Disclaimer: I do not own SW.
Dear all:
This will be the last chapter uploaded potentially for 3 months: I'm having to take a hiatus in order to pay my way through university. I know as of late I haven't been updating as often as I should have, however I'm sure you can all appreciate how often Darth Real Life can bugger up all the possible plans you may have. Your dedication means a lot to me and I'm very sorry to have kept you all waiting this long.
I hope that when I get back I will have the oppurtunity to upload a great deal more.
Thank you for your patience.
MadamGrandAdmiral
Chapter 14: Loss of Innocence
Illyana lay awake, staring at the eternal darkness of the blind, unable to sleep. Something was bothering her; though she could not quite put her finger on it, there was something staring her in the face that she could only just sense, not grasp. She tossed over, sighing loudly.
It frustrated her; did other Chiss suffer in this way? Her father had always so quickly seemed to solve problems, turning them into advantages rather than detrimental issues, he had never struggled like this. Or had he? It was all so vexing: there was no way she could ask any other Chiss such personal questions about the innermost workings of their minds.
She barely remembered those days, too focused on her own small world rather than the inter-personal relationships that went on around her. Her parents had cared for each other, that was all that mattered to her as a child. How selfish she had been then: how unconcerned with the lives of those around her.
It was enough to make her ashamed: that she had been so much happier to play with her mathematic puzzles and learn Basic, yet not give a damn about her parents. In retrospect, she should have been more aware, more able to effect them both.
Her earlier fears of an abusive relationship between her parents had dissipated; a weight had been lifted from her shoulders at the revelation. It had hurt, to think she had merely been a by-product of an accidental union, not particularly wanted, just a consequence of some silly idiocy.
But she still had so many questions: Why had her mother abandoned her? Who, and where, was Mitth'or'nuroudo? And why did she get the feeling that Pellaeon knew a lot more about Dania that he was sharing?
She sighed again. The biggest problem was, of course, that Pellaeon was subordinate to her, yet also an advisor, almost a friend. She could no more order him to divulge dark secrets than she demand Chak Fel refuse to train to be an officer, or insist Voss Parck surrender complete control of the Empire of the Hand to her totally.
Illyana knew she was a child; was more aware than most of the frailty of her condition, the painful lack of experience and respect she was likely to have until she was old enough to be put through the official military training academies and work her way to the top, as her father had done, her tentative grip really only inherited. The Empire she was the head of was precariously placed, and she needed to proceed with caution.
If she could be sure it would be safer, she would hand over the position to Thrawn; but something held her back. It was her father, to be sure, genetically…but she was uncertain how much of his mind was the Grand Admiral. That was what preyed on her mind; that this was her father, her blood kin, yet she could not offer him what honour required; she could not let him assume his command unless she was absolutely positive it was safe. She may not have much experience, but she would not let it be undone by an unadjusted clone.
The happiness she had at having her father return to her had withered: her reasoning questioning the how's and whys of the situation late into the night: and she could find no excuse for him not to have returned to her, or the Empire, or even the Chiss Ascendancy.
She knew he had to face him: but the idea was not appealing. She did not want to have to face him at all, had gone to great lengths to avoid him until now: however, the funeral for her mother was approaching, and she would have no choice but to stand shoulder to shoulder with him.
Illyana turned over, and picked up the datacard again, intent on finishing what was turning out to be a fairly more interesting story than she had given it credit for: everything was becoming clearer between her parents, at least it was now.
XXX
"You're taking a risk, being here." Palpatine did not acknowledge Thrawn's entrance, intently gazing out at the city, arranged panoramically around the room, the spectacular scene as disturbing as it was awe-inspiring. There was a brief silence between the two.
"Dania is the risk to Court." Thrawn spoke softly, and without accusation.
"Have a care, Mitth'raw'nuroudo, I know what I am doing. You of all people know the extent of my abilities, she will never be cause for concern." Palpatine dismissed his concern as if it were a cobweb, brushing it aside with a casual wave of his hand. Red eyes seemed to flash in the setting sunlight; pastel clouds making the room seem drenched in the colour of blood. The atmosphere between the two seem to crackle with energy, a stagnant sort of regard for the other, each testing the other's limits.
