Quinntana Week 14 has already started and I think pretty much finished! This is a late posting of the first day prompt, which is Quinntana begins. I'm not posting it separately to Random Shoes, simply because I don't know if I will finish all of the prompts - I hope to. But between a busy work schedule and killer writer's block, things haven't been flowing in the writing department.

I really appreciate being invited to participate in the whole Quinntana fest, and also thanks to those that have left messages and apologies if I haven't gotten back to you personally. I'm definitely trying to use the prompts to kickstart the muse :) Oh, and my knowledge of season 4/5 is sketchy cos I've only seen bits 'cos I couldn't bring myself to watch Glee as a whole!

XxX

When Santana sits and really thinks about it, with hindsight on her side, she can pinpoint the very second the seed was planted.

I just want somebody to love me.

She remembered that moment with perfect clarity. She remembers feeling inadequate to deal with Quinn's issues, because what the hell did she know about honest to god misery? Sure, back then, she had been dealing with a massive wave of emotion and fear - flatout insecurity that she had been in full on denial about.

But Quinn? Quinn's life had been something else entirely, and Santana remembered her 17 year old self feeling the discomfort of knowing that she was of absolutely zero help. Because at the end of the day, no matter how terrified she was of herself, she had her Mami and Papi that without a single word of explanation, she could cuddle up to on the couch and take comfort in them.

She remembered thinking, maybe for the first time in a very real way, that Quinn actually never had that and maybe they should all give her a damn break.

Because not one single member of their merry band of misfits knew her pain, or the emptiness she grew up in every day. They didn't know what it was like living in that cold, hollow house - the pressure to be perfect, to beg for attention, and cut out parts of yourself to only be considered valuable. They didn't know what it was like to have a baby in high school, or get thrown out on their ass, or to have to give that precious little baby up because you just couldn't take for granted the trust you were supposed to take for granted with your parents.

Quinn had kept trying. She kept trying to be perfect, to be open, to be loving, to be a bitch, to be closed off, to be anything other than what she was, to be anything that she thought anyone wanted from her. And she got slapped down each and every time.

No wonder she had been a fucking mess.

But at 17 years old, with her own pressures and insecurities, despite the recognition that maybe they should all try harder for Quinn, Santana Lopez had offered the best she could. A shoulder to lean on, a little affection and a hair cut.

The seed planted inside was earthed in the far, far recesses of her mind and heart, all but silent and so small it was overlooked.

XxX

It sat there. Silent and unthreatening. Not even registering when she and Quinn have their clashes again. Santana tries to help Quinn, she honestly does, when she comes back to school the way she does. And it's not because she thinks that Quinn shouldn't dress the way she does, or have the 'care less' attitude, because she figures it's each to their own. She just knows that it isn't her. She's forcing herself into a mould that yet again, she doesn't fit into. But Santana's ability to competently express herself - in this capacity anyway - is still under construction.

They have their moments. Santana finds herself staring at Quinn sometimes. The seed isn't big enough yet, but it's just rooted enough for her to pay more attention. To look, despite not knowing why, to try and work the complicated blonde out. She thinks its because she loves her as a friend, and maybe she could better herself as one, and maybe because this is their last year and she feels the gravity of that. They've been through so much, and she and Quinn more than anyone started on exactly the same path.

They started as Sue Sylvester's would be saboteurs, Brittney just came along with them for the ride, yet they had found something important in the glee club that they had set out to destroy. Brittney had always had this self assurance about herself, despite what people said about her, but they never had - they had been shocked to discover that they actually had something to learn in glee. Possibly more so than anyone else.

So Santana figures this little gravitational pull, just strong enough to notice, is some kind of sentimental friendship thing. She talks to Quinn a little, when she's daring enough, about her feelings. She knows Quinn understands the fear of opening up, of being real and honest, so she knows she can tell her that she's actually really terrified of being gay. Quinn doesn't judge, and say she should have pride and the world is different and that Kurt got through it - because Quinn knows what she does, it's bullshit.

Being scared is actually smart. There are reasons to be scared, and the world isn't all that different, and Kurt and she are individual's and have different experiences and lives. It's never the same. Quinn doesn't put all this pressure on her to step up and own it, like she's a traitor to the cause for wishing she wasn't or that she could just hide it and be with Brittney on the down low.

