Hey everyone. I know it's been a while yet again but I'm working my way through my unfinished stories and in the process of having them complete. I just wanted to post this to make you all aware that I won't be leaving anything unfinished! Thank you for your patience and support.
Much love
xo
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When Brittany wakes up from her slumber, she's not quite sure where she is. The last thing she remembers is falling asleep at the hospital next to her mother's bed, but she knew the smell and where she woke up didn't smell like one. Slowly opening her eyes, Brittany finds herself in her bedroom at her grandfather's house – it made her feel at ease instantly. Many nightmares in the past brought up fears of her waking up back in Phoenix with Jason hovering over her and it scared her to death. In Lima at least, she felt safe – plus, it did help that her grandfather and Santana lived there. Deep down, Brittany knew getting help was the best thing for her. It would help her heal from what happened in Phoenix at the hands of Jason, and even though it scared her to death, talking had to be the best thing.
Pulling back the covers, Brittany began feeling around the sheets for her phone grasping it and pulling it from under the sheets. Turning it over looking at the screen, she noticed she had a couple of messages from Santana which she missed the night before. Damn, falling asleep before texting someone you're into isn't the best idea that's for sure. Unlocking her phone, Brittany opened the messages she received from Santana realizing she must be worried after not responding the night previous – it wasn't as though she did it purposely or anything but after telling Santana about Jason she knew the girl would be pretty worked up as it is. Noticing it was a little after nine, Brittany dialed her number putting the phone to her ear hoping to god she wasn't about to wake her up. Santana may wake up early for running and stuff, but it was the weekend, and everybody enjoyed a lie in during that time, and Brittany assumed it must be the same for Santana. Who wouldn't take the privilege to give their body more sleep?
"Brittany…"
The blonde couldn't help but smile at hearing the Latina's voice. It gave her a little comfort knowing she wasn't mad at her. "Hey, Santana. I'm sorry for not responding last night. I ended up falling asleep at the hospital, and I forgot to message you back."
"Britt, it's fine, trust me. I'm just glad you're okay," Santana admitted which made Brittany sigh in relief. "And I don't think you can forget to text me back when you didn't know I messaged you.
"Okay, fine, you have a point, but you know what I meant," Brittany mumbled enjoying the sound of Santana's laughter on the other end of the phone. "I like the sound of your laugh. Is that weird?"
Santana laughed again which made Brittany's stomach churn, but in a good way. "I would sure hope so. I would hate to know you don't like my laugh."
Brittany liked a lot of things about Santana – not enough to make a book or anything but definitely enough to make an efficient list. After their kiss she just couldn't stop thinking about her and, in some way, she didn't want that to end. Yes, Jason was at the top of her worry list as well as her mother being in the hospital, but Santana gave her the happiness she wanted. Needed. She would never just turn around and tell her, of course, but it still made her feel good and damn, she really needed to feel good right now. She knew Santana wasn't exactly ready to just be open and public but, in some respect, Brittany felt the same way. There was too much going on to even think about a relationship, and the last thing she needed was to be open about being in a relationship with another woman in a small town. There were probably many people living around here who hate the idea of two women or two men together – homophobes. Brittany never understood the word since a phobia is being afraid of something so, basically, the word would mean having a fear of homosexual people. That literally makes no sense considering homophobes are hateful towards homosexuals. Saying that a lot of the English language made no sense.
"Did you need me to come over after school or are you okay?"
Brittany shot up from her bed immediately. Was the weekend over already? She looked at the digital clock on the bedside table noticing the day and date. Monday 2nd May. "Shit, it's Monday, isn't it? I'm late!"
"Hey, hey, relax. Your grandfather called in sick for you. I only know that as they didn't call your name out today and they only do that when someone is sick."
Monday. School. Her grandfather called up for her. Sighing in relief once again, Brittany fell back against the bed feeling herself bounce a little as she allows herself to sink back into the mattress. He must have brought her back last night once she had fallen asleep. Of course, that would be the reason. What else could it be? What Brittany couldn't understand was why her heart happened to be pounding against her chest so much.
"Brittany?"
