Chapter 14: Perfect Touch

Wren sank her fingers into the swirls of satin, raven strands of Byakuya's hair, her other hand curving around his naked bottom, holding him in place, inside her. She sought his troubled, gray eyes, smiling sadly at the pain that radiated beneath the calm surface.

"Are you okay?" she whispered, kissing his sweating brow and feeling the hard, fast beating of his heart against her tattooed breast, "I know you said that you wanted this, but I think maybe that you're having second thoughts now. Why don't you tell me what you're thinking, Byakuya? I promise you, whatever it is, I can handle it."

Byakuya sighed and gave her a heartbreakingly tender, fleeting smile.

"I could never have second thoughts about loving you," he said quietly, "That much is certain, so do not misread my melancholy for regret about being with you."

He went silent for a moment, and Wren felt a weighty internal struggle going on somewhere inside him.

"That...any part of Renji could love me..." he whispered, closing his eyes against the rising emotion, "But...perhaps it is time to make peace with the possibility that this is just not meant to be."

"What do you mean?" Wren asked, her eyes widening, "You're not...giving up, are you? I know that Renji and I will eventually be reintegrated, But I didn't think that you would just give up on us like that. Why are you...?"

"Wren," Byakuya said softly, lying still on her chest and feeling the heavy ache of loss already beginning, "It may be that the part of Renji you represent loves me very much and wants desperately to be with me..."

"Byakuya...!"

"But," he went on, a hint of threatening tears beginning to shine in his eyes, "you are only a part of Renji."

"What are you saying?" Wren asked, stiffening, "Are you saying that what I feel...what I want...doesn't matter? After being with me like this, you...?"

"I am not saying that your feelings don't matter. They matter very deeply to me, Wren...deeply enough that it was extremely difficult to see the path to what I should be doing."

"What do you mean? What are you talking about? What are you going to do?"

"I offered myself to Renji, and even though I felt very much that he returns my affections, he is hurt and afraid..."

"Because of what that bastard, Masato did to us! Byakuya, I know that, but...!"

"I know you know this," Byakuya went on, capturing her face in his hands, "You see, Wren, you are that part of Renji that he needs most right now. You are the part of Renji that gets him through everything. You always have been."

"But...?"

Byakuya touched a stunningly gentle kiss to her lips and went on.

"Renji may be capable of loving me in return someday. But...while the emotionally stronger part of him is separated from him, I cannot pressure him anymore. Wren, Renji does not need my love right now."

"Byakuya, no, he..."

"Renji," he said, taking Wren's lovely, angry face in his hands, "needs our strength...yours and mine. He needs our strength and he needs my friendship. So...when morning comes, we will have to let go of anything more than that...anything more than our commitment to making you and Renji one again."

"So...you are giving up on me?" Wren asked, a tear leaking onto her proud face.

"No," Byakuya said, looking deeply into her furious eyes, "I am not giving up on you. I am placing my faith in you to help him. Wren, I think you may be the only one who can help Renji right now. So, I am not letting go of you. I am trusting you to help him."

He caught his breath, reeling as she tore away from him, then surprised him with a powerful slap across the face. She glared at his shocked expression, at the tension in his body and, for some reason she couldn't fathom, felt like laughing hysterically.

I just hit Byakuya Kuchiki.

I just hit that guy as hard as I could and he didn't even feel it.

"Ah," she said, looking down at her stinging hand, "S-sorry."

Byakuya's eyes calmed and watched her closely as she struggled inwardly with herself.

"I was just pissed because you slept with me before telling me that."

"I am the one who is sorry," Byakuya said, lowering his eyes, "I deserved your anger for being so weak as to need to be held by you before I could find the strength to be the friend that you and Renji need. I didn't mean to insult you."

"It's okay," Wren said, taking a steadying breath, "It's not like I didn't want to be with you. And it was selfish of me to do that when Renji's made it pretty clear he's not going to continue things with you once we're reintegrated. I just...needed to..."

"Me too," Byakuya agreed, moving cautiously closer, then smiling as Wren curled into his arms.

"If we are going to lose each other, we should go out fighting all of the way, ne Captain?"

Byakuya smiled instantly.

"Why did you call me that?"

"That's what you are," Wren said, nuzzling closer, "My Captain, my friend and the one who loves me enough to let me go, if that is what is best for me. I love you, Byakuya. Renji loves you too. And whatever happens, I hope you remember that."

