A/N: Whoa! 2 updates in one week? Cuhraaaayzee! Well, technically three—but, this little ditty below is just a bit of pimpin' crack.

Nycsnowbird and I are super-duper-with-generous-gobs-of-Nutella-on-top excited for the new contest we're co-hosting.

So, without further ado, I give you … le pimp.


INTERMISSION: A CONTEST PIMP

CASTING CALL

~A NUTELLA-FILLED EN INTERLUDE~

On a warm & sunny afternoon not too far into FStop's future, Pixie, accompanied by her favorite shrugging fangirl Lan (who just happens to be one of the six fantabulous judges for the Dead Pan Contest) were on a very important mission. The holy grail of fangirl quests, if you will...

Pixie is fitting a key into the lock at Sookie's loft, when Lan bumps into her, making her crash face first and eat wood. And not that kind of wood, either.

After she rights herself, she fixes her co-conspirator with a glare. Lan's eyes dart around all nervous-like.

L: Are you sure we should do this?

Pixie unlocks the door and sighs heavily as she looks over her shoulder at her favorite shrugging fangirl.

P: Well, duh ... Pam did give me the keys. She said that I haven't been updating FStop quickly enough, and she thought I needed some 'inspiration'.

Lan's eyes go Japanese-anime wide as the door swings open. Fits of giddy giggles erupt from the two as they enter the loft, until they stop abruptly at the holy site in front of them.

P: Is that--

They stare at each other.

L: THEEE Nutella jar?

They look from each other to the industrial-sized jar, and back again, before they clutch at each others' arms and inch forward.

The girls are interrupted when a low and husky voice dripping with sex and amusement startles them.

See something you like?

The girls scream and jump twice their height in the air. When they finally land and face their intruder, they lean against each other, melting into whimpering, drooling piles of fangirl goo.

EN is standing before them, in all his glory. His jogging pants are clinging to his sweaty body in all the right places, and his bare chest is absolutely jaw dropping. Beads of perspiration form a trail down the length of his muscular chest and abdomen, and their eyes follow it in the sexiest version of connect-the-dots they've ever played The girls attempt to halt their drooling and catch their breath.

The god before them clears his throat, forcing them to return their gaze to his eyes, whereupon they melt all over at the sight of his long blond locks pulled into those much-dreamed-about Viking braids.

He smirks knowingly.

E: So, which of you would like to tell me what you're doing in my Sookie's apartment?

Eric directs a smoldering stare first at Lan, then at Pixie.

Lan shrugs. Like she tends to do.

Pixie rolls her eyes and meets Eric's gaze. She does adore those cute-as-fuck Lan shrugs, but she's got a Viking to deal with. A pissed off, yet somewhat amused Viking at that. But, still, a big hulk o' muscled Viking. She crosses her arms and tilts her chin, sucking in a quick breath.

P: We could very well ask you the same question.

EN grins his blinding, panty-combusting, thousand watt smile, like he tends to do.

E: Pam told me to meet her here.

Pixie gives his sweat-drenched body a once over and raises her eyebrow with a challenging smirk.

Eric's grin widens.

E: I agreed to do so after my jog. Plus, I figured you wouldn't mind the view.

Pixie giggle snorts. EN leans back, running a hand over his mussed hairdo.

E: Plus, I know you are partial to the braids.

Pixie gasps. Damn, must be talking in my sleep again. But then, she thinks back to Pam's role in all of this. She inclines her head to the right, tapping a finger to her chin as she mutters half to herself.

P: Hmmm, I'm sensing a theme here …

E: What was that, Pix?

Pixie's eyes bug out at the sound of her nickname falling so deliciously off of the Viking's lips. It still gets her. Every. Fucking. Time. She finally picks her jaw off the floor.

P: Oh … I just said a theme … you see my friend here is super excited to be one of the judges in this new contest I'm co-hosting, and we were just talking about the theme.

Eric raises a skeptical eyebrow before breaking into another grin.

