There was something sticky on Scott's lips. He licked them and tasted honey.
"What the—?" he jerked awake and headbutted Ethan.
"Ow!" Both cried out, clutching their foreheads.
"Ethan why are you smearing honey on my lips?" Scott asked, trying hard to be patient.
"Well, I wasn't going to throw up in your mouth," the older boy countered, still rubbing his forehead. "It's been hard to get food in you. We've only managed water and broth."
"Seems like that'd be enough for me." Scott spat, his lips sticking together and he was forced to keep licking them. He paused and looked down at himself. "Hey, I can see!" His vision flickered and went out. "Just kidding, apparently," he sighed. "Looks like I'm not bleeding out anymore."
"Yeah, once you let Derek take your pain you immediately started to heal. Your leg should be better, same with your neck. Your head and arm are the only thing still healing."
"My arm?" Scott felt the bandages and frowned.
"Um...from when Deucalion bit you—accidentally."
"Oh, yeah," Scott scratched the back of his head. "It wasn't that bad, wonder why it's not healing?"
"You must not want it to." Ethan's voice wavered, like he thought he was speaking out of turn. Scott shrugged.
"I guess not." He tried to put that thought aside. "How's the floor look?"
"We're never getting our deposit back."
"I figured. People still trying to kill each other?"
"Kali's upset with Deucalion for attacking her, Deucalion is upset with Derek for trying to claim you, Derek hates Deucalion for abandoning you."
"Oh my god they are worse than children." Scott would have slammed his head into a wall if it wouldn't have killed him.
"I know."
"Wait—what do you mean claim me?"
"It's nothing, they've been working out their aggression in sparring, all three of them. I think it's better now. It will be once I say you've woken up."
"Sparring? Is everyone alright?"
"No one lost any limbs." Scott tried not to let his jaw drop.
"Um, listen, before you tell them, maybe I could get some actual food to eat? I don't think I can deal with those three on an empty stomach."
Ethan's voice perked up. "You're hungry again?"
"I dreamt of that steak I never ate." Scott lied and by the whoosh of air Ethan had jumped up.
"Ok, ok I'll be back in like ten minutes. There's that sandwich place close to us, I'll run there and back."
"Lot's of meat, please."
"No problem." Ethan's footsteps dashed out of the room and Scott only felt slightly guilty for lying to him. He really did want that sandwich.
Scott swung his feet over the bed and touched the floor carefully, feeling the cool wood beneath his toes. He listened intently; it was still raining. Or maybe it had been stopping and starting again and he just kept missing when the sun was out, but it was just a light rain now.
He concentrated and pushed the pain in his head out and away from himself. His vision cleared and Scott breathed in relief. His arm twinged and he looked down, dark red spots dotted his gauze in the shape of a bite mark.
"A mystery for another day." Scott said to himself and rose out of bed, nearly tumbling down again. He looked down at his naked body and winced. He really had lost a lot of weight. Still, werewolf strength counted for something, he quickly threw on some clothes and a jacket before opening his window. The air was bitterly cold but Scott didn't care as he slid out and ran towards the forest.
His pack was going to freak when Ethan got back, but he'd answer if they called out. He just needed to be away to figure things out. Scott ran until his legs and chest burned, he ran until he reached the river. The same riverbank he'd nearly died at. His blood had long been washed away and the bodies were gone but the sight still sent of shiver through Scott's spine.
He collapsed on the ground, breathing hard. He was really out of shape, it was disgraceful.
Scott thought back to Chris' words, "If you truly wanted penance you'd try to be a better person, a better alpha." If Deucalion was going to make him keep living then Scott had to get past this guilt, or at least put it behind him, something. If things kept going the way they were he was never going to feel free again, and he'd just drag his pack down with him. But how do you atone for so much sin? Scott knew it couldn't be as simple as 'being a better person'.
He knew he could never be Scott McCall again, he'd known that from the start. So what was left? What else was he besides himself? An alpha? A friend, brother, lover? What defined him now that could overcome his guilt?
"It's not easy." Scott whipped around and nearly stumbled in his weakened state. Derek looked unimpressed from where he sat lounging in a tree. Scott glared up from under wet bangs.
"I see my stealth skills have drastically decreased."
"Not really," Derek hopped down and landed gracefully on the pebbled ground. "I just happened to be watching your window when you left."
"Creepy, dude."
"Your observational skills are what's decreased for not spotting me immediately."
"Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind." Scott huffed as Derek came and sat next to him, both now soaked from the rain.
"Yeah, I know. I've known for a long time, I was just hoping you'd come and talk to me before you did something stupid."
"And when has that ever happened?"
"Good point," Derek sighed. "I should have talked to you long ago."
"About what?"
Derek's voice turned dark. "Scott, I understand guilt better than anyone else in the pack." Scott frowned, not sure where he was going and Derek gave a bitter laugh. "You forgot, that's fine. I wish I could," he looked up to the sky, "Scott, I'm responsible for my family's murder, remember?"
"I—" The world grew dull around Scott as he took in what Derek said.
"I told Kate about them, I was the only reason they all burned to death. I was the reason my sisters and I were orphans. I turned Peter into what he was. In a way I'm responsible for turning you into a wolf. I'm responsible and I've had to live with that guilt ever since I walked up to my house and found the smoking corpses of my entire family."
"Oh god Derek, I'm sor—"
"It's not easy to live with that kind of guilt," Derek continued, but he threw his arm around Scott's shoulders. "The guilt was crushing. I thought Laura would hate me and I'd be alone, I was so terrified of her rejection. She didn't, our mother had taught her well and she made a great alpha. She lied and said it wasn't my fault, thanks to her strength I was able to carry on—or I guess I carried on for her. Didn't make my guilt disappear, though. It's crushing, all-consuming. It never leaves you, always in the back of your mind."
"What happened then?" Scott asked with baited breath.
