"What do you mean, gone?" I ask him. Not really knowing how seriously to take this.
"What do you think I mean loverboy? I mean she was here; and now she's not here. Pretty much the definition of gone" He patronises. I sit down and hold my head in my hands. I exhale before asking more.
"What happened."
"I don't know; she went to see gale yesterday. I told her not to, but she still did. Next thing I know, she storms through the door in tears and locks herself in the guest room. I woke up this morning to find this on the table." He hands me a folded piece of paper. It has my name scribbled on it in a shaky version of Katniss' handwriting. I read it silently to myself.
"Peeta. When we got engaged (properly, that is) I made a vow to myself; that if I ever hurt you in anyway, emotionally or physically, I would go to the one person that would know how to make everything better. Cinna. I know you know what I mean Peeta. So that's who I'm going to. I can't live without you; but I've realised that you probably don't want to live with me anymore. Tell forest that her mummy loves her and that she always will, no matter where I am. Please look after her; you are a great father, and I know she loves you more than anyone in the whole world. I love you too. Remember that ok; no matter how badly I've hurt you, remember the love we both once shared. I'll see you when you fall asleep. Katniss" her name is blurred by a tear drop on the page.
I drop the letter, and start to shake uncontrollably, bringing my hand to my mouth in disbelief.
"What does it say" Haymitch whispers, barely breaking the silence in the room.
"She's going to see Cinna" I breathe, still in disbelief.
"But Cinna's…"
"Don't you get it?!" I shriek, the tears blur my vision, so I blink them away. "Don't you get it…" I repeat in a softer tone. Haymitch says nothing and nods.
"It's my fault." I sigh. "it's all my fault"
"Don't give up. There's still hope, we still have time" Haymitch assures me. I stand up.
"Ok." I nod "But there's something I need to do first" I say, about to leave. But I stop dead in my tracks. I turn around and run upstairs; returning moments later with forest in my arms.
"Seriously? A baby?"
"Where is she going to go, Haymitch?" he sighs.
"Fine. You're lucky we're against the clock."
"Right, so how are we going to do this?" I ask
"Well, where is he likely to be."
"I know exactly where she's going, but I need to speak to someone first."
"Ok…" Haymitch sounds suspicious.
I hand forest over to Haymitch.
"If I get angry, try and make sure she doesn't see" I say and walk to the door.
I knock on the door, but there's no answer. I try again. Still nothing. I try one more time.
"Hawthorne I swear to god! If you don't answer the door…"
"If I don't answer the door you'll what?" Gale says trying to intimidate me.
"What did you say to Katniss last night?"
"Is it any of your business, Mellark? Because according to her, she's lost her husband."
"What did you say to her?" I ignore his last comment.
"I just told her what happened" he claims
"And what did happen?"
"Nothing." I just stare at him
"It must have been something; because you were the last person to talk to her before…" I trail off.
"Before. What?" he irks.
"Before she left a suicide note and left for the capitol" Haymitch interrupts. "Peeta, we've got to go" He tells me. I nod and follow him.
"Mellark, wait." Gale calls, I turn around.
"What." I question
"We kissed" he swallows. "But that was it, ok?"
"Is that all? Because I'm in a bit of a rush…"
"Please try and stop her. Before… before she does anything stupid." Even though I resent him; I respect his friendship with Katniss. (Kind of, anyway.) I still don't trust him, but he's known Katniss forever, and he has every right to be worried. I say nothing,
We walk for ages in silence, with forest on my back. Until she is the one that kills the silence.
"Daddy. Where are we going" she's getting pretty good at talking.
"On a train" I tell her, there is a hint of spite in my voice.
"Train?"
"Yes. Train" I confirm
"for mummy?" I breathe in slowly and swallow back the tears.
"For mummy" I repeat.
We get to the station to find that the next train to the capitol has been delayed; which isn't the best news when you're in a hurry. We take seats on the platform, still in silence. I start to remember things. Small, insignificant things about her; like the first time I saw her smile. The week after we got married and I heard her singing in the shower. The excitement I felt when I first touched her pregnant stomach. The way my heart stops for a brief second when she says my name. The night that we stayed up for hours trying to put forest to sleep and Katniss sang her a lullaby.
"Peeta, Peeta!" Haymitch brings me back to reality. "The train's here" he tells me.
"Oh, ok" I pick forest up, who has fallen asleep on my lap and carry her on to the train. We're shown to our cabins and I say bye to Haymitch for the night. I'm in an adult and baby room, so I put forest to bed, and decide to get some sleep myself. But I can't. Something is unsettling me, and it's not the fact that I am going to the capitol to save my wife from killing herself. I watch forest as she wriggles in her sleep. Scrunching up her nose and clenching her fists every now and then. I don't know why Katniss always see's me in forest. Sure, she has my messy blonde hair; but she's as stubborn as her mother and just as beautiful. I can tell that when she's older she'll have a boy like me falling for her at first sight. Whoever that boy is though, he's going to have me to deal with.
I get up and have a shower the next morning. I throw the same clothes on, considering this wasn't a planned trip, and I didn't have time to pack. I pick forest up and take her out to the breakfast cart. Haymitch is there, and another couple who are sat at the back; reading newspapers.
"Morning" He mutters whilst staring at the buffet table, not moving. He's just woken up.
"Morning" I say. I have to put a brave face on, if not for me, for forest. Even if I don't want to talk. If I don't want to move. Even if I wake up in the morning and just want to curl up in a ball and die; I can't. Because I need to save Katniss. Forest needs her mother. Haymitch has obviously decided that he doesn't fancy any of the food on the table, as I see him reach into the inner pocket of his jacket and pull out a flask of whiskey. I grab his wrist before he can drink any of it.
"You dare"
"Oh come on lover boy… it's just a drink"
"If we are going to do this, if we have any chance of saving her; you will not be drunk" I whisper harshly over the table, digging my nails into his skin. I can see that this aggravates him and he opens his mouth to speak, before exhaling deeply and yanking his wrist out of my hand.
"Fine. But you will have to put up with me." He whispers through his teeth. I stop for a minute; but then I start laughing. Because, truth is, things are just like they were. When I first met Haymitch, he was drunk, and I was complaining at him because of it. We had the same goal back then too. Save Katniss. That was it. It's almost like my entire life is just a series of events stuck on repeat; going around in an endless circle. After a second, Haymitch starts to join in too, clearly realising the very same thing.
"I think I can do that for a few days" I tell him.