"You expressed similar arguments regarding the Deathstar, and the biological research on Falleen. They did not turn out to be … advantageous to the Empire." Thrawn persisted with the argument, his voice free of any fear of recriminations. Palpatine was too used to dealing with the alien to expect anything else.
"Dania is a single woman." He sneered: on her own, Dania was nothing. Anyone on their own in Court was a suicide waiting to be given a little push over the edge: there was no threat from her. The men around her only manipulated her for her femininity, not her secret links to him. He was certain she could pose him no threat.
"It took a single man to bring down the New Republic. She's a genetic experiment… derived from your DNA." It seemed to be both a question and a statement, the uncertainty making it all the more dubious from the Grand Admiral. It amused Palpatine: obviously, the Chiss was having trouble believing the information that was certainly double and triple checked.
"Your sources are excellent, as always."
"If I am aware of such things, then you can be certain others are as well." The retort came quickly and without emotion: Palpatine only permitted so much leeway, but this was teetering on the edge of insubordination: still Thrawn stood by his argument, determined to be heard out.
"I'd expect nothing less from my Court." He chuckled. The influence certain figures had was disturbing, but controlled: Xizor was soon to be brought to heal, as would the House of Dolls itself….
"Why did you create her?" Certain rumours had surfaced about the alien and his attachment to the courtesan: this conversation seemed to prove them correct, at least in some small way. Dania was needy enough to accept and reciprocate these feelings…Changes would need to be made to her to prevent it going any further, Palpatine noted: she could not be so easily swayed if she hoped to survive.
"Certain things must remain secret, even from you." He replied with a tone of finality.
"And Dania herself?" Thrawn pressed still further: he'd been banished for less. Palpatine idly considered what others in Court would make of their more intimate conversations.
"She is one of the most essential parts of the Empire…her existence will guarantee the survival of the New Order." He spoke the words with the tones of one addressing a crowd of the necessity of something unsavoury, an attitude that made Thrawn recoil.
"Is she intended to provide you with a force-sensitive heir? Or an organ donator to keep you alive?" Thrawn asked boldly: Palpatines' reaction was instantaneous and enough to make a lesser man fall apart. The alien, however, did not shy away from men of power, nor their attempts to prove their mastery over him.
"She is many things, Grand Admiral…but she is not yours. Do you understand?"
"My Emperor." He inclined his head, with more questions on the tip of his tongue, but certain of one thing: this trifle he was conducting with Dania had the potential to both make or break the plan he had been setting for a decade. It made him uneasy that anyone, least of all a human female, should have that power over him.
"Now, in regards to the timetable for your Unknown Regions venture: you will need to move it forward significantly…
XXX
Dania was pacing very slowly before the overly large windows of an empty corridor in the Imperial Palace, worry gnawing away at her. She had not seen Thrawn since her somewhat improvised and bumbling confession: though they had spoken many times over private commlink, the necessity to keep their illicit relationship a secret was paramount.
But it was also possible to step out together, so long as they were careful. The very nature of Thrawn's title meant he was always scheduled to be elsewhere on the planet, carrying out whatever tasks a Grand Admiral was required to do. It almost made her giggle: what was the job description for a Grand Admiral?
So here she was, underdressed for Court, hoping not to draw unwanted attention, a hood drawn over her too-long hair, casting shadows over her features. Wearing a specified brooch as he had requested, Dania waited for Thrawn, their impromptu meeting hastily arranged within a gap in his timetable. She hated all the mystery and uncertainity, but if this was the only way they could be together…
"My lady, what a pleasant surprise…" The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as she turned around to face Tigellinus, tipping his head in the customary bow. Dania responded as was necessary, and straightened, heart pounding in fear. How had she not heard his approach, had she been so lost in thought? "Everyone is looking for you, I'm just glad it was I who found you, to tell you the news."
"And what news would that be, Grand Admiral?" She spoke, trying to hide her flustered appearance, her surprise at seeing him present here, now, when she was supposed to be having a romantic engagement with Thrawn. Here was one the only men in court who made her skin crawl with a mere look, intruding on one of the very few opportunities she'd had with her love.
