Wow, I feel really bad for that last announcement at the end, apparently FanFiction decided to just stop emailing the reviews, but you guys were reviewing! I feel so terrible and rude! I hope you guys will forgive me! In exchange I will give you yet another chapter, yay! Sorry again, I feel really bad...

Disclaimer: I'm out of ideas, I'm tired. First day back to school with 2 1/2 hour soccer practice takes a lot out of you...

I have to find a place to go, I can't bear seeing anyone, I would go to the Chasm spot, but I know Tobias would look for me there. I decide to go back to the net.

When I get there, I pull myself up with the new strength I've gotten from training. I go to the darkest corner of the net, lean against a wall and pull my legs up under me.

What have I done? Thoughts are swirling and churning in my head faster and rougher than the ocean in my fear landscape. I feel like I'm drowning in them and my emotions. I need some time to sort things out.

I make a list in my head, trying to be logical and thoughtful about this, I need to pull my emotions away. I need to be the Divergent I am and be my Erudite self. There's no denying or hiding it from myself, I have it, I might as well use it.

1) Figure out my thoughts about Tobias or Four

2) Sort out the fight

3) Go over last night, everything about it

I decide to start with the first one. Tobias.

I need to get over him, I guarantee he doesn't like me back, he's probably just being nice to be a good friend, or more likely he thinks of me as a little sister that he has to be nice to and protect. I just need to act normal around him and forget any loving feelings about him unless it's loving as friends or family. The first thing I'll do when I see him is apologize for almost hitting him and then almost crying and leaning into him and I also need to thank him for all of his help.

Now the fight, I should probably apologize to Molly and tell her I wasn't feeling myself, I should also talk to Amar and apologize for going berserk during the fight. I don't know about this, maybe I should just shrug it off and hope people forget. I didn't really want to take my anger out on Molly, my anger was directed towards Peter and Eric, she just got in the way at the wrong time.

Third is last night. I hope Peter and Eric drop the fight, I need my sleep and I'm afraid I'll soon start wanting to get rid of them, for good. I can't even believe I just thought that. I pull my hair, as it has mostly come out of my ponytail, in frustration. And I can't get the memory of his hand out of my mind. I don't WANT that memory it needs to get out of my head. I pull my hair harder and let out a scream of frustration.

I feel the need to talk to someone, I wish I was at home with my mom, she always understood me. Visiting Day isn't for a couple more days and I can't talk to any of my friends, I just embarrassed myself in front of all of them.

I also wish I could talk to Caleb, I want to talk to him about my choice, he would understand the pain of going away from our family, that's not possible of course, the same reason I can't see my mom.

A few tears slip out, why did I ever choose this faction? Why would I leave my family like that, it's not like I couldn't have lived in Abnegation, I got that result too, I could have even gone to Erudite with Caleb. I pick the only faction where I would know anyone. Why? I let out another strangled scream a soft sob follows.

I think of other important people in my life and I come up with Tori. I decide that after I cool down a little I'll go find her. For now I put my arms on top of my bent knees and rest my head down. I'm alone in the cool darkness, just me and my thoughts.

I'm startled out of my daze, I think I might have even fallen asleep, when I hear I voice.

"Tris? Tris, where are you? It's been hours! We're all worried about you! Tris?" I recognize this voice; it's Tobias. He sounds worried, I hadn't even realized I'd been gone that long. I don't want to see them again, I decide to stay quiet, if he finds me, he finds me. If not, I'll decide when I want to face reality and right now, it's never.

I feel selfish for thinking this and I'm tempted to call out, my mouth is open reading to spew words, I close it then. I'm not Abnegation anymore, I'm Dauntless, let me be selfish.

Tobias is still wandering down the hallway getting closer, soon he is at the net and I hope that the shadows hide me. No such luck.

"Tris is that you?"

"No, it's Natalie, who's Tris?" I say this, using my mother's name on the spot; I hope he doesn't know my voice think I know his.

"Nice try Tris, I know your voice, you also can't lie and your mother's name is Natalie." He says this while pulling himself onto the net and coming towards me.

I decide that he'll catch me if I run and eventually I'll have to face everyone anyway, I go for my plan then. "Four I'm really sorry that I almost punched, that I kinda leaned on you, that I went crazy, that I ran away and I'm also really thankful for all of your help." I say this in an embarrassed rush.

