Disclaimer - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not try any of the jokes with airport security, I'd hate for any of my loyal readers to be held up and cavity searched.
The Kobold Necromancer's Notes - I'm sorry this is so late, but that is life. Oh, and for the record, all of this is impossible. And I offer no apology to airport security, they're dim. I'd also like to ask that you all stop asking me when the next chapter will be out, because asking doesn't help! And by saying that, I am lying, because it's a huge guilt trip. But be careful, or I'll vote your favorite character off. \evil grin\
Chapter 14 - Surely You Cannot Be Serious
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(Back at Maclean Stadium)
Duncan sipped at his drink as Chef Hatchet walked around the cafeteria, sweeping up the mess. The big, large, huge, giant, heavy, brute of huge density mumbled as he cleaned up.
"I used to cook good meals for these runts," he grumbled and fussed. "Now I'm cleaning up. I shouldn't be sweeping, that's a woman's job!"
"Real nice, Chef," Duncan said. "Are you related to Ezekiel?"
"Are you kidding? Have you noticed the difference between him and me?"
"Nope. Cannot see a single difference between you and Ezekiel."
"None of your sass-mouth, whippersnapper, I... hey! Wait a minute! What are you doing here, criminal? You were voted off!
"And come to think of it, you were here at breakfast! What is the matter with you, showing up where you don't belong?"
Duncan scoffed, rolled his eyes, waved his hand, shook his head, and sipped his drink again. After that exhausting bit of sarcastic body language, he added, "You want to be stuck on a bus with that snobby Sandra and over-the-top drama queen Jasmine? Those two will drive a guy like me insane."
"So you're just here-"
"Correct! I'm just here for the food. Oh, and to swap spit with my girlfriend, that's fun. Wonder how she's doing now in the challenge?"
(Team 7 - Courtney, Harold, Katie, Rodney.)
"Now I want you all to know," Courtney said as her team stood in front of her, "that airport security has no sense of humor, and they are overly paranoid. Heaven knows, Chris probably told them to be even more paranoid. So I need you guys to please put everything that could possibly be considered a threat in here."
Courtney opened up a suitcase she had purchased in front of them. Rodney pulled out a calculator and put it in. "Could hide a bomb," he said.
"I... seriously doubt that," the CIT remarked, then smiled and pat his head, "but hey, you know, now that you brought it up, I think it's possible. Last thing I want to see is me saying that's ridiculous, and then security holding up the calculator, saying it might have a bom-"
Courtney startled as a pair of nunchucks fell into the suitcase with a loud clank. Then a couple ninja stars, then a short sword.
"For God's sake, Harold," Courtney declared as the lanky nerd then put in a couple yo-yos, a squirt gun, and more devious items in too. "You carry all this around with you?"
"Where were you keeping it?" Katie asked in marvel.
"Gosh! I always have to be prepared," Harold said.
"With that kind of weaponry?" Courtney exclaimed.
"Well, we are on Total Drama," Rodney pointed out, marveling the weapons. "Ooo, is that a real blowgun?"
"Harold," she groaned, then shook his head and looked up at Katie. "What about you?"
"I don't have a sword or a bo staff, Courtney."
"No, but you could have something."
Katie rolled her eyes. "Look, I only have my wallet, my lip gloss, my nail file-"
"Nail file?" Courtney repeated. "For God's sake, Katie, airport security treats those like shivs! Throw it in there now!"
Katie grudgingly, then held up her lip gloss. "Want me to throw this in too?" she asked sarcastically.
"Don't be a whiner, Katie."
The two girls glared at each other, and Rodney hid behind Harold. The nerd cleared his throat loudly, catching the girls' attention. "Now before this gets ugly, remember that we only have a few minutes before noon, and if we don't get on that plane, we're going to have to get the next one. And I would really like to make it in time."
"Yeah," Rodney squeaked from behind Harold's leg. "Besides, we got everything in that suitcase, right?"
"Right," Courtney said as she slammed said suitcase shut. "Now I want all of you to be very passive, very reasonable. If they ask you to strip down to your underwear, then do it."
Katie looked down herself, then swallowed. "Um, can they do that?"
"Yes, they can. So be careful."
"I'm actually okay with nudity in public," Harold said proudly. "After the first season with that prank the guys pulled on me, I'm okay. Now that all the girls I know and love have seen me naked, there's nothing for me to ever fear again."
Courtney looked at Harold oddly, then sighed and picked up the suitcase. "Anyway, let's get this over with."
(Janitor's Closet - We're naked too, in a way.)
Courtney - " 'All the girls I know and love have seen me naked.' Man, Harold gets more and more weird... wait. I was there when he was naked. Does that mean he..."
Harold - "To make the best out the worst and most embarrassing position I've ever been in, I now know that all the girls I like have seen me naked. True, some haven't, but it's their loss."
(Team 1 - Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Izzy)
"Guys, I have some really bad news," Cody said as he headed back to his teammates. "We don't have enough money for four tickets on our card."
"What?!" the other three exclaimed, all of them gaping in horror.
"In fact, we barely have enough money for three. If we pay for three, we're not gonna have enough for a rental car."
"This sucks," Bridgette complained, then looked confused. "Wait a minute, why? You three were on the winning paintball team! Izzy was one of the two people left standing!"
"That explains it, eh," Ezekiel grumbled. When Bridgette looked at him confused, he explained, "He bet on the popular kids, and one of the people responsible for making him lose his bet is on our team."
"Oh, I'm sure it's more dastardly than that," Izzy said, a cheerful smile on her face. "See, we're the four semifinalists of last season? I bet he cut our funding so seriously to almost ensure our team lost, and one of us could be voted off."
