Bella

I live in Seattle now days. That was the first thing Charlie told me. In a penthouse in the centre of the city. Charlie tells me that I'm pretty wealthy for a twenty year old. I guess so, penthouses' are pretty expensive in my opinion and especially in Seattle. But the calary I get is pretty big too, because I'm the head journalist of a popular, well-known magazine. I actually quite appressed of myself, even if I say so myself. But I never thought that I would get that high in my dream job that I've been planning since high school. I'm so excited to get back to work when I get better.

Though how am I supposed to move around in here if I don't remember any roads and streets? Do I have to walk with a huge map in my hands all the time like a little tourist? Or will I learn how to use those maps that you can get for your phone? Knowing that I'm helpless with electronic devices. Maybe Edward could show me around some time? He lives here anyway. And even if it all came back to me, I wouldn't still pass the opportunity of having him by my side. Unless he can't come... I need to get him better so he can show me around! I want him to be my man.

Wait...

Okay, what has happened to me? I don't think stuff like that! I must be delusional if I even think of having him be my man. Though I heard I am single. We've barely talked and he probably thinks I'm a real creep. I've made a complete fool of myself while being with him in this room. He must've hoped that I wouldn't come to the clinic with him, but he also must have overheard that I'm going there anyway. Could that be a reason he's fighting against the others from going there? It couldn't be... It can't be. I don't want him to feel afraid of me.

I wish I'll have the chance to change that in the clinic. I think I got the guts to confront him there, seeing that we know each other from here, even if that is just a little, it would mean quite a lot in an unknown place. It must be terrifying for Edward to have to go there against his will. And with me by his side, whether or he wanted me there or not, I'd be there and ready to be a shoulder to cry on for him. I don't want him to feel he's alone in this and doesn't have anyone to support him. I know his family supports him, of course they do, but sometimes it's easier when you don't really know the other that well and you can kind of stay anonymous if you want, but the other will stay there with you as long as you treat them right.

I would be that for him if he wanted me to. But I wouldn't be so sure that he knows that I'm ready for that, that I have that to offer him. I need to be daring and bold this time around. Because I feel like I need to help him.

Edward crawled under the blanket on his bed after brushing his teeth. I went after him to do my nightly routines. Tomorrow I would transfer to the clinic so I tidied my things in an orangey leather duffel bag that Charlie brought for me along with some of my things. Everything of mine was in blue shades: my toothbrush, hand towel, skin and hygiene essentials and most of my clothes. Though I got a lot of simple, basic jeans. I guess I liked blue a lot, because now I'm not so sure about the colour. It's concerning a bit. I'm not worried about liking blue before, but the 'why' I didn't like it anymore. Would other things change too? I would walk in my apartment and see that I hate everything about it?

I'm not that shallow person that I couldn't handle that sort of situation, but still, you know, it wouldn't be a nice surprise either.

But hey, it could also be that I stopped liking the colour blue before the incident. I know that if I stop liking something I have, I don't go straight to the mall and change it and everything else that has something to do with it. I don't care. That's what I mean about not being shallow like that.

I went back to my bed too, when I was done, and got under the covers. It was pretty chilly at nights in the hospital. Good thing they have thick blankets that warm up nicely. Though I could see Edward was still shivering under his blanket.

"Would you like me to ask a nurse to bring another blanket for you? It looks like you're a little cold", I suggested in a casual tone but truly worrying and caring about his well-being inside.

He turned his bright green gaze to me and looked surprised and shy. "Um, thanks, but no thanks. It wouldn't do any good. It's just that I can't warm up the blanket for starters. I guess I'm cold blooded or something", he answered quietly, but chuckling a bit at the end. I joined him, but a bit awkwardly, because we both knew the reason why he really couldn't get warm. It's because his body needed energy, but didn't get any, when he refused to eat, and the little energy it had, it had to use for more 'important' and necessary body functions than using it to warm up.

I wanted to offer him my own body heat by going next to him, but I knew that would be too much right now. He still thought of me a weirdo and I didn't blame him. And I would confirm him even more of his conclusions if I offered him that. My heart still went for him and his shaking form that was hidden under the covers.

"Okay, well let me know if I can do something for you. Anything, just call my name and I'll be there", I managed to say in a confident voice, after not being able to offer my heat, then wanting to show just a simple gesture of kindness.

Edward blushed. And oh my, that was a lovely sight! He looked absolutely adorkable being in that big cocoon of blanket, still shivering, but blushing lightly from his cheeks. He looked and smiled at me coyly and nodded his head. His smile was like food to my soul.

"Thank you, I... I appreciate it", he smiled as he said that and chuckled again quietly and shyly while lowering his gaze to the floor, obviously embarrassed from my words. I didn't mean to embarrass him in any way. Actually I should be the one to go tomatoes. But no. Somehow I've managed to be all self-confident which I don't remember being before.

"It's all right", I continued in my new confident voice that didn't falter one bit and smiled greatly. I lowered myself to lie on the bed and rested my head on the pillow. Edward mimicked my actions and switched off the lights.

I felt funny. In a good way though. My stomach was tingling with excitement of what I have accomplished tonight. I think I brought as together just a little bit again. And I hope he understand that I just want to care about him and that he can rely on me, not being a creep and examining him all the time, penetrating him with my wicked eyes that glint from the craziness in my mind as obsessing about his beauty, that oh so makes everything about everything shine in glory, when he steps in and does it.

Maybe I am a bit insane if I just actually thought about that. But I really want him to have me, as his loyal companion who could help him through the bad and the good times. And I'm not just talking about the time we will be spending at clinic. I realized that I want him there, to be with me longer than that. I want to get to know him, know more about him than anybody else or even himself. I want to be the first one he calls when he needs to open up to somebody. And tell them that they love them.

Because I am falling in love with him. As crazy as it sounds. I don't care if you call me insane for this, but I feel a connection to him, something I haven't felt in years even if I don't remember them clearly. I can't tell him this now or otherwise I'll really, seriously freak him out. We don't know each other yet. We're only acquaintances now. Therefore I want to, I need to get to know him. Show him that even though I act like a creep, and seem to be thinking like one nowadays too, which is odd and totally out of character for me, I'm not one.

I'm staring at him, he's getting uncomfortable under my stare. I should stop this. Instead I smile. Crap. His eyes show fear. I stop smiling immediately. "Good night, Edward", I whisper. Fuck, why did I whisper and say his name?! He's shaking now even more and tugs the corners of the covers closer to his chin. "Um, good night to you too", he says quietly and turns around, so his back faces me. I see that he brings his legs close to his chest.

I'll never get to love him. I have screwed it up before we even got to be friends or anything like that.

I turn my back to him too, so if he decides to turn around afterwards, which I doubt he will, he won't see my face like he hopes not to.

Fuck me and my creepy ways. I need a lesson in appropriate flirting.

I don't know about this chapter. I don't know what happened.