sip a little. Maybe it would ease his nerves a bit.

"Yes."

"Why? Why didn't she tell me?" Red shook his head with disbelief. "How long did she know?"

"I don't know but I assume she discovered it last night."

"She didn't tell you because she saw that we were…" Alan spoke softly as he sat next to Red. "Quite pre-occupied with killing each other."

"I need to talk to her." Red stood up immediately as if he wasn't aware of the fact that they had been still on the air.

"No!" Mr. Kaplan stood up and put her hand on Red's shoulder. "She can't know that I told you. I promised her not to tell you this. She needs some time to think before she tells you. Right now she is confused like you. Do not push her; she'll tell when she's ready…on the other hand she doesn't even know if she is pregnant or not."

Red nodded, still lost in his thoughts.

Forty-five heavy, silent minutes later the jet arrived at Washington where Red and Mr. Kaplan got out.

Before Red had left the jet he turned around and looked at Alan who understood his brother's concern. "Don't worry. Everything will be all right." Alan said and put his hands into his pocket as he tilted his head.

"How can you be so sure?" Red asked with disbelief; hell he wasn't even sure if he could handle this!

"Because you love Liz and I'm sure that if she is pregnant and you two decide to keep the baby you'll do everything to keep both of them safe."

"I…I…" Red sighed as he ran his hand through his short chopped hair. "Look at me Alan! My daughter ran away instead of meeting with me again, my ex-wife can't even bear being with me in the same room! I failed as a father and husband! I'm fifty-four for god's sake! How can I be a father again? What if I won't be able to take care of them? What if I have to leave them? What if I won't have the patience to a crying baby and his or her emotionally overwhelmed mother? I've been alone for a long time, Alan. I don't even know how it feels like living in a family anymore. Maybe it would be best if…" Red felt as the panic roaming through his body again but it died when Alan put his hand to his shoulder.

"It's too early thinking about things like this. Firstly, she has to forgive you and secondly it's not even hundred percent sure that she's pregnant." Alan stopped for a moment and collected all his power to say his feeling out loud. "And even if she is pregnant…you two are going to be the most caring, loving and supportive parents. Don't even think about for a second that it would be the best for Liz and the baby if you disappear!"

Alan had no idea how much it meant to Red; it felt like Alan had just absolved him of his mistakes, all the things he has done. Red took a deep breath and gave Alan a forced smile as he put his hands on Alan's shoulders. "Thank you Alan. For everything you did and said to me." Alan slightly nodded and hugged his brother while he tried to hide his happiness because when Red had put his hands on him the old memories came back;

Memories about a little boy whose lips had been moistened with blood from the fight with another boy to protect his best friend from flouting because of her stuttering. All this boy had felt was physical pain from the fight and his heart ached from his father's words but then his big brother had kneeled in front of him and put his hands on his shoulder to tell this little boy that what he had done was heroic and he had been proud of his little brother.

Since then the boy had grown up but yet, his big brother's words excited the butterflies in his stomach like forty years before.

###

Everybody was in hurry; nurses were running here, doctors made consultations there…even the patients were busy discussing their problems and making complaints about this horrible medical system.

Everything was loud and happened fast.

But Liz just sat there patiently and stared at ground in front of her, counting the little oblongs while the bleeding diminished at her vein.

Time slowed down but her thoughts behaved like F-1 cars at a World championship.

How could she manage if the test was going to be positive? What would they do?

How could she handle this whole situation? She hadn't wanted her own child, and right now she didn't want any kid! Hell, she was still with half leg in jail! The FBI hadn't even started the investigation; what if they would find her guilty? What if they would send Red to jail and she would never be able to see him again?

So many questions and only one answer were floating in front of her because right now this one decision would put a dot to the end.

She also knew that this decision would destroy a small part of her already damaged soul. But she had to hold out for both Red and herself.

She slightly nodded, still lost in her thoughts, Liz barely noticed the woman who had just sat down next to her and thanked her for something.

"I'm sorry?" Liz looked at her for a first time; she could have been in her forties with a beautiful, almost angelic face, bright eyes and big tummy…great, this was all she needed right now!

"I just thanked you for the seat." the woman saw Liz's confusion so she repeated the whole situation. "I asked you if this seat next to you had been free and you nodded." she chuckled.

"Oh." Liz felt embarrassed but she smiled the friendly stranger.

"So, how many months?"

"Huh?" making conversation properly was not Liz's cup of tea this morning.

"How many months you have until…" she pointed at her own tummy as the other hand caressed it.

"Oh, I don't even know if I'm pregnant." Liz raised her hand and showed the little cotton wool at her vein.

The lady must have seen Liz's terrified gaze when she friendly touched her upper arm.

"Are you all right? Did the doctor take too much blood?"

"No, I just…just…"

At that moment the woman understood Liz completely and formed a little 'o' with her lips as she withdrew her hand. "So it wasn't planned."

"Definitely not." she sighed heavily, looking her hands in her lap.

"And I assume that you're considering the choices in the case you are pregnant." She stated but when Liz looked at her with surprise and those bittersweet wrinkles at her forehead, the stranger apologized immediately. "Sorry, it's none of my business." She growled and paid attention to her tummy.

"No, it's…it's okay." Liz smiled, relieved somehow that she could talk about this important thing and she couldn't tell how or why but the woman's presence chased away her feeling of being lonely….which was her fault, actually.

She had been searching for alternative tests in the morning when the FBI agent had come to her and Liz left with him because she wanted to do this alone.

It was a really bad decision.

The only good in this situation was that Red would somehow learn from this.

The woman smiled at her and held her hand. "I'm Rosemary but just call me Rose."

"Liz," she shook Rose's hand. "And you were right; I'm considering the choices," her voice was small, Rose barely heard it, but Liz couldn't help but feel ashamed talking about abortion with a pregnant woman.

"So which sounds better?" Rose didn't judge her; as a good psychologist she wanted to lead Liz to the answer with her questions.

"It's better but more horrible. I know what I should do but also it would be murder for me." Liz sobbed gently and pulled out her handkerchief to wipe away her tears.

"Look, do what your heart says. When I was twenty-one I accidently got pregnant," Rose waited until Liz looked at her then continued, "I was still a student and I knew that I had to finish university, and on top of that I got pregnant from a guy who I just had a one night stand with. So I went to the hospital and did the abortion. Yes, I was a horrible person in my own eyes and yet I knew that I made the right decision. Now, twenty-eight years and two kids later I did the same mistake. Just look at me; I have two teenage sons, a great job and I'm more than 49. Almost the same situation but one thing changed; this little girl here is conceived in love. Her father is the love of my life and however, I was able to kill a little part of me twenty years ago, I could never kill a part of him. Don't ask how you will handle a constantly crying baby or that you would be a good mother but ask three things; if you happened to be pregnant – is it a love child? Were you in love with his/her father when that little thing decided to come alive in your tummy? Do you really want to kill something that is made by him?" When Liz wanted to say something Rose raised her hand and stopped her. "Don't answer for me. Answer it for you. And the rest will come." She almost whispered the last sentence.

At that moment a doctor came out and asked for Liz. She stood up and smiled at Rose one more time.

Time for the truth, she thought and followed the doctor.

To be continued….

Sorry for the cliffhanger but I had to cut this in half and save the rest of it for the next chapter because it would be toooo long…but I'll be faster with the next one! ;)