"Tris," he says this while sitting next to me and putting his arm around me at which point I stiffen a little, don't think about this gesture, I silently reprimand myself, he continues talking, "First off, I wanted to say that I'm glad you're ok, we were all worried about you and we were worried that you had left the compound or worse."

"What's worse?"

"Tris, we were afraid you had… jumped." He says this last word hesitantly.

I just nod in response, I guess it was a reasonable concern.

"Tris, I completely understand that you almost punched me, you were worked up and I'm guessing it also brought you back to last night, and it's okay, you didn't punch me anyways." I nod at the part when he talks about last night. "You don't have to thank me for my help, I'll always look out for you, just like you did for me." I'm not sure when he says the always what he means completely, is it an empty promise? A reassurance? Or more? He said it like it was more, but- I have to stop this, he probably thinks of me as a sister, I repeat this as he continues, "You didn't go crazy Tris, all of this, we all are feeling the same, especially us, Molly just got in the way of your real target."

"I'm the only one who acted like that though, what am I going to do? Everyone must like I'm crazy and Amar must be so upset with me for running out. What did I miss?"

"Amar isn't upset at all, he knew you needed to cool off, and no one thinks you're crazy, they're just concerned. You didn't miss much at all, just the fights and then we were dismissed, Christina, Will, Al and I came looking for you after that. I'll admit, Peter, Eric and Drew weren't the nicest and Molly, well, she wasn't completely conscious. Did I hear to apologize for leaning on me?"

"Umm, ya…" I say, still not relaxed against his arm, I can't be involved in my thoughts right now.

"Why Tris?"

"Um, well, I don't know, I was using you as a shield I guess, I was being selfish and weak and stupid. I don't know what happened to me, and I'm sorry."

"Tris, you are the smartest, bravest and most selfless person I know. Not to mention you're beautiful."

I blush a deep red that I'm sure Tobias can see even in the half dark, what is he saying? "Four, I don't mean to put myself down or anything, but I'm not any of those things, especially not the last." While I'm saying this I'm really thinking, do you like me too?

"Yes you are, you shouldn't doubt yourself so much, I won't hear the opposite." He hesitates then leans down to kiss my hair, a brotherly gesture, or is it more? I'm turning into Christina, I practically yell at myself, HE IS JUST A FRIEND.

"Thanks Four."

"I thought I told you to call me Tobias."

"Thank you Tobias." I say this putting stress on his real name. I stand up and I see Tobias getting up, I stick out my hand and he grabs it to pull himself up. He is so much bigger than I am; I lean back with all of my weight. He gets up and the difference from when I was pulling and now makes me stumble back. Tobias catches me, we are closer than ever and to me the air feels charged, I wonder if it does to him, I hope he doesn't notice my blush.

I stand straight and clean my throat, we pick our way across the net and head back to the Pit where Christina, Will, Al, Uriah, Zeke, Marlene and Lynn sit. Apparently they were all looking for me. I feel more selfish than I have in my entire life. Put together.

Christina runs up to me and practically tackles me in a hug, "Tris I was so worried about you, I'm so glad you're okay!" This goes on for a few minutes.

"Christina, I'm so sorry I made you worry, I promise I won't do it again."

"You better not," She says this in a fake stern voice, but there is still a hint of worry under it.

Everyone comes up to me and says how glad they are to see me and how worried they were.

"Even I was getting worried," states Lynn, it's a lot coming from her.

"I'm really sorry I made you worry so much, I really don't know what I was thinking. I actually don't think I was thinking at all." I say this in a super apologetic tone, this conveying more than my words are.

Uriah and Zeke crack a few jokes to get the mood lightened up and then we all head to dinner. On the way there I see Amar, I motion to the group that I'll be there soon and I split to go see Amar.

"Hey, Amar I'm really sorry about this morning, I don't know what came over me, is there anything I need to do, extra?"

"Tris, I want you to know that I've seen much worse, Peter, today, for example really seemed to go at Four, I think you're all at your breaking points. I suggest just taking some time to breath every once in a while. Is there something going on in the group that I should know about?"

"No, I don't think so." I make sure that I keep a straight face and that I don't bite the inside of my cheek.

"If there is, just know that I'm supposed to help you all. There's nothing extra to do besides settle things with the rest of the initiates."

"What happened during Peter and Four's fight?" I ask in a concerned tone.