"I will," Byakuya whispered, holding her more tightly, "I promise I will."

XXXXXXXXXX

Kisuke blinked sleepily, yawning widely as the machine in front of him beeped sullenly, informing him that the samples he had placed inside for processing had been analyzed. He squinted at the readout that emerged, then dug through a stack of papers sitting next to him, pausing to compare the two, then dropping them and consulting several books. He moved back to the machine and punched in several codes, then read the results on the screen.

"Huh..." he mused, taking a sip of cooling tea, "Damn...what is this? C'mon, this has to make some kinda sense, somehow. I just have to..."

"Boss?" Tessai's weary voice called from the doorway, "I finished the tests you wanted me to run."

"Ah, thanks," Kisuke said gratefully, "That will save me some time. Here, let me have a look."

He peered down at the sheets of paper Tessai provided, then pored back over the results from the tests he had run. A soft glow rose in his eyes as he returned to the books he had been consulting and leafed through two of them.

"All right," he whispered, "This is starting to make sense...a mating ritual...splits into two and...huh...but Renji's not a hollow, so...hmmm."

He sucked in a surprised breath as he came to a conclusion that nearly dropped him in his tracks.

"No way...not possible! That can't be...it's gotta be a mistake, right?"

"Boss?"

"C'mere and look at this. Tell me if I have this wrong."

Tessai moved forward and studied the pages that the shopkeeper held out to him, then the pages from the books he offered. Tessai blinked in surprise and stared wordlessly.

"You conclude the same, right?"

"Erm, yes," Tessai confirmed, "But Boss...Renji-san will be..."

"Renji will happy, I think, to be back in one piece," Kisuke said with certainty, "And hey, it's not the worst therapy you ever heard of, ne? He and Byakuya are tight. Byakuya's been all over Renji's girly side, and he seemed interested in Renji's male side too."

"But, sir, Renji-san had issues with that, remember?"

"Well," Kisuke said, shaking his head, "If Renji wants to be normal again, then he's going to have to deal with those issues...cause the only way that he's getting out of this...is if Byakuya, the one who put him into 'heat' fixes things. That's your conclusion too, ne?"

"W-well, yes, but..."

"Call them in," said Kisuke, "Renji's in a bad way, so we want to get this over with as soon as possible."

"Y-yes, of course," Tessai said, bowing, "I will send for them at once."

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji tossed and turned in his sleep, his mind replaying his last interaction with Byakuya.

"Make love to me. Take me sexually, if that is what you need to do so that you can trust me. I might have looked down on you before, but I do not now. I love you and I trust you. Go ahead and have what you will of me. You are welcome in these arms, Renji...always."

And each time it repeated in his troubled, sleeping mind, his reply raked at his heart, weighing him down with guilt and regret.

"I can't..."

He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and looking at the clock, then groaning and falling back.

"Gods, this is fucking ridiculous! What is wrong with me?" he berated himself, "Byakuya Kuchiki is in love with me! I've gotta be a fucking idiot to look him in the eyes and brush him off like that! Kami, what is wrong with me?"

He leaned forward, letting his face drop into his hands and groaning in agony.

"I just want to be normal again! I just wanna be back in one piece! Just put me back together, gods, please put me back together!"

He was stunned out of his reverie as the door flew open and crashed into the wall.

"What the hell?" he mused, staring.

Wren burst through the door, her red-brown eyes flaring with fury, and she took him by the front of his yukata and shook him forcefully.

"What is wrong with you!" she demanded, "I know you love Byakuya. We both know you do. I get that you are still in pain from what Masato did to us, but why the fuck are you letting that ruin everything! I could kill you, you stupid fool!"

It took him a stunned moment to realize that his feminine counterpart was shaking all over with emotion and tears had begun to leak onto her face.

"Renji!" she sobbed.

Renji took hold of Wren's clenched hands and pried them away from his clothing, then held them and looked back at her apologetically.

"I'm sorry," he said miserably, "Wren, I know I'm making a mess of things. I don't want to, but...there's just something really wrong with me! It's...it's like the part of me that could help me wrap my head around this isn't here anymore! I mean, I know I'm fucking everything up! I don't want to, but...I just..."

He shook his head and sighed, letting his face fall onto their joined hands.

"I'm sorry, Wren. I'm really, really sorry," he said, his own tears beginning to fall.

He forced himself to stop and brushed them away, then gave Wren a teary smile.

"But why are you so upset?" he went on, "Wren, I know that you went to bed with him again."