E: Ah, yes. The Dead Pan contest. It is quite fortuitous that we have run into each other like this, since I have been meaning to talk to you about this contest of yours.

The tall drink of swoonilicious walks over to the still-incapacitated girls, placing an arm around each one and leading them toward the couch. He seats himself across from them.

E: Oh, I do like how you girls think. I need some juicy new roles I can really sink my teeth into.

The girls snicker, but resist the urge to make any flirtatious poke at EN's eating/biting habits. They are far too distracted by Eric's extra long legs, as he stretches them in front of himself and crosses them, the toes almost reaching the girls' own feet.

E: But, I did want to talk a little about what kind of role I see myself in—

Pixie's snort is loud enough to cause the great Viking to stop mid-sentence. He glares.

P: Oh, please do go on. What did you have in mind?

E: Well, as much as I know you adore a good giggle—whatever the cost—I do want make sure that my part is BIG enough.

Pixie gets an evil glint in her eyes.

P: But I thought there was no such thing as small parts, only small … (she lets her eyes drop for a moment, before raising them back up to meet Eric's eyes) actors?

Eric chuckles before dismissing the ridiculous notion with a wave of his VERY large hand.

Lan swoons with an audible THUD.

She digs around in her purse, and produces what looks like a makeshift sign. Pixie and EN both lean forward to read it.

*death by hand porn*

BRB

Eric smiles and rewards Lan with a wink and a bonus eyebrow waggle before he continues.

E: I was thinking … Dances with Fangs would be great, or—

He leans forward, licking his lips seductively.

E: Gone with the Fang!

The girls both die with hysterical giggles. EN takes it as his cue to continue.

E: You know what they say …

Pixie's giggles subside abruptly as her eyes narrow; she knows exactly where he's going, yet she's powerless to stop him.

EN smirks with smug satisfaction as he delivers his lame-ass punch line.

E: Once you go fang, you can never go back to breather schwang.

P: I hate to rain in on your little corn parade there, buddy, but … you do realize you just play a vampire on TV, right?

Eric crosses his arms, leans back, and pouts, his lower lip quivering. Lan and Pixie tremble at the sight. Pixie lets out an audible moan; Lan bites at her lip to prevent herself from doing the same. Satisfied, Eric forges on.

E: So, go on little one, I mean, little ones. Tell me more about what I can expect.

The evil glint returns to Pixie's eyes.

P: Well, E—you can definitely expect lots of, as you so succinctly put it—juicy roles. Anything from comedy, to horror, to Shakespearean tragedy; content could be culled from today's popular movies and TV shows, classics of literature, and everything in between. Of course, since my co-host nycsnowbird and I decided to make this a crossover challenge, you may need to share with other … uh, how shall I put this? Oh, yeah. BIG actors.

Eric jumps up, letting out an impressive string of English and Scandinavian curses before he calms himself down with a heaving sigh.

E: Very well, I understand the need for such a cheap trick. But—just make sure I don't get any sparkles on me. Now, give me the … what is it you kids call it these days? Ah, yes. 411.

Pixie snarls. She does not appreciate being called kid. One. Little. Bit. So she plays dumb.

P: 411? Why, whatever do you mean, old man?

Eric chuckles.

E: Ahh, my devilish little Pixie—oh goddess of swexy, snarky ESN UNFness—I throw myself at your fanfic mercy.

Pixie narrows her eyes and taps a finger to her chin.

P: Why does that sound vaguely familiar?

He smiles sweetly. Pixie melts, yet again. Damn that EN and his magical smile. It was more powerful than any pixie dust she ever peddled, that's for damn sure.

E: That's my girl. Now, when can I expect the first project?

Pixie huffs, but indulges him.

P: Well, there will be some amazing example fics coming up very soon, from none other than the supremely talented and gorgeous zeewriter and Gallathea. You know, to get those ff writing wheels turning n' all. But, the contest will officially kick off on April 1st.

Eric narrows his eyes and looks suspiciously from Pixie to Lan, and back to Pixie again.