"Why would he do that, eh?"
"Simple, he's one of those people who thinks that since we did well one season, we don't deserve more time on the show."
"That sucks! If I'm using the right word, eh?"
"Yes, you are," Bridgette said, patting his back; it was more for her balance than his comfort, because she was rather off-put by this news. "So, we are royally screwed."
"Bridgette, I haven't heard you call defeat so quickly like this befur, eh."
"I told you this would happen, didn't I?" She sighed and leaned against the wall. "Getting rid of the people who won last season. I really wanted to stay longer."
"Bridgette, c'mon, people love you."
"Yeah, and I'd chime in," Cody said, grinning, "but Ezekiel can do the sweet talking."
Bridgette smiled at her friends, then noticed Izzy wasn't there. When she looked around for their redheaded friend, a loud thump startled her.
"Look what I managed to rent at such a reasonable price," Izzy chimed, grinning excitedly. What she had thumped in front of them was a very large suitcase, about four feet tall, three feet wide, and two feet thick.
"That's really big, eh," Ezekiel said. "But Izzy, we didn't even have luggage to begin with!"
"Yeah, but you can ship me in this," she explained, grinning even wider now. "I'll be your baggage."
Cody, Ezekiel, and Bridgette stared at her. She stared back, that Izzy-grin unwavering. "Well, you all know I hate flying."
"How will being in a box help?" Cody asked.
"It's better than being on the plane, at least riding it."
"You still will be, but Izzy," Bridgette sighed and shook her head, "this doesn't help anything. We barely have enough money for three people, so we still have a probably with the rental car afterwards."
"Izzy thought of that too, so she got one big enough for two people," she pointed out, opening up the large suitcase.
This stunned the three teens, and Izzy simply giggled. "Who wants to ride with Izzy in the suitcase?" [1]
(Team 6 - Colin, Joel, Hannah, Lindsay, Trent)
"Finally, we're here," Colin shouted as he stormed out of the car and kicked the door, denting it. "Stupid, slow car."
"It's your own fault," Trent pointed out. "If you had just gone through the obstacle course-"
"Shut up, Hannah!"
The other four were slightly stumped by this (especially Lindsay, who was trying desperately to remember who Hannah was).
"She didn't say anything, that was me," Trent remarked.
"I know, but I'm sure she's thinking judgmental things and is gonna chastise me soon! And I don't want to hear it!"
Colin stormed ahead, leaving the others rather off-put. Lindsay looked over at Hannah, and smiled. "Oh, you're Hannah," she said, then frowned. "You're not gonna chastise me too, are you?"
"N-no."
"Good, because I don't think I'd like that. What's chastise mean, Trevor?"
The ticket purchase went smoothly, all things considered, and then it was time to go through airport security. They rented one suitcase for their possessions, but it was quickly filled up by one of the contestants.
"Wow, Noel," Lindsay remarked as Joel tossed in a third screwdriver. "You sure do have a lot of stuff on you!"
"They didn't invite me on this show because I'm an unprepared inventor," he said with a smile, then took off his shoe and fished out a small screwdriver from here.
"Nah, they probably asked you on to fix the coffee machine," Colin remarked with a mean grin, "if you can even do that."
Joel shrugged, uncaring as he shook out his boot over the suitcase, in which a ball-point hammer and several gears and nuts fell out. "You sure you gave over everything you have on you, Colin?"
"Don't look at me, I don't have any weapons. Why not ask church girl?"
Now the inventor was mad, and he glared at the bully. "Why don't you watch what you say?"
"She's got dangerous items on her, like that necklace!"
Hannah looked down and touched said necklace. "My cross?" she asked.
"Yeah, most dangerous thing on the planet, since Christians are ruining it."
Colin walked off to security, laughing. Trent had to coax Joel to put a hammer (a rather big one, too) back in the suitcase. Lindsay looked at Hannah, confused.
"What's he mean by that?" she asked. "Do Christians not recycle?"
"I do. He's just being mean, Lindsay."
"Oh, I hate mean!"
The five went to security, and it seemed most of the teams were already going through it. Hannah assumed that the creators of the show (and/or Chris) had called ahead, because it seemed almost everyone was there.
As the religious girl took off her shoes and put all her belongings in a tray, a rather mean-looking security guard approached her. "What's that on your neck, girl?"
"Um, my cross?"
The security guard grabbed it with his fingers and inspected it closely. Hannah looked around nervously, and noticed that a lot of the security there was glaring at her suspiciously.
"It's one of those Christians," one of them whispered.
"You gotta watch out for them," another agreed. "There's been no reports of Christians trying anything on planes, which means we have to be extra-careful with them."
"Be careful, or she'll chastise us!"
Hannah sighed as the guard continued to closely inspect her one-inch cross with the type of scrutiny he should show on something actually threatening. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Colin grinning wickedly at her.
(Janitor's Closet - Duncan was here!)
Colin - "Stupid Hannah got us delayed to the last plane possible back there. I think we can all agree it was her fault."
Joel - \angry stare\ "So what would happen if those people actually found someone carrying something really dangerous? Would they not recognize it?!"
Trent - "I don't know what was worse, the fact they looked at Hannah's cross like it was a serious threat, or the security lady who asked me if I kept my hair with me at all times and that no one had put something in it against my knowledge?"
Hannah - \smiling\ "Hey, I can laugh about it now. And boy, my mom was right, they did hire the guards from Paranoids 4 All!"
(Team 5 - Carol, Gwen, Heather, Mandy, Owen.)
Carol glared at the security guard looking her over. The guard took it for as long as he could, then asked, "What's up with you?"
