Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say - Jamison Parker (This is one of my all time favorite songs.)

"I met her in college on my first day junior year. Her apartment was next to mine." He looked over to Elena to see how she was dealing with this. Based on the expressionless face she was sporting, he couldn't judge and he went on. "I was moving in my stuff out of my dorm and into my new place and she offered to help. She was in her final year, studying supernatural folk lore of all things. We became really good friends and spent a lot of time together. I was studying sport's medicine and played baseball for the university, so safe to say I was always on the go. She always came to my games and we did homework together all the time. Two years later I found out what she was. I walked in on her feeding so I was pretty shaken up. Eventually she convinced me everything would be alright and she presented me with her offer." Damon looked back at Elena who was listening very carefully. "Believe me when I tell you, I know exactly how you must feel, finding out about. It might even be harder for you because I had no interest in Katherine beyond friends."

"Wait a minute." Elena stopped Damon from going on with his story. In that moment she forgot all about her anger, instead sorrow rushed in taking its place. She knew Damon was close to his mother just from the little bit he told her when she first met him, but she didn't realize just how important his mother had been in his life for him to do what he did. "I need a chance to let this soak in. She told you that you could see your mother again?" She wondered what she would have done if someone had offered her the same thing.

"Yeah, she did. She said that if I made the transformation, I'd see my mother again in the time that I was… dead. Being on the other side she called it." Damon kicked his shoes off and they landed on the floor not far from his jacket. He made his way up to the top of the bed next to Elena and placed his hand on her forearm which was wrapped tightly around her knees.

"So you're…..dead? Now?" Elena's eyebrows rose as she asked, uncertain of how she felt about that factor in his explanation. She glanced down at his hand touching her arm and it sent chills down her spine. "How is that even possible?"

"I am but I'm not at the same time, it's complicated. You have to die with the blood of a vampire in your system in order to begin the transformation. If it's in your system at the time of death, I guess you could say you come back or wake up. You feel normal, you can breathe like a living person and you feel everything you did when you were alive as far as feelings go, just that they are magnified. The difference is you can't feel the warmth of the sun on your skin or the cold winter air. You don't actually need the air to breathe or food to survive."

Elena looked up at Damon's sad eyes, similar to her own. "How could you do that to yourself, Damon?" She wanted to know where Damon came from, his past, his secrets. His past depended on their future together.

"It felt like the only option, my only way out. My mom was the only person I cared about in my life and when I lost her, I lost apart of myself. When she died part of my soul went with her. My dad never liked me and always favored my younger brother and that drove a wedge between the two of us. I had nobody."

Damon stopped to think about that day. He remembered it all too clearly. Katherine was in his apartment and she was giving him the run down on what would happen.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Damon? Are you sure that you can handle this?" Katherine sounded sincere, but she was entirely too sure of herself and her plan to find love with Damon for all of eternity. She found the key to getting him to agree.

"This is what I want. Please, I just want to see her again." He remembered saying to her, tears staining his cheeks. Within seconds she had bitten her wrist and shoved it to his mouth and as soon as he took a drink, she snapped his neck he fell to the floor; lying lifeless on the cold hardwood.

When he woke up, Katherine was sitting in a chair watching him. When he gasped for air, she ran over to him and placed a vial of blood near his mouth, letting a little spill in completing his transformation. She stroked his hair "its okay. Just drink. That's it Damon..."

After a couple minutes of coming to terms with what this meant for him, he asked Katherine "What now? Was that it? Was that the only time I'll ever see her again?"

"Unfortunately yes. But you don't ever have to worry about being alone again." Katherine placed both of her hands on each side of his face looking compassionately into his baby blue eyes, she smiled. "Now we can be together, forever. You can be mine and I can be yours. We can love one another until the end of time." She moved closer to his face, her lips about to make contact with his.

Damon pulled her hands off of her face and jumped back, far enough away that she couldn't touch him. "What are you talking about? Katherine what are you doing?"

