Chapter 12: Love Thy Trophy
"Tonight's regularly scheduled program, Channel 5 news, has been rescheduled later due to a homicide invest-I mean technical difficulties. And now it's Frank junior with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life."
We're inside a well-lit study. Frank Jr is sitting in an old leather chair with a glass of brandy in his hand and wearing a robe. He still has his trademark specs. Classical music was playing in the background. Frank Jr turned to the camera.
"Oh! Didn't see you there. I'm Frank G Mallque the second of quahog, or Frank Jr some of you might know me as Matter-Eater Lad. Tonight, I'll be giving advice for your daily routine."
"What makes you so qualified to give advice?!" some guy from off camera screams.
"I got my qualifications from Joe." Frank Jr explains. "Joe who?" "Joe Mama. Now put on this tutu and recite the Canadian National Anthem!" "I don't wanna!" the voice yells.
Frank Jr clears his throat, then takes a swig of brand and bites off a piece of the glass. If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be... this old burrito!
If your phone rings, pick it up. If your butt rings, see a doctor.
To get your teacher's attention, it's a bad idea to scream "Hey look over here you freakish animal".
If you smell smoke in the hallway, you say "fire". If you smell smoke in your pants you say "why am I smelling my pants?"
It's not okay to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants.
Homework bad, pizza good.
Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming "Hey look who's got your sandwich now".
When you cough something up, never take it to school and tell people it's your friend Robert.
Don't pour soup on yourself and run around shouting " Hey everybody, look at me I'm soupgirl".
Never kick a man when he's down, just look at him and scream "Hey, get up you down on the ground weirdo". Frank Jr looked over at the camera and said, "Well, looks like we're out of time for tonight. If you'll excuse me I have go to solve world hunger. Good night."
"This has been Frank Junior with Vital Information for Your Everyday Life."
Now begin regularly scheduled program with Channel 5 News.
"Good evening, I'm Diane Simmons." Diane Simmons announced, "A stunning development tonight as O.J. Simpson is proven innocent." As she was reporting this, the small display showed said murderer waving to the camera and then being lifted by fans, "We have the identity of the real killer. But first..."
"It's fall." Tom Tucker then announced, "The time of year when the leaves turn that pretty, purple orange and Quahog prepares for its annual Harvest Festival Parade."
"Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa joins us live from the ceremony where they're choosing this year's theme." Diane then reported where the display showed Tricia at the ceremony, "Tricia?"
The screen then zoomed in to Tricia at the ceremony next to a bird cage full of doves.
"Diane, behind me are 1,000 beautiful doves." Tricia said to Diane showing the birds, "Gently tied to each of their delicate legs is a parade theme suggested by ordinary citizens of Quahog. And here to pick this year's winning theme is Ten Commandmentsstar, Charlton Huston." She then brought the microphone to said celebrity.
"Let my pigeons go!" Charlton Huston declared reenacting a scene from The Ten Commandments as the doves are set free and fly off.
Charlton Huston then pulls out a rifle, loads it and then successfully shoots down a dove, leaving it falling to the ground dead.
"He nailed one!" Tricia acknowledged, "We have our theme!"
Charlton was then handed the now-lifeless bird and removed the slip on its leg containing the parade's winning theme.
It then cut to the inside of Cleveland's house where he and his wife, Loretta were sitting on the couch that was facing the TV and jumping up and down on the armchair on the right side was Cleveland's adopted son and real son, Menma and Cleveland Jr.
"I submitted 'togetherness.'" Cleveland said, "A simple theme, but powerful, nonetheless."
Then it cut to Joe's living room where he was watching the event... on his wheelchair, what else? And Bonnie, zeke, rage and Kevin were also watching on the couch.
"Come on, 'overcoming adversity!'" Joe cheered, "Let's go, 'overcoming adversity!'"
Now it was Quagmire's living room where he, too was watching the news while playing golf.
"Show me 'women I gave the clap to!' OH!" Quagmire said to the TV finishing with a thrust in the air.
It then finally cut back to Tricia and Charlton Neston.
