Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, or any plot ideas borrowed to make the story flow.

Spoilers: 7x22 aka Borderland with mentions from all that follows though AU from it.

Summary: What if Paloma made her need for vengeance known sooner? One of the team may pay the ultimate price for Gibbs actions so many years ago.

More insights into Tim's mind, I'm figuring about 3 more chapters or so to cover everything I want to cover.

The Plight of Vengeance Ch.14

*Four days later*

"Thanks for the ride home Ziva." Tim said while walking through his apartment, dropping his prescriptions on the counter.

"It was no problem. I bet you are happy to see this place again."

"You have no idea." Tim peered into the sink, groaning at the site of a lonely dish he never washed, he snatched it up and chucked in the garbage. "So not dealing with that." Ziva let out a small laugh.

"How are you?" He leaned back against a counter with a sigh.

"I'm sore; if a pin cushion had feelings I'm pretty sure it would feel similar." He walked towards the bathroom and Ziva followed.

"Not what I meant, I already know you must be in pain." He made a face while looking into the mirror.

"This looks horrible doesn't it?"

"It will heal in time." Tim let out a dry laugh.

"No, no it won't. It's too deep. Bitch used a dirty knife too so it got infected, made it worse. Doctors already said the chances of the scar ever fully going away are pretty much nonexistent." Ziva rubbed his shoulder while he ran a finger over the cut. "It's a part of me now, I'll have to get used to it." He turned around looking away from the mirror and raised up his left hand. "This however is going to bother me for awhile."

"How's it feel?"

"Hurts, can't really tell yet the damage since the fingers are broke, doesn't matter though, it's permanently messed up anyway, kind of missing a finger." He looked at the space where the finger used to be. "You know they said once it heals if I wanted I'd probably be able to have plastic surgery, get a faux finger, it wouldn't really be functional but it would look the part."

"Are you going to?"

"Why? What would be the point? It wouldn't help anything, no, I'll just have to get used to that as well." He headed back out to the kitchen and began looking through the cabinets. "Where's my car?"

"We brought it here yesterday." She dug through her pockets eventually pulling out the keys. He grabbed him and dropped them on the counter.

"I'll probably go out later; apparently I'm lacking food… or more so easy food that requires no thought."

"You should have said something; we could have stopped at the store before coming here." He shrugged.

"Ah, it's fine, it's not like I have anything better to do."

"You should rest."

"True, but I only need so much rest."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Probably lounge out in bed, watch TV, can't go on the computer, need my hand for that." Ziva wasn't sure how to go at him.

"McGee."

"It's okay Ziva, I'm fine, really. It's just been a long couple of weeks." He sighed and grabbed the bottle of pain medication and popped one in his mouth. He grabbed a water bottle out of the refrigerator and took a gulp. He wandered off towards the bedroom.

"Tim I heard what you said about… about being ready to die." He stopped walking but said nothing. "Tony figured you saw him so you baited Paloma with it but I don't think so, I know better. I've been there."

"Ziva. I, I thought I saw Tony."

"You did."

"I didn't realize he was real at the time, I thought my mind was just toying with me."

"That made you feel worse."

"Yeah, I, it did. Look Ziva, I spent the whole time with her trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to die, that she wasn't going to shoot me, that, that you guys would find me." He paused and sat on the bed. "Ziva when they brought you in the room and dropped you on the floor near me… you know what that bitch said, she yanked you up by your hair with one hand and grabbed my face with the other and she said, now you see Timothy, they are all going to die, your friend Tony in Mexico and this one here is as good as dead already… she, she let go of your head and, and the noise it made when… when it hit the ground again." He looked up her. "I'll never forget that noise, that moment, any thoughts I had of living through everything were gone. I gave up, she saw it too, saw that false hope I had slither away, that's when she sliced my face, I don't even think I reacted, and that's when her when men brought Gibbs in and I remember thinking she was right, he was going to get to watch her put a bullet in my head." Ziva sat down next to him placing a hand on his arm, being careful to avoid his hand. "So when I saw Tony, I snapped, she had just said he was dead and yet I was seeing him, I figured it was time to accept my reality and own it, so your right Ziva, I meant it, meant every damn word." His voice trembled towards the end. He turned to her, eyes glazed over.

