AN: Thank you all for the support and comments. I am working on trying to cut back on the 'others' involvement in this story. That being said, I have to have them for certain reasons, but it will be to a lesser degree than originally planned.

Also, a slight warning- this chapter is written as a dream to show some of what happened over the ten years. Because of this I purposely made it jump from one place and time to the next. It is written sequentially.

Chapter 13

"….Don't let's ask for the moon, we have the stars."

In a moment her life had changed.
Or maybe it was a series of moments… moments that segued to cause other moments over time. All of those individual moments lead her here. Here to a place where she was forced to relive them.
In a moment she had an imperfect dream in her reach and then it shifted and fog rolled in before the darkness to cause her to slip into a nightmare of her own making.
A nightmare where she was forced to relive memories of the last ten years…

"Ana why didn't you ask me to stop?" Christian asked as he warmed calming lotion in his hands and leaned over her prone form on the bed.

"I did!" she cried. "I begged you to…"

"Shit!" he muttered as he closed his eyes at the overwhelming emotions. "Baby, look at me," he entreated as he carefully ghosted his hands down her back.

Shifting, she looked back at him over her shoulder: "why are you doing this? Why won't you just let me leave?"

"Because I can't… I don't know how to… You are my more, Anastasia."

"Then why didn't you stop? Why did you hurt me?"

Christian exhaled as he locked eyes with her. "I never want to talk about the women I was with in the past- especially not in our bed, but this time, I think an exception has to be made," he admitted as he sat next to her on the bed, his hand carefully caressing her died as he continued: "Baby, you know I was a sub once. I was taught to safe word- that begging wouldn't stop what was happening. Hell, sometimes the safe word didn't!"

"So you what? Just ignored my begging?" she asked with a touch of heat.

"No! I would never… I didn't learn to that it was wrong not to heed a safe word till later. I would never ignore a safe word," he defended emphatically. "But you didn't safe word, Ana."

"Are you saying this is my fault? That I deserved for that to happen? That I wanted it even after I begged you to stop over and over again?" she questioned in a soft, barely audible voice.

"I'm sorry.
I should've known better, Ana.
I should've known that this wasn't what you really wanted.
Shouldn't have used the belt- only used my hand.
I should've stopped but I entered a zone where only your safe word would've penetrated.
Please, Baby, you said you wouldn't leave me.
Please give me a chance to make this up to you."

"When did I…"

"In your sleep."

"Was that all I said?"

"You also said that you loved me… Ana, please tell me it isn't just in the pass tense…"

Ana opened her mouth to answer, but he was gone.
No longer was she in their bed but behind her desk at work feeling tired and stiff.

Ana rose from her desk and stretched. It was getting close to the time when she could leave, and in all honesty she would have left already had it not been for Hyde going to NY on a business trip. She had been told originally that she was to go with him, but was glad she wasn't. As much as she wanted a chance to go to NY and network, she had to admit, even if just to herself, that there was something off about her boss.

Shaking her head, she smoothed down the skirt of her plum dress. It was a dress she didn't normally wear, but she knew that Christian loved her in it. Smiling at the thought of her boyfriend, she headed toward the kitchen to make a cup of tea and grab a yogurt since she had worked through lunch.
Biting her lip, she knew that Christian wouldn't be happy with her missing lunch, but some things were just unavoidable. She tried to think of ways to not do it again, and started to make a mental list of items she could buy to keep in her desk so she wouldn't.
As she turned to smack into Hyde's chest and smelled the alcohol coming off him in waves.

Then things went in hyper speed.
He was touching her.
Grabbing at her hair and clothes as she fought him off.
One minute he was on her and the next she was running out onto the street.
She crumpled next to the building as soon as she made it out of the building.

Then Taylor was there.
Calming her.
Wanting to go after Hyde…
"Please don't tell Christian… I need him… he'll do something to Hyde and he'll get in trouble and it will be all my fault."

"I'm supposed to make sure you're protected."

"But I got away from Hyde!"

"What about next time…" he asked, causing her to whimper slightly from her seat in the SUV. "I'll make a deal with you. I won't tell him about the attack if you let me assign a CPO to you. You have him with you at all times. You are never alone with Hyde… understood…"

She nodded as he closed the door to the car and she turned to look out the window only to see the door to her apartment with Kate opening. Swallowing back trepidation, Ana bent down to pick up the keys she heard clink to the floor.

"Ana? Are you ok? What the hell did Grey do to you?" Kate demanded as she pulled Ana into the living room.