The blonde shook her head at the horrid thought. "Sorry San – just trying to worry, that's all."
"John will have the house secure – I'm sure of it. He wouldn't just leave it with you inside when that man is out in the open."
Brittany laughs nervously looking around the room. "Yeah – Yeah, of course."
It wasn't that she didn't believe Santana, it's that she knows exactly what Jason is capable of. He is a predator and who knows what he had done before they met. She didn't even want to imagine it.
"Damn it – sorry Britt I have to go. Schuester has caught me on my phone. Text me, okay?"
Britany nodded before realizing she was on the phone. "Oh – yeah – sure – no problem. Bye, Santana."
They hung up leaving Brittany alone in the room in silence. Worrying about nothing wasn't exactly her forte, but in certain situations, like this one as an example, it was required. She wasn't about to risk anything regarding Jason.
Getting up from her bed, the blonde took a quick glance in the mirror to make sure she looked reasonable enough to face other people before opening her door and walking downstairs. She heard some noises which she could only assume as her grandfather. Brittany slowed down her pace just as a precaution peeking into the kitchen to see her grandfather making breakfast. Thank the lord. She didn't have to worry just yet,
"Morning, grandpa," Brittany greeted with a smile sitting down at the table. "You didn't have to call the school for me."
The older man turned to her with a smile. "It was no trouble, honey. I know you've been going through a lot lately and I think it will be good for you to clear your head."
Brittany smiled as her grandfather put down a cup of tea in front of her. She knew he was right – having some time to clear her head would be beneficial. She wouldn't have to constantly look over her shoulder while at her locker or try and keep her emotions in check all day.
"Thank you, I appreciate that. It will definitely help to have a day at home to sort my head out." Brittany took a sip of her tea before looking down at it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about everything. I was just – he just –"
"Hey," Brittany felt a hand on her arm causing her to realize her grandpa had joined her at the table. "You don't need to apologize for anything, sweetheart. I understand completely why you didn't want to say anything. I just wish I could have helped you earlier or figured it out for myself. I hate to even think that he touched you the way he did."
The blonde closed her eyes nodding her head. She knew he was right in a sense, but that didn't make the memories any better. She still couldn't sleep without the light on and had to double check the shower door was locked before she could even think about getting undressed. Those were only a couple of things in her behavior that had come from what that man did – they are probably many other habits she had picked up too.
"You couldn't have done anything – my mom didn't even know before she got into the accident, so you had no chance." Raising her head, she ran her fingers through her hair making eye contact with her grandpa, giving him a weak smile. "I'll be okay – it will take some time as I'm still a little uneasy right now, but once he's locked up I will be fine."
John looked at Brittany and couldn't believe even after everything she still managed to try and smile. He couldn't believe what had happened to her and the fact he failed to protect her – to save her – would haunt him every day. A few years ago, when he had the horrid job of having to bury his wife, Brittany's missing appearance worried him. She had such a special relationship with her grandmother and now knowing what she had been going through back then, he really wished he called to make sure she was okay. In a way, however, he knew maybe that would have made things worse and isn't sure what to think of everything. What John did know, however, was he planned to keep her safe from here on out. That bastard would be getting nowhere near his daughter and granddaughter. That was an unspoken promise.
"I want you to come with me to the doctor today. I know you aren't sleeping well, so I want to get you on some sleeping tablets for the next week or so," John explained, squeezing her hand. "I know you are terrified to sleep because the only time you actually sleep is when you are exhausted and pass out."
"Grandpa, it's fine – honestly. I'm just fine."
John shook his head giving her a look of sympathy. "You aren't sleeping, Brittany. I can tell by the constant yawning and bags under your eyes. Honestly, I'm worried about you."
