So I could go into this long, boring story about how this has been written for weeks and how I thought I sent it to my fabulous beta but I didn't and I won't!
Thanks to both of my fabulous amazing beta's xedwardxloverx and theotherbella!!
And to MoDunk because I heart her. She prereads my stuff and indulges me with daily emails!!
My night was a solid eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, and I woke up feeling amazing. I was holding the most beautiful girl in the world, my girl without a doubt. I looked down at her and saw her brown hair sprawled across my pillow and my chest, her lips slightly parted letting her breath fall in shallow pants. She was my perfection. Waking up to her every morning was the only thing I wanted in the world.
I was showered and ready to go before it was even nine but somehow Alice and Jasper were already out for the day. It was the first day that shorts were warranted, picking out my most comfortable pair and throwing on a white t-shirt because Bella wasn't good at hiding her stares when I wore them, and today I wanted her un-fucking-divided attention. I had to figure out my game plan because today was my day to do this. I wanted, no needed to show Bella I could be more than just her friend. I could do the thoughtful, romantic things that I knew she liked. We ate out so fucking much that there was nowhere that we hadn't been or that seemed perfect enough for today. I was fucking ansty and nervous even though I was pretty sure how all of this shit with Bella would pan out. I got a motherfucking maybe on the kissing Bella today front.
It was going to be sunny, warm and the ideal day for a picnic. Bella loved being outside basking in the sun, it was perfect and exactly what she would want. But fuck cooking, a picnic I could do because Bella would love that shit but no fucking way would I subject her to whatever I would no doubt fuck up. I scribbled a quick note, letting Bella know that I would be back quick and to get dressed, just in case she woke up.
I walked down the block to the closet coffee shop, grabbed two breakfast sandwiches, waters, a few pieces of fruit and a raspberry danish because it was one of the few pastries she ate. I wanted a variety going on because her food choices are always different and I had no idea what she would have wanted. I arrived back home with a brown bag full of food and a still sleeping Bella. I was anxious for her to wake up but I wanted her to sleep a bit more. Alice and Rose would be running her rampant with wedding errands later in the day so I waited until ten to wake her up. I opened my door, not even trying to hide my smile. Bella was all snuggled up in my bed looking so peaceful, she was most certainly meant to be there. While I could stare at her forever, I only had a few hours before she needed to be back and damn sure wasn't going to waste them watching her sleep. I crawled onto the bed and under the covers, wrapping my arms around her pulling her into me.
"Baby, wake up." I said softly kissing her exposed shoulder.
"No, thanks." She whined, acting like me pulling the covers up around her face.
"Come on, I let you sleep enough." I pleaded pulling back the covers much to her displeasure but it got her stretching.
"I'm up, I need to shower." Her scrunchy little nose was begging for a tiny kiss, so I lightly touched my lips to it.
"Shower when you get home, I have a surprise." I whispered placing a kiss under her ear.
"I must smell, I'm dirty." I leaned into crook of her neck, pretending to sniff her.
"You pass the smell test B, get up."
"Ok fine, let me throw on something to wear."
I shut my door giving her some privacy, and went to gather up my two bags. Bella was dragging ass but looked cute and relaxed in jeans, white tank top, flip flops, my favorite jacket, black sunglasses and her hair was pulled into the messiest bun imaginable.
We got into the car and I headed to Bella's favorite spot in Seattle, there were closer parks but none came close to being a perfect as Kerry. Bella brought me there a month after we moved to Seattle, the views at night were second to none; you could see the Seattle skyline, Space needle, Mt. Rainer, the sound. It was usually crowded with tourists but pulling up I could see it wasn't that bad, being a Tuesday morning.
"Oh Edward, I love it here." Her smiled brightly and I did a mental checkmark in the I'm kissing Bella today column.
"I figured it's better than a noisy restaurant. I got us breakfast, hopefully it isn't too cold." I held up the bag and shrugged.
"Tsk tsk, Edward a paper bag, where's the picnic basket? You should have planned this better." She could be such an ass sometimes but it was part of her undeniable charm.
"Don't be a stickler for the details it's about the journey or some shit." We walked hand in hand to a perfect spot under a tree.
"You're so sweet."
"Only for you B." I shook the blanket open and we smoothed it out into the ground.
"Oh god, the whole sweet talking thing, I like you better without that."
"Really?" Bella nodded her head and slipped off her flip flops and sat crossed legged on the edge of the blanket. I kicked off my shoes, sitting down on the opposite side.