"And the Harvest Festival Parade theme is..." Charlton Neston announced as Tricia tossed aside the dead bird, "'The episode of who's the Boss?Where Tony sees Angela naked in the shower'?"
Suddenly, it cut to the Griffins (except Frank and Meg) Frank Jr and John and Tyler in the living room as they were also watching the news.
"Yes!" Peter cheered, "That's mine! Un-freakin'-believable!"
"Whoo!" Tyler and Frank Jr cheered also as he then belly-bumped John, which caused him to tumble back a bit toward Stewie who spelled "REDRUM" with his building blocks.
"Oof! Clumsy oaf!" Stewie shouted, "Michael Flatley must be turning over his grave. Wait a minute, he's not dead... yet..." Stewie then picked up a notepad and pencil, "'Michael Flatley.'"
"Congratulations, Mr. Griffin/grandpa." Tyler and Frank Jr condradrulated Peter.
"Yeah... Congratulations..." John followed still recovering from the belly-bump.
"Peter, it's great they picked your theme, isn't it a little esoteric?" Lois asked Peter a little uncomfortable about the theme.
"Esoteric?" Peter asked as it then zoomed into his cranium where instead of his brain, it was really a group of men.
"Could it mean 'sexy'?" A man at the lower left of the table questioned.
"I think it's a science term." One man at the middle right then suggested.
"Fellas, fellas, esoteric means 'delicious'." One man at the upper right then pointed out.
It then zoomed out of Peter's head and showed the latter's face again.
"Lois, Who's the Boss?is not a food." Peter said stupidly.
"Swing and a miss..." Brian remarked of Peter's idiocy.
"Not even close." Frank Jr then followed.
Opening Credits
It seems today that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good, old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely
Lucky there's a Family Guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh n' Cry
He's
a
Fam
-ily
Guy!
End
Persephone came in the house looking very upset.
"I have no friends and it's all because of this stupid purse!" Persephone said as John suddenly charged over to her, snatched away the purse and started pummeling it like a mad man, only to find everyone staring at him. He got back up with his hands behind his back blushing in embarrassment.
"So, uh, what happened, Persephone?" John said hoping to change the subject.
"Well (sniff) it was lunchtime and..." Persephone explained as it flashbacked to what happened. She was putting her books in her locker when a group of girls were chatting next to her.
"I love the color of your Prada bag." A girl with ginger hair wearing a pink sweater complimented to an African-American girl in a matching yellow shirt and skirt and wearing a magenta jacket.
"Yeah, but yours has that great clasp." The African-American girl said back.
"Hey, Persephone, do you want to come to lunch?" The ginger haired girl said to Persephone, but noticed that Persephone didn't have a Prada bag, "Oh, you know what? There's no room in my car for your big, ugly purse." She and the other girls then laughed and walked away, leaving Persephone upset. A teacher then came up to Persephone.
"Persephone, let me tell you about popularity." The teacher said to Persephone.
"Mrs. Canner. Are you coming?" The ginger haired girl called out to the teacher.
"Bye." Mrs. Canner greeted abruptly to Persephone and as she turned around, her bag hit Persephone in the face and knocked her to the floor.
It then cut back to Persephone, Meg, Frank, John and Peter.
"Daddy, if you really loved me, you'd buy me a Prada bag." Persephone said to Peter.
As John heard that one line, he then had a fantasy showing Persephone in a pink background.
"I would love you if you bought me a Prada bag, John." Fantasy Persephone said in a seductive tone.
This brought John back to reality now love-struck as he immediately pulled out his wallet, along with Tyler's.
"Awe, I can't say no to you, honey." Peter said to Persephone, much to her delight, "What are they, like, $10?"
"More like 11... Hundred." Meg replied as Persephone was about to receive the money.
Hearing this halted John's attempt to woo Persephone as he quickly looked inside him and Tyler's wallets to find no money on neither of them.
"You wish I loved you that much!" Peter laughed snatching away the $10.
Persephone sighed in disappointment as John looked on, also disappointed from his failed attempt.
Later, Peter and Frank Jr, Tyler were building the float with the guys.