Yet, it's Quinn that gently reminds her that there is reason to be proud. And that despite the oddity of the club's friendships, they would be there for her, and that perhaps if worst came to worst, getting thrown out of your home isn't the end of the world. It's awful, and painful, and it will scar her forever, but she'd live through it.

And Santana likes to think of that night, as she was sitting with the blonde on the swings in the park, as the night she felt fully accepted by somebody. Because if Quinn the messed up Catholic could say that to her, and not be afraid of her obvious raging lesbianism and be happy that she was head over heels in love with Brittney - then there had to be hope.

XxX

The seed tugs a little harder as Santana sits numbly in the hospital waiting room. She feels utterly helpless again. Almost a year later and she was still unable to help Quinn as she yet again got a giant smackdown from the universe.

They don't know much, but the idea that her best friend, because Quinn is her best friend despite everything, is in a trauma room bleeding and broken - well it makes it hard to breathe. The idea that she may never come out of that room would destroy her world. Because it's just not fair. How can one girl take so much fucking abuse in such a short lifetime.

Thing's had been strained, because Quinn at least had the balls to tell Rachel to her face that she was making a mistake. And sure, she got painted with the 'evil bitch' brush again, because everyone assumed that she was being spiteful, but Santana knew Quinn was trying to show she cared. Just like she had many a time, but it was always taken the wrong way. It wasn't the first example of Quinn's attempts to be a good friend, another was telling Rachel to wait to have sex - not that she listened.

Santana had walked away from the group, unable to keep the emotion from bubbling up within her, and she had sobbed. Not sniffled, or cried - but sobbed. She had thrown the bathroom trashcan clear across the space, because she needed to do something, and then she had just sank down the wall and sobbed.

Only Brittney had seen the tail end of that breakdown, after ten minutes or so she had wandered in to find her girlfriend, and without question had sank to her knees and gathered her into her arms and just held her. And it had been what Santana had needed, but it had also made the moment a little harder, because in the depths of her mind she had wondered why it hadn't quite felt like enough.

She loved Brittney, there was no question of that. But something inside told her that the only girl she wanted holding her right then, was Quinn.

XxX

It's only fitting that they pay back some karma during senior prom night. As much as she would have loved to be crowned prom queen, it's meaningless without Brittney being her 'king'. In years gone by she would have been a hot mess of rage at discovering that she had lost, particularly when it was only by one to Quinn Fabray.

The very fact that she gets to be at senior prom, openly gay and with her girlfriend, well it kind of just makes everything else insignificant. She honestly thought something like that would never happen, let alone being voted for queen with Brittney as a weird but awesome king (though she still didn't dare think about how the entire student body seemed to know that Brittney had always been in charge) - not that queens couldn't be. But it was Lima, Ohio - forward thinking came bit by bit.

Anyways, she had been happy for Quinn. But she had been even happier that Quinn had decided it was insignificant too, and it would mean more to someone that they had put through a lot of crap. It was a proud moment for Santana, for herself and for Quinn, in that room where together they had made the decision to write out new ballots in favour of Rachel.

She had been on a roll with pride, because when she had been shoved out of her closet, Quinn had been there. And when Quinn had come around from her accident, she had been there. And it hadn't been perfect, but she had been proud of Quinn. Her chest had almost burst when she had sung I'm Still Standing with Artie - she had been remarkable. The smile had actually reached her eyes, and there had been so much relief filling her up because the blonde didn't find happiness easy. It was unknown and frightening and difficult, yet like everything else, Quinn just kept fighting.

But that moment on stage. The moment that she had pulled herself up out of that wheelchair beside her, choosing that moment with her to stand up? It had been phenomenal. Santana had almost missed her cue, she was so shocked and awed at the unexpectedness of it. Everyone had been. And she had been so honoured that she had gotten to be right there by her side - that she had gotten to step into Quinn and wrap her arm around her for support during that precious moment.