Derek quirked an eyebrow at Scott. "I became a different person, I became that guy you first met in the forest."
"Yeah, you were still a creeper then." Derek chuckled and Scott gave a small grin.
"I became a man who obsessed over whatever he could. Revenge, getting a pack, anything that would push the guilt away. All it did was add more guilt to the pile. Caused my two remaining sisters' deaths. My own obsession finally caused my greatest fear; I was completely alone.
Then this stupid kid, another one of my obsessions, walked up and said 'be a part of my family', like it was the easiest thing in the world. And he called me brother and just like that I had someone in my life again." He paused and Scott stopped himself from saying anything and ruining the moment. "I realized my guilt was...pointless. Guilt doesn't help the dead or the living, just reminds us of painful memories."
Scott took a deep breath, inhaled any scent he could pick out through the rain, and released it. He tried to release more, tried to let go of his guilt, but it clung to him, refusing to come loose.
"So what's the trick?" he asked.
"Trick?" Derek shook his head. "Don't know if I'd call it a trick. My mother always said purpose is the strongest motivator. I guess I found a new purpose with you, one where my old guilt didn't matter—more than that it was useless and I had to let it go."
"Yeah well your mom was a badass alpha who...well, I'm not sure what she did—"
"She was the Guardian of Beacon Hills, Scott."
"I'm pretty much the furthest thing from that." Scott threw a pebble into the river and watched as it sank.
"I don't think that's true," Derek said. "You always fight to protect the pack."
"That's an alpha's job and it's the only part of that job I can do correctly." Scott clarified. "Purpose...a new purpose. Don't know if I even had an old one."
"Like I said, it isn't easy." Derek bumped his shoulder against Scott's. "But I understand, you're not alone."
"I—right." Scott went rigid at his words. You are not alone. "Thanks, man."
"Keep trying, sweetie. I'm so proud of you."
"I'll never give up, Mom."
Scott felt his chest constrict and quickly clutched it as it as memories swarmed his mind. His mother always told him to keep trying, keep fighting. Fight, not just for himself, but for Deucalion's sake too. He had to see past his own pain, so many other people looked past theirs to focus on him, he could at least do the same.
Different isn't bad.
Kali always said that to him, Scott would have never guessed until recently she was actually trying to cheer him up, to give him a message of hope. She also said he was always making things more dramatic than they were. So many people lived with guilt in their lives, everyone made mistakes, but they didn't let it control them. Most people didn't wallow in guilt their entire lives, not sure how to atone so they never tried.
Maybe...Scott McCall still did exist. The boy who took every loss personally, who let the guilt of thinking he saw Derek die eat at him until it almost killed him, who ran around trying to save everyone without a thought of what his actions put others through. The boy inside who would have him wallow in misery over all he had done and only wonder if he could better himself.
It was time to let that boy go. Time to become more.
"Derek, let's go back before the others worry."
"It's your choice." Derek said. The same thing he always said, his mantra from the very beginning. It's your choice.
Something sparked in Scott's mind just then. A vision of something...with purpose.
"Yeah, I guess it's always been my choice." Scott said as he stood up. It was at that exact point that several panicked howls sounded off in the distance, both the twins and Deucalion's—which sounded borderline hysterical—and Scott wasn't surprised to not hear Kali's.
"I swear that bitch doesn't worry about anything," Derek griped as he responded with a call that Scott was with him.
"You know, now they're gonna be upset with you." Scott pointed out. "Especially Deucalion."
"Yeah they'll think I smuggled you away to have you all to myself," Derek smirked at the idea. "I can live with that." Something popped up in Scott's mind suddenly and he frowned.
"Speaking of, what was Ethan going on about something with you trying to 'claim' me?" Scott crossed his arms as Derek went bright red.
"Jesus Christ that's not—ugh, it's just because that fucking old wolf thinks he's courting you and has claimed you in that sense, but that's bullshit. You probably didn't even realize what he was doing." He looked and saw Scott's blank face. "Knew it; it's his own damn fault trying to initiate a courtship as a submissive. He wasn't prepared for what it did to his mental state when we thought you were dead."
"I am so fucking lost here."
"Typical." Derek rolled his eyes. "Talk to him about it if you want, but I was not trying to claim you. I think of you as a brother. Honestly though, I would make a better mate," Derek glanced up then, and gave a small grin. "I'm just saying."
"Mate?"
"Let's just go back to the house, I'm in for it as it is." Derek groaned and pulled Scott along with him. Scott turned and looked back at the river. The vision he had had, for just a fraction of a second, stayed with him.
.
.
The sandwich Ethan got Scott was honestly one of the best he had ever eaten. It might have had something to do with not eating solid food for over a week, but Scott was past caring as he tore into the Combo Meat Sub with a frightening ferocity while Derek and Deucalion screamed behind.
"This is so good, Ethan." Scott said around a mouthful. "What's even in it?" Ethan opened his mouth. "—scratch that, I don't care. This is the best thing I've ever had."
Deucalion yelled something about Derek trying to mark Scott as his and that prompted Derek to take a swing at the older man and they both turned their argument physical without missing a beat. Kali sat next Scott, eating the pickles he had taken out and tossed aside.
"If I'd known you had this much of a hard-on for sandwiches I would have made the boys get you one earlier," she commented as a chair was throw across the room.
"Well, we weren't getting the deposit back anyways." Adian sighed miserably.
"You missed the one they had a few days ago." Kali continued, eyes flicking up to the fighting alphas. "It was pretty hot. They both tore off the other's shirt and I would have bet money they were going to switch into a Fight of Dominance they were so enraged."
"How's that different from what they're doing now?" Scott asked as he was about to take another bite.
"Wolf-Dom fights are uh..." Adian trailed off.
"You have really angry sex." Ethan snickered at his brother's reluctance to say it. Scott arched an eyebrow.