"Oh nothing, I just don't like fake cops," Carol said with a roll of her eyes. "Shame you couldn't be a real cop, huh fatso?"
"Carol," Gwen shouted, slapping a hand over the young officer's mouth. "Sorry officer, she's rude."
"But I'm right," Carol managed to say through Gwen's fingers, making the security guard scowl more.
Two security guards watching this shook their heads, and one said, "What a head case."
"Maybe it's her religion?" the other asked. "We've been told to never, ever profile. We could get in real trouble if we searched someone because they were suspicious."
"Right, make sure we don't offend someone over their religion."
Mandy walked through the metal detector, and it went off. The guard held out a tray for her to put her belongings in, and said, "Did you miss something?" The cultist snarled, and removed a five-inch blade from the side of her pants.
"Um, wow," the guard whimpered. "Why'd you have this?"
"I'm a C'thulhuist," Mandy growled. "I need a dagger on me at all times."
"Oh, religious?"
"Yes. You dare mock me?"
"N-no!"
"I'll sacrifice you and drown your family in your blood."
"It's fine, fine, don't get mad. Anything else you got on you?"
Mandy shrugged, and pulled another knife from her back pocket, pulling it out of the scabbard to show how shiny it was (to scare the guard). She then reached into the band that held up her terra twist ponytail, and pulled out a long, steel, cylinder blade.
The security guard gasped in horror. Owen, nearby, laughed out loud, which caused him to fart and knock out two guards. Mandy snarled at him and said, "You pass gas one more time, I'll shank you on the plane, you hear me?"
"Hey now," the guard searching her said, but another guard patted his shoulder.
"Be respectful of peoples' religions," he said to him.
"Right, I will. Don't want trouble."
Mandy eyed them suspiciously. "Lax crumb cops, Carol was right. You're not even worthy to be sacrifices."
"Just be polite," the other security guard said. He suddenly tensed up and looked to the side, where Hannah was walking away from a very long search. "Hey! You! Christian girl!"
"Me?" Hannah asked, looking around.
"Yes, you! You look dangerous! Get over here, I'm gonna search you! Can't trust you Christians!"
Hannah held back a sigh as the second security guard began inspecting her cross. Mandy shook her head, and fiddled with the vial of poison around her neck, and a slender dagger she had been hiding in her glove with her other hand. "Look, can I go now? I have to kill people in the name of C'thulhu!"
"In a minute, hon, we're sorry for the inconvenience," the first security guard said.
"You crafty Christians will try anything," the second security guard grumbled as he stared hard at Hannah's cross. "God knows what you'll do for God."
(Janitor's Closet - Don't sacrifice us!)
Mandy - "Man, the airport security was as bad as my school, where they take my daggers, and my vial of poison, and my lighter, and my scalpel, and my whip, and my taser, and my pepper spray, and my razors, and my gum!"
Owen - "I'm way too scared to eat airline food. Or use the bathroom. I guess that way, things work out."
Carol - "Airport security guards are all creeps who abuse the tiny amount of power they have. Crumb cops, little authority and paranoid thoughts. All that compensation and lack of security is probably because they all have small-"
Heather - "I thought Gwen would be the most suspicious at the airport because she looks like a terrorist, but no, the other three did a pretty good job of making themselves look terrible!" \She slaps her forehead.\
Gwen - "I was sure Heather would be pulled over because of how evil and conniving she looks but the others... ugh." \She facepalms.\
(Team 9 - Anita, DJ, Sadie, Zachary)
"You searching me because I'm black?!"
"No sir, we just-"
"It's because I'm black! You're profiling! And profiling is wrong!"
As security, Sadie, and DJ all tried desperately to calm down Zachary, Anita watched and shook her head. She had practically begged him to not put up a fuss at security, but he seemed determined to start one. Sighing, she carried on through.
Anita walked through the metal detector, and looked at the security guard who had stopped her. His name tag read "Watney," he was staring at Anita's boobs, and he wasn't even bothering to hide it.
"Can I help you?" she asked, a little off-put by the unwavering staring. If she wasn't so used to this...
"Strip."
"Excuse me?!"
"Strip search, I mean," Watney explained, shaking his head but continuing to stare at her breasts. Anita put her hands on her hips, frowning darkly.
"Why?"
"I don't need a reason, now go strip behind the panel. Wait a minute! You," Watney shouted, pointing at Lindsay. The blond beauty needed a couple more calls before she realized she was being called to.
"Yes?" she asked.
"You strip too. In fact, you two get behind the panel, and undress each other."
Lindsay's eyes bulged, and Anita clenched her fists until her knuckles popped. "We're not doing that."
"Oh yes you are, or you're not getting on your plane. Now strip, because I am the God of airport security over you! I am authority, and you will respect-"
He was suddenly grabbed by the ear by a lady officer who looked like it was his mom. He was whimpering and crying as his mother dragged him off by the ear; she turned around and said, "Go ahead, ladies."
Lindsay turned to Anita and asked, "Why on earth would he want us to do something like that?"
(Janitor's Closet - Watney ain't coming here.)
Lindsay - "I don't get it. Did he want me to change into something more fitting for the plane? Is there plane clothing? A plane bikini?"
Anita - /angrily crossing her arms/ "Okay, that Watney guy, I cannot believe he tried that! It was like he knew we had a lot to lose if we didn't do whatever he said! Did he know we were in a contest, did Chris tell the security?"
Chris Maclean - \snaps his fingers\ "Aw man, that footage would've been incredible."
(Team 3 - Beth, Daisy, Justin, Tyler, Yoshi)
Beth and Daisy were dealing with security just fine. The others were having a bit of trouble, of all different kinds.