The blonde shook her head feeling her eyes tear up. "Please, don't. What if he finds me and I'm asleep, and I can't get away? You don't know what he's capable of, grandpa. I need to be conscious. I need –"
She was instantly pulled into a hug by her grandfather before she cried into his shoulder gripping his shirt. He was right, of course. She had difficulty sleeping, but it wasn't as though she kept herself awake or anything. The nightmares – or night terrors as she liked to call them – kept her awake. She would never admit it to anyone, but she was terrified. Terrified of Jason finding her again. She tried not to think about the fact he was loose in public or else it just got her all worked up, and that didn't help anybody. Her grandfather holding her did help a little in feeling safe but not a lot. Her mind was swimming with thoughts, and it wouldn't stop on one specific thing. It went from worries about Jason to school work then to a certain Latina. If only she could turn her thoughts off for a day.
"I have police surrounding this house – he will never hurt you again. I promise."
Pulling back, Brittany wiped her eyes. That was better than nothing, and it would help Jason keep his distance a little since he's wanted by the police. When all of this is over, Brittany knew she wanted to stay in Lima. There are so many memories in Phoenix – more bad than good – she couldn't even fathom going back there. Not even to go back to her life of being a popular cheerleader – even that wasn't worth the pain.
"I'm going to go back up to my room." Brittany slowly stood up giving her grandpa one last squeeze of his hand. "I'll go to the doctor if it will put you at ease. I could do with some sleep that isn't interrupted."
John nodded before standing up as well kissing Brittany's forehead putting a hand on her shoulder. "I love you, Brittany. Don't you ever forget you have a family who loves you that will help you through this."
"I know, Grandpa – I love you too."
The blonde gave her grandpa one last smile before walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs back to her bedroom. She's not been up very long, and she's already exhausted. How long could this go on for?
Closing the door behind her, Brittany knelt pulling out the box with her journal inside. She had to write something down to get some of the thoughts out of her head. It's helped before, so why wouldn't it now?
2nd May 2014
Everything has happened so fast. I never thought I would have the guts to tell my family, and Santana for that matter, that I got sexually assaulted by Jason. It's brought up so many emotions inside me that I cannot explain. I found it hard to sleep before but now I know I'm going to struggle even more. Grandpa wants to put me on sleeping tablets for the time being, and even though the thought scares me since I've heard they can knock you out cold sometimes, I need sleep. The only reason I fell asleep last night was that I was surrounded by family who I trust. That doesn't happen when I'm home in my bedroom since I just think of all the ways Jason could get inside.
Santana. My god…she has been amazing. I have no words to explain how much she has done. I had a sort of emotional break down at school, and she was there straight away with the right words. I'm surprised she hasn't run for the hills already, but I must be doing something right if I'm still hanging around her. She makes me feel so good, and that is exactly what I need. To feel good. I may not be able to give her a real relationship right now, but I can definitely show that I care for her. I mean, I've made out with her, and that shows I like her. I wouldn't make out with just anybody. She's pretty hot if I'm totally honest. As a matter of fact, she's beautiful.
That's not the only thing on my mind. My mom has woken up. She seems fine from what I've heard, and there isn't any long-term damage I don't believe. Well, unless grandpa is keeping it a secret. Gosh, it's been so long since I got to speak to my mom that sometimes I find it surreal. I want things to go back to the way they were before Jason came along. I want my life back. I don't want to be scared for the rest of my life. What kind of life is that? Who wants to live that way?
Closing the journal, Brittany put it back underneath the bed before laying back down on her bed. Since she's not at school, she might as well catch up on a bit of sleep as much as she can. It still terrified her, but her eyes were sore, and she must have only got a few hours last night. Brittany began to close her eyes when she remembered her grandpa was still in the house and not asleep. Shit. On second thought, with her night terrors maybe sleep wasn't a liable option.
Alright, homework it is.
After not seeing Brittany all day due to being off sick, Santana decided to stop by her house before heading back home. Jonah was waiting for her since she promised they could watch a movie tonight before he settled down to go to sleep. Her parents were working – as per usual – so it meant she could look after him then stay up as late as she wanted. Well, as long as her body would allow would probably be a better answer. Since things have been going well with Brittany – they were still kissing each other, and that must be a good thing – Santana has wanted to introduce her to Jonah. Even for an eight-year-old, his opinion mattered. Yes, he is the younger brother, but that doesn't make him any less important. She can still recall the conversation they both had about having a girlfriend who is playful, and, in Santana's opinion, Brittany fits his profile. She just knows they will get along perfectly. Maybe they will both be able to spend time with Jonah later today if she's not got any plans, of course.