"It's built into werewolves within their pack," Kali's grin was predatory. "To keep pack members from killing each other during arguments, when they get so worked up they're blinded by rage their body kind of initiates a quick heat. Instead of tearing each other's throats out, the two wolves fight for the dominate sex position and the loser—instead of dying—just gets fucked and is forced to enjoy it because of the heat running through them. It's humiliating and the winner has bragging rights, but no one dies."
"I...did not know that. How did I not know that?" Scott processed that as he chewed. The more you know.
"The environment you kept the pack in before really didn't leave room for arguments. Which was a shame, those two fighting is really hot, they got so close." Kali sighed longingly. "I was pretty wet in anticipation."
"Ugh, Kali!" Ethan covered his ears and closed his eyes. "No one wants to hear that." There was a loud crack as Deucalion and Derek slammed against the couch and broke it.
"What stopped the epic sex fight?" Scott asked, chugging the glass of water next to him and grabbed the second sandwich Ethan had bought him.
"Oh." Kali deflated. "That old wolf and his pride. He must have realized he was going into a rage heat and bit himself to snap out of it. So lame."
A lamp went flying past Scott and Ethan's heads to smash against the wall, causing Ethan to yelp in alarm and both twins to duck under the table. Scott continued eating, far too absorbed with his food. Literally this was the best sandwich in the world.
"I guess you can handle a lot of meat." Kali shot and Scott laughed, covering his mouth as food went flying. The fighting paused at the sound. Scott swallowed his food and turned around with Kali.
"You done yet?" he asked. Both Derek and Deucalion were covered in cuts and bruises. One of Derek's eyes were swollen shut and Deucalion's shirt had been ripped off, a long gash traveling down his chest. The men panted, out of breath, and Derek suddenly dropped his fighting posture.
"Yeah, I'm done," he spat. He and Deucalion's eyes met and the dark-haired man gave a sharp glare. "Face it, he doesn't belong to either of us, but you're the one who tried to claim him without his knowledge." Derek spun around and stalked out of the house, grabbing his jacket as he left. Scott watched everything as he finished his sandwich. He was never not eating food again.
"Deucalion?" Adian asked from under the table. The older man jerked from the floor and stood up, not meeting Scott's eyes and made a hasty retreat to their bedroom. The younger man didn't miss how red the back of his neck was.
"He knows you two share the same room, right?" Kali asked, face conflicted as she pretended not to care but loved the drama too much.
"Yeah, but now it'd look stupid if he left so he's going to stay up there panicking silently." Scott sighed. "So dramatic."
"You're not angry with him, are you?" Aidan asked as both twins got up and sat back down. Scott might have beat around the bush before trying to get more of an answer from the older boy, but he didn't feel up to it today.
"About the courtship thing? Nah." At the twins unbelieving look Scott shrugged. "I'm weird when it comes to wolf things, remember? I only just found out about 'rage heats', I feel like there needs to be a handbook that comes when you get the bite."
Kali chuckled and tossed her hair back. "I'm really loving this version of you, Alpha. Maybe almost bleed out more often, seems to do wonders for your personality."
"Please don't," Adian begged. "I'm not sure the rest of the pack could handle it."
"Didn't you get your arms mauled?" Scott cast an eye over Kali's upper body but there wasn't a mark on her. His own bandaged arm twinged, reminding him of a lingering question in his mind.
"Yeah," Kali huffed and inspected her skin, "that was my bad, haven't seen a wolf go feral in so long—didn't realize he was that far gone."
"You go feral every battle." Scott pointed out.
"I'm still in control," she countered. "His wasn't due to bloodlust but..." Kali paused and Scott noticed both the twins giving her very pointed looks. She gave a long, frustrated sigh. "It was due to shit you two still need to talk about. Honestly, this is so stupid."
"Just go talk to him, Alpha—" Ethan started.
"Fuck it—he's so madly in love with you it's turned him into an idiot who doesn't know what he wants or how to ask for it." Kali said and stood up abruptly. "I've known it for months. This latest stint of you almost dying just made it too real for him and he reacted poorly—also due in part to an unformed courtship he thought he could do by himself."
Both twins were speechless and all eyes turned to Scott.
"I am never going to get the hang of all this wolf bullshit," he sighed and hung his head.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Kali!" Aiden growled. "That's personal! Only between Deucalion and—"
"Not if he was never going to say anything to Scott!" She countered. The two continued to bicker and Scott felt a headache approaching. He wanted another sandwich.
A foot nudged his own under the table and Scott glanced up to Ethan.
"Just go talk to him," he whispered. Scott grinned, surprising the other boy.
"Can do," he said and pushed away from the table. "Don't stop squabbling on my account." Kali and Adian paid him no mind and continued with their argument, voices heated in a way that Scott wouldn't be surprised if angry sex came out of it.
He climbed up the stairs and pushed the door open to his room. The hardwood floor had been stained a dark red so his blood would be less noticeable and, for the most part, it worked. Deucalion sat on the bed, shoulders tense as he stared out the window. The wounds covering his chest were mostly healed, just a few scratches left. Scott took a deep breath, the scent of wood, rain, and Deucalion settled something in his chest and he closed the door behind him.
Deucalion's heartbeat slowed to a monotone and Scott suppressed a grin as the man in front of him tried to appear calm. His scent spoke of anxiety, humiliation, shame. Derek's words had cut deep.
Scott made his way past Deucalion and over to the window, leaning against the frame. The rain was never ending, spattering against the glass and making the world gray. A scene swirled in Scott's mind and he closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the glass. A purpose...
"Scott?" Deucalion's voice was hesitant. Scott turned his head. "You seem—different."
"Derek and I had a good talk." Scott looked down at his arm, wincing as blood seeped through the bandages again. "I was trying to understand my guilt, how to get past it so I could move on."
"Did you?"