"We'll never get this float done in time for the parade." Peter acknowledged in disbelief, "Pick up the pace, guys!"
"Peter, your theme is a dud." Joe told Peter.
"Yeah, I've never even seen Who's the Boss?" Cleveland agreed.
"Heh, Tuesdays in the '80s, I was always in bed by 8:00..." Quagmire said, "... and home by 11:00. OH!"
"Aw, but we can't do it without you guys." Frank Jr said to the guys, "Because-because I'll tell you who's the boss. It's not Tony or Angela. It's not even man-crazy Mona." He then pointed his finger to the ground, "It's all of us."
"Why?" Tyler asked.
"Why? Well, Mom and Dad's the boss because they saves our family from our wacky adventures." Frank Jr pointed out.
"Okay, that's true." Frank replied seeing Frank Jr's point.
"Quagmire's the boss because he never gives up." Peter pointed out.
"Okay, that's true." Tyler replied seeing Peter's point.
"Exactly." Frank Jr said, "Like with the ladies."
Cutaway #1
Quagmire was at a bar where he tried to flirt with a woman sitting next him wearing a green dress.
"Gemini!" Quagmire guessed, only for the woman to slap him, "Capricorn!" Once again he got slapped, "Heh. Well, I KNOW you're not a Virgo!" The woman then punched Quagmire in outraged, knocking him to the floor.
"Hey, from down here, you look like a Pisces!" Quagmire remarked as the woman then finally stomped on him with her heel.
End
"And Cleveland, Menma and Tyler, you guys are the boss because of your attention to detail." Peter then praised Cleveland, Menma and Tyler, "L-L-Like when we play pool. Ah, you both take so long to line up your shots, I just want to crack you with a cue stick." He was teasingly holding up the rolled-up blueprints he had with him like a bat.
"You wanted to kill me and Cleveland over a game of pool?" Tyler asked suprised.
"No, he don't because that would be a hate crime and we love you two." Frank Jr answered, "Plus, we was trying to prove a point."
"Oh." Tyler replied.
"And Joe, zeke and rage, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are." Peter then praised Joe, "And since you're half a man and half saiyan already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure."
"Fourth." Tyler pointed.
"Peter and Frank Jr right." Joe said understanding the situation, "If we work together, we can win this thing." He then brought his arm out, "Who's in?"
Zeke, Menma, Rage, Cleveland and Quagmire stepped in and placed their hands on Joe's, symbolizing their agreement.
"Go, Spooner Street!" Quagmire rooted.
Peter, Frank, Frank Jr and Tyler then followed as the scene shifted to the families working together. Lois and Bonnie were tasked with float flowers. Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire were tasked with the float. And Chris, Kevin and Cleveland Jr. were tasked with lumber.
"My dad always says, 'Measure twice. Cut once'." Kevin said pulling out the tape from the tape measure.
"My daddy always says, 'Cleveland Jr., quit jumping' on da bed!'" Cleveland Jr. followed as he then started sawing a board while laughing.
"We didn't measure! We didn't measure!" Kevin shouted in panic.
It then cut to Peter, Meg, Frank, Frank Jr, Tyler and Brian by the front door watching everyone work.
"Amazing, Peter." Brian praised Peter's work, "You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together."
"You know what really amazing, guys is?" Frank Jr asked and turned to Brian and Tyler, "Grandpa haven't brushed his teeth in three days and no one has said a thing."
"...I'm gonna go help everyone else right now." Frank said as he walked over to the families.
"Huh." Peter exclaimed confused, "Was it something I said?"
"Something like that." Meg answered.
Meanwhile, at downtown, John was coming out of a local arcade (which I won't have time to establish) when he noticed Persephone pushing Stewie in his stroller over at a diner named, "Flappy Jack's Pancake House" across the street.
"Hey, Persephone!" John called out to Persephone rushing to her, "How's it go-"
"Not you again." Persephone said spotting John, "What do you want, perv?"
"What? You're still mad at that?" John said, "I already admitted it was an accident. All right?"
"Oh, save the excuses, peeper." Persephone shot down John's statement when she looked up and saw the sign of the restaurant in front of her, "Hey, Stewie, if I had a job, I could buy the bag myself." Persephone theorized to her brother.