"Roganda Ismaren has fled Court: her chambers are abandoned, her credit account emptied. You've been promoted." He smiled handsomely at her: though she was not fooled for an instant. Everything he said was baited, a subtle trap for her to slip into and expose herself to Court gossip.
Meanwhile, the world span around Dania: had her pitiful threat driven the elder woman away?
"You are two ceremonies away from unimaginable influence…" His smile turned ugly. "Your deflowering, and your official acceptance of the role of head Courtesan." He reached out a hand to touch her cheek, stroking a wisp of hair from her visage. "Don't look so afraid, Dania: with the influence you will carry, many will initially put their names forwards to purchase your purity: few will remain when the stakes get high."
"That does little to comfort me, Grand Admiral…" His finger violate her lips, touching them gently, smearing the make up she wore upon them: she remained transfixed in his gaze, even as she felt the tip of his thumb inside her mouth.
"Indeed it shouldn't…but have no fear, Lady Dania…" He leaned in close to her ear, lips centimetres from her lobe, so only she could hear him. "I will allow no one to win you from me: from that night onwards, you will never forget to call me Rufaan…" A shiver passed down her spine: but not one of expectant pleasure: one of sheer terror.
"If it is your desire to enter the bidding, I wish you good luck, Grand Admiral; I have heard they can get quite bloodthirsty…"
"There are many things I desire…and I only credits away from a number of them." He leant forward, as if to kiss her. "No…That wouldn't be right. However, when we meet again…" Tigellinus walked away, disappearing in a manner similar to that in which he'd arrived, leaving Dania alone again for a few precious seconds.
"Forgive my lateness…" She turned as she saw Thrawn approached, curtseying slightly for the benefit of anyone watching. "..I was held behind on something I had to complete." Dania nodded, and moved to touch him hand, a small token of caring, and one that would go unnoticed by most: except for him sharply withdrawing it from her grasp. She needed to tell him what had just occurred, of the veiled threat, of what Tigellinus planned to do to her….And he had pulled away from her, like some poisoned apple had been offered in place of a gesture of love.
"What's wrong?" She asked, concerned: why such a massive change in attitude to her? Why did such a small thing bother him, after the kiss they had shared? Had he overheard the exchange that had just occurred: did he feel threatened by Tigellinus?
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't see you right now…tonight?" He stepped backwards. "There are things I need to do…" He did not get very far: Dania lunged forwards, grasping his hands and pulling herself upon him, desiring his closeness. All decorum dropped, he rested his hands on her shoulders, waiting for her sobs to abate, hands stroking her hair gently. "Tell me, Dania, what makes you like this?"
"Haven't you heard about Roganda?" she blinked up at him, eyes red, make up still in place. He offered her a handkerchief and they separated as she dried her eyes, her sense of decorum returning.
"I've been with the Emperor all morning." Thrawn explained.
"Roganda has fled: leaving me as her successor. There is one final thing that must occur before I can take her place, though." Dania said gently, her voice husky from all the crying. Neither of them had to say the words: they both knew how a geisha earned her freedom: paying off her debts to the Empire by selling her virginity to the highest bidder.
"Dania, I haven't the money to go up against Tigellinus: I can try, but his family has holdings far surpassing my influence, I hope you understand…" Thrawn began, just as Dania rested a finger on his lip, stepping up once again into his body.
"Yes…I understand. I wouldn't insult you by asking you to enter such a disgusting act" Her free hand rose to touch his chest, her eyes dropping to his chest, level with his rank badge. "You could have me before the winner does…" Her voice had dropped to a mere whisper, low enough to be unheard on any spies in the area.
"No: that is also against my morals as an officer and a gentleman: I won't ever just 'take' you, Dania…you're not a possession for me to treat as such." He drew her into a warm embrace, his heartbeat against her cheek, hands in the small of her back. She wished it would never end, that they could sand there like that, that no one else would ever have to hold her, intimately or otherwise.
"Very well…I'll see you tonight, then." He took her hand, and kissed it chastely, before walking off slowly, leaving Dania alone with her disturbed thoughts. Why had Thrawn been unsettled before he had arrived? What had the Emperor told him? She touched her temples: all the intrigue was making her head and her heart throb.