"So whatcha got in there?" She leaned forward trying to look in the bag. I started pulling out the fruit, waters and sandwiches. At the same time we both started eating. There were no words for minutes, just chewing, a few kids laughing while playing a game of tag. We came here to talk, to work out our shit and were just sitting in silence. I had no idea where to start, not that I had to contemplate it long.
"How long have you felt like this?" Bella kept her head down but I heard her loud and clear. I didn't want to beat around the bush, asking what exactly she was talking about because I already knew. Honestly was the only way to go. "From day one." I said as sincerely as possible, I need her to just get it; no stupid misunderstandings. She looked up at me with her deep, dark mesmerizing eyes never fully reaching my stare; questioning what I said. "Bella, I have always known, the first day we did that biology lab together."
"Then why didn't you ever say something? She looked genuinely perplexed because really who wouldn't be. She walked into my life, overtaking my every thought five years ago, in this moment I had no idea what was holding me back but whatever it was broke weeks ago.
"I thought there was no way you would go for someone like me." My answers sounded like a total cop out but it was my truth.
"Like you, Edward? I don't understand." There is confusion written allover her face, like she really didn't get it. How perfect she was, is; how fucked up I was back then and probably now if I was being honest.
I cleaned up my empty wrappers and scooted closer to her, I needed to be near her for this. Brushing the hair off her face, lifting her chin until her eyes meet mine. I wanted her to see me, believe what I was saying. Bella shied away from confrontations or anything overly emotional, which she got from Charlie no doubt.
"You were so innocent and perfect; I was such an asshole to everyone. I never went for you because I wanted to be better; good enough for you."
"But that was five years ago."
"The timing was never right. No, I lied. I was a pussy plain and simple. I have been so fucking scared of you rejecting me that I was frozen. I saw the guys you dated; they were nothing like me, the safe boy next door football captain, not the neighborhood asshole." She was looking at me with an 'are you fucking serious' expression; I felt like I had explained myself as good as I could but not good enough for her. "I mean first it was Jacob he had a way of always making you smile or laugh. He was the first guy that could do that besides me. I didn't want ruin that for you at the beginning well until you know….. I did." I tried to look even a little remorseful but failed because I wasn't.
Jacob was nothing close to what Bella deserved even back then he couldn't make her as happy as I could. He was nothing but a going nowhere small town rez lifer and fuck no was I going to let Bella become one of those girls. The married right out of high school and saddled with a baby and husband.
"I suspected as much." She had a small scowl on her face but looked more adorable than mean.
"So umm...how long have you felt like this?" I asked sheepishly trying to deflect from my own admission.
"From day one." She said honestly as the blush spreading across her cheeks. I'm glad we were both in this uncomfortable position right now.
"Then why didn't you-" I questioned just as she did to me.
"Uhh do the reasons even matter now? We're here now and that's what matters." She grabbed my hand, going for distraction which would have worked if she went for a kiss instead.
"Oh I see how it is, B. You get my whole story I get the it doesn't matter because we're here now?"
"Yup." She smiled at me and I wasn't sure where this conversation was going but I knew where I hoped it was going. One, I wanted to do what we did Saturday night again and again; two and more importantly, I wanted her to tell me that she felt the same. We both in a sense had laid out some of our cards; we both knew without a doubt there was something between and always had been.
"Well, I think this was all so stupid." She leaned forward and kissed me, not a light kiss. It was filled with hope, love and want. She started to run her fingers through my hair and leaned forward on her knees, between my legs deepening the kiss. But I pulled back a little, staring deep into her eyes.
"Bella, I can't do this again, if it isn't forever." I was trying for sincere but it came out more husky than anything. The lust was radiating off of me because she did that shit to me. She inhaled deeply and let out a slow sigh. She sat back on her knees, her eyes lowered.
"I don't want to be just your friend but I am so scared of risking anything more. You are the only one who can hurt me and I don't want to end up hating you, it would kill me. I 'm just confused; I'm just scared."
"Why are you doing this? You're over thinking it just go with it with us, Bella you won't regret it. I would never hurt you ever I love you and I know you feel the same so stop fighting it, fighting us."
"I feel like I have too much to lose." She whispered into my neck, hiding her face from me. But I couldn't have that I needed her to believe me. I gently took her precious face in my hands; bring her to my eye level.
"You would never lose me, I'm yours. I always have been." I promised her.
"Edward you're my best friend but you're not my only factor in this."
"What do you mean?" I wasn't following her, there was nothing besides our ridiculousness that should have been keeping as part or so I had been thinking
"Your sister is my best friend, the closet thing I have ever had to a sister. Esme has been my surrogate mother. I can't lose her or any of you for that matter; my heart couldn't handle that. If this ever ended, didn't work out no matter whose fault, I would only have Charlie and Phil." Well here I was thinking of only the positives that us being together would bring and she was only thinking of the negatives; the what ifs. She needed the reassurance that no matter what she would still have her surrogate family; I could do that because nothing could ever tear them away from her.