After finding out about Jason, Santana has noticed just how protective she has been over the blonde. One thing she has been doing recently is looking around to try and pick up any suspicious behavior – it's obvious when someone is acting in a way that isn't normal. If she finds him at any point, Santana knows she won't be afraid to confront him and make sure he never touches another person again. Nothing too serious, of course – just a few kicks to his crotch and a couple of punches to his face. Nothing major. If he had the confidence to do it to one person, he's probably done it before and just thinking about that makes Santana disgusted.
Stepping up to the house Santana knocked on the door before being greeted by John.
"Santana – it's lovely to see you."
"Thank you, sir. I was just hoping to see Brittany if that's okay? She wasn't at school today, so."
"Of course. Just head right up the stairs. Brittany will be happy to see a familiar face," Santana walked past the man heading towards the stairs. "Oh, and Santana?"
The cheerleader turns around. "Yes?"
"No need to call me Sir – John is fine," The older man states with a smile. "Also, thank you for sticking around. I know it must be hard to see her go through this."
Santana gave the older man a nod and a smile before walking up the stairs. She was too excited to see the blonde up the stairs to be able to respond – hopefully, he didn't see it as her being rude or anything. Walking down the hallway, she ended up at Brittany's bedroom door, and with a deep breath, she knocked before entering. The blonde was currently sitting at her desk before turning around to face her with a smile. It made her stomach churn.
"Hey." Brittany greeted.
Santana grinned. "Hey. How are you?"
"Could be better but I'm feeling pretty good since you walked in."
The pair of them chuckled as Santana made her way to the bed to take a seat. Neither of them said a word – just enjoying the comfortable silence in the air. It wasn't often silence was enjoyed, however, sometimes it is nice to feel comfortable enough to just sit in the same room as someone without any communication. Santana raised her head allowing herself to admire the girl sat in the chair in front of her – nowadays she couldn't believe she had been hiding this part of herself. The way Brittany 's hair framed her face and how her eyes shined just made her look so beautiful. If it were up to her, she would spend every day with the blonde and be happy. Obviously eventually outside Lima when Brittany felt comfortable enough – her comfort was the most important part.
Well, you can imagine Santana's surprise when Brittany leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Santana wasn't sure whether to push her away or to grip on tight. She didn't want to startle Brittany in any way so, slowly, moving her hands up she cupped her face before leaning into the kiss tilting her head a little before moving her lips slightly against Brittany's. It didn't take long for the blonde to catch on. Of course, Santana knew the significance of being cautious at this time, so she decided to move her thumbs against Brittany's skin which, she noticed, got her to relax her body. Bonus.
After a few kisses here and there, the two girls pulled back leaning their heads together to calm down – more Santana than anything. She wasn't sure how Brittany made her feel the way she did. However, it wasn't something to complain about that's for sure.
"You know you have the opportunity to find something real, right?" Brittany asked, getting Santana to pull back. "You could find someone who hasn't got baggage like me. Someone who can give you the whole experience without getting freaked out."
Without a word, Santana reached over taking Brittany's hand cautiously slowly bringing it onto her lap holding it. Their fingers laced together, and even though Santana could see the blonde was struggling a little, she began to trace her fingers along the pale arm. "Do you know why I like you?"
"Well, I assumed it was due to how attractive I am."
Santana laughed nodding in response. "Well there is that, but no. Brittany, you are the most real person I have ever met. You don't try and fit in with anyone else, and the one thing I find most attractive is you don't let anyone tell you who to be. In a sense, you're the complete opposite of me. I admire that about you and, hopefully, I can be that someday."
Brittany couldn't help but keep her gaze on the girl in front of her. "You mean that?"
"Oh, trust me – I wouldn't lie to a beautiful girl."
With a blush on her cheeks, Brittany moved her thumb along Santana's skin. "You're the beautiful one."