And she had felt how difficult it was. Quinn's body had been weak, and her muscles were clenched, her skin hot and her frame liable to fall at any second because it was just so fucking exhausting for her to stand. Yet she had, and she had kept on singing, and Santana had never felt more in tune with Quinn than in that moment. Never felt like she had been more of a friend to her than right then, to help her do what she needed to, and take her weight. Quinn had trusted her. She had trusted her.

She hadn't registered, for a long time, because of the momentous happening, and the fact that she had Brittney there with her and she was so unbelievably happy and free, that Quinn had felt so good in her arm.

XxX

The future became far too real for her. Santana realised in one rush of suddenness that as much as she detests Lima, it had been her safety bubble. Here, in her tiny, tiny portion of the world, she had gained some notoriety and respect - she'd had a voice, and been part of something. She had put off thinking just how in the hell she would translate that into the big wide world.

Kentucky never instilled her with the pure elation that Quinn had about Yale. Freaking Yale. Another source of pride for Santana in respect to her best friend. Quinn had dragged herself through hell and high water and gotten herself accepted into Ivy League.

It had hit her like a ton of bricks that she had no plan. It's why Brittney pushed so hard to give her one. And she was, and would always be, truly grateful - to know someone loved her that much. But when she got there she knew immediately it wasn't her. It was McKinley on a bigger scale, and the high school bullshit was just slightly older, and she had found it hard to make friends and fit in. She tried and she failed. And on her loneliest nights, she speculated that it had probably been how Quinn had felt so many nights back in school.

To make matters worse, her relationship with Brittney got steadily worse until she just couldn't take anymore. It wasn't Brittney. She loved Brittney. It was her whole life. She was confused, and sad and lonely - and she felt like she was drowning.

The only thing she truly knows what to do with that is to act. And it sucks, because she feels untethered and she just keeps going around in a vicious cycle. After breaking up with Brittney and returning to Kentucky, she just starts to work her way through as many Kentucky lesbians as possible. She insists to herself that it's college, and she should be having fun and experimenting, and that it's just sex. It was good to blow off steam. It had never been that, because she had never honestly felt like that about sex. And if she had, Brittney had taught her different.

Santana is blinded by all of this, by being near Brittney who has moved onto Sam, the next time she saw Quinn. Her jealousy and her pain and her rage and her insecurity all combine, and it blocks what she should have seen in Quinn at Thanksgiving. The same untethered loneliness. Santana had been fucking a different girl almost every night - Quinn had been fucking her teacher. They were doing the same things in different ways, and they both missed it in each other.

They let the bullshit get in the way. The high school crap that they were dragged back into. And Santana always lived to regret the fight that happened in the choir room, and yeah she'd slapped Quinn before - but she had never felt so god damn worse as she did within that moment.

The second that Quinn walked away from her, Santana had felt like her heart had followed.

XxX

They work it out. Of course they do. Santana gets the courage to leave Kentucky and sort of dumps herself in the midst of Rachel and Kurt's lives, and instantly feels better. Her life takes turns that she never thought it would have, and it's not perfect but it's definitely better than forcing herself to stay at Kentucky.

And she spoke to Quinn about it, she was the only one that could claim that Santana had 'consulted' with her, despite some unresolved tension from their fight. But Quinn comes through for her, and sheepishly admits that she ended the affair with her professor. She has a difficult time admitting when she's wrong, or that in the very least, someone else knew what was wrong for her, so Santana doesn't make her sweat it. And Quinn didn't give her a hard time over wanting to quit college.

Santana admits that she has no friends, no interest in cheerleading and though she likes to study, she has zero interest in doing that there. Quinn reminds her how hard it is to force yourself into the wrong moulds, and asks her outright what she wants to do. And when Santana tells Quinn that she wants to sing, Quinn doesn't laugh. She doesn't scoff. She doesn't belittle it. Actually she smiles. And she tells her that she can.

So things are a little better the next time they actually see each other for real instead of over Skype. And they make light of slapping each other, and things feel a little normal again. And no one really knows that they can't get through a single day without at least texting, but usually there's a phone call, or a Skype call, or a series of snapchats.

And by the time the wedding comes and Santana is in Quinn's arms, full of wine, moving in rhythm to the music, that seed has grown significantly. Without her even knowing it, it's rooted and branched out - and it takes a failed wedding to bring them together to make her see it for the very first time.