"Man, I don't see why I gotta take off my shoes," Tyler grumbled as he unlaced his sneakers. "It's making a mountain out of a molehill."
"Take off your shoes, son," the security guard snapped.
Tyler did as he was asked, grudgingly, and then the officer got a whiff of the jock's feet.
"Put your shoes back on, son!"
Justin was unloading his belongings into a tray when he noticed a couple of the lady security guards were staring at him, lustfully.
"Um," one of them started to ask, blushing, "you don't look suspicious, but can we search you anyway?"
Justin grinned, then he noticed Beth nearby, looking crestfallen. He immediately abandoned the grin, and frowned. "Um, sure, if you insist."
Both grown women squealed at the chance to physically inspect Justin, making Beth sulk more. Nearby her, Yoshi was sulking as well.
"I hate going places with my sword," he whispered to Daisy.
"You know there's no way we could have brought that," she said to him, patting his shoulder. "Now man up, it'll be there when we arrive."
"I can only hope."
A security guard was looking at them funny, mostly at Yoshi. He leaned over to another officer, and whispered, still loud enough to be heard by the teenagers, "Is that kid Japanese?"
"Yeah, keep an eye on him," the other one whispered back. "You know how they like to fly planes into stuff, the kamikaze fools."
"He might be Christian too."
Yoshi's hands were clenching, and his eye began to twitch. He wanted so bad for his sword to be in his hand right now, he could almost feel it. What he did feel was a lot softer, warmer, and much, much more unexpected: Daisy's hand.
"Don't let them get you down," she whispered to him, smiling as she gave his hand a squeeze. "They're just mad because they're stuck in a really crappy job."
"Okay. But why are you holding my hand?"
" 'Cuz I want to."
Yoshi blinked, then shrugged. "There are much worse things," he thought.
(Janitor's Closet - Much much worse things...)
Justin - "I'm used to this, getting inspected on security. And on buses. And school at gym class by the girls who sneak into the girls' locker room. But now that I have a girlfriend, I guess that I'm not supposed to enjoy it anymore, huh?"
Beth - \sad sigh\ "My boyfriend's so hot, girls and women are all over him. They even do it in front of me. I wish I was more attractive, maybe then I'd be worthy of his glorious attention?"
Yoshi - "You know, when I think about it, Daisy is a rather fine woman. I bet she could give me a run in an arm-wrestling match."
Daisy - \pounding on door to janitor's closet and shouting in at Yoshi\ - "Damn straight, handsome."
Tyler - "You know, I think I should watch my socks after I've worn them for two weeks. They're kind of crunchy, and brown... and flaking."
(Teams 2, 4, 7, and 8)
"Did you ever have your bags handled by someone when you weren't around it?" the security guard asked Geoff.
This confused the party animal greatly. "But dude, if I wasn't with them, how would I know if someone was with them?"
"YES OR NO!?"
"N-no!"
"Now, have you ever leave your bags unattended?"
"But dude, I don't have any bags."
"YES OR NO?!"
"N-no!"
"Are you carrying any of the items not allowed in your bag?"
"Dude, I don't have any ba-"
"YES OR NO!?!"
As this rather pathetic interrogation continued, Sakaki was getting interrogated too. The very big and imposing glared at the shy girl, causing her to shiver in fear.
"You're Japanese, right?" he growled. "That's rather suspicious."
She whimpered in reply, then began to remove her shoes as directed. He watched her every movement, then growled. "You've got spacious shoes. That's very suspicious."
The asian girl whimpered again. "You're whimpering. That's extremely suspicious," he snarled. He walked up to her, and leaned down to look her right in the eye. "Are you a terrorist, young lady?"
"N-n-n-n-n-n-no!"
"Stammering like that is suspicious indeed."
Sakaki let out a choking sob and fainted. The security guard scoffed and said, "You're not fooling anyone, anyone can act shy. Now have you ever had your bags handled by someone else when you weren't around?
"... Not answering, huh? That's suspicious!"
Katie was clinging to Noah, crying about how the security guard was asking her to undress. The bookworm was using a stream of insults at the offending man, saying degradations that were too advanced for a dunderhead like a security officer ("Your IQ matches your age," and "Are you dense?").
Rodney was having trouble too, as a security guard was giving him an evil, suspicious look. Of all the people the security guard had stopped to inspect and ask tough questions, the man believed that the eight year-old boy wearing a school uniform was most likely to be a terrorist.
The prodigy nervously looked over at Courtney, who winked at him. So Rodney dug his toes into the ground, cocked his head, and looked up at the man with misty eyes and a trembling lip.
"Um... did I do something wrong?" he asked in a quivering voice. "I really didn't mean to do anything bad."
The evil in the man's heart melted, and he let out a very un-evil coo. He patted Rodney on the head, and sent him on his way; he had been completely charmed by The Look.
Courtney clapped for her teammate as he walked over to him. "Way to use The Look then, hon," she congratulated him. "I told you if you practiced, you'd be able to charm anyone with it!"
"Hee hee hee, thank you," Rodney giggled. He scratched the back of his cocking head, nervously wiggling side to side, and blushed. Courtney took it all in, swooned, and fell down. Rodney cried out in terror and tried to help revive his teammate.
After Rodney had past through, the security guard stopped Eva next. She was the second-most suspicious person he had seen that day, and if Rodney hadn't been first, this might have been reasonable.
"You look very peculiar," he growled at her. "I think we to inspect you closer."
And Eva gave him The Other Look. The security guard felt fear dominate his body, he let out a high-pitched whimper of fright, and hid behind the metal detector. "N-never mind," he cried out.