"Seriously? You never picked up on my feelings for you? I love you Damon." She took a step closer to Damon, only for him to take another step back. "I thought if I could convince you that you'd see your mother again that it might make you love me. I granted you the one thing you wanted most in your life."

"I wanted to see my mother, not fall in love. You're my friend Katherine, that's it."

"Well to me you're more. I've loved you since the day I met you and I knew you would never return the feeling as long as you were…human. That's the vampires curse, falling in love with a human and now you're not a human, you're a vampire."

"So you used me seeing my mother as a way to manipulate me into being with you? To change me into being like you? Do you think that this is okay? It's not!"

"I wouldn't put it that way but..."

"But nothing. I am thankful for you granting me the opportunity to see my mom but that's all. I will never love you Katherine. Ever."

Tears ran down her cheeks.

"Don't cry. You did this to yourself and guess what? I will never forgive you for it. How dare you use something as precious to me as my mother to execute your little plan you bitch." Damon was getting mad, very mad. His face was turning red and he could feel the tingling in his face. "News flash Katherine, I'm not your fucking puppet!" Why did I ever agree to this? I don't want to be a vampire! I can't be a vampire!" Damon was screaming at her "Get the fuck out of my apartment and never come back. I don't ever want to see you again as long as I am walking this earth." Damon was hurt and confused. He wasn't sure why his emotions were all over the place, he thought he was over reacting but it couldn't control how he was reacting. His anger was rage and his sadness was despair. This must have been what Katherine had told him about, how you're emotions begin to screw with you and they become strong as a vampire. "I SAID GET OUT!" He grabbed her and shoved her toward the door, not saying another word to her.

She looked at her reflection in the glass of the door and saw her running make up. She attempted to fix it. "You'll be sorry. I'm promising you something else. I promise that I am going to show up and haunt you for the rest of your life. When you finally find true love, I'll be there to ruin it for you. If I can't have you Damon, nobody will." She threw an envelope at him containing a hard piece of metal and a note. "You'll be sorry, then you'll wish you were with me. You'll see what you're missing out on." The door slammed and she was gone.

Damon threw himself on his bed and covered his face with his arms. His face still felt funny and his gums were starting to hurt. He held his mouth and the pain was becoming unbearable. Unaware of what was happening, he got up and walked over to the medicine cabinet. Upon closing it he froze in place. He saw his face, his vampire face in full force looking back at him for the first time. He was horrified. Bloodshot eyes as red as fire were staring back at him, wrinkles and cracks were forming in his skin directly underneath them. He opened his mouth in shock and noticed his fangs in place of where his canine teeth once were.

He grunted, slamming the glass with his fist as hard as he could, sending little tiny shards flying around the room. As soon as he did it, he felt a piece of glass lodged in his hand. He pulled it out carefully and watched the blood stop, the incisions heal, and the scar disappear like if it had never happened.

Damon packed up his bags, left the university and never looked back. Luckily for him, he had signed his contract with the Werewolves the day before and college baseball was in the past. He had a couple of months before he would start, and that gave him just enough time to figure out what being a vampire was all about, just enough time to lose himself.

Damon snapped back into reality, the feel of Elena's hand on his face brought him back. Even after all they were dealing with tonight; it was amazing how her soft touch healed him in so many ways. There was something about her that made his world spin again.

Elena's heart was breaking; listening to Damon she knew he was reliving his past as he told her about it. His face showed pain and hurt with every word he spoke. She imagined it was as hard for him to spit out as it was for her to hear and believe. "Did you get to see her again, your mother?"

"Yeah, I did. It changed me. The part of me that was previously broken was put back together, I felt whole. I was with her long enough for her to tell me that she was proud of the man I became, but disappointed with my choice. She said it wasn't my time to be with her again and that I'd regret that choice every day. I thought it was all in my head, but it wasn't. I was able to feel her touch when she grabbed my hands. I remember how abandoned and alone I felt in a matter of seconds. Looking at her brought up a lot of unanswered questions. It wasn't until long after my transformation that I realized I was a different person though, which was too late." Damon looked down at his wrist; the gold bracelet his mother had given him so long ago was still in its rightful place. "Right before I came back into the world, she started to say something that I didn't get to hear the end of." He looked into Elena's eyes, seeing that she was hanging onto every word he said. "She told me that I would find the love of my life, but I would always be burdened by it. Everything after that was a blur and she was gone."