Scott looked back out the window, saw his own dim reflection stare back at him. He looked determined, calm, collected. He looked like leader. Different.
His mind was made up.
"We're going back to Beacon Hills." Silence met his words. Scott was patient and waited, waited until the silence stretched for too long and he turned fully to face Deucalion. The older man sat hunched, hair in front of his eyes and Scott couldn't read him in that moment. He stepped closer. "You alright?"
"No."
Scott reached out to touch Deucalion's shoulder but he stopped him abruptly, grabbing Scott's injured arm and cradling it in his hands.
"It's not healing."
"Apparently, I must not want it to," Scott shrugged. Deucalion flinched and let the limb go.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"You meant to rip Derek's throat out." Scott chided and flexed his hand; it stung. Deucalion had stilled next to him.
"I wasn't thinking."
"Something about going feral?" Deucalion made a face at his words, disgust and self-loathing.
"It's—"
"That why you bit my neck too?" Funny enough it had healed already, but it irked Scott. A primal part of him was still displeased. That got a strong reaction from Deucalion and his head snapped up.
"No. I just—I wanted to get you to react, it had always worked before. I didn't mean to mark you, I swear. That was—" he let out a small hysterical laugh "—I couldn't stop myself. Didn't know what I was doing until it was too late. It was a gross assault on you in a weakened state...I don't think sorry is enough, for any of my behavior that day."
Scott wasn't sure what the right thing to say in that moment was, so he sat next to Deucalion instead. His fingers brushed against Deucalion's arm, feeling as the hair on it rise at Scott's touch. A smile pulled at his lips.
"Nah, sorry 's enough for me." He looked over to Deucalion and tried to meet his eyes. The older man bit back a noise, either a laugh or a sob, but his eyes were clear when they finally met Scott's. "Just try to keep those teeth in check, they're sharp."
"I'm sorry," Deucalion breathed out, gently taking Scott's injured arm again. "I would throw my demon power away in a second if I could just heal you, like a normal wolf. But I'll never be able to take away your pain." Scott's hand found one of Deucalion's and he threaded their fingers together, realizing why his arm had refused to heal.
"Sometimes a simple touch can help." He had learned that touch was a powerful thing within the werewolf community, able to communicate more than words ever could. "No magical powers needed; you're enough." He unwrapped the gauze and was relieved to see the wound finally close up. "See—"
Scott was knocked back with surprising force and gave a muffled cry and his lips were assaulted. Deucalion was draped over him, claiming his mouth with wet, hard kisses. Scott responded back after a moment, slowing down Deucalion's frantic movements and pushing back eventually. Deucalion pulled away, out of breath, and dropped himself onto Scott's chest.
"What was that for?" Scott laughed.
"You know what." Deucalion muttered against his skin and sat back up after another moment, skin flushed. "What your words do to me..."
"I have an idea after all these years." Scott replied. He glanced at his arm and was amused to see tiny white scars. "Looks like you marked me anyways." Deucalion's heartbeat skyrocketed and Scott chuckled. "It's fine, I should really be apologizing to you, I know my blood probably doesn't taste very good after everything I've been through—not like yours. You taste—"
"Like tears."
"Hmm?" Scott tilted his head, Deucalion face had become closed off. "No, you taste like spice and electricity. It's a little heady to be honest."
"Your blood tastes like tears, Scott."
"I—oh." Scott paused. He hadn't expected that. "S-sorry."
"Don't be, it jolted me out of my crazed state. I was horrified, that's why I spit it out." Deucalion brought a hand to his face and wiped at his mouth, as if he could still taste it. "Tears; they reminded me of too much. Of my own pain, crying alone at night after I had first been turned, of your tears as you tried to express your anguish when the darkness had you. All that in the instant I realized I had bit you. It overloaded my animal instincts. I..." he trailed off and stayed silent.
Scott let the silence overtake them for awhile, content to let Deucalion sort through his feelings when a thought suddenly came to him.
"The heat intensified everything, didn't it?" Scott noticed Deucalion's pulse quicken and his eyes darken.
The older man took a shaky breath, "Yes, painfully so."
"I thought 'going feral' didn't cover everything," Scott sighed. "Everybody's actions make a lot more sense now...as well as my own. I guess I underestimated how much a heat weakens and throws off a pack."
"Don't..." Deucalion started but his voice died and he appeared traumatized, fingers trembling suddenly.
"What?"
"Please, don't force me to leave ever again."
Scott's mouth went dry and he nodded quickly, tears forming in his eyes at the memory. His grip on Deucalion tightened—he wanted more—and leaned in until his forehead was resting against the other man's neck. His scent was intoxicating, spice and clean sweat mixed with something uniquely Deucalion. The man underneath Scott shuddered at the attention as soft breathing ghosted across his neck.
"I promise." Scott whispered and meant every word.
"Thank you." If Deucalion's voice shook, Scott ignored it. Instead he scraped his teeth gently along the older man's neck, causing a low whine to slip from him.
"So about this whole 'claiming me' thing?" Scott switched subjects neatly and was pleased to feel Deucalion freeze underneath him. "Courting?" Deucalion's heartbeat sped up out as he silently panicked and Scott lifted himself away from the other man. "You know me, I'm literally clueless when it comes to werewolf traditions so I've had a lot of people throwing words at me I don't really understand without context. Something about an unformed courtship?"
"Shit." Deucalion was less eloquent than he usually was.
"What is it, exactly?" Scott pressed harder. "From others' reactions I'm under the impression that a submissive usually doesn't trigger this—whatever this is supposed to be. Am I right?" Deucalion nodded jerkily, eyes adverted and looking somewhat like a kicked puppy. "I—" Scott pulled back on his tone, realizing how he sounded. "I'm not actually that upset, just confused—oh my god!" Realization dawned on him. "Was that the date!? That's what the date really was wasn't it?" He didn't know why he sounded so excited, but he was glad to have finally fit that piece into the puzzle.