(Janitor's Closet - No security guards for here.)
Eva - "You know, everyone's pretty lucky that I wasn't a terrorist, because those stupid, moronic fools just let me through without question! I could take a plane if I wanted! ... Not that I'd ever try... and not that I think about it."
Geoff - "Dude, and people say I'm slow?"
Rodney - "Why did they try to stop me? Are there a lot of eight year old terrorists? I would think I would've heard about those somewhere."
Sakaki - "I... I don't look dangerous, do I? I couldn't see myself being mean... or hurtful... or hurtfully mean... please don't judge me by my looks!"
Noah and Katie - Katie - "OhmiGod, I so cannot do naked in public."
Noah - "Don't worry, we stopped that guy when we threatened to sue."
Katie - "Yeah, but I still don't like the thought of suing. Makes me feel guilty."
Noah - "True. Makes one feel like Courtney, and we don't want you to feel like her."
Katie - "Oh, I know, right? You say the nicest things to me." \She kisses him.\
(Team 1 - Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Izzy)
"Is there anything unusual in your bags?" the security guard asked Cody.
The tech geek chuckled nervously, then quickly removed that look from his face. "No! Nothing unusual in our suitcase at all."
"Wait, do you even have one?"
Bridgette elbowed Cody, and cleared her throat. "No, he doesn't."
Meanwhile, the unusual luggage inside the suitcase was going through the conveyor belts of luggage. Inside were two squirming, uncomfortable, and yet still very happy (on Izzy's side) teenagers.
Ezekiel had quit trying to get comfortable, as their shins, knees, elbows, and heads somehow seemed to grow bigger when in the suitcase, and were bumping against each other. The prairie boy was also trying not to touch Izzy in any place that could be considered forward, inappropriate, or awkward, but the more he tried, the more he succeeded in doing it.
"You're groping my boob again," Izzy said, giggling. Ezekiel retracted his hand as if it was burned by the touch, banging his funny bone against the wall of the suitcase. He winced and seethed in pain, only to feel Izzy touch his chest.
"Did you hurt yourself again?"
"Y-yes." "That's a shame. You know, Ezekiel, we could have a lot of fun in here."
"Izzy, I have a girlfriend."
"And I have a boyfriend, so you'd better stop grabbing my gazoomazooms!"
Ezekiel blushed rather red, then sighed. "You tease me a lot, Izzy."
"I know, and it's fun!"
"Heather's very special to me, eh."
"Don't worry, I swear I won't tell her about this."
Izzy actually felt a little guilty, as she had been the one who insisted on Ezekiel joining her, because she wouldn't feel safe otherwise. Truth be told, that was completely honest of her, but she also wanted him for the selfish reason of wanting him with her.
"So," Ezekiel hummed, trying to change the subject, "hoo' are you and Owen?"
"Just fine."
"That's good to hear, eh."
"Owen's a big teddy bear. Smelly and such, like one never washed, but nice. I just hope he never pushes me towards danger again."
"I'm sure he woo'nt, eh."
"You'd never do that, would you?"
"Of course not! Besides, you save me from danger, remember the serial killer?"
"Good times, good times."
"Fur you, maybe," he was saying as she pulled him to her in a hug. He tried to embrace it, but being inside a suitcase made it so much harder for him...
"My Zeke," she said cheerfully, "your hand is on my boob again."
"I... I cannot move it."
"Too irresistible, huh?"
"No, I just cannot move my arm, eh! It's stuck!"
"Oh well, least your hand is on something soft, huh? Hey, what would happen if they opened the suitcase and caught us like this?"
Ezekiel flinched in terror at the thought, which made him do something that he really, really didn't mean to do.
"You're squeezing it now," she said, happy as ever. "Owen's gonna kill you."
"Please doo'nt tell him, please o' please o' please o' ple-"
"I tease you again. But then, so are you, you groper."
Ezekiel was seriously hoping this flight would start soon, or he might faint.
(Janitor's Closet - Bigger than a suitcase.)
Bridgette - "I really would have gone in the suitcase with Izzy, but she was insisting on Ezekiel. Besides, guess the two of us in the same box together would get the boys' imaginations going, huh?" \She chuckles and shrugs.\ "Oh, boys."
Cody - "You know, I wouldn't have minded being with Izzy. But they pointed out to me that Eva and Anita would be upset by this. It's not their wrath I fear, but Owen's."
(The First Plane Out)
"Cheers, mates," Crystal said after the plane was finished lifting off into the air. "I seriously thought that we weren't gonna make it, that we'd be called back, eh wot."
"That happen to you once?" Xander asked her.
"Sure did, right before the plane took off, it was called back to the runway. Real bloody disappointment. Go, Team 8!"
The British girl leaned back and sighed happily, tossing her hair to the side. She looked at Xander, and grinned. He grinned back, and said, "So-"
"So I think it's time to start getting you hooked up with a girl," Crystal interrupted before his first line came out. "Now what other teams are here? Four, nine, and two, right?"
"R-right," he stammered. He was touching his face, trying to see if something was stuck on it.
"The single girls then are Belinda, Sadie, Sakaki, and Valerie. Now what type of girl do you think is best suited for you?"
"I like all kinds, really."
"Now now, a broad range is something a lot of people think they have, but truth be told, there is a more narrow sense for true compatibility."
"Well, what kind of boys do you like?"
Crystal looked like she had been asked a very tough question. "Wh-what?" she stammered. Her face flushed, and she tapped her fingers together. "Me? W-well, well... I... I feel that... me? No, that's... bloody... never mind!"
