Interesting story here. I was at my regular/weekend home, without Disgaea 4 for the first time all week, very fun game by the way, made sure I didn't write a think for the last five days and for that I apologize, so I restarted Majora's Mask. While playing, the postman ran by me at breakneck speed and I realized just how obsessed with the schedule he truly is. This was originally going to be a one shot, but it was too short. So I made it an ending. Back to requests for a bit after this one.

Published October 1, 2011

Majora's Mask: Wrong Kong

The postman threw open his front door, stepping into the morning breeze with a brilliant smile perched on his face. "What a fine day," he announced to no one in particular. "It is the perfect day to do what I would do on any other day and collect mail, because the daily schedule is law and to disobey the schedule is to disobey order, encourage anarchy and cement a one way ticket to hell!"

He set off, passing by the terrorists-in-the-making Bombers and giving the gate guard a friendly greeting. The first mailbox on his route was in South Clock Town, just a minute east of his own living quarters. After a light jog he arrived. "Mailbox, withdraw all. Hat code: postman."

The mailbox gave a shudder, evidently sensing his Postman's Hat. "Voice code accepted. There is no mail to withdraw."

The postman recoiled in shock, eyes wide. "No mail? This is unprecedented! I, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. But the next box will surely have the letters I seek."

He jogged south, stopping at the next box and entering his hat code. The mailbox gave the same response, announcing its emptiness. "Two mailboxes, both empty? South Clock Town must be at a standstill today. I must go to the North!" So he travelled to North Clock Town.

A cold sweat broke out across his body when that mailbox was also vacant of letters and parcels. "What? How is this so? There are only three more mailboxes... If this keeps up I will not be able to fulfil the afternoon's schedule!"

Two mailboxes ahead of the postman, Link used his Postman's Hat to open it and withdraw the mail, dumping his findings in the sack his fairy was holding. "I don't think this is very ethical," he mumbled.

"Oh it's fine," Tatl said, hoisting the bag over her shoulder. "It'll all be back when we reset, and I've wanted to give this guy some payback for ages. He didn't accept my mail because the stamp was at 'an unregulated angle' once. Can you believe that?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

An ear-splitting roar split their ears. Full of fear, the heroes sprinted into South Clock Town, searching for the source of the shout. The mailman stood next to the Clock Tower, the mailbox shattered in his hands. "IF THERE IS NO MAIL THEN THERE IS NO SCHEDULE! THE SCHEDULE IS LAW! LAAAAW! RAAAAH!"

With another roar he grabbed a nearby woman who looked suspiciously similar to Fay Wray and began to scale the Clock Tower, shrieking like a maniac the whole time.

"He's a madman!" a carpenter cried, diving under a bench.

The postman didn't take long to reach the top, jumping around for no real reason while swinging his arms wildly. "What are you doing?" Skull Kid questioned, stupefied by the ridiculous sight.

"SCHEDULE! LAAAW!" The postman threw his hostage at Skull Kid. She crashed into him and they both fell from the tower, the small monster successfully serving as a meat cushion upon impact with the ground. He survived somehow.

The Happy Mask Salesman popped out from behind a trash can, snatching Majora's Mask. "Thank you." He disappeared.

Link and Tatl just stared. Link then put the mail back.

Oh god, I actually have to make a moral to this story? Um... Sometimes, the best solutions are the unorthodox ones. An unrelated event may have a larger impact on the main story than you'd expect. Best think twice before doing something as minor as raiding the mailboxes!