Deucalion's entire neck and face were a bright red and he had buried his face in his hands. Scott settled back and crossed his arms. "I was wondering why you were so forward suddenly. Is it generally supposed to be the other way around? How do courtships even work? I wonder—"
"Scott." The young man snapped his mouth shut, desisting in his rambling. Deucalion had moved his hands away but his eyes were now tired, heavy lines around them and Scott grew worried. "Courtships are a very serious thing and intensely private. I...went about it the wrong way. A submissive can make their desires known but it's ultimately the dominate wolf's decision to make and initiate. I was just," he waved a hand around, "happy?" He said the word like it was foreign to him, like it was an actual question. "There's still some aspect to being a submissive I'm not used to, even after all these years. I just wanted so badly that I acted out of my place. It's unhealthy, what I did. Half-formed courtships can be dangerous after a time because there is no true reciprocation. I wasn't thinking straight at the time."
"I mean, it was during a heat." Scott shrugged, Deucalion still not having answered his question. "You normally don't have a lot of control."
"And normally an Alpha would have known what I was doing and shut it down, but that only makes it worse." Deucalion rubbed the back of his neck, like he was trying to erase the blush still there. "It's alright, there's an easy fix."
"I figured." Scott nodded. They just needed to do everything properly—
"Sever the link."
"I—what?" Scott's jaw tightened as his eyes widened.
"Don't worry, I'm still yours." Deucalion hastened to assure him. "I'm not asking—I'd never want—"
"What is a courtship?" Scott asked again, putting steel behind his voice. He wanted all the answers before he did anything. "Answer that first."
"It's..." Deucalion really seemed stubborn on not wanting to spell it out. Unfortunately that's what Scott needed.
"I'm going to assume it's something a little more intense than just dating?" he tried.
Deucalion snorted. "Such a human word; empty and void of true emotion."
"Help me out here then." Scott's patience was wearing thin.
"It's..." Deucalion tried again and pinched the bridge of his nose. Scott recognized the action as the older man trying to figure out the right words rather than an unwillingness to talk. "I'm trying to translate it to something that holds equal meaning to you. It's—fiancé?" he finally settled on and gave a glance in Scott's direction. Scott picked out the fear deep within but his mind was currently too blank to really process it.
"You...uh." Scott tried, he really did. His mind whizzed, trying to connect different dots and finally complete a puzzle that had been in the back of his mind for several months now. "Explain more? Because to me, fiancé equals eventual marriage."
Deucalion gave a deep, strained sigh. "Courtship can occur between any wolves, they don't have to be currently in a bond like we are or even the same pack. Courtship...happens when both wolves want to become..." He let out a frustrated laugh. "Mates, Scott. I wanted to be your mate, that's all."
That's all, like it was the most casual thing in the world. Scott might have believed it if it weren't for the fear in Deucalion's eyes, the redness of his neck and face, the tremble in his fingers.
"Courtship is like asking someone to be your fiancé because it ends in a permanent relationship?" Scott asked, still not sure how to feel.
"It's something so much deeper than that." Deucalion looked a little desperate, something wild in his eyes. "The fact you don't understand makes it even worse, what I did. It's fine, just sever it. The connection will break and my mentality will normalize again."
"Will it hurt?"
"It's fine, that's not important."
"Will it hurt?"
"Yes." Deucalion's face twisted in anger, as if upset Scott was worried about how it would affect him. "It will hurt, but the pain will be temporary. Rejection hurts everyone, supernatural or not, but it's fine."
"What do I say?"
"Just say that you reject the offer of courtship, it's quite simple."
"I—" Scott paused. The puzzle finally complete and he saw the picture, the ending Deucalion had been trying for. He looked over at the older man, body tense as he braced himself for Scott's words. "So...you don't want it anymore?" It was the only conclusion he could come to, why Deucalion had asked him to say the words.
"What?" Deucalion hadn't expected that. He blinked at Scott.
"The courtship? You don't want it anymore?" Scott looked away. "That's why you want it severed?"
"Don't you?" His voice was fragile in that instant and Scott could hear hope through the layers of denial. "I've made so many mistakes up to this point, it was a gross betrayal to attack you to try and force a courtship—"
"If I can't wallow in guilt then neither can you, asshole." Scott quipped and Deucalion flinched. "Answer my question."
"I don't want it to affect your decision."
Scott rolled his eyes. "Of course it will, I care about what you think."
"Dammit Scott..."
"Please, answer."
"No." Deucalion's voice cracked, sounding raw and he tried to take a steadying breath. "I don't want it severed, I want—what I wanted..."
"You want to be mates, one day." Scott was still a little fuzzy on that, but it sounded suspiciously like werewolf marriage. But if courtship went deeper than a proposal, then this was surely something deeper than marriage, more profound and clearly something important to Deucalion.
"I wanted a dream, not reality." Deucalion muttered. "But I'd rather have a severed link than an unfinished one."
"I understand." Scott lowered his eyes. Why was Deucalion always so stubborn? Pride, he was prideful, it was his defining trait. It was aggravating and frustrating but Scott supposed he was too. Deucalion's sin was pride and Scott loved him for it. Scott's sin used to be wrath but maybe...now it was something else.
If Scott had to give it a name, he'd have to say greed.
"Proposal accepted."
"See, that wasn't too—what?" Deucalion's heartbeat and pulse skyrocketed, his pupils dilated as his eyes met Scott's and he broke out into a sweat that had the scent of panic and desire.
"Proposal accepted," Scott repeated and shrugged. "Courtship formed...or, uh, successful? I reciprocate? I'm not sure what the right thing to say is. Is there a certain phrase?"
"No—I," Deucalion seemed stuck. His scent shifted suddenly; added to the spice was now the smell of fresh cut grass and pine trees. Scott leaned in again and sniffed, curious at the abrupt change.
