A/N: I have made some pretty grandiose Psychology claims in this chapter... I am however not a psychologist or even a student of the subject so if it's horribly incorrect please let it slide for story purposes :-)
Chapter 14
Hannah spent the next four days in and out of consciousness. She felt like her body was catching up for her lack of sleep when she first arrived on New Athos until her arrival at Atlantis. Her cold by the fifth day was nearly finished she only felt a little run down but all the other symptoms were gone. Her conscious moments were spent with Laura or Sheppard as Demming had been tied up in some project with Dr McKay.
She only saw him at Lunch and Dinner. As for Ronon, he sat with her every meal but never really spoke to her only to the group. They never spent anytime just the two of them alone and the last time they did he escorted her to her door. They hadn't talked or anything it was disappointing and frustrating.
She knew there was something there but she was starting to believe it was one sided. Sheppard had noticed her frustration and told her to not take it personally as Ronon wasn't a talkative guy to begin with and that his reserved nature didn't mean he was indifferent to her. He was just trying to figure how to be around her. When she asked Sheppard what her relationship with Ronon was he shrugged and said she had to ask Ronon.
But Ronon was not the easiest person to talk to. There was also the point she didn't want to be hurt. Maybe he didn't feel the same or was in the same boat as Sam. That Hannah should not be making big decisions or getting too involved with anyone too soon.
Though Hannah did catch him looking at her sometimes when he thought she wasn't paying attention. It made her sad that she couldn't remember the actual events of meeting him or how she really felt. Not what her dream addled brain wanted to tell her.
Sheppard and Hannah talked about her first year on Atlantis, mainly him saying how he missed her doing all his paper work and being a peace maker compared to Major Lorne who didn't do Sheppard's work and how Lorne was more well behaved than Hannah.
"I'm just saying, once I'd like him to come back drunk and with a good trade deal and a marriage proposal from the village leader." Sheppard said with an amused smile as they stepped out of the transporter walking to Sam's office.
"He doesn't get good trading deals?" Hannah asked.
"No, they are good but it's not the same or as amusing." Sheppard said as they climbed the stairs two at a time.
"I have to say I wished I remembered." Hannah remarked wistfully.
"You will. So what's this I hear about you and Mike Branton watching movies together?" Sheppard asked.
"It was one movie and I actually fell asleep during it I was so tired." Hannah said lightly blushing.
It had been yesterday afternoon when she dropped by to ask Mike about borrowing some movies when she caught him at the right time apparently. As he had finished all his work for the day so they sat in his office watching a movie called 'Annie Hall' on his laptop.
Much to her embarrassment she had not only fallen asleep on his shoulder but she had apparently snored. A 'light and adorable' snore he told her but still it was embarrassing, at least she didn't drool on the guy.
"Uh huh," Sheppard said in amusement.
"Why does it sound like you don't believe me?" Hannah asked.
"You're a good looking woman and he's a good looking man…" Sheppard drawled.
"Are you jealous?" she asked in a teasing tone.
"No, I'm a 'Harry met Sally' fan." Sheppard said with a smile.
"Ok," Hannah said, Sheppard went ahead of her into Sam's office announcing their presence.
"Colonel Sheppard, Hannah come in I'd like you to meet Mr Roland Carver." Sam said standing up from behind her desk she gestured to a tall man in his late 40's. He got to his feet and button on his jacket. He was about 5ft 10 dressed immaculately in a three piece grey suit with shiny black shoes that were scuffed just a little. He had olive complexion and black short hair that was starting to go grey.
"Colonel Sheppard, pleasure." he said with a light British accent, the two shook hands before Mr Carver turned to Hannah.
"And Hannah O'Neill, you haven't kept your Military title?" He asked her with a curious look.
"I thought I wasn't an officially recognised member of the military anymore." Hannah said.
"Technically true, my apologies if I have upset you." he said kindly, he held out his hand to her which Hannah took the hand and shook it firmly.
"Its fine, I'm sure you are aware of my 'condition'." she said.
"Yes, of course it is why I am here. Dual role as it were." he said.
"I'm confused." Hannah said as she looked to Sheppard and Sam for answers.
"I'm a representative from the IOA here to welcome you back into the fold and to say we have our interests in you." Roland informed her.