"So do you regret your decision?" Elena straightened her legs and laid down on the bed, she rested her head on Damon's chest and listened to the rest of his story. She thought that maybe if she showed him that she was relaxed, it would help him too.

"Every day of my life. The only good thing that came out of it was it made me a better baseball player. But I found out that Katherine had a plan and that plan helped me to figure out what my mom meant by the last thing she said to me. Katherine's main concern wasn't just about allowing me to see my mother; it was because she found that love my mom was talking about and realized she could never have it as long as I was human. She used my mom as a plot to get me to agree to her crazy promise. She changed me so we could live eternally together. She loved me, the only problem was I didn't love her and after becoming a vampire and realizing what I let her to do me, I resented her." Damon looked down at his hand and started to twist his ring. "When I told her I never wanted to see her again, she left me this and a note. I found out quickly that if it wasn't for this ring, I would have never been able to bring myself to living a regular life which obviously now I depend on. This ring allows me to walk in the sunlight."

"That's the ring you let Caroline hold at the game, isn't it?" Elena grabbed his hand and examined the ring on his finger.

"That would be the one. It was already dark out, so I was able to take it off and hand it to her without it being a problem."

"What happens if you take it off in the sun?"

He looked at her, unsure of how she'd take the answer to her question. Other vampires didn't take to him being a day walker to easily, but she didn't need to know that. "I'll basically turn into dust. My skin will catch fire and burn."

"Do other vampires have these?"

"Me and Katherine, she has a bracelet."

"Where did she get them from, do you know?"

"Nope. She never told me. I'll never know."

"So obviously you need it to play baseball. How do you get away with wearing that during your games? It's so big." Elena poked at it with her tiny finger and he took it off and placed it in her hand.

"Compulsion. But that's for us to discuss later. I've never used it on you, for the record."

Elena pushed the ring back onto his finger and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes with her other hand. She didn't want to make him continue on because she could tell this was getting harder for him. The pain was written across his face but she needed to understand him if she wanted to continue seeing him. She figured they could have this conversation at a later time.

"Damon, you can tell me later. You don't have to bring this up I can see these are painful memories for you and I don't want to ma..."

"It's alright, I need to tell you these things. You need to understand me and where I came from, what I am." Damon sighed and continued. "So anyway, Katherine bolted when I told her that I hated her and there was no future between us. I was hurt that she lied and used something as precious to me as my mother to get her way. However the main problem with abandoning her was that I was a new vampire, I had no idea how to survive. If It wasn't for my friend Alaric who I met a month later, I'd really be dead, for good. I went off the deep end and he brought me back. I was dangerous; I killed anyone that came into my path. I didn't know how to control my blood lust and I certainly didn't know how I'd survive this lifestyle. I was a monster. "

Elena's grip on his hand stiffened, he knew she was alarmed by his confession. She didn't realize what it meant to be a vampire in its truest form. After all, Damon was rare. There were no other vampires who lived and controlled their life the way he did. Most didn't want to be human again, he did. She couldn't imagine him being a blood sucking creature of the night.

"The problem with being a new vampire and being so unaware was that I didn't realize I shut off the part of me that can feel. It's like a switch; you can turn off all of those emotions that make you human if you want to. However it's next to impossible to turn back on and Alaric helped me do that. I needed to find that part of me again. You just have to want it bad enough, you have to want to change and I did. He showed me there was another way and I fought for it." Damon turned from Elena and looked out the window, the moon was lighting up the sky and the wind was blowing slightly. Damon could think of a million things he'd rather be doing with Elena than this, preferably without clothes on. "You can't choose what you feel when it suddenly comes back on. The pain, the guilt, the misery from all the terrible things you did hurts ten times worse. But once you can hurt, you can love and love is the point. Love is supposed to be the drive all vampires because it is something we can't experience the way we want to. We can give it and when we love, we love harder than anyone else, but we can't get it in return. Fighting for it brings out the best parts in us.