"I know you won't be able to do all the things to want to in a relationship right now because honestly, I believe you need to heal first. But I'm going to be here for you through everything. You aren't alone, Britt – I promise you."
Santana hated how insecure Brittany felt about herself – it was as though after everything, Brittany expected her to just get up and leave when things got hard. No – that is not what Santana Lopez does. Why go through everything then leave when things get hard? The whole point of being with someone is to help them overcome the obstacles they are struggling to get over – obviously kissing and cuddling comes under that.
"Thank you, Santana. I don't know what I would do without you sometimes."
Santana shrugs standing up pulling the blonde to her feet also. "Well it's a good job you don't have to find out, isn't it?"
That caused Brittany to finally give her a smile. "I guess that is a pretty positive statement."
Laughing was a pretty good healing mechanism – it seemed to be doing Brittany wonders. Santana couldn't help but feel herself smile when Brittany did, and it definitely helped after having a conversation like the one they just did. The Latina knew she would do anything to keep the smile on her face. God knows she needed it.
"So, I was thinking you could come over to mine for the evening. I'll be babysitting Jonah but like I've told you before, I want you to meet him." Santana explained putting the bag she placed against Brittany's bed on her shoulder. "I think you two will get along great."
Brittany folded her arms and seemed to get nervous at the concept of leaving. "You think he will be okay with it? I mean – don't you want to spend the evening with just him? He is your brother."
"Well I want you to come with me too," Santana put a hand on Brittany's arm. "I want you to meet him, but if tonight isn't a good time, then we can postpone it. I haven't told him or anything so he won't know any different."
Brittany pressed her lips together in thought causing Santana to believe she was going to say no before stepping forward putting her hands onto Santana's arms, nodding. Santana wasn't sure whether to believe it, but Brittany pulled back and began putting some things into a bag which confirmed her answer. Damn, this was really happening. Brittany was going to meet her brother.
"Britt, there's no pressure," Santana began folding her arms. "I know you are going through a lot right now. I just thought it would be a good distraction."
Brittany turned her head with a smile. "I know, and I agree. I barely leave the house so, maybe, spending time with you at yours will help. It might take my mind off everything."
Santana watched as Brittany packed a bag to bring with her. It was so nice to have someone she could spend most of her time with. Quinn might be her closest friend, but outside school, they barely hung out aside from things to do with cheerleader practice. It was nice thinking she had someone to be with outside school – someone who wanted to be around her too. These days that was a rarity.
While waiting for Brittany to pack her bags, Santana looked around the room and didn't really see many things from her time from Phoenix aside from one thing. There was a picture on the wall of Brittany with two adults which she can only assume are her parents. Brittany must be, what, nine years old in that photo?
"Is this you with your parents?"
Brittany glanced in her direction before walking to stand beside her. "Yes, that's me, my mom and my dad. It was taken before their divorce."
"You must miss that – having them both in the same place."
The blonde shook her head. "I just wish my dad put more effort in since now it's as though I don't exist to him."
"Do you have any siblings?"
Brittany shakes her head. "No, or else I would have probably stayed and fought Jason myself. Family is important to me."
Santana always wondered about the life Brittany had before she moved to Lima, but at the same time, she's not sure she wants to know at the same time. Just hearing about the way Brittany says his name – that's enough to make her understand how much hate there is there. Of course, there is going to be after what he did, but deep down she believes the blonde is holding back more than she is showing. Personally, from being around Brittany the past couple of months and getting to know her, Santana has noticed behind everything Brittany put up front for people to see, she was a different person in Phoenix. A less broken version of Brittany. There is so much Santana doesn't know about Brittany that she wants to such as her family and friends she used to have. If she were to be honest with herself, Santana wants to know everything there is to know about Brittany Pierce.
"I know you don't like to talk about who you were before Lima –"
"I wasn't anyone before Lima, Santana."
Moving in front of the blonde, Santana took her hands in her own. "Okay – okay – I know you hate opening up. I just want you to know that if you ever get to the point where you want to talk about it, I'll be right here."