"You do?" Hannah asked sceptically.
"Yes before your subsequent capture and ascension. Your contract with the US Marines was coming to an end. We offered you a position on Atlantis to work as a Military Liaison Officer between the civilian and military counterparts. The offer is still on the table after we recover your memories." he said opening his brief case he pulled out a contract and handed to Hannah.
"Mr Carver," Sam started she pulled the contract out of Hannah's hands before she could have a proper look. "I would prefer you not offer any contracts to Hannah before passing it by me." she told Roland, she placed the contract on her desk for later.
"I did not mean for her to sign it yet. It was for Hannah to look through herself in her own time." Mr Carver said diplomatically.
"You said 'we' recover my memories." Hannah said.
"Yes, I have spoken with a few of my colleagues and I have looked over Dr Heightmeyer's notes and I think with the help of Hypnosis we may be able to shake a few memories loose and see what happens and the rest is time and grooming for your role." Mr Carver said in a casual tone like it would be nothing at all.
"Heightmeyer said it would be better for Hannah to remember naturally without prodding and mind poking." Sheppard said treading carefully.
"Yes, I'm sure she would. But then she is still young and relatively new to the field compared to seasoned professionals such as myself and my colleagues. She will not want to make radical decisions about a diagnosis or try any treatments until she makes a full assessment. But even then she is applying her diagnosis in the wrong context." Carver said thoughtfully.
"You sound sure of yourself." Sam said.
"Hannah, I will tell you that your memories are in there but like all soldiers you have had rigorous mental training. Training that becomes second nature that you do it unconsciously without thinking. Like how you stand to the side of the door being able to observe the room while keeping your back to the wall and close to the exit. You subtly assessed the room for possible threats and then assessing me as a possible threat. Tell me did I pass inspection?" Carver asked with an amused smile.
"Your suit is very nice. Italian?" Hannah asked a light blush gracing her cheeks as she was guilty of doing what he said.
"Yes it is. Very good eye for detail and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You were trained to do so but it does prove my point that even though you can't remember things you are still functional and the skills you learned are in there." Carver said.
"So what now?" Hannah asked.
"Well, I would like to settle in and talk more intimately with Dr Heightmeyer and Dr Keller. How about we meet tomorrow at 10 am. I will let you know the location. If that is agreeable with you?" Carver asked Hannah. She liked how he spoke directly to her than to Sam and Sheppard. It made her feel like she was a part of the progress than the just the 'subject'.
"Yes, of course." Hannah said.
"Good, now you should go and enjoy the rest of your day. Beautiful weather I'm told." Carver said smiling at the two of them.
"You're both dismissed." Sam said to them.
"Well that's good news." Sheppard said a few hours later over lunch to Hannah.
"Yes, it is because I can safely say I'm frustrated and sick of waiting for it all to come back." Hannah said as she pushed the chef's 'cure all' soup in the bowl it seemed she had to have the soup at least once a day until she was better. So it wasn't really a 'cure all' but trying to the chef that was impossible.
"Indeed, I would feel the same in your situation." Teyla said as she was seated to Hannah's left at the table with Sheppard opposite her. Ronon had yet to appear for lunch she wondered where he was then squashed the thought quickly.
"Anyway Mr Carver seems pretty confident and a future job for me." Hannah said with a smile.
"Don't go signing-" Sheppard started.
"Until I read all the fine print and remember everything I know." Hannah said as she sat back in her chair.
"Just looking out for you and also a box arrived with some of your stuff from Earth and more clothes and shoes. It'll be in your quarters later this afternoon after the boys are finished with the breaking up and delivering the shipments." Sheppard said.
"Ok," Hannah said, she was actually getting excited at the prospect of what was waiting for her. She hoped there would be things inside that would give her some insight into her past.
"I was planning on going to New Athos to visit my people this afternoon. Hannah would you like to join me?" Teyla asked.
"I wish I could but I'm not allowed off world." Hannah told Teyla with a sigh.
"Even to New Athos?" Teyla asked surprised by the statement.
"Yeah, General O'Neill's orders for the time being stand." Sheppard said reluctantly but it was clear he didn't like the restrictions on Hannah's freedom considering New Athos was her other home and he knew seeing Halling and the other Athosians she knew would probably boost her morale.