"Hmm, I squandered my munitions budget on that insipid Rugrats video!" Stewie then acknowledged about his own minimum wage, "Perhaps I should seek employment."
"Oh, yeah? And how are you gonna be able to do that, huh?" John questioned Stewie's plan, "No one will hire you. You're a baby, for Pete's sake."
"Well, Mother teaches piano. I suppose I could as well." Stewie responded.
Cutaway #2
Stewie was sitting in front of the piano with a boy a few years older than him.
"All right, try it again, Richard." Stewie ordered the boy, "And remember, the wrong keys are electrified."
Richard began playing the piano, but got shocked by a wrong key.
"I don't want to play the piano!" Richard complained.
"Indeed." Stewie agreed, "Would you rather play the basoon?"
The camera panned to the right where it showed a girl with ponytails holding a bassoon dangling from a rope above a pool of sharks. The girl started playing the bassoon, but hit a wrong note and was lowered a bit.
End
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go- AAAHHHHH!" John was about to suggest when Persephone kicked him in the crotch where he fell over and covered his privates with his hands as he grunted in pain and Persephone went inside with Stewie.
Sometime later, John eventually comes in finally recovering from his condition where he sees Persephone talking to the restaurant's owner, who was also the chef.
"No experience?" The owner asked, "No thanks." He then shooed Persephone away, much to her disappointment as she was about to leave.
"Hey, wait a minute!" John then spoke, "Can't you at least show her how it works or something?"
But as he saw Persephone, John realized that she was too upset to convince the restaurant owners to hire her and got the message.
"Uh... Never mind." John dismissed his statement earlier as he followed Meg.
The waitress then whispered into the chef's ear about John and Meg, which got the latter's interest.
"Oh, nuts." The man exclaimed, "Young lady!" He then called out to Persephone before she walked out, "What's the little guy's name?" He handed Stewie a cookie.
"What do you care?" Persephone asked.
"Well, I can't send a teenage mother and her husband out on the street without a job." The chef answered believing John and Persephone were a married couple and Stewie was their child. This caught John by surprise.
"What?! But we're not-" John was about to inform the man while Persephone's eyes shifted both ways suspiciously.
"Stewie." Persephone let out cutting off John, "Our son's name is Stewie."
Hearing this also caught Stewie by surprise as he spit his cookie out and he and John looked at her in surprise. They then took a look at each other for a split second before going back to Persephone.
Eventually, the Quahog Harvest Festival Parade arrived as everyone was gathered at downtown.
"Welcome to the 83rd annual Quahog Harvest Festival Parade." Diane greeted as it planned to her and Tom at the parade sitting in a news booth, "Are you as excited as I am, Tom?"
It planned to Tom.
"Are you kidding, Diane? I've got wood..." Tom responded inappropriately, but was actually referring to a clipboard in his hands holding it out, "...and clipped onto this piece of wood is a list of this year's float entries."
"Remember, the float that best captures this year's theme wins Quahog's coveted golden clam." Diane reported as it showed the trophy of... well, a clam.
"And here's our first float." Tom announced.
It showed the first float of the parade showing the character Tony looking rather surprised with a wrench in his hand and the character Angela instead hiding behind the shower curtain and not looking surprised at all.
"Ohhh, looks like some wires got crossed on Clover Street." Diane stated having seen the problem, "That's not Angela. That's Mona, Angela's mom."
"Wonderful use of tree bark for the age spots, though." Tom pointed out as the screen showed the figure's bare back as the float passed by.
The next float was of Tom bathing the character Jonathan in the bath, nowhere fitting the theme.
"This one's got Tony bathing Jonathan." Tom reported, "Well, that's just plain wrong."
It cuts back to Tom and Diane.
"Each float possesses its own unique charm." Diane remarked toward the floats, "But none of them-"
"Oh, baby!" Tom exclaimed in astonishment, "Look at that!"
It was Spooner Street's now finished float as it was a perfect portrayal of the parade, depicting Tony opening the shower door to reveal a wet, naked Angela, whom raised her towel up to cover herself.