Brittany bites her lip looking down at the ground as though trying to avoid contact with her which, as much as it pains her, she understands. Santana is patient and gives her time to process what was just said. Brittany had been going through a lot the past few days and even mentioning the past probably wasn't the best thing she could have done. She wasn't intentionally trying to pressure the blonde since it's not as though she knew nothing. After all, Brittany did open up about her sexual abuse, and that is the last thing she expected.
"I know you want to know more, Santana. I completely get that as I've basically only told you things about me that I needed to," Brittany said, raising her head to capture her gaze. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Brittany pulled a hand back to cup Santana's cheek with a small smile. "Just be patient, okay? You mean a great deal to me and that's a lot more than what I can say about some people. When I'm ready, I'll tell you all about my life in Phoenix."
With that, Brittany pulled away kissing her cheek and picked her bag up. "Just remember – patience is a virtue."
"I've gone this far on the bare minimum, so I think I'll be okay," Santana responds picking up her own bag placing it on her shoulder. "I care for you a lot and, honestly, you've told me one of your biggest secrets. I know you trust me."
There was a silence in the room. Neither girl said a word – only looked at one another. It was as though no words needed to be said after the conversation – they were both on the same page.
"Ready to go?"
Brittany took Santana's hand leading them towards the bedroom door.
"Yeah – let's go meet your brother."
"Tana!"
Brittany couldn't help but allow a smile to form on her face seeing the young boy get so excited to see Santana. Well, she doesn't blame him – if she had a sister or brother she is guessing she'd act the same way. The pair of them hadn't even stepped inside before Santana was pretty much tackled by her younger brother. Brittany could tell they were related just seeing them together.
"Hey, buddy!" Santana greeted, ruffling his hair and laughing when he starts to moan about her touching his hair. "I'd like you to meet someone."
The young boy turns his gaze to her. "Are you Tana's girlfriend?"
Brittany's eyes widen, but she shakes her head out of the initial shock putting her bag down. "No, no, I'm not her girlfriend. I'm her – friend. I'm Brittany."
"Brittany? Are you staying for movie night?" Jonah asked, a grin on his face. "Tana never brings friends home."
Santana chuckles beside her. "I don't have any friends good enough for you, buddy."
Jonah runs off into the living room holding up a DVD he picked up from the couch. "Finding Nemo."
Hearing the title caused Brittany's stomach to drop. Finding Nemo is Isla's favorite movie – they used to watch it all the time back when they were dating. She didn't want Santana or Jonah to notice though, so she kept the smile on her face even if she didn't really feel like it. It was bound to bring back so many memories.
"Again?" Santana asked turning her gaze to Brittany. "Sorry, he loves Disney. Big fan."
"Actually, I'm a pretty big fan myself – can't go wrong with a good Disney movie," Brittany responded ignoring her inner thoughts walking into the living room sitting on the couch Jonah was stood in front of. "Finding Nemo, eh? That's one of my favorites."
"Really?" Jonah asked, sitting beside the blonde. "What's your favorite? Mine is this one."
Brittany taps her chin pretending to think. "I would have to say The Lion King."
"But that's so sad! I cry every time I watch it!" Jonah said, jumping up to put the DVD in. "I like the songs, though."
Brittany smiled looking up at Santana who gives her a look of approval. She didn't really have much experience with being around children, but from what she can see she can't be doing too bad. Jonah hasn't given her any sign that he dislikes her and that's the main thing. Brittany wanted Jonah to like her because she knows how important he is to the Latina – it would do no good if he dislikes her. Saying that she had been told by a few people back in Phoenix how likeable she is so maybe that helps when connecting with people she doesn't know.
"Well I suppose it's a good job you're picking the movies then, isn't it?" Brittany said, winking at the younger boy. "I'll leave that job to you."
Jonah nodded his head with a look of seriousness on his face. "Yes, I think we best leave it to me. I'll let you pick if I want to cry."
Brittany couldn't help but chuckle to herself before feeling the sofa dip a little as Santana joined her. She looked to the side capturing Santana gaze with a smile forming on her lips watching Santana smiling back. Brittany had to be honest – she was looking forward to a relaxing night with Santana and her brother. It was a night she had been waiting for.