"But would pass my well wishes to everyone for me?" Hannah asked her.
"Of course I will." Teyla said with a warm smile.
"Mr Carver-"
"Just Carver or Roland will do. Tell me Dr Heightmeyer how I'm wrong in my assumption?" Carver asked, he pulled on the cuffs of his shirt straightening them.
"I'm do not agree that theory or hypnosis will help recover her memories." Kate Heightmeyer said aggravated by her first meeting with Mr Carver. He was wolf in sheep's clothing.
"It's worth a try and anyway I want to hook her up to the Galarian memory device." Carver said.
"Are you insane?" She asked him, she did not like the idea of using a technological intervention on Hannah.
"Not that I'm aware of. But the plan is we can make a copy of her memories with the device and then she can watch them slowly along with progressive Hypnosis treatments to minimise the emotional distress of memories flooding back. That in conjunction with journal writing of her dreams and Memories she recovers. Can be further examined in talk therapy you so love to indulge in." Carver said with a firm tone.
"Talk therapy shows more long term results."
"If you were charging normal Doctor's rates then you would be able to afford a mansion, two holiday homes and a few sports cars for the hours you spend with Dr McKay." Carver commented.
"He-"
"I don't need to know. But I want you to dedicate more time to the rehabilitation of Hannah O'Neill. She is a far more valuable mentally whole than Dr McKay who seems to thrive in his insanity." Carver said, at this Heightmeyer's jaw dropped as she made time for all the people on base who needed to talk or an ear to listen and this man wanted to tell her how to do her job.
"So, I will be here to watch oversee the progress and also to evaluate you and your work. We will be meeting with Hannah tomorrow at 10am." Carver said looking at his watch.
"Would you like to use my office?"
"That would be good and I'd like you to observe tomorrow if you are free?"
"Of course." Kate Heightmeyer bit out.
"Good, now if you'll excuse me I have to find Dr Keller." Carver said and with that he left Heightmeyer's office without so much as by your leave. Heightmeyer closed the door and closed her eyes pinching the bridge of her nose waiting for her anger to simmer down.
Hannah was awoken from her afternoon nap by the chiming at her door. She rolled off the couch and padded over to the door while running a hand through her hair trying to smooth it out. When she reached the door, she swiped her hand over the sensor the door opened to reveal Mike Branton.
"Mike," She said surprised by his appearance, he stood holding a large box in his hands.
"Hey, did I wake you?" he asked wearing a friendly smile.
"Yeah, but it is ok. Come on in." Hannah said standing to the side of door so he could come in.
"Wow nice place." he said looking around the spacious two bedroom apartment with the spacious living room and beautiful views.
"Thanks, what's with the box?" Hannah asked.
"Oh, I think this is yours." he said as he placed it on the couch. Hannah closed the door and moved to the box.
"Should I ask how you got it?" she asked as she saw her name clearly printed on the side of the box.
"Well actually it was sitting outside your door. So I thought I'd pick it up for you as it's pretty heavy." he told her.
"Oh thanks." She said appreciating his thoughtfulness as she opened it up and started to rifle through the items inside. It was filled with clothes and books. She pulled out some of the books and laid them to the side of the box.
"Eclectic reading selection." Mike commented as he looked through the pile. She had various fiction titles and authors and a few technical manuals along with non-fiction books.
"Sorry, did you want something to drink?" Hannah asked as she remembered her manners and not the ownership of anything in the box.
"No, I'm good. I just wanted to stop by since I know you don't have a radio." He said as picked up a book with the title 'Bourne Identity'. A small smile played on his lips before he put it down.
"Pablo Neruda?" He asked in surprised as he lifted up the book.
"What's wrong with it?" Hannah asked.
"Nothing at all, it's rare to find someone who actually reads poetry around here." he commented.
"Well judging from my other books I'd say I don't read a lot of Poetry either." Hannah said as she looked at the other titles. There were technical manuals and nonfiction and fiction.
"No, at least you have taste Oscar Wilde, Zoe Sharp, Lee Child, Isaac Asimov, Arthur Conan Doyle, Ian Fleming." he said smiling as he held up a book titled 'Casino Royale'.