Amar smiles a little, "Peter seemed really upset with Four for some reason, it seemed personal, he really went at him. They got in a pretty good fight, I'm sure they both have bruises, Four managed to pull through though. Why do you ask?" He says the last part like he too suspects something between us.

"You said that Peter went at Four today, just curious."

"Ok, Tris, tomorrow is Visiting Day, so no training, I'll see you the day after."

I leave Amar and head to dinner with my friends. When I get there, everyone has started eating, it's pizza today though and there's already food on the table, I sit down and start eating with the rest of them.

Today, Uriah, Zeke, Marlene and Lynn have joined our group as well. Everyone is cracking jokes and generally having a good time. I seem like the only one lost in thoughts, even Four is joining in. After a slice of pizza I decide to leave and go see Molly, the guilt is crushing me.

As I walk to the infirmary I realize she might not want to see me. I stop by a flower shop and buy some for her, I then stop into a stationary store and buy some paper and a pen to write my note:

Dear Molly,

I'm really sorry about this morning. I know that is a weak apology and you might not even want to hear from me.

I feel so bad for what I've done and I know that nothing will make it up to you, I only hope that I can try. I don't know what came over me, but I know that is no excuse. I would just like to let you know that I'm hoping you get well soon so that you can return to training, where you belong.

Again I know this is in no way close to making things up to you, but I hope this is a first step.

From,

Tris

I know the note is super cheesy, but I don't have anything else to say to her. I walk the rest of the way to the infirmary and ask the receptionist when Molly's room is. I walk down the hall and quietly open the door seeing as she is sleeping, I leave the flowers and note and silently slip out.

As though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders I walk around the compound waiting for everyone to finish with dinner. I walk by the water fountain to get a drink and I'm surprised when I see Tobias doing the same. I debate whether to continue or leave before he sees me, while I do this, he looks up, too late.

"Hey." I call out.

"Hey back, how are you?"

"Good and you? I thought you were still at dinner."

"I left, they started talking about Dauntless couples, not really my cup of tea."

I laugh, "Let me guess, it was mostly Christina?"

"Yes, and you'd be surprised by how much Uriah and Zeke love to gossip."

I chuckle at the thought. I walk down the hallway and stop to get a drink, Tobias is now leaning against the rock wall next to me. I stand up and I'm shocked at how close we're standing, I feel the urge to move both forward and back at the same time. The Dauntless part wills my to take a step forward while the Abnegation wants me to take a step back to ease the situation.

Tobias fixes my inner battle for me, he takes a step closer to me. I feel the air changing to electricity with that once step. I clear my throat, "So, um…" I try to come up with something to say, "Did Christina have anything interesting to say?"

He laughs, "The usual Christina rambling, I did learn that Zeke likes his instructor Shauna and obviously Will and Christina are already going out. She was trying to make matches for everyone else, quite comical actually."

He makes me feel so comfortable to be around, we are still super close though, Abnegation says too close and Dauntless says not close enough. I'm Dauntless now though; I'm brave. I quickly take Tobias' hand before I lose confidence, he probably thinks I'm crazy now.

"Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking," I drop his hand and run down the hallway, more like sprint, I probably just messed everything up between the two of us. Oh man.

I hear Tobias coming after me, "Tris wait up, it's fine!"

I puzzle over this, does a sister hold her brother's hand? I don't know, in Abnegation we certainly didn't. Who says he even thinks of me as his sister though, I ask myself this hopefully.

Tobias' longer legs means that he is able to catch up to me, even though I'm a fast runner. He grabs me waist to pull me back, "Tris, I don't care if you held my hand, really, you have to stop apologizing."

"Just forget it ever happened, will you Tobias? Please?"

He sighs almost with regret, "If you really want me to Tris."

"Yes, please."

"Ok."

I mentally sigh in relief, everything is balanced again in the Tris universe. We make our way to the dorms, "Hopefully there won't be any middle of the night crisis anymore," I joke.

"Hopefully not," Tobias says this with a small smile.

We both head to bed, after our little encounter, we are the last here, besides Molly of course. I settle down in my bed and it seems like the moment my head hits the pillow I'm asleep. It also seems that not seconds later, I'm woken up by Amar- of all people! He's shining a flashlight in all of our eyes telling us to get dressed and meet by the train in five.

Hopefully I will update soon, depends on school and soccer schedule. Have a good week! P.S. I think this was my longest chapter...