Wren frowned and stared at him.

"What?" she asked, looking confused, "H-how did you know? You've done that before...or did Byakuya get here before me?"

"Byakuya didn't come here," Renji confessed, "Look, Wren, I'm going to tell you something that I should have told you before. I wanted to, but I was worried that it would kind of freak you out."

Wren let out a heavy breath, deflating as the anger left her still trembling body.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, frowning, "What would freak me out?"

Renji took a steadying breath.

"Ah...this is really embarrassing."

Wren gave him an amused smile.

"It's okay," she chuckled, "You're just talking to yourself."

"R-right," Renji said, blushing, "But...this is really weird. Brace yourself."

"O-kay..."

"When you and Byakuya have sex, I feel it too...like...I'm...connected to your body and part of it," Renji explained.

Wren stared back at him blankly for a moment, before comprehension hit and her eyes widened in dismay.

"Y-you...?"

"Yeah," Renji said, blushing, "The truth is, when you do anything sexual, I feel it too, like it's being done to me."

Wren's eyes rounded and she struggled to think of something to say in response.

"When we first arrived at Kuchiki Manor," Renji went on, "You were in your room and..."

"What?" Wren exclaimed, "You mean...you knew this from way back then and you just...you...you didn't say anything?"

"What the hell was I supposed to say?" Renji objected, flushing even more brightly, "Excuse me, but I feel it when you're masturbating or having sex?"

"Oh my kami!" gasped the lady redhead, "This is...! I can't...! You! You're...you perverted freak!"

"Hey!" Renji yelled, "It wasn't like I wanted to feel you having sex with Byakuya, you know! I couldn't help it. It just...happened! I couldn't control it at all!"

"But you never said a word!" Wren cried furiously, "And when he...when he was touching me and..."

She broke off, going pale as a thought struck her.

"That's why, isn't it?" she asked in a stunned tone, "That's why you turned him down."

"What?" Renji said, blinking, "No! I told you, I...!"

"No," Wren insisted, "You knew how he was making me feel...how good it was..."

She froze, her face going very pale.

"Wren," Renji said, leaning towards her and reaching out to touch her face, "Are you all right?"

"No!" she whispered, "No, I'm not anything like all right. Renji, the way you were feeling...you weren't ready to be having sex with Byakuya."

"I didn't..."

"But because I did, you did anyway. I...hurt you...us, didn't I?"

"Hey," Renji said bracingly, "it wasn't your fault. You didn't know."

"B-because you didn't tell me, stupid!" she sobbed, striking her opened hands against him, "You just let me hurt you...and keep on hurting you! Why? Why did you do that?"

Renji let out an exasperated breath.

"What the fuck was I supposed to do?" he asked helplessly, "Wren, I might not have felt ready to go to bed with Byakuya, but you were in love with the guy and you would have been hurt if you couldn't...I don't know! I just don't know what the hell I was thinking anymore. It just...it made sense at the time. I figured...even if I couldn't love Byakuya, you and Byakuya didn't deserve to have to shut everything away. You guys love each other. You know, if I couldn't be happy, at least I could let the two of you be happy."

Renji looked down at his hands and shook his head sadly.

"And feeling what was between you, I really started to think about things. You know, I do love Byakuya too."

"Huh," Wren sniffed miserably, "You sure couldn't tell by us. And Renji, when you rejected him, you really hurt him badly."

"I know," Renji said, lowering his head in shame, "I really made a mess of things. But you took care of him, ne? I felt it."

"I went to bed with him," Wren confirmed, "But this morning, he ended things."

"What?" Renji said, looking up in surprise, "Is that why you flew over here, ready to strangle me? Because he dumped us?"

"He wasn't 'dumping' anyone," Wren said, crossing her arms, "Renji, Byakuya broke things off, partly because of the fact that he realized that, even though I am ready for a relationship with him, you just aren't. He accepts that, and he chose instead, to be a good friend and to take the pressure off of you."

Renji sighed sadly.

"Damn..." he whispered, "I feel like a total asshole."

"Well, you're going to feel worse," Wren said grimly, "because since you rejected him, he did something...something pretty rash."

"Wh-what?"

"He's getting married," Wren said, lowering her eyes, "And not to me."

"Who is he going to marry?" Renji asked, looking mystified, "One of the noble ladies the elders wanted him to?"

"No," Wren said, tightening her lips, "Byakuya is going to marry Masato!"