"I do seem to be an Ian Fleming fan. Whoever and whatever he writes about." Hannah commented as she took the book out his hands. She had several Ian Fleming books a couple of them in different languages.
"You'll enjoy reading them again. Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones." He said as he read the title of the book in his hands.
"Yeah, any good?" She asked.
"Studio Ghibli did a movie based on this book, it was excellent." He said.
"You can borrow the book if you want. The least I can do since you're letting me watch your movies." Hannah told him.
"I accept a trade of books for movies. What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" Mike asked keeping a hold on the book.
"Nothing yet, why?" Hannah asked cautiously she hoped he wasn't inviting her off world or some other adventure where she wasn't allowed to go because of General O'Neill's standing orders.
"They recently installed indoor rock climbing facilities in a large room in the sublevels of the south east pier. I was wondering if you'd like to go for a climb with me. I figured after a week of sleeping you'd like to do more than sit around and watch movies." he said.
"I'd love to." Hannah said earnestly and actually happy she could agree to something.
"Good, I'll pick you up round 3 from here?" he asked gazing down at her.
"Ok," Hannah agreed hodling his gaze she gave a slight nod. A smile spreading across her features to match his.
"Ok, until then. Thanks for the loan and don't worry I'll see myself out." He said leaving Hannah to her box of personal items. She smiled as she liked the man, he went out his way to say hello to her in the morning and sometimes catching a meal with her.
She also liked the lack of history between them as it made her feel like she didn't have to act a certain way around him or worry she wasn't living up to his expectations. If he did they were pretty low since he let her snore her way through a movie.
She pulled out the rest of books and piled them on the couch with the other books she lifted out earlier beside the box and then looked through the clothes. There were three sets of marine BDU's all in different coloured camouflage, forest, sand, and urban. Along with t-shirts, knickers, bras, socks, a pair of sneakers and some workout gear.
There was nothing deeply personal in the box which was disappointing she was hoping there would be a diary or maybe some photos but apparently she was camera shy and not a writer. She felt no familiarity with the books she picked them up flicking through the pages when Laura came in.
"Hey! what is all this?" Laura asked.
"My stuff, apparently." Hannah said as she tossed the books back into the box angry with her 'past' self for not helping her 'present' self with her predicament.
"Not what you were expecting?" Laura asked noting Hannah's less than stellar mood.
"Would it kill for me to know about my past without having to ask people to remind me? Like I don't know maybe a diary?" Hannah asked tartly as she dropped another book in the box.
"You burned your diaries." Laura told her, Hannah stopped and looked at Laura.
"Why would I do that?" Hannah asked.
"You didn't want people to use your personal thoughts against you. Let's just say some people at the SGC weren't fans of yours and could potentially twist your words. I'm not making any sense am I?" Laura asked awkwardly.
"Yeah but I think I sort of get what you're saying." Hannah said vaguely as she tossed in the last of the books and closing the lid.
"Look, you'll remember everything and this aggravating period will be over. What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" Laura asked.
"I'm busy actually." Hannah said
"Really? Who you with? Demming, Sheppard, Ronon?" Laura asked there was a hint of excitement in her tone at the prospects.
"None of the above." Hannah said casually. With the help of Laura they lifted the box and moved it into her room.
"Then who are you spending your time with?" Laura asked her curiosity eating her alive.
"Dr Branton." Hannah said not wanting to look at Laura's reaction. She kept telling Hannah to hang out with Ronon but while there was an attraction he wasn't actively seeking her out and she didn't feel he was receptive to her as she was not the girl he remembered. The disappointment she couldn't be the woman everyone remembered burned inside her.
"Mike Branton?" Laura asked for clarification as she was shocked that Hannah would agree to go out with Mike when she had Ronon. Well, sort of have Ronon… Laura mentally corrected herself.
"Yep, he's taking me indoor rock climbing so I have some actual physical activity."
"That sounds like fun, just you and him or other people going?"
"I don't know what does it matter?" Hannah asked.
"It doesn't, you want to go have dinner?" Laura asked changing the topic. She knew Hannah was just expanding her social circle and there was nothing wrong with that in Laura's books.