A/N: Thank you once again for reading my ramblings.
There is so much to do today. You have got to keep yourself on point of doing all the errands so that you will not over think what may transpire in your life. There is a great chance that in the next few hours, your life is going to change. And it is going to be for the better - you will have your girl. Your Girl. She says she will commit to you. How unreal this all seems to you, almost too good to be true.
But did she say she would commit to you? Truth be told, she said she would come and stay with you. That is not a declaration of loving someone forever. Damn, why did it just occur to you? Your nerves are already on edge and now doubt has once again entered into the front part of your mind. It was hiding in plain sight in the back for all to see.
After cleaning your home and doing some laundry, you take to the city to do last minute grocery shopping and the ever-popular alcohol run. You think that wine and tequila ought to be on the list, maybe a bottle of champagne? Is she in the mood to celebrate after ending her marriage to Robert? Well, you as hell are. But then you remember you have to deal with Amy.
Amy. The girl who you could possibly love, if there was not someone else in that space of your heart that is filled by your best friend. It is almost unfair that your best friend is an emotional road block to overcome in order to move on with your life. Life, as you know it will change, and you have made the decision to let Amy know that now is not a good time and you cannot give anymore of yourself to her. No matter what happens, that should be the best approach. But oh, what pleasurable memories you will have of your time together. And, of course, you will miss Polly.
Deciding to be an adult, you make the decision to let Amy know right away that you would like to call off the romantic relationship. Feeling brave and yet weak, you pick up your cell phone and text Hi Amy, I suppose we need to talk. You hit the send button and put the cell phone back in your bag.
You think what dish to prepare for dinner this evening and wonder if you should go all out on an extravagant menu or keep it simple. The first would keep you busy and hopefully keep your mind off of the impending. That is what you should do. She is usually the one who cooks, so it is your turn to try to impress. Wine, protein and dessert. Chicken seems to be your best option, as it can be thrown into the oven while prep time is spent elsewhere in the kitchen. Do not forget to pick up her favorite flowers, tulips, a nice mixture of red and yellow.
There is a part of you that believes this is too good to be true. You hope your friend has the courage to go through with what she told you she had planned. It is almost as if you are about to start on a new life and have these next few torturous hours to get through are a reminder of how much you indeed want this.
Your friends know how much you love her. They can see it in your face, hear it in your voice when you talk about her. In fact, they knew how much you cared before you did. It was almost as if you two were the last to know how much you, in fact, loved each other. But it goes beyond that. There is love, there is want and there is need. She is all those things to you and more.
At times, you forget about yourself. As a reminder, you do have a lot to offer this woman. A good job, although it does come with risk. You have a loving family that adores both you and her, with friends that are supportive. And most importantly, you have a heart that is willing to care for her and the future. You believe the same could be said for her. She has always cared for you, and you are excited to begin this new chapter in life.
You are a nervous wreck, as for the hundredth time you notice the hands on the watch are not moving fast enough. You are afraid to wonder how she is doing, how she is coping and when she will be at your place. You hope she has the strength to deliver the news to Robert.
This woman, your best friend, is strong. She walks into a room with such a presence that she does not care if anyone notices her or not. Oh, but they do. How could they not? She is beautiful, with eyes that sparkle and hair that looks so soft and silky that you want to bury your face into it. She does not need to be noticed, in face prefers not, but she is. Her laughter is contagious and her smile shines through to even the coldest hearts.
Setting in at home, you unpack the groceries and position the tulips just so in the vase. After changing into some comfy clothes, you begin to prepare the chicken for the oven. Although you normally like the apartment quiet, you decide to put on some music in the background to set the mood while you prepare dinner. It is a hard decision between jazz, classic rock, heavy metal or pop and you go with pop. It is uplifting, at times, and it is nice to know what is current on the radio.
In the kitchen, your mood is lifted. Donning an apron that you should have washed weeks ago, you end up dancing with the chicken while preparing it for the oven. In fact, the chicken has better dance moves than you do. Not to be offended or outdone, you pour yourself a shot of tequila and tell the chicken the game is on for the best in show dance moves.
After putting the dance crazed bird into the oven, you set the table. Would candles be too much this evening? Not at all, and it is a shame you have none. You shake your head because you are trying to have everything just perfectly so, and that is not how life is. Realize that, have dinner and go forward. This should be easy and you realize that you need to relax.