"Your scent—"
"It's yours." Deucalion exhaled quickly, still shell-shocked. "That's your scent mixing with mine, it happens when—" He choked off and quickly doubled over.
"Deucalion?" Scott reached out and ran a hand along Deucalion's back, hair standing on the back of his arm as a tingle ran through his body at the touch, like gentle electricity. Deucalion shuddered in response.
"Like sparks of magic," he groaned and Scott saw unshed tears in his eyes. "You feel like small sparks of magic cascading across my skin."
"Is that...good?" Scott asked hesitantly, lifting his hand up.
"Just means we're connected, like our scents. Wh-what do I—?"
"Electricity, you feel like when I build up a static charge and touch metal."
"Does it hurt?" Now Deucalion looked worried.
"No," Scott shook his head, "feels good. Is that—is this what a courtship does?"
"A complete one, yes." Deucalion was shaking all over. "You said yes?" The fragility was there again, along with the hope.
Scott felt his cheeks burning as he looked away. "Of course. Isn't it obvious I love you?" And he said it, really said it. The words tumbled from his lips like they were soft and new and Scott swallowed down his nerves.
"Yes, it's actually very clear...I'm just...a bit slow," said possibly one of the most brilliant tacticians Scott had ever known. He rolled his eyes and turned back to Deucalion to retort, but was stopped as hands grabbed his face and lips crashed against his.
"Mmmph!" Scott gave an indignant muffled cry as he was thrown back onto the bed again. Deucalion's motions were erratic and hasty as he climbed on top of Scott, desperately trying to rip his own clothes off. "Hey—" Another frenzied kiss cut Scott off and he could taste the electricity tingle in his mouth. Both men moaned and Deucalion tangled his fingers in Scott's hair and pulled them closer, until they were flush against each other.
"...mine." Deucalion muttered against Scott's lips and the younger man froze. It wasn't indignation or annoyance at being claimed that slapped him in the face, but a feeling of utter belonging took over Scott at those words. Was this what Deucalion felt each time Scott said that to him?
Deucalion's mouth attacked Scott's again, ripping off his already torn shirt and the action turned Scott on even further. He slid his hands up Deucalion's back, scraping his nails down the flesh and arching as the feeling of electricity raced up his spine. Deucalion gasped at the action, mouth missing Scott's and sliding along his jaw, his teeth just grazing against the younger man's neck. Like a white hot jolt of desire Scott moaned loudly, uncaring if the rest of his pack heard and fisted Deucalion's hair, forcing his mouth to stay where it was.
"Keep—keep doing that," he ordered. Deucalion growled and lavished Scott's neck, lips and tongue, abusing flesh. The sensations connected straight to Scott's groin, or that's what it felt like to him. Never before had Scott really experienced someone touching his neck in such a way, as an alpha it had only felt wrong but he'd been told how sensitive it was. He had even felt it briefly before when Deucalion had sucked on it, but this was a whole new level.
Another scrape of teeth against Scott's collarbone and the younger man nearly came, crying out and burying his face in Deucalion's shoulder. Every touch felt new, the entire world and its sensations were like the first time again and it was close to overloading Scott's brain. He pulled Deucalion's head up to crush their mouths together and his beta whimpered.
"I need—" Deucalion shuddered against Scott, his breathing unsteady and labored. At some point he had started ripping off his jeans and was attempting to mount Scott. "I need you inside me now. God—I need..." he nearly slipped and Scott caught the older man against his chest. His skin burned Scott's and the trembling became apparent. "I need you to claim me now—I need to feel you as my partner—I have to feel this courtship as deeply as I can...I've waited—wanted—so long."
Scott jumped as he felt hands start to fumble with the zipper on his jeans. The scent of Deucalion, now more than ever, was intoxicating. The feel of his skin as his beta squirmed on his lap begging for him sent a powerful thrill racing through Scott, but the look in Deucalion's eyes and the stress in his voice called to something deeper.
It was as if Deucalion was still scared something would change; he was racing against an unseen clock. Like Scott might take his words back.
He was still alpha, still in charge.
Scott sucked in a deep breath, the teenage fantasy part of his brain reveled in Deucalion being on top and worshiping his body. There wasn't anything wrong with that fantasy, but that wasn't the foundation of their relationship. And it wasn't what Deucalion needed in this moment.
The growl built deep in Scott's chest and his body came to life in an instant, hands whipping out to grab Deucalion's and throw him back against the foot of the bed, Scott's body pinning the older man there as he bit into the neck that belonged to him.
"Calm down," Scott said as he eased his bite. Deucalion panted underneath him, chest heaving as Scott still had his hands pinned to the side. His skin glistened with sweat, tinted with arousal and his nipples were hardened into dark nubs. Scott felt his mouth start to water and licked his lips. Deucalion moaned at the action and thrust his hips up.
"You know you want to fuck me, Scott." Deucalion's voice wavered as he spoke, as if just the thought of Scott pounding him deep into the mattress was almost too much. "Just don't hold back when you do."
Scott's gaze traveled down to focus on Deucalion's cock, laying thick on his hip and red with neglect. The tip quivered as a bead of precome started to leak out. At Scott's attention it swelled further and Deucalion made an odd whine in the back of his throat. He spread his legs further for Scott as an invitation, testicles drawn up tight against his body.
"Take it," Deucalion urged, voice desperate again. "Take what's yours."
"I will," Scott promised and dragged Deucalion up, flipping him over so he was lying across Scott's legs, well-muscled ass resting perfectly up across his lap. "But first I need you to calm down."
"I—"
Scott slapped Deucalion, hard. Right across the rounded flesh in front of him and watched as a red flush appeared. Deucalion yelped initially, almost jerking off Scott, but the young man grabbed both his hands and held them against his back to steady them both. After realizing his position, Scott both felt and heard his partner's pleased moan. He smoothed a hand over Deucalion's ass, fingers slipping down to just brush against his entrance and the man underneath him gasped.