"So what is the reason behind not being able to be loved in return?"

"It's part of the curse. They say that the only way to break the curse is to have someone fall in love with you, someone human. However as far as I know, it's never happened in the history of vampirism. Why would it?"

"So that makes sense as to why Katherine …changed you. She knew that you could love her if you were like her?"

"Bingo."

Elena snuggled closer to Damon she wasn't sure why, but she felt connected to him now more than ever. His honesty was something that she cherished. He was so open with her even though he knew it could change her opinion of him entirely. Her fear had left her long ago and all she wanted was to be as close to him as possible.

Elena let out a slight giggle and looked over at Damon.

"What?" He asked surprised at her laughter after everything he had just said.

"So this might be a weird question, but how old are you? Like how old are you supposed to be? Do vampire's age?"

"No, your physical appearance basically freezes at whatever age you were when you went through the transformation. For me, that's 21 years old. As far as how old I… wait are you sure you want to hear this?"

"I asked didn't I?" She smiled at him.

"As of right now I'm 170 years old. In a couple of weeks I'll be 171 and that's considered young. The original vampires are thousands of years old."

"Holy shit." Elena looked at Damon and couldn't believe it. He really did have the appearance of a 21 year old and not a day over. "So you were born in the 18 hundreds?"

"1843 to be exact."

"Wow, that's crazy!"

Damon sighed; he wrapped Elena in his arms and held her there, he didn't want to talk about this anymore but knew there was tons more he had to say. He wondered if she was going to stay or if he'd have to watch her walk away from him but he had a good feeling about all of this. His arms remained around her for what felt like forever as they talked and discussed more about him and his life style.

"And that's why I told you I got shocked the night you came home from shopping, it was really your perfume. Vervain could paralyze a vampire."

"So all I have to do is stab you with some wood or wipe some herbs on you and you'll go poof?" Elena joked with him.

"Haha very funny" he said sarcastically. "And no, you can't just stab me anywhere you know, it has to be in the heart."

"Why are you telling me this? I could be plotting your death, second death, as we speak."

"I trust you, but then again I could compel you to forget what I am telling you."

Elena forgot he mentioned compulsion earlier. "Yeah about that, how does it work?" She ran her hand through her hair and yawned. She was starting to get tired.

"Well, basically I can look into your eyes and tell you something and you'll believe it or do it or go along with whatever it is I say."

"I wouldn't complain if I had the ability to make people do what I say." Elena thought that sounded like an amazing capability. "That's fantastic."

"Yeah well, it's not as great as it's cracked up to be. The only way any of this stuff works, the compulsion, the speed, the hearing… is if you have the proper amount of blood in your diet."

Elena started getting nervous again, for a while she forgot why she and Damon were really having this conversation in the first place. Immediately after he mentioned blood she pictured his bloodshot eyes and pointy fangs jetting out of his mouth. Her heart began to race and he was able to feel her pulse. She did a good job at hiding her emotions.

"Please, calm down Elena. Like I said it's in the past." He said to her in the calmest voice he could. "It's okay." He took a deep breath and managed to fight off his instinctual urges. He calmed his red, wrinkled eyes back to their usual hue of blue and looked at her.

"So why is this happening to you, why did this happen to you tonight?"

"Because I went too long without blood. I am usually good with fasting and drinking only when needed, but meeting you kind of caught me up in all of it. You make me feel, alive. I forgot I needed the blood. I have a friend from the hospital who supplies me with blood bags I think it's time to get some more."

"Oh."

"Look, I know this is a lot to deal with. Its more than a lot, it's crazy because it's something that shouldn't exist. I really like you, Elena. I want you in my life; I have hope that we could actually make this work. Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. If you could get past your fear and not be afraid of what you saw tonight, I think we could have something spectacular together." He kissed the back of her hand. "You're all I have left."