The door bell rings. Your first thought is crap, my life is about to change. Your hands turn cold and begin to perspire as you mentally go through the scenarios that you have been pushing away from your thoughts all day. Again, the door bell rings and you realize it is your turn to make a move. She did, after all.
Opening the door, there she stands. Your best friend is armed with a suitcase and a backpack. "I'm here" she says. The look on her face is one of pure exhaustion and she looks defeated. You quickly grab the suitcase out of her hand and ask her to please come in. You sit her down on the couch to help her take off her shoes. Putting them aside, you dare look up and notice the look on her face. It is blank.
"Let me get you a change of clothes so that you can relax while dinner is cooking, ok?" you tell her. She nods and you head to the bedroom and place your favorite pair of sweats on the bed for her to change into. Her expression has you instantly concerned, both how she is responding to you and how she is feeling towards her discussion. Again, while jumping to conclusions, you remind yourself to be patient and to respond accordingly to her moods. After all, you are her best friend and that is your responsibility.
"Hey, go change, you will feel better" you tell her. She gets up from the couch with a little more energy than she first had after arriving. This is a positive sign to you, one of which you are excited to see.
She comes out looking like an angel in your sweats. What is funny, she took her suitcase into the bedroom and still chose your clothes to change into. That is a good sign, right?
As you begin to prepare the dishes, she enters the kitchen and asks what she can do. Trying to impress her, you tell her you have it well in hand and that she should choose the wine for dinner. You have purchased 4 different bottles of what you considered to be good white wines based upon the point system and thus she can choose what is best to go along with the meal. You have spared no expense for this day, and perhaps many days to come. Financially, emotionally has yet to be determined.
After finishing each of the dishes, you walk over to the table as she is pouring the wine into the glasses that you have cleaned for the evening. Your heart is beating fast, as you hope everything is going to go perfectly.
Her mood has improved and she seems to be more-lively and now you will go with the flow of having a friend show up on your door step with suitcase in hand instead of the love of your live committing to you eternally. It is so much easier to think in terms of minutes instead of the future. If she is ok, you are okay.
She has been acting calm ever since she has arrived. You want to quiz her on what has happened but have chosen to "go with the flow" approach that is killing you.
She sits at the table, a smile on her face. This smile you try to interpret as a good indication that she is happy, it is relaxing and you will take it for all it is worth. Just joking with her at the table, your heart skips a beat. It is as if she is saying "here I am, your turn" and so you are beyond ready to respond with "here I am". But first, food and beverage.
\ At this point, you do not care, as you want to sit down before her and ask how things are. It has been eating you up inside, as you have just gone through the motions of preparing the meal.
As dinner is now here, you dim the lights and sit down before her. Little does she know, your heart is in your hand as you wait for any response from her. This is perfect" she says. You can still see the tired expression on her face and decide then and there to just go with the flow.
"I am glad you like it, hopefully the chicken is not too dry". You say, as is your attempt at small talk. Your heart is beating so loud in your ears that Big Ben pales in comparison.
Taking a sip of the wine, which of course she has chosen well, you begin to relax and enjoy the moment. Here she sits before you, wearing the comfy clothes that she has stashed at your place. Her suitcase is in your bedroom, our bedroom perhaps? Thus far, all signs are a go but you need to hear that from her.
You have been watching her throughout the meal so much so that you have not enjoyed your own cooking. You alternate between a sip of the wine and whatever is on your plate. Your heart is in your mouth and there is really no room for vegetables and chicken.
She looks at you, more relaxed now after a few sips, or gulps of wine has been ingested. You try your best not to push, but the suspect is killing you. Your life is centered around how her conversation with Robert went. Again, you have no control and you are a bystander in your own life. When can you have control.
Looking across at her, you simply sat Hi. She looks up and shows such a sweet smile. She looks at you for a moment before saying "Thank you so much for dinner, this is nice to come home to".
She said the word Home. Does that mean she considers this her home, oh if only. The suspense is eating you alive as you want to know what transpired between Robert and your love. They say that patience is a virtue. You say that patience is a bitch.
Finally, she speaks up. "I have spoken to Robert and told him that my heart belongs to another". You cannot help but look around and think to yourself who that person is. There is something stopping you from realizing without a doubt that she loves you. She is watching you, and with a grin she simply says "Honey, that's you".
It is a simple sentence but it means the world to you. She has, indeed chosen you.