"I'm going to take you, stop worrying about that." Scott chided and slapped again, much softer this time, and Deucalion shuddered in his grasp. "I'm going to fuck you so hard it'll hurt to even try and sit, every time you move you'll be reminded of who you belong to. My scent and marks will be covering you so everyone can see and know. I'll fuck you so well you'll never doubt this is real ever again."
Deucalion was biting his lip so hard it was bleeding, eyes squeezed shut as he processed Scott's words. He was still shaking, and Scott understood that he wasn't used to getting what he truly desired. Wasn't used to being happy.
"I just need to you calm down," Scott lowered his voice, his tone soft and warm. "You're trying to rush, I can tell."
"Just—" Deucalion suddenly collapsed, released a long breath and buried his face in the mattress, unable to continue. "I've lost you too many times in so many different ways...I can't, I need—" He broke off again. "There's more, you don't know what this means to me, to have this. I can't—"
Scott slapped him again as he felt Deucalion get close to breaking. His hand twinged with the force of his hit and Deucalion cried out, erection throbbing against Scott's thighs. He felt as some of the tension eased out of the older man.
"You're mine," Deucalion sobbed into the sheets, sounding relieved. "You said yes."
Scott's hand came down again and Deucalion's hips stuttered, grinding into Scott's knees and his scent drenched in carnal lust. Scott lowered his head and gave a long, filthy lick around Deucalion's hole, grinning as the man choked and wailed. His lovely low voice cracking in pleasure as he screamed Scott's name over and over. The younger man lapped at his entrance, tongue delving in and out of Deucalion at a languid pace until his spit coated everything. Scott pulled back up and admired his handiwork; Deucalion had finally stopped trembling, instead too overcome with the sensations Scott was teasing him with.
"I'm yours," Scott whispered, "forever." He sunk his fingers into Deucalion and twisted, feeling along until a found the bundle of nerves and pressed against his prostate. Deucalion thrashed violently, fangs snapping out as he howled. Scott quickly pulled out and slapped his beta into submission, bringing him down from the brink of orgasm with the sting of pain, but leaving him just on the edge.
Scott took a deep breath, anxious for what he was about to say. "I've wanted your love and approval for longer than I'd care to admit, and after claiming you a small part of me was upset we could never be equals again, but now...sounds like we are again. And maybe one day mates? This guilt, I can finally put it behind me so when I look at you I only feel love. I'm sorry that I focused for so long on things I can't change instead of seeing what was right in front of me."
Deucalion chuckled wetly underneath him. "We're both guilty of that sin, Scott."
Scott smoothed his hand along Deucalion's ass, a deep primal instinct content with how perfect it felt seeing his hand marks there. He struck again, firmly, seeing the flesh bounce and Deucalion thrust against his leg.
"I want to bite your ass," slipped out and Deucalion moaned. "I want to mark you everywhere."
"Do it, please."
Instead, Scott pressed three fingers into Deucalion and curled them making the older man buck and twist. He pulled out and dipped a single finger in this time, barely past his knuckle and shallowly fucked Deucalion. Scott kept it up for several minutes, even as Deucalion begged for more.
"I'm going to take my time with you," he admonished and swatted the man far too lightly. He returned his finger to Deucalion's opening but this time only swirled his finger gently around the rim. The older man finally screamed in frustration, hips canting upwards trying to get Scott to do more.
"I can only take some much toying Scott, please fuck me—"
Scott cut off the remark with a hard smack, then a more powerful one. It shut Deucalion up as he groaned into the sheets. Scott felt his own erection straining against his jeans, a damp spot having formed long ago as Deucalion writhed in his lap. A thought suddenly came to him.
"Does that mean you're no longer my submissive?"
Deucalion panted, sweat pouring off him. "Only if you don't want that any longer. You can release me."
Scott scratched his nails down the man's back. "Do you want to be released?"
Another slap and Deucalion shuddered violently, hips thrusting against Scott's thighs. He twisted his head until one of his piercing blue eyes met Scott's. "Don't you dare," he snarled and Scott almost smiled. Instead he gave another slap that had Deucalion choking back a moan. He gasped, forehead pressed against the sheets again. "I need this. Need to be leashed, controlled. Feel safe, like this, with you."
"Safe?" Scott cupped his hand over the reddened flash of Deucalion's ass. Slipped a finger to push into his entrance, pressed firmly against his prostate and watched the man flail. He withdrew the finger just as quickly and gave another quick slap, too light for Deucalion's tastes based on the whine he received.
"From hurting others." Deucalion finally sobbed. "I feel sane with you. Normal. I trust myself again when you take control."
"That's..." Scott couldn't say how he felt and slapped again, hard, almost too hard but Deucalion gasped in relief, hips grinding against Scott in jerking motions. Scott kept slapping until his hand was numb, harder and harder until Deucalion was screaming and crying in pleasure, precome soaking Scott's jeans as he rubbed himself against the younger man. "I trust myself with you too, you force me to look at myself—my choices. Own up to them, overcome them. I feel complete with you next to me."
Scott somehow felt it as Deucalion finally came, deep in his soul as if they were part of the same body. He didn't come too, but it was a close thing as Deucalion screamed and came apart, tears running down his face at Scott's words. The younger man clung on tight to him, releasing his arms to instead wrap himself around Deucalion as the man trembled from his release.
"Sorry..." Deucalion eventually mumbled.
Scott chuckled, "For?"
"Didn't mean to end things quickly—shit." Deucalion pushed himself up, arms shaking and he nearly collapsed again. His hair was damp with sweat as it fell in front of his eyes and Scott watched as Deucalion tried to regain his breath.