E: This isn't all just some big practical joke, is it?

After the girls' giggles subside, encouraged by the impatient tapping of Eric's foot and several very annoyed sighs, Pixie assures him that it is no joke.

E: Okay, then. Go on. Lay it on me.

Pixie raises her brow and smirks. Eric knows what's coming and is absolutely powerless to stop it.

P: Oh, Viking, I'll lay it on you anytime. You just name the time and the place and I'm there.

She'd really like to end her little speech with a wink—but unfortunately, she can't wink without distorting her face in the most disturbing manner. It is a little known fact, but even more unfortunately for our Pixie, the Viking is all too aware of her—for lack of a better word—shortcomings.

His smirk is smug and knowing and deeeeelicious with at least three capital D's.

E: Are you quite done, Pix?

Pixie's shoulders slump with defeat. Lan wraps her arm around Pixie, rubbing to make it all better. Pixie lets out a heavy sigh and looks back at Eric, but keeps her head resting on Lan's chest. He still has an expectant look on his face, obviously still waiting for details.

P: Wow, I really am touched, E.

She ignores his suggestive eyebrow waggle.

P: I do appreciate the effort E—really I do—but you don't need to concern your pretty little head with all the nitty gritty. However, I suppose if you just can't contain your curiosity, you could go to the contest profile to get all your questions answered. It's at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~deadpancontest

And, myvampfiction(dot)com is our partner in crime on this one, so you can go to their site to check it out too.

Eric smiles, then ducks his head in what could only be categorized as embarrassment. Was the Viking blushing? Lan and Pixie exchange disbelieving glances before turning back to said Viking.

E: Well, I just wanted to do my part to make sure you get plenty of entries.

Eric raises his eyes and gives the ladies a shy smile. Lan and Pixie both involuntarily clutch at their hearts and let out an Oprah-worthy "aww."

Pixie leans forward, grinning with mischievous glee.

P: Oh, I don't think you have anything to worry about. After all, who wouldn't want to spend some quality time on the casting couch with EN and Nutella?

Eric lets out the most adorable giggle snort and rises to his feet. Offering an arm to each girl, he puts on his best sex-growl.

E: Now, who's ready for a Nutellatini?

Is that a rhetorical question? It certainly should be.

Both girls grip EN's offered arm, hungrily grabbing handfuls of perfect Viking smooth skin and rippling muscle. He turns his gaze to Pixie, seemingly waiting for an answer. She grins up at him.

P: Do you even have to ask?

Satisfied, he turns his attention to Lan. Lan shrugs and breaks into a grin as she loses herself in those sapphire blue oceans.

The threesome walks toward the kitchen, pausing at the Holy Jar O' Nutella. EN looks from the jar to Lan, giving her a wink before looking back down at the Nutella jar.

Lan trembles as she reaches for the jar. She hands it to EN, her eyes hooded with desire as she looks up at him, licking her lips. He chuckles and swallows up the jar with his ginormous hand. On his other side, Pixie's eyes bug out as her knees turn to Jello.

EN leads them to the kitchen and gathers the ingredients and necessary implements. As he's shaking up the heavenly concoction, he questions Pixie.

E: So, is it true what they say? Is comedy really harder than dying?

The evil grin that spreads over Pixie's lips is contagious, and Lan can't help but giggle. She doesn't know what's coming, but she knows that she's powerless to stop it, and that whatever it is—it's gonna be good.

Pixie gives her best fangirl shrug and bats her lashes all innocent-like. In that way she does.

P: Oh, not when the GP is involved!

Huge Viking sized thanks to Galla for helping to polish… er, yeah. I'm not even gonna go there. *sweet innocent smile* Thanks Galla!!! Oh, and I just couldn't help but play a little more with the Viking, so any mistakes remaining are purely my own :)

Now that you've patiently read through the feature length pimp post (we do apologize for the inconvenience and thank you for your patience!) please do go on to the next chapter. I promise it's a real update! Cross my heart!