"AAAHH!" Tyler screamed in horror as the direction of his attention span was at the shower door as it opened to reveal the naked Angela model inside and closed, making stop screaming. However, the shower door opened again...
"AAHHH!"
*shower door closes*
*Tyler stops screaming*
*Shower door opens*
"AAAHH!"
This was repeated a few more times until Frank Jr slap him.
"Peter, the float turned out great." Joe congratulated Peter.
"Yeah, our neighborhood hasn't been this united since Quagmire figured out how to get us free cable." Peter reminisced.
Cutaway #3
It showed an electrical pole as the camera panned up to reveal a power box labeled "CABLE" on the front. Then it panned to another pole where it dropped to Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Quagmire, John and Tyler pummeling the cable man in the stomach while Cleveland holds him from behind.
"We are not bad people." Cleveland informed the cable man, "We just don't wanna pay $12 a month for Cinemax." Frank Jr continued after Cleveland.
End
Peter, Lois, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Tyler, Brian, Joe, Bonnie, Cleveland, Loretta and Quagmire were now at the award ceremony as Diane was at the podium opening an envelope and about to read the winners of the parade.
"First place goes to Spooner Street." Diane announced as the Spooner Street neighbors cheered in victory.
"WHOOAA! YEEEAAAHH!" Tyler cheered loudly, "Finally, I'll never have to see that thing again!" He then sees that the shower door on the float is open, "AAHHH! I SPOKE TOO SOON!"
Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, Joe, Zeke, Rage, Cleveland, Menma and Quagmire received the Golden Clam and one of the photographers took their picture. However, they all wouldn't let of the trophy as they each tried to pull it away from each other and gave out an uncomfortable laugh.
"Oh, no..." Tyler said.
This continued until the parade was over and almost everyone left. The wives were annoyed of this.
"Come on, now!" Loretta said to the guys, "This is damn foolish."
"My theme, my trophy!" Peter insisted.
"My aunt fanny!" Quagmire scolded, "You two said it yourself, Frank Jr and Peter! I'm the boss!"
"Well, he said we, too was the boss." Menma pointed out, "And it's time Mr. Cleveland got his due!"
"Joe, zeke, rage, my feet are starting to swell." Bonnie said to her boys.
"You two go home." Zeke recommended Bonnie, "We can stay here as long as it takes." He then turned back to the guys, "You'd be amazed how little you have to eat when your legs don't work." Joe reply
"There's only one way to settle this." Peter proclaimed.
"How?" Frank asked as Peter pulled out a pistol from out of his pocket.
"Russian Roulette." Peter declared.
"RUSSIAN ROULETTE?!" Tyler repeated panickingly, "THAT'S CRAZY!"
"Three bullets, last guy standing keeps the trophy." Frank Jr explained.
"YOU FIRST!" Tyler shouted.
"All right, I'll go fir- No, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. Tyler's right. This is crazy." Frank Jr acknowledged before handing the rifle to Tyler, "You first, Tyler."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, There's-There's gotta be a way for you all to enjoy the trophy." Meg stopped Peter insisting on another way. Everyone thought of what to do until...
"I have an idea." Tyler proclaimed.
It then cut back to Spooner Street where the models of Tony and Angela were each placed across the street with their arms up forming an arch.
"All right, Tyler, we've made the float models into an arch." Cleveland reported to Tyler, "Just as you asked."
"Yeah, what's your plan, anyway?" Joe asked.
"This." Tyler answered as he raised one of his Chaos Emeralds and a white light flashed from inside the gem. The light then shined on the Golden Clam as it disappeared and reappeared on top of the hands of the models. Everyone was amazed at Tyler's new ability.
"Wow, Tyler." Lois said astonished, "When did you learn that trick?"
"I've been practicing." Tyler told Lois.
"Here's to togetherness." Cleveland remarked as they formed a group hug.
"Car. Car! Car!' Frank shouted as everyone except Tyler got out of the way.