"Bella, my sister is yours; my mom is yours, fuck I'm yours, nothing will ever change that. If you doubt that shit then you haven't been paying attention, you're stuck with us."
Bella looked relieved; somewhere inside she knew all this and just needed to hear it. Breaking the heaviness brewing between us, I could feel her walls crumbling down. My insides were jumping around doing some crazy happy dance. Bella put her hands on my thighs leaning in closer and closer. The hesitation from moments ago gone and confidence took center stage.
"You know after all these years I had to make the first move. The 'great' Edward Cullen was too nervous to make the first move so sweet Bella Swan had to handle it. Heads will roll in Forks when they hear how we got together." She was teasing me with her lips so close almost touching mine, letting me feel her breathe on my face. And hell yes she just said how we got together.
"What are you talking about? I brought you here, I did all this." I pointed out, referring to the picnic and getting us to finally talk, it was all me."No no, I made the first move. I kissed you at Charlie's and you pulled away."
"I did not." I had thought about our first kiss a million times and at no point did I pull away from her. I guess I did do the noble thing and stopped before we went too far. I wouldn't consider that pulling away, I consider that being respectful.
"Yes you did."
"I didn't think you remembered that?" I, of course now knew she had but wanted to egg her on a bit.
"Stop avoiding the question." She demanded with a slight roll of her beautiful brown eyes.
"You were drunk, I didn't want you to think I was taking advantage of you or something." She should have loved that shit, me being all gentlemanly.
"That's stupid, I kissed you." And there goes my gentlemen brownie points.
"So kiss me again." I demanded, if she did it once she should do it again, right? Well who was I kidding; Bella was leading shit on Saturday too.
"No kiss me." She countered as her eyes stared at my lips.
"Is that how this relationship is going to be run; you ordering me around? I was kidding because lets be serious here, Bella has been ordering me around since the beginning.
"Yes and Edward Cullen actually wants a relationship, has the world stopped turning?" Her dazzling smile was infectious.
"I think it has." I leaned in, sealing our deal. I kissed her with as much love as I could muster but toned down just enough because we where in a fucking park. Had I thought this through I would have made sure to pick some place where we could be alone and really start this relationship off right, like my bed.
"So this relationship thing, what are the perks?" Bella asked finally breaking our first kiss as a couple. She sat back on her knees, waiting for an answer that I truthfully had no answer too.
"What do you mean?" I have never done a real legit relationship; how the fuck should I know the perks? With Tanya, if you could have classified us as being in a relationship, all we did was have lots of sex and hang out occasionally.
"Like what changes between us?" I suppose this was a valid question but really had no answers because we had such a routine together that it didn't really seem like much would change. Except sex, that would definitely changing as in we would be having it now.
"I don't know? Not much really." I kind if thought we would slip into this easy perfect thing. We have always acted like the happy couple so I assumed things would go on the way they were just with the waking up with her everyday, being able to lean over to kiss or touch her whenever I wanted.
"Can I drive your car?" Bella asked completely serious.
"No." I said quickly.
"OK, fine can I control the radio?" She was grasping at straws; she knew how I felt my car.
"No B, you know the rules." Her eyebrows furrowed over my second shut down.
"Edward, you gotta give me something here." She playfully demanded.
"Fine, the radio but no driving." Bella's beautiful face lit up into a million dollar smile; shit I would let her drive the fucking car if she always smiled like that.
"What if you break your leg and can't?" I could see her mind working, she was trying to mess with me.
"Fine in the event of a broken leg-"
"Or arm." She was enjoying this far too much and it sounded like she had actually given this some thought.
"Fine in the event of a broken leg or arm you can drive but I swear Bella, if I somehow break anything in the near future I am kicking your ass." I conceded knowing that out of the two of us I wasn't the one likely to be breaking anything.
"I'd nurse you back to health." And with that I wouldn't have minded breaking something, not my leg or anything but maybe my thumb or toe. Bella still had that huge smile as she leaned in and kissed me; it was one of those I forgot my name kisses. She had the softest lips and her small hands cupped my face, she was adorable. Bella pulled back and was looking deep into my eyes "You're so pretty." I couldn't hold in my laugh because I was not pretty. I was masculine and rugged not pretty but would take any compliment she gave me.
"Thank you." Neither of us had moved back and it wouldn't have mattered if the entire park was staring at us. "So that's all you want, radio privileges?" I asked wondering what else she wanted from me.