"Excuse me?" She looked to him, shocked at the confession he was making. It sounded to her that he was following in Katherine's footsteps. Not wanting to change her, but falling for someone that in all honesty, he could never entirely have. This made her sad, because she thought he was an amazing person and definitely capable of being loved. Even if they had just met she was pretty sure that what they had was real. She wasn't in love, but she knew she had a hell of a lot stronger feelings for him than just liking him.

"I'm afraid of losing you, Elena. That's one of the hardest parts of this; of being a vampire. You watch all your loved one's either leave or die and realize that you're alone in the end. I'm not ready to be without you. I know we just met, but I've never felt this strongly about someone before. I don't think us meeting was a coincidence; I think it was meant to happen and I love the time we've spent together. I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my regrets, everything. When we're together my past seems worth it. If I had done a single thing differently, I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't be here today to meet you, I'd be long gone by now."

Elena's heart was ready to burst. Damon had a way with words that made her tremble. He was perfection in every sense of the word, human or vampire. That last line was enough to push her emotions over the edge. She knew what she wanted, and she knew what she had to do next.

"To be honest Damon, I don't know what to say. Tonight proved that there is a lot that we're going to have to work on, unnatural things that I don't know if I could handle. We're going to have to put a lot of effort into this and I'm scared of what may happen if it doesn't work out. It makes me sad to think that this could be over. Just like you I've never felt this strongly about anyone.. But I don't know if that's enough, not this time. This is a lot to keep in the back of my mind. You're a vampire, Damon. I can't promise you anything because I don't know if I can do this…"

This was it. His heart sank and he felt like he was stabbed in the chest. He looked like someone just slapped him in the face. His worst fear was coming true, this was over and she was preparing to tell him goodbye.

Elena smiled at him "But that doesn't mean I'm not willing to try and make it work. I want to make it work and I am not ready for you to be out of my life just yet."

Just when Damon was preparing for the worst, she went and said the best thing he could have possibly heard. He was off the bed and holding her in his arms in a matter of seconds spinning her around the room. His lips were forcefully on hers, kissing every inch of mouth. He pulled back to look at her face, tears were flowing from her eyes. He wiped away the tears and kissed each of her eye lids. He couldn't help it, but a single tear ran down his cheek too. For the first time in Damon's life since his mother had died, he felt wanted and important. He felt needed. This was the best possible ending to what may have been the most horrific day either of them had ever experienced. Damon knew that this was the beginning of something beautiful.

Damon and Elena were both in her bed under the covers. Elena was on her side and Damon was behind her holding her tight against his body. She fit perfectly and knew that this is where she belonged at this exact moment.

"Are you working tomorrow, well, today?" he asked.

"No why?" Elena turned over and faced him.

"I have one more thing I want to show you. Then it will put some more of my past in perspective for you."

"Okay." Elena smiled at him and he kissed her forehead and he pulled the sheets up around her.

"Goodnight, beautiful. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain."

"You're welcome. Goodnight, Damon." Elena kissed his cheek and then turned out the lights. She curled up in her blankets and closed her eyes.

A few minutes passed and Damon spoke up again. He was unsure of how she'd react to what he was about to say, but he knew it had to be done. It was now or never and the timing was right. "Elena?"

"Yes?"

"One more thing."

"Sure, what?" Elena rolled from her back onto her side in order to face him.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, here it is! One of the most important chapters that has been posted so far! From here, the story will only get more interesting and I cant wait to keep updating. Let me know what you think of Katherine's role in Damon's life? What were you guys expecting? What do you think will happen now that Damon confessed to being in love with Elena? Happy reading and reviewing!

Also, I am just putting up a warning now, I am going on vacation for two weeks this Saturday, August 10th, but I am bringing my computer and I may be able to get an update in. If not, you'll have to wait until I am home :(

Lastly, dont forget to follow my twitter account for updates on my stories - mmv_Fanfiction