"Huh?" Tyler said then noticed the car approaching him, "AH!" He then used Chaos Control again to warp himself out of there, "Haha. Got out of the way on time." Tyler said, "Hey, guys. I- Wait a minute..." Tyler then realized that he accidentally teleported himself at the top of a mountain somewhere.
Meanwhile, Persephone and John were starting their new jobs at Flappy Jack's.
"Okay. So, let me get this straight. You and I are pretending to be under aged parents?" John asked Persephone trying to figure out Persephone's plan, "All just for a job?"
"Only until I get enough money for my own Prada." Persephone explained, "So, can you please play along until then? Please?"
"Persephone, I don't think-" John was about to say before he then imagined.
"Please, John?" Fantasy Persephone pleaded to John sounding almost like a stripper while doing suggestive poses, "I'll do anything for you if you agree. Anything..."
"I'LL DO IT!" John responded suddenly enthusiastically.
"Really? Oh, thank you, John." Persephone thanked cheerfully giving John a hug, much to the latter's surprise and satisfaction, "You're the greatest friend ever."
"Meg, order up!" Flappy called to Persephone as the latter went and delivered the order.
"Here ya go, hon." A waitress came up to Stewie serving him a plate of pancakes, "From Flappy himself."
Flappy then gave a salute.
"I don't care if they're from Kubla filthy-wretched Khan." Stewie refused.
"Try 'em." The waitress persuaded Stewie cutting him a piece, "You'll like 'em"
"Yes. Yes, well, I rather doubt that. I-" Stewie said before the waitress stuffed his mouth with the pancake bite and Stewie immediately enjoyed, "Oh! Oh, yes! Oh, oh, these are delectable. Flappy, good news! I've decided not to kill you!" The waitress then gave Stewie the fork and he immediately started eating. Annoyed by this, John went to clear off a table while Persephone was cleaning one of the tables.
"What a precious little boy." An elderly woman commented seeing Stewie eating pancakes.
"Oh, that's my, uh, son." Persephone responded as she turned to John who was collecting dishes from tables, "Right, honey?"
"Wha? Oh, oh yeah! That's right." John answered trying to help convince the elderly couple.
"Your son?" The old woman said, "But you're both just a couple of babies yourselves." She then turned to her husband, "Henry, give the little skank and her man a nice tip." The man did as the woman told him and they left. But hearing what the lady said about Persephone got John a bit furiated inside. Persephone went and collected the money.
"$20!" Persephone said under her breath, which soon got John's attention.
John saw how happy she was with the money she was earning and he couldn't help but feel the same for her. He then headed to the kitchen to put away the dishes. Just then, a couple walked in.
"Welcome to Flappy's." Persephone greeted, "Why don't you have a seat next to my baby whose deadbeat dad doesn't pay child support."
John heard this and immediately stopped next to Stewie and turned toward Persephone.
"What's that now?" John asked when Stewie let out a huge belch, "You're lucky your 'mother' is cuter than you."
The next day, Frank, Peter and Frank Jr went to retrieve the paper and stretched. Frank Jr then let out a horrified scream as he saw that the Golden Clam was gone while dramatic instrumental music played in the background.
"Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, what is it?" Lois and Meg ran outside to Peter's side and asked the latter.
"What's going' on around here?" Cleveland asked as he, Menma and Loretta came out and too saw the trophy gone.
"Clear the way! We're a cop!" Joe ordered rolling out of the house with Bonnie, zeke, rage as he fired a gun he was holding and accidentally hit someone offscreen, "Oh, my God! I thought the safety was on. I'm so sorry."
The man Joe shot was Charlton Neston. He was shot in the chest as blood gushed out.
"That's okay, son." Charlton forgave Joe struggling through his wound, "It's your right as an American citizen." He groaned in pain and toppled over hitting his head on the side of a car.
"What's all the noise, boys?" Quagmire came out in a robe and asked the group, "I was just jerk...ed out of a sound sleep."
"Perhaps someone could enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our Golden Clam?" Cleveland asked.
"Maybe it fell." Quagmire guessed.
"Yeah, right into someone's pocket." Frank remarked hinting that it might've been stolen.
"You think one of us stole it?" Bonnie asked.