She threw her hands up in the air, and exclaimed, "So what do you think of Belinda? You like blonds, as we've deduced, chap?" Xander blinked at Crystal's reaction, and looked around, trying to find an answer.
(Janitor's Closet - No preference on boys.)
Xander - "A romantic that's afraid of pairing herself up? That's rather interesting. Still, as long as she's offering romantic interest, there are some ladies she mentioned I wouldn't mind seeing. I'm lucky, loads of cute girls available."
Crystal - "Xander, being a rebel, is good mostly for someone who's also rebellious, but has a set of rules. I see Carol and him, or maybe Belinda. He likes blondes, and I think that's a cute place to start." \She fiddles with her blond hair absent-mindedly.\
"Wheeee," Alfred cheered as he ran up and down the corridor. "I'm up in the air! I'm flying! Woohoo!"
"Miss, no soda for him," Belinda said calmly to the flight attendant, pointing at the wild guy. She smiled politely and said, "His adrenaline will keep him going."
"He'll be able to keep us all awake, too," the stewardess said as she walked off. Belinda chuckled and leaned back in her seat.
Howard saw her seated there, and quickly left his teammates (Arthur groaned and face-palmed, grumbling, "Horn dog"). He sit next to Belinda, grinning at her.
"Make one remark about the mile-high club," she said without looking, "and you'll blow all your chances."
Howard went wide-eyed for a second, then grinned. "I wasn't gonna say anything like that. Losing your touch, Foresight?"
"Not a prediction, an honest-to-goodness suggestion," she said, now looking at him. "So, what did you want to say?" "Well, um... hmm," he pondered a good pickup line.
"Why don't you try being casual? Asking something small chat-wise?"
"Oh, um... hmmm..."
Belinda chuckled, waited a few minutes, then said, "No, I've never flown before."
"Wh... whoa. I didn't... think you'd guess that."
She gave him a coy look, then looked forward again. Another bit of silence, and she said, "No, I'm not dating anyone, and yes, I have."
"Oh? Did that work out well? You know how it would end?"
"Not really. The emotions and history of people are rather hard to guess, you cannot always tell what someone you like is going to do, because people are more than one dimension, regardless of how movies try to personify us."
"And reality TV?"
"Yes, very much so," she replied, smirking at him. "Rather clever."
"Thanks. So, if you didn't predict it, does that mean your first boyfriend was all right?"
"I actually did predict him, just not how, when and if we'd break up."
"How'd it happen?"
"He cheated on me with another girl because we weren't going physically fast enough for him."
"Ugh. Unfaithful guys suck."
"Yes. Yes they do. I'm guessing that you believe this strongly?"
"Last guy who cheated on my little sister got a swift kick in the groin."
"I approve."
Both were surprised when Alfred jumped on top of their chairs, looking down at them. "Hey guys, do you know we're up really high?" he asked with a wide grin. "I think it's made me a little silly, because I've been contemplating asking to be tied to the tail of the plane and whip behind like a kite, woo!"
(Janitor's Closet - I approve too!)
Howard - "Actually, um, I was gonna start with a joke about the mile-high club."
\He leaves the closet, saying hello to Belinda as she enters.\
Belinda - "I knew it." \She chuckles victoriously.\
Alfred - \calm again\ "Don't ask me why I'm overly hyper when on a plane, I dunno either. You should have seen me on the plane ride from America when we moved up here, dude! They gave me a seat in first-class just to make me shut up, and I loved the leg room!"
Sadie was seated next to Clive, her watching him and him watching out the window. "What are you thinking about, Clive?" she asked him.
"How far I'd plummet before I blacked out if I jumped from here."
Sadie blinked, then giggled nervously. "Um, this because of Alfred? I hear he wanted to try that too."
"No, I just want to think about if I'd feel the impact before I die, or if I technically die on the way down."
"Why so morbid?"
Clive gave her an unsteady look. "Have you looked at me recently? I'm not known for my cheeriness, Sadie."
"Life's too short to go through morbid."
"Life's cruel. I'm just one of the few to realize that it's not worth trying to be happy about."
She sighed, trying to think of how to deal with this. In the aisle across from them, Arthur sat next to a woman carrying a baby. He was rather annoyed, because the baby had been crying almost nonstop; he was now the third boy who wanted to jump out of the plane.
Finally, there was a lull in the baby's squalling. Arthur turned and looked at the innocent baby, and couldn't help but smile a little. "Hey there, little one," he said, but that was all managed to say before the baby projected spit-up and got it all over his jacket.
As he cried out in disgust and tried to wipe it off, the mother glared at him. "What did you do to my baby?" she demanded of him.
"I didn't do squat, he puked on me," Arthur shouted.
"You obviously scared him, he doesn't puke on just anyone," she snapped, then turned her baby to herself. "I'm sorry, he's just a big jerk, sweetheart, don't feel sorry." Arthur growled and tried to wipe more spit-up off his jacket. The woman continued to baby-talk her baby until it spat up on her too. Arthur burst out laughing, and continued to laugh until she got frustrated enough to leave to find another seat.
Valerie walked over to Zachary, and tapped his shoulder. "We need to meet," she whispered.
"Here's fine, isn't it?"
"No, anyone could overhear us. Meet me in the bathroom, act casual."
Zachary stared at her, peculiar, then sighed and went to the bathroom. Valerie was already in it, and the politician straightened out her clothes as Zachary locked the door.
"Look, I already have a lot of enemies," she said, "and it's not getting any easier. They keep voting off girls who are outspoken."
"So you white girls get ahead of your mouths," Zachary said with a shrug. "That's normal."
She sighed, then shook her head. "Zachary, if anyone's to worry, it's you."