"It's fine," he shrugged, "I pushed you pretty hard." Deucalion reached out and stroked a hand down Scott's neck and the younger man smiled.
"You're still..." Deucalion motioned to Scott's straining erection trapped in his jeans that were unzipped and riding low on his hips. "You were going to fuck me." It sounded a little petulant, and when Scott ducked down to meet Deucalion's eyes he recognized the look of subtle disappointment. Deucalion was always harshest on himself.
"I never said we were done," Scott quipped. The air froze with tension and lust. Deucalion's scent immediately switched from exhaustion to desire and Scott grinned widely. "I promised you a lot, remember? We're not done by a long shot." The look and smile Deucalion gave him at those words made nearly everything Scott had been through worth it, to get to this point.
Here, with the man he loved.
Although still recovering, Deucalion managed to throw himself at Scott in renewed passion and the rest of the day and night were spent with Scott fulfilling his promise to his mate. Pounding against Deucalion with new senses flooding both their systems until he broke the bed, and continuing against the wall and then the shower until not an inch of Deucalion was left that hadn't been claimed by Scott.
When they both collapsed and darkness crept into Scott's vision he finally felt no fear or guilt at the coming dreams. Only happiness as Deucalion pulled him close and curled his body around him whispering, "Mine." over and over until his deep voice lulled Scott to sleep.
.
.
"I think my new wolf form is a reflection of you."
The storm had finally stopped and Scott could see sunlight through the curtains as he sat up in bed. It was sometime early in the morning and everything felt warm and content. Deucalion shifted next to him, groaning at his sore and stiff body but Scott caught the grin on his lips. Blue eyes rose up to meet his own dark brown ones.
"A reflection of me? How?"
Scott gave a soft laugh. "Anubis, remember?" He pointed to some of the books laying out on their desk. "That story you told in Egypt, the wolf I saw in the Between Realm, 'to measure a person's heart after death' a judge of souls so to speak, a protector too of those who were crossing to the afterlife. A True Alpha is an alpha by character alone, their heart judged and found righteous, and...a protector, sound familiar?"
"Sounds like you."
"I think somehow my form changed to fit my new reflection, and I thought of everything you told me. Your beliefs influenced me."
"I—" Deucalion sat up as well, face conflicted in a frown. "I think I'm flattered."
"You should be," Scott rolled out of bed and felt as the rest of his pack started to wake up. "I need to talk to entire pack today."
"About what you said yesterday?" Deucalion asked. "Beacon Hills?"
"Yeah," Scott turned to face him. "Yesterday when I was with Derek he told me about his mother; she was the Guardian of Beacon Hills. Under her there was peace among wolves. For just a second I had...I dunno, a vision? I saw myself as a Guardian, and maybe I could go one step further. I could make peace with the Hunters too, I could—" Scott stopped abruptly. Deucalion was staring at him in a way he never had before. The intensity of it made Scott stammer. "Wh-what? I-I know it's stupid—"
"It's not." Deucalion voice was soft, but broken and he looked away. "But that's a dangerous road to go down. Being a visionary has a price, Scott. Just...trust me on this. You will be hurt, maybe even destroyed."
Scott studied the man in front of him. The broken visionary who had fought for peace until it ruined and twisted him into a monster. But Scott understood the darkness now, and what lay at it's heart: fear. He stepped forward and felt his back straighten, determination flooding his body.
"There was a time I'd have said 'I don't believe that', but now I know that's not true. The world is a cruel and monstrous place that crushes the weak, but...it's beautiful too. There are things you can find to love and protect. I chose to live a different way, to take a different path. One that will leave me with more scars. I opened the beacon at Beacon Hills and left it to its own darkness; even if everyone hates me, I need to go back and protect it. I will become the new Guardian and fight for the vision I have."
He probably sounded irrational, or naïve, Scott realized. He didn't care. He hadn't felt this certain in a long time. Deucalion was staring at him again, eyes overly wet with some type of emotion.
"A vision of peace?" he echoed.
The heated stare finally got to Scott and he scratched the back of his head, "Something like that." A watery chuckle answered and Scott tilted his head. "You good?"
"You're what I should have been, I can see that—maybe that's what I always saw in you, from the beginning." Deucalion wiped quickly at his eyes. "It's funny, you're a man now but some of that boy I first met is finally back in your eyes. The one that wanted to help, wanted to do the right thing. I missed him, god I missed that."
"Dude, stop, you're making me blush." Scott really wished his face would stop burning. "We can both be that, people who want peace and are willing to fight for it—but not to kill. No reason you can't be right there beside me."
Deucalion responded instantly, "I will, always."
Scott walked back towards the bed and sunk down, facing Deucalion and let the moment wash over him. The peace he felt inside, the calm of the air around them, the warmth in his chest. Deucalion's fingers tangled in his and they stayed like that for a while, simply content.
The moment was ruined by Kali barging into the room.
"Hate to break up the loving moment, but I overheard some of that. If we're moving I'd like the get the official announcement because I am fucking done with this place."
"Thanks for knocking, Kali." Scott deadpanned as Deucalion growled at her. She gave them both a once over.
"Nice markings," she winked at Deucalion and then rolled her eyes. "About time you two finally hooked up, be easier to deal with the old one now."
"Fuck you, Kali." Deucalion made as aggressive move but winced and suddenly sat back down. Scott suppressed a smile and Kali outright cackled.
"Guess our alpha claimed you pretty hard?"
"You only wish you had a lover half as good." Deucalion snapped back and Kali's jaw dropped.
"Shit that's low, bitch." Scott sent Deucalion a warning glare but the older wolf didn't seem to care. Kali's eyes went back to Scott. "Maybe next heat I'll offer myself to Scott, see what all the fuss is about."
"Kali..." Scott heaved a very loud sigh as Deucalion's hackles rose again and both wolves snarled at each other. "Please gather the others downstairs, we have a lot to discuss."
.
.
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