"I never said it was one of us." Peter reassured Bonnie, "But it might've been the same guy who got it up there in the first place. Looks like we weren't the only ones who wanted it."
"Yeah, I think I see who you're talking about." Joe said suspecting it to be Tyler, "I mean, he was the one who came up with the idea."
"Yeah." Bonnie agreed.
"And he had us set it high up so we wouldn't reach it." Cleveland then accused, "That's getting rid of the competition."
Everyone then agreed.
"Yeah. Yeah. And he kept screaming at good old Angela back at the parade and I worked real hard on her." Quagmire accused Tyler, "That's an insult to both good craftsmanship and good television!"
"He was probably setting us up, just so he could have the trophy all to himself." Loretta also accused Tyler, everyone agreed with.
"Wait a minute. How do we know Peter's telling the truth?" Joe then suspected, "He's the one who wanted the trophy to begin with."
"He couldn't have stolen it." Frank Jr protested, "Last night I tried to steal Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy, but it was already gone by the time I got there."
"Frank Jr!" Meg exclaimed in anger.
"What? It's a ladder. He can't use it." Frank Jr stated with his arms crossed, "It's like taking a watch from a dead guy. Besides, it was already gone by the time I got there."
"That boy the Griffins took in was always an oddball, Joe." Bonnie said to Joe, "A real oddball. I don't trust him."
"Now, hold on a second." Frank halted, "We've all known Tyler for a very long time now. I mean, he's always helped each and every one of us out in every way possible. He would never-" Frank stopped when heard the door open and from it was Tyler.
"Hey, guys. What's going on?" Tyler greeted everyone when he noticed Joe, "Oh, there you are, Joe. Here's your ladder back." He then handed Joe his ladder, but it was too heavy for the latter to hold straight as he fell over sideways, "Well, I better get back to work. See ya!" He then closed the door in their faces. Bonnie went over to help Joe.
"That kid is out of this house." Lois said angrily, which then agreed with her on.
Later that day, Peter was spying through the kitchen window spotting for Tyler.
"Well, we're off to work." Persephone walked into the kitchen informing her parents.
"Okay, honey." Meg said to Persephone, "Tyler took our trophy, Frank. And I'm gonna find out where he hid it."
"I'm taking Stewie with me again." Persephone informed her siblings and parents, but they were too busy to care.
"Fine, sweetie." Frank assured to Persephone, "This whole thing just makes me sick!"
"For cryin' out loud, I played pool with that kid!" Peter acknowledged bitterly.
"Bastard!" Lois cursed.
"Giddy-up, you stubby little mare." Stewie ordered Persephone pulling her hair a bit, "To the pancake house! HYA!"
John came in buttoning up his shirt when he noticed Stewie yanking on Persephone's hair.
"Hey, don't do that to your sister, runt." John told Stewie where he noticed Peter and Lois were talking, "What're they doing?"
"I don't know. They're talking about Tyler for some reason." Persephone explained, "Well, bye." The trio then left.
"And to think he used to be a member of our own family." Meg remarked.
"Well, that was then!" Frank reassured, "...And this is now! And this is a chair. And that's a lamp. And Frank Jr adorable. And I'm a legend. And you two have boobies-"
"And peter have glasses." Tyler then appeared and followed along.
"Right. And- TYLER!" Frank Jr shouted caught by surprise from Tyler's sudden presence, "H-How long have you been there?"
"Just got here." Tyler answered.
"Tyler, what are you doing here?" Lois asked Tyler.
"J-man said you guys were talking about me." Tyler answered, "What was it about?"
"Oh, uh, it's nothing important." Frank lied.
"Oh, really?" Tyler then asked acting seemingly suspicious.
"Yep." Meg then stated giving out a nervous smile, trying to convince Tyler.
Tyler continued giving a suspicious look at Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois until...
"Okay." Tyler then replied suddenly happy and no longer suspicious, much to Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois' surprise.
Sometime later, Peter brought the neighbors over to talk about Tyler while the latter is gone.
"Well, to be honest, Peter, we were a little surprised you want us to work together." Joe said to Peter about his and everyone else's opinion on Peter's plan.