She sees Quinn's beauty, the storm of her eyes, the way she rolls her tongue across her lips, the silk of her skin, the curve of her breasts, the athleticism of her body and the control of coordination of it, and the absolutely raw and effortless sex appeal that she just oozes. She sees a growing confidence, a learning of experiences, a talent and a comfort level within Quinn that is beyond sexy - and she thinks to herself that Quinn has moved from being a girl to a woman.

She thought her mind was playing tricks on her with the way that Quinn was being. Calling her beautiful and looking at her with smouldering eyes, touching her with lingering intention - she actually came onto her.

And yet even when she sees all of that, even as her thoughts cease to exist when her lips touch Quinn's for the very first time in that hotel room, Santana misses the obvious. Even as they undress each other, and her hands skim over all of that divine skin on offer to her, she is still clueless as to what's been growing inside of her all this time.

It's not that she didn't appreciate that first night for something truly spectacular. It was. That part didn't pass her by. The fact that Quinn trusted her with her body, and didn't hesitate in reciprocation, that didn't pass Santana by. She learnt so much about Quinn that night, so much more than she had ever expected to. They let themselves connect on an entirely new level, and part of it was to try and rid themselves of leftover pain - but it was still theirs.

And when it was very, very late - or early, and they were naked, and sated and spent, they felt trusting enough to sleep in each other's arms. And on the brink of sleep Santana had kissed Quinn's shoulder, and she had sleepily muttered words that she wouldn't remember for quite a while - but Quinn had been awake enough to.

''Somebody loves you.''

XxX

Santana confuses her night with Quinn as trying to get over Brittney. So when she meets a pretty blonde at work, she doesn't think too much about it. She enjoys dating Dani, though the life she leads in New York is random and still full of drama. She secretly loves it she knows that, but it does require far too much effort sometimes. Still, its hers and she feels at least she's starting to make her way.

Despite being with Dani, she still talks to Quinn every single day. No one knows that they had sex at the hotel. Three times. No one knows that waking up to one another was easy, and not at all awkward. They just laughed intimately, and they even kissed. It had been an outstandingly tender moment between them, because it was a deep, emotional and thankful kiss because yet again they had helped one another through something huge.

Dani is a laid back kind of girl, but she asks a lot of questions about Quinn. Especially when Santana disappears to visit her at Yale some weekends, or she basically gets ignored the times that Quinn comes to visit New York.

It was what it was. Santana can see, with hindsight, that she was in love with her best friend without even knowing it. She was so blindingly stupid, but then again, so was Quinn. Quinn who dated young men at Yale (as well as two other girls, but not many of their friends had been aware of that). They had never been the best at feelings, after all.

So Santana when Santana ends up back in Lima, kissing Brittney, it feels like perfection. And when she sees Quinn singing with and kissing Puck, she's actually happy for her. He's turned his life around, just like they were doing, so why not? Things ended with Dani, and Santana has another go with Brittney. And it works. For quite some time it seems to work. They even got together as a four sometimes - Quinn is different. Her studies are going really well, she's finding herself, she turns out to be one seriously talented actress and becomes the buzz of the drama department. She makes friends - real friends, and finds it easier to be herself. Puck helps her a lot, she finds it easier to be honest - but there are still things she would only tell Santana, things that she could only be honest about to her.

The inevitable happens though. The discontent poisons Santana's chest. Things with Brittney became hard again. Puck and Quinn end in a firestorm of betrayal, because he slips one night and screws some nameless girl and thinks being honest about it will save him. It doesn't. Because Quinn ended up in a rage, ended up on Santana's doorstep in New York in a flood of tears - and Brittney had already gone by then.

So they do what they have to so that the hurt lessons a little. They fuck. It's not the playful, hot sex they had in the hotel either. It's a fight for dominance, it's angry, it's bitter - they take everything out on each other, and they just fuck. But after, when it's out of their system, they talk. Quinn admits, in the dead of night and in the protection of darkness, she whispers into Santana's shoulder as they hold each other that she can't entirely blame Puck. She feels like he was responding to the unspoken feeling between them - that they just didn't belong together after all. They just needed to have what they had, maybe as closure.