"I'm not in the mood for the Kavanagh inquisition right now, Kate. I have to change and meet Christian."

"So don't think so, Ana."

"He didn't hurt me," Ana protested.

"But he will."

"Will you please get off your 'he'll hurt you Ana' soapbox? He didn't.
Hyde did this.
I got away.
Taylor brought me here so that I can change before Christian sees me and goes after him."

"If he's so wonderful why won't you let him? Huh?"

"Because I need him.
I need him to be with me, not facing some stupid charge because he went after my boss!"

"You don't let him, I will," Elliot said from the kitchen's doorway.

"Elliot, please don't tell him!"

"Ana…"

"I let Taylor convince me to have a CPO.
I'm calling out till Monday.
Please, Elliot, I got away from him. I'll be ok with someone else there. I won't be with him alone. I promise."
"Are you sure this is what you want?"

Ana inhaled to answer, but found herself unsettled and sitting across from Roach at his office at SIP. "Miss Steele, do you understand what I'm asking you?"

"I think so, Mr. Roach."

"I'll repeat, are you sure that you don't want me to take disciplinary actions against Hyde?"

"He'll make me out to look like some gold digger who wants to sue to get more money," she told roach as she twisted her hands in her lap.

"I don't believe that, Ms. Steele."

"But others will. Please, just let me have my CPO with me and transfer me when another opening comes up."

"If that's the way you want it," Roach nodded.

"I…"

"You what?" Kate demanded as she sat across from Ana at their kitchen table. "Don't tell me you want to stay here with him!"

"Kate, I'm happy. I love Christian."

"He's your first, of course you believe that it can't get better, but Ana it will never work!
He's a billionaire and you're only a recent college graduate who comes from next to nothing.
You won't fit in his world.
He isn't Dr. Higgins and you aren't Eliza!
Grow up!
The offer at my father's company is excellent for you!"

"But it's not what I want! I want to be an editor."

"So you'll edit copy," Kate shrugged as Ana's phone started to ring. "Don't answer that!"

"I have to," Ana cried as the phone started to vibrate in her hand.
Somehow, she was in a cubical now.
Alone with the phone falling from her hand as Jose's voice echoed around her head.
Car accident.
Truck t-boned on Ray's side.
He was in surgery… critical.
Possible- no probable- traumatic brain injury.
He could die…
But her supervisor was laughing at her.
Telling her how she had to work still.
That since he was in Seattle and she couldn't get a flight out right away she'd get no special treatment- not even if she was the boss's daughter's pet project.

Suddenly, the phone was back in her hands.
She watched as the names in the contact list flashed before her eyes.
She couldn't call Christian, not with how she had left things with him, but Taylor said he'd always be there when she needed him.
She called and things happened quickly.
He arranged everything- the POA so he could make decisions for Ray's care in her stead until she got there.
A flight on a plane to Seattle owned by one of Christian's associates.
Hotel room, car, care, support, and even Christian.

Christian who was looking at her with sympathy as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close to his chest.
Who listened with her as the doctor gave the grim prognosis.
Christian who disappeared for two days and who she wouldn't let explain why because Kate was there…

Then the world sped up even faster.
She was a voyeur to her own life.
The disappointment that Christian told her he had a date to the Coping Together Ball each year when she would try to get up the courage to ask him to give them another chance.
The pain of knowing he almost had another something more.
Working to get her MA and sitting alone at a hospital dinner tray next to Ray's bed when she would've graduated because she didn't want to face that day alone.
Meeting Eva at Krav Magna and getting to know her and Gideon.
Meeting Lisa at a local coffeehouse where a writer's group was being run.
Editing for the blonde and watching her books take off.
Sitting in the hospital with Lisa, Tank, and Blackwell waiting to hear word on Jen and the younger woman's quiet desperation when she thought Alex had been killed followed by the joy of their return to life as an engaged couple.
Drinking champagne when Lisa signed her million dollar contract for Wenn publishing.
Holding her hand when Tank was shot.
Eva, Gideon, Alex, Jen, Lisa, and Tank being there when she crumbled under the weight of depression and anxiety and helped her up.
Meeting Marc, Angie, Adam, Karla, Damien, Savannah, Cassie, and Luke at Marc and Angie's engagement party.
Sitting at her computer and sprinkling the pages with hope as she tried to rewrite her life.
The move.
Seeing Christian again…
Walking into the parking lot…
Being grabbed from behind…
Seeing Hyde's face…
Feeling the pain explode in her head…
Fear enveloping her as darkness ensued and all she could do was scream…

Quote Credit: Now Voyager