"Why, because I'm black?" "No, because you keep running your mouth off! I've heard a lot of people getting really sick of you already."
"Crap, seriously? Racist freaks."
Valerie had to resist rolling her violet eyes again. "Look, the point is that you cannot be so nasty towards people anymore, but don't worry, I have a plan. If your team loses, there's someone on it that really needs to go to make things easier for us."
"Sounds good. But what if my team wins?"
"There's also someone on my team that needs to go. Also, I think there's someone who wouldn't mind joining up with us."
"That's cool. You got this all planned out, don't you?"
"Of course, I'm a politician."
"And yet you're in a bathroom with a brother."
"Well," Valerie played with a strand of her hair, wrapping it around her finger as she looked coyly at him, "that's kind of the fun part about secret meeting places, they also make good make out spaces."
Zachary stared at her for a few seconds, then burst out laughing, leaving the bathroom in the process. Valerie stood there, her hair still coiled around a finger, her eyes wide in shock.
(Janitor's Closet - Mile-high dud.)
Valerie - \frustrated stare\ "What the heck? Was I not forward enough? Damn it, I'm bunking with three handsome men, do I have to dress like Lindsay to get some attention?"
Zachary - "Valerie's one clever girl, but she acts weird when there are no cameras around. Kind of like... I dunno, like she wants to be someone else."
Clive - "Actually, I don't want to plummet to my death. I want my clothes to be fine so I can be buried with them, but splattering myself will just get them thrown away and I'll be buried in ugly clothes."
Sadie - "Okay, I wanted to say this without Katie, but I don't really think I want to follow her suggestion of pursuing Clive. His constant mentioning of death is way too dark, and it's getting me down. If only Noah had a brother... oh wait, he does, I wonder if he can spare any of them for me."
Arthur - \not wearing his jacket, sighing heavily\ "I hate babies. Yeah, I'll say it, I don't care. Noisy, screaming, smelly, squalling, crying, wailing, puking, pooping, and loud. I'll never have kids, I don't want to put up with that."
"Hey brother," Leshawna said as she sat next to Sebastian. The philosopher tipped his glasses and smiled at her in reply. "How's it going?"
"Just watching over a fainted maiden," he said, gesturing to Sakaki. The asian girl, still fainted, was resting in the chair next to him.
"Poor thing, the security guards really scared her, didn't they?"
"Indeed."
Leshawna leaned back in the chair and sighed. "I tell you, Sebastian, it's nice to have another brother on the show. DJ's fine, but really, I get kind of tired of him being freaked out by everything."
As she said this, a young boy was playing with a toy snake to entertain himself. He had a fun time having it "slither" around the chairs, but he accidentally startled his sister, who slapped it away. And it landed in DJ's lap.
He kept his cool for about 0.00014 seconds before he lost it. "SNAKE," he screamed, leaping five feet in the air, hitting his head on the summoning button. The flight attendants saw bright red lights flashing, someone screaming, and then the chaos exploded.
"SNAKES," Alfred screamed as the passengers started to panic. "Snakes on a plane! Snakes on the plan!"
"Call Samuel L. Jackson," Howard shouted, also running around. The passengers were now all over, breaking things and each other. Belinda sat quietly as people ran past her multiple times, and DJ hid under her seat.
(Janitor's Closet - I've had it with these snakes.)
Leshawna - "See, that's the kind of panic that DJ can easily cause. I love my friends in Total Drama: Gwen, Harold, Beth, and Lindsay. But sometimes, you just want to be with your ethnic group, you know?"
Sebastian - "I wouldn't be the best brother for Leshawna to hang out with, because I'm actually enjoy hanging out with everyone. That's just me, Mr. Multicultural. I'm probably the only black guy at my school who wants to go to Japan after graduation."
DJ - "I've had it with those meany-faced snakes on that mile-high plane!"
(Second Plane)
Bridgette was twiddling her fingers nervously, something that caught the attention of Harold. The nerd left his seat to sit next to her (Cody had left to talk to Courtney for a little advice on his predicament).
"What's wrong, Bridgette?" he asked her.
"I'm worried about Ezekiel and Izzy."
"What's the matter? Did they get held up by airport security?"
"No, they're in a suitcase together in the luggage compartment underneath us."
Harold laughed, clapping his hands, and it slowly died as he looked at Bridgette's serious look. "Ehehe... heh... oh gosh, surely you cannot be serious."
"Yep. And don't call me Shirley."
"I think I would be surprised, but there is Izzy down there."
Down there, Izzy and Ezekiel were trying to pass the time. The redhead was clinging to him slightly, her phobia of flying acting up.
"I've got a game," she whispered. Ezekiel was slightly startled, as it had only been their breathing for the past few minutes."
"What is it, Izzy?"
"Let's play the game of Guess Which of My Body Parts is Touching Your Face!"
Something like this might have frightened and weirded out Ezekiel normally, but he was cramped, trapped, and distracted with her body pressing against him. "Oh okay, eh."
"Alright then."
Something soft yet tough pushed against his cheek. "Finger?"
"Yep."
"... Elbow."
"Yep yep!"
"... Toe?"
"Ooo, you're good."
"... Finger again."
"Ayup-yep."
"... AUGH! IZZY!"
"Hee hee hee!"
"Don't lick me!"
"It's what Owen does for affection. I like it, it's fun!"
"I know but... Izzy?"
"Yes?"
"My... my hand's on your breast again. Can you move-"
"Aww, you spoiled it, I was gonna guess what body part was on my badonkadonk!"
(Janitor's Closet - Left foot red, right hand blue.)