"I hope you don't mind sharing my attention with Jonah," Santana whispered. "We have a close relationship, so he will cuddle me as we watch."
"Oh no that's completely fine. I wouldn't want to interfere as it is your night. I'm just a plus one so to say," Brittany said, winking at the girl leaning back on the couch. "I'll just be watching the movie, trust me."
"I'm not sure whether to be offended by that."
"No, you don't need to be offended. Seriously, I'm here to enjoy tonight as much as you and your brother. It'll be nice to relax for once."
Jonah finished putting the DVD in before joining them on the sofa sitting right between them which Brittany had expected. She wasn't sure what she expected when she found out Santana had a brother, but it was different than who he was as a person. He is such a joyful child, and it takes her back to when she was like that – happy without any worries. Brittany missed it. Shaking her head, Brittany turned her attention to the tv as the movie began.
It didn't take long until Brittany's attention diverted to Santana. Her gaze slowly drifted away from the movie to Santana and the way she was leaned back on the couch – relaxed and content. Brittany's arm was on the back of the couch meaning her fingers were close to Santana's neck. She couldn't resist trailing a finger down the back of her neck – it made it easier since Santana's hair was still tied up in a ponytail after being at school all day. The motion caused Santana's attention to move from the movie to her. It didn't stop Brittany's motions on her neck, but it caused them both to keep their gazes on one another. Brittany loved the shade of Santana's eyes – she could look into them forever if that was possible.
Reverting her gaze once again, Brittany reached up pulling the headband out of Santana's hair watching as it flowed over her shoulders. Gosh, it looked gorgeous. She couldn't help but run her fingers through it enjoying the softness before looking back at Santana who seemed to be enjoying the contact between them as much as her. Now would be the perfect time for Jonah to move to the other side of Santana but he seemed fixed on the TV with no plan to move. That was the thing about not being alone with someone you like – if a moment comes along, you can't do anything about it. Brittany knew Santana didn't have the heart to move him.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Brittany asked, making sure not to talk too loud due to the movie playing. She didn't want to interrupt Jonah's choice of movie.
"Of course – what's on your mind?"
Brittany bit her lip looking at the tv for a few moments in thought. "I think I – no, I need – I need to see someone. You know, therapy-wise."
Her question made Santana's focus turn to her which, in some respect, was a good thing. It just made Brittany nervous.
"Are you sure you're ready for that, Brittany? I mean, you have to want to go, if you get me. It's not easy."
"I know, but I don't mean right away," Brittany states, resting her hand on the back of Santana's neck, playing with the small hairs at the top of her neck. "It's just – I mean – I do want to help myself. Once Jason is locked up and I know I can relax, I will think about going then. I just wanted your opinion."
"My opinion won't matter that much, Britt."
Brittany shook her head with a smile. "Your opinion matters to me."
"Well I will support you if that's what you want to do," Santana said, trailing her fingers over Brittany's arm. "I do think it will be good for you, especially when it comes to your nightmares."
Brittany wasn't sure what to think – there are still a lot of things she doesn't understand. Ever since she ran away from Phoenix to live with her grandfather, she had done research such as how to cope and how to keep on going. Brittany knew every person who has been abused in their life coped differently so they will go through experiences she won't and vice versa. One thing she can't get her head around is how she is comfortable with Santana and how Santana is able to touch her. From what she has read elsewhere, most people can't stand the thought of someone touching them as it freaks them out. If Santana were a man, Brittany knows it would be a different story as then she would be reminded of Jason. Maybe that's what is going on – men are the ones who can't touch her. However, that wouldn't explain why her grandfather was able to unless it's different because of the trust between them. Gosh, just thinking about all of this makes Brittany's head hurt.
"I suppose it's just something I need to think about some more."
"Tana and Brittany! Ssh!"
The two girls chuckled before putting their focus back on the tv. Santana squeezed her arm once more before wrapping her arm around Jonah allowing him to cuddle up to her. Brittany, on the other hand, couldn't turn her mind off. There was one question in particular she wanted – no – needed the answer to.
Where the hell was Jason?