"Tim." She whispered and moved her hand from his arm and pulled him close.

"She told Gibbs she broke me, she didn't know how right she was." He pushed up off the bed and looked out the window. "At the end or what I thought was the end I convinced myself that Tony was real, and that he was waiting for a cue to shoot the bitch." He let out a dry laugh. "I swear I've been hanging around him too much, because I'm pretty sure that right there was a bad scene out of a movie that he would totally watch."

"McGee, those emotions are understandable." He turned back to her with a smile and he wiped at an eye. "You should have been scared, I would be worried if you had not been."

"I know, and I see nothing wrong with how I felt."

"Now I am confused." He let out a small laugh.

"The fact that I really do feel okay now and that is what I find disturbing." She eyed him. "Really Ziva, I'm okay. I'm not upset, depressed, nothing. A little bummed I can't play my games, or do any writing but I'm alright. I'm going to be bored out of my skull within a couple days but I'll get over it. There's something wrong with that, my biggest worry right now is that I'm going to be bored, what the hell?" He let out a yawn; she looked at him and nodded standing up.

"Have you spoken to the others yet?"

"Actually I woke up to Tony giving a monologue about how we're a family." Ziva laughed.

"What was he saying?"

"He's the big bro, me and Abs are the younger siblings and you're a step sister."

"What, why?" She made a face.

"Don't get to mad at him, I actually gave his speech some thought because I wondered that too. If this is the way Tony see us, you're a step sibling because Kate was the original sister, and he never refers to you as her replacement, he could never do that to her, he could never do that to you; you're your own person." And then he let out a sudden laugh. "Of course Tony could have said to so then you're not really related and you could hook up and have wild sex." Ziva lightly smacked his good arm.

"We are not ever related."

"This is Dinozzo were talking about here."

"True." She shook her head. "Well I should go, have to get back to work." He yawned again.

"Yeah and I should sleep." He stretched slightly. "Oh hey, tell Abby to hang onto Jethro for a few more days. I'm not up to dealing the dog just yet."

"I will, have you spoken to her yet? I know she avoided the hospital out of fear of what you would say."

"No, I'm not up to dealing with her just yet either." Tim walked her to the door; she gave a slight smile before going to step out. He reached out and stopped her and pulled in her in for a half hug, he gave a small peck to her forehead. "Thank you Ziva."

AAA

Tim stretched out on the bed though not intending to sleep. He gave up on that within an hour after Ziva had left, apparently the pain medication and his stomach were not friends and didn't plan on becoming friends anytime soon; he had the same problem in the hospital but kept quiet since all he wanted to do was go home. He'd found a box of crackers in the closet and figured they would help calm his stomach so he could sleep. He turned the TV on and grabbed the box peeling it open, then set to work on the package though having no luck. With a groan he reached into the night stand; eventually pulling out a pocket knife. Once he'd finished butchering the packaging of the crackers he tossed it aside and starting munching.

"I can't do this." He muttered aloud after a couple more hours, his stomach felt better but the pain was starting to return. If the pain was there, sleep was impossible but with the pain medication sleep was just as impossible. He rolled his legs off the bed while stifling a yawn; he pushed up and headed back out to the kitchen. He carefully pulled a jacket on and snatched the keys off the counter; it was time to go buy a new medication. Nearly an hour later he was back in his apartment with a bought bottle of bourbon; not that he cared for the drink but as a last ditch effort for sleep he figured a few shots would knock him out for the night, and he so desperately wanted that sleep. He looked through the cabinets before eventually finding a glass; he grabbed the bottle and went back into the bedroom. He eyed the bottle for a moment before shoving it between his legs and gave the cap a twist, he was really beginning to hate only having use of one hand. He finally poured a shots worth and gulped it down.

"Ugh, disgusting. How the hell does boss drink that daily?" He muttered before pouring another drink and gulping it down. He stretched back out on the bed and turned his attention to the TV, hoping he'd start to zone out soon. Thirty minutes and another couple shots later and Tim was finally asleep.