"Well, if we're going to get our trophy back, we need to figure out where Tyler hid it." Peter told Joe, "And I believe that it's in his room. Come on, let's go!"
Everyone then got up and joined Peter into John and Tyler's room.
Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois raided the duo's bunk bed as they flipped over the mattresses, even ripping them open, along with the pillows and finally looking underneath the bottom bunk.
"Damn, it's not here!" Frank cursed holding onto a ripped-up pillow where a photo fell out. He picked it up and he, Meg, Peter and Lois found it was a picture of Persephone, suggesting it was John's pillow.
"Huh. Nothing." Peter blow it off as he discarded it.
Cleveland and Loretta were searching the duo's drawer as they were tossing aside their clothes and like Peter and Lois found nothing.
"It's not here either." Cleveland reported.
Joe and Bonnie were searching the bathroom. They looked behind the shower curtain with nothing in the tub. They looked underneath the sink and found not the trophy, but the cursed sponge from the Goosebumps book, "It Came from underneath the Sink." Joe and Bonnie were unsatisfied and closed the little door, leaving the sponge alone.
"Why doesn't anyone acknowledge me?" The sponge cried in depression.
"BECAUSE YOU SUCK!" Frank Jr screamed
Lastly, Quagmire searched through the closet, where the back of the door showed numerous pictures of Meg tacked on. Quagmire notices this.
"Huh." Quagmire exclaimed, "Nothing." He then closed the door behind him as he went back to the group.
Eventually, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter, Lois and Chris were returning home, but as they walked in, they found the place trashed.
"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed in shock, "We were robbed!"
"Hey, is anything missing?" Peter asked.
"No, I don't think so." Lois said walking up to an empty picture frame, "Hey, where's that picture of me in my two-piece at the cape?"
"Should I call the cops?" Frank Jr and Chris asked Peter.
"Peter!" Joe's voice called out and the latter came in, "Peter, thank God I found you. We were just robbed next door, as well as the Browns' and Quagmire's."
"Well, I'm guessing' a certain teenager may have had something to do with this." Frank theorized believing it was Tyler, then facing outside, "Okay, you dirt bag! This means war!"
"Yeah, this means war, you creep!" Tyler appeared out of nowhere like before next to Frank, "Whoever you are!"
Later that day, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois visited a hardware store named "Hardware Emporium", where they were acquiring their own security system against Tyler as their cart had barb wire, poison, mace, an alarm bell, a bear trap, a flashlight, etc. They then run into an employee.
"Excuse us." Meg greeted the employee, "We're having a small problem with home security."
"Do you, uh- Do you guys have those round, metal things that you bury in the ground and when you step on them, they explode?"
"Land mines?" The employee responded in confusion to their question.
"Land mines." Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Peter and Lois all said in unison.
"It was land mines." Frank Jr stated.
Just then, they ran into the Browns, the Swansons and Quagmire, who were also getting themselves defense against Tyler.
"Quagmire." Peter and Frank Jr greeted Quagmire.
"Peter, Frank Jr." Quagmire greeted back.
"Cleveland, Menma." Joe and Zeke greeted Cleveland.
"Joe, Zeke." Cleveland and menma greeted back.
"Bonnie, rage." Lois and Meg greeted Bonnie.
"Lois, Meg." Bonnie greeted back.
"Cleveland, Menma." Quagmire then greeted Cleveland.
"Lois, Meg." Joe and Zeke then greeted Lois and Meg.
"Bonnie, rage." Cleveland and menma greeted Bonnie and rage.
"Quagmire." Lois and Meg greeted Quagmire.
"Peter, Frank Jr." Bonnie greeted Peter and Frank Jr.
Loretta and Frank then clears her throat.
"Loretta, Frank." Everyone else greeted.
Then, of course somehow out of nowhere, Tyler appears smiling right in front of everyone.
"Tyler!" Tyler greeted himself.
This, of course, got everyone's attention.
"Ahh, he's on to us!" Quagmire said in panic, "Quick, let's get get the hell out of here!"
They all did as he said as they fled the scene, leaving Tyler by himself before Frank