Santana feels the same way about Brittney.

The morning after, with everything talked out, it's the first morning that they truly make love. The first time that it's solely about them and the feelings they have for each other. It's not about the whiplash of pain over Brittney and Puck. It's not about the difficulties of life as they turned into real adults.

It's about them. And after, still looking into each other's eyes as they panted, Quinn reminds Santana of those words she had uttered.

''Somebody loves you too.''

XxX

So, when people ask her when she fell in love with Quinn Fabray, she decides it was that day in a different hotel room. When the blonde was on the brink of destruction, and Santana felt inadequate.

She could say it was the wedding all she wants, because it made a lot more sense. Or even the night that Quinn came to New York and they sort of just found their feelings then. But she knew that it had started long before then. It was planted in her and it had quietly grown as she had gone through the experiences that she had needed to, waiting patiently.

''Hey...''

Santana blinked as Quinn poked her foot with her own toe, because they were foot to foot on the couch.

''What'cha thinking about?''

Her girlfriend - yep, her girlfriend, asked softly with curious hazel-green eyes from the opposite side of their couch. Santana limply holds her Kindle in her hands, and she has no real idea how long she's been out of it for, but there's a tug of a smirk playing on the corner of Quinn's mouth, so she figures it's a while.

''You.''

Quinn smiles. That sweet, full smile that hardly ever made an appearance in school, and gives Santana tingles every time she sees it - especially when its because of her.

''What about me?''

'''Bout when I fell in love with you.''

''When did you fall in love with me?''

Santana smirked softly.

''The day in New York when you were freaking out over everything.''

Quinn seems surprised. Santana hasn't really told her that before, probably because she's never really realised it until now before. It's Sunday, and they live in Los Angeles now. They got a shoebox of a first apartment together back in New York after Quinn graduated, and by then they'd been together for just over a year. And they just worked.

And they had worked. Santana had found a better job at a studio, and she had worked her way up to getting demo's together and singing at lounges where people took notice. Quinn did well on the acting circuit in New York, and actually landed a spot as a rookie cop pretty quickly in a police drama that was really successful. After a year and a half of that, they had decided they would make the move to Los Angeles when Quinn got offered a substantial TV spot and Santana had recorded an album.

It was so bizarre how it had fallen into place. Like, finally finding themselves, and making the right decisions had given way to everything else - the dreams they had for themselves and them as a couple.

''Seriously? I was a mess, baby.''

Santana still loved it when Quinn called her that. And she rolled her shoulders, smirking gently.

''You were a beautiful mess. Anyways, I didn't know I had fallen in love with you. But I think...the whole thing started there. It's when I really saw you.''

Quinn wonders how in the midst of that Santana could find anything remotely special enough to fall in love with her. But she doesn't question it, because she's learnt how to be loved. Some of that she did for herself, some of it was growing up at college, and dating and quite a big part of it had been Puck. But what had really fit, what had felt so right and natural, was being loved by Santana.

''You're such a romantic.''

The Latina narrowed her eyes teasingly.

''Don't spread that around, bitch.''

The blonde laughed and rolled her eyes with a short shake of her head.

''Right, because the three very sappy love songs on your album don't give you away!''

''Ya but, no one knows that yet. I still have a little time.''

In one week her album would officially drop. And from the success of her first official single all signs pointed toward success. They hadn't been in LA long, Quinn had only just met her new coworkers (because she refused to say co-stars, yet). They were on the tipping point of their dreams - and they were there together.

''I know it. Our friends know it. Hell, my Mom even knows it! Accept the truth, babe. You're a closet sap!''

Santana moved, and made Quinn squeal and laugh as she grabbed her ankles and pulled to slide her down the couch so she was flat instead of sat up, and she crawled right over her. Quinn was still smirking as she ran her hands through the dark hair that cascaded down to bubble them off from reality.

''Only when it comes to you, Q.''

Quinn just smiled against her girlfriend's mouth, into the kiss that she initiated, and thought just how fucking lucky she was. Maybe all the pain and drama had just been necessary, and if it was, then she'd happily go through it all again so that she could end up here.

''Love you, baby.''

''I love you too, beautiful.''