"Yup, anything you want?" I wanted this all the time, her stroking my hair and face, her leaning in and kissing me but was that a demand? I could make it one, right?
"I want to kiss you whenever I feel like it, I want to hold your hand, I want to you tell everyone your mine, forever. But most of all I want to never have to watch Grey's again."
"Why, you love that show?" She looked at me genuinely surprised; I shook my head at her.
"No, I don't." She looked confused. I have played up my love for the fucking show since it started. I faked a character crush on Callie, well not totally fakes because she was hot.
"But you always would remind me when it's on and never missed an episode."
"I watched it because you did, it was our thing. I liked being close on the couch watching it every week." She looked so surprised and was quiet for a few seconds.
"Can I add another thing to my list of perks?" Bella asked looking so happy and radiant. I liked to think that I being here with me made her that happy.
"Anything." I answered truthfully; I would give her the world if she wanted it.
"I want the Grey's thing to continue." She quirked her eyebrow at me, challenging me to refuse her. She knew I wouldn't.
"Of course you do." I should have predicated this; I know how much Bella loves the stupid show and really watching anything with me makes it better. I leaned in for yet another kiss because doing that would never get old.
"It's so nice out, can we stay here for a bit?" Bella asked, moving from between my legs to sit beside me, basking in the sun. I knew she would love this and I would have sat here all day with her but I knew Alice's wrath would be raging over Bella not being back on time.
"Sure but I have strict orders to have you home by three so you can do wedding shit with Alice and Rose before the concert." I had a few things I needed to do before the concert to but nothing as important as picking up bridesmaid dresses.
"I can't wait for this wedding to be over." Bella whined, lying down on the blanket
"Our wedding won't be like this."
"Wedding? Homeboy you haven't even asked me on a date yet, slow your roll." Her head was turned up towards me with her hands covering the sun from her eyes.
"I'm not asking you on a date, we've had sex, I don't have too." I joked because of course I would court her ass, even though it probably wasn't even necessary.
"And we don't have to do that again so ask." She quirked an eyebrow up at me. It was getting warm, Bella slipped off my jacket leaving her in a white wife beater which fit her like nobody's business. It was tight and practically see through, letting me see that she was wearing a pink bra with hearts. Her strap kept slipping down her shoulder, distracting the fuck out of me.
"Isabella Swan, would you do me the honor of accompanying me for a night on the town?"
"Umm let me think about it and get back to you." She said coyly, looking up at through her eyes lashes, she was flirting with me.
We sat quietly, Bella resting against my leg reading the book I brought for her while I played Tetris on my phone. This was after I wrote the text of a lifetime which I sent to all of our friends and even my mom.
EC + BS FTMFW
I got smiley faces, an "It's about fucking time," a "Don't fuck this up" and my personal favorite "Edward I have no idea what FTMFW means but I like the plus sign Love mom." Maybe I should have let Bella tell Alice and Rosalie since they were going out later but I couldn't help myself, this was the best day of my entire life. I think I might have thought that on Saturday night but I was wrong. Today trumped everything and I had a feeling that every day with Bella would trump the day before.
"Oh I want to add another thing to my list." Bella said out of nowhere.
"Fuck B how long is this list going to be?" My girl was being a little demanding. Not that I really cared.
"Long, I want you to wake me up everyday like you did today." She rushed out, blush staining her cheeks. She was embarrassed to admit to me that she liked my kisses and touches; she needed to get over that. It would be happening all the fucking time now.
"I can agree to that under one condition."
"What's that?" She asked all wide eyed. How could she not have known that my little counter to her easily meet demand so would so simple.
"You have to be in my bed every morning."
"I can handle that."
I was bored and staring at Bella was fun but since I had finally done more than just look at her, I wanted to touch her again and again. I slowly caressed up and down her arm and somehow my hand found its way to her hip. I could see the tiniest sliver of her underwear and my hand decided to just pull it up a bit just to see what they looked. My hand was quickly slapped, hard.
"What are you doing?" Bella said sternly, looking at me with her beautiful but piercing eyes. I needed to say something besides I just wanted to see your panties; that sounded dirty and perverted. Maybe it was and I should just own that shit.
"As your boyfriend I should be able to know what kind of undergarments you have on, it's a rule."
"Are you serious?"
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I asked looking down at her.
"Fine, I wear cute underwear." Bella said confidently as she pull up the band on her pink plaid panties complete with a little bow. I decided this demand was now my favorite.
"Ask me to be your girlfriend." She requested and how the fuck could I say no to that?
"B, will you be my girlfriend?"
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