Ezekiel - "Owen's gonna kill me, eh! And then Heather'll kill me! And then my mom and dad will kill me! They're all gonna kill me over and over, when Izzy tells them what I did, and I didn't mean to... oh, I'm so dead."
Izzy - \smiling happily\ "Ezekiel was a perfect gentleman."
(One of the later planes.)
Team 6 was sitting on their plane, two hours behind the second-to-last time. All of them were rather distraught.
"You know," Colin started to say, something Joel and Hannah were getting really tired of, "we would've been on this plane sooner if Hannah wasn't called back so often."
"That wasn't her fault," Joel grumbled.
"Oh really? She sure seemed suspicious," the bully said, then made an overhead speaker sound effect and repeated the announcement that was played earlier at the airport. "Will the Christian girl please report back to airport security? We want to inspect you once more, you're very suspicious."
"They inspected my cross about five more times," Hannah whispered to Joel, a faint smile on her face but exhaustion on her expression.
"Would the Christian girl get back here again?" Colin remarked, repeating the second message. "Don't think you can get anything by us, we're very serious now."
Trent, from behind them, grumbled aloud, "Colin, knock it off. We're on the plane, we'll be fine."
The overhead speaker cracked with life on the plane, and soon the pilot's voice filled the plane. "Attention passengers," he said, "we are expecting some slight turbulence. This is probably an act of God, so you can blame the Christian girl who is on this flight. Thank you, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight."
Hannah looked away as random passengers glared at her, and Colin burst out laughing. "Oh man, that's priceless," he exclaimed. "Hannah, you're so much trouble, you should be glad you're not a terrorist!"
"Will you shut up?" Joel snapped, patting Hannah's hand.
"Hey maybe if you had jugs like the other blond," Colin continued, jerking his thumb back at Lindsay, "you could actually smuggle something onto the plane. Instead, you got those small-"
"All right, that does it!"
Joel stood to his feet, glaring at Colin. The bully looked up at him, and cracked his knuckles. "You wanna fight, robot boy?" he asked, grinning hopefully.
"I sure do," Joel exclaimed, pointing at the emergency exit door. "Step outside, Colin!"
"Alright then!"
Joel was unable to stop laughing as he watched Colin whip like a kite outside the plane, holding onto the emergency door. "He fell for it," Joel cackled, "he actually fell for it!" [2]
"My, he has a strong grip," Hannah observed.
"Should we bring him in?" Lindsay asked.
"Well, I'm sure he can hang on a little longer," Trent said, smiling.
"But what if he falls?"
"Hey, I survived it, he can too." "True," she replied, then went back to reading the outdated magazine that had been in front of her seat.
After about five minutes (the flight attendants were saying the other passengers were complaining how much colder it was), Joel eventually pulled Colin back in and shut the door. The bully sat shivering in his chair, his eyes wide and whimpering like a little baby. Joel smiled triumphantly, then looked over at Hannah.
"I guess that was a bad thing to do?" he asked.
"I dunno, you didn't push him or anything," Hannah said, smiling. She looked out the window, and shivered a little.
"Yeah, it's cold in here, isn't it?"
"No, I'm... actually afraid of flying, a little."
Joel sympathized for her, and put his hand on hers. She smiled at him, and turned hers around so that they could hold hands.
"I'll have to confess of my little lie after the challenge," she thought to herself, "but you know, that worked a lot better than I thought it would."
(At the arriving airport.)
Bridgette and Cody were releasing Ezekiel and Izzy from the suitcase as Tyler ran around the airport. "Where the hell is Yoshi?" he shouted.
"We're looking for the suitcase his sword is in," Daisy informed him. "We cannot find it, and we cannot leave without it."
"Why not? We can come back and get it!"
"You really don't know Yoshi, do you?"
It took a half-hour for Team 3 to find the suitcase, which Yoshi had found by going suitcase-diving into a pile of luggage (startling a small child when a victorious Yoshi popped out of the pile holding a sword up, cackling happily).
They hurried to the car rental area, and were disappointed to find only the worst ones were available.
"Well, that's not good," Justin grumbled, sending Yoshi a side glare. "We cannot win at this rate."
"I say we go for it," Daisy cheered, leaping into the air with enthusiasm. "I can make this car go so fast, the tires won't last!"
"That sounds dangerous," Beth whimpered.
"I like it," Yoshi said, grinning.
Tyler wanted to drive, but Daisy threw him from the driver's seat (literally, she was quite enthused), and Yoshi sat in the passenger seat. They drove ahead, and Beth studied a map in the back. "I think we're heading in the right direction," she called up.
Daisy did something most people would be terrified to see their driver be doing: she looked back at Beth to answer. "Are there any shortcuts?"
"Watch the road," the three back seat passengers yelled.
Daisy shrugged and turned around. "Aw c'mon, I've been driving for a year now, I'm perfectly fine-"
A very un-perfectly fine bump shook the car, then the car drove off the road and hit a rock. The airbags popped out, and Yoshi popped his with his sword.
"Damn railing wasn't strong enough," he remarked as he looked back up at the road.
"For the record," Daisy said as she hammered the air bag down, "I was looking at the road when we crashed."
"That makes it worse!" Tyler exclaimed.
--
--
--
[1] - Do not try to ship people in your luggage. This will not work.
[2] - Do not ask people to step outside an airplane. This will not work. Well, they may be stupid enough to do it, but everything else about it will not work.
Will Team 3 be able to recover, drag the car back up and get back in the race? Will Team 6, who haven't even landed yet?
Who is going to win and lose this challenge? Who will get voted off?
Have you had enough with these snakes on this plane? How about these Izzys and Ezekiels in this suitcase?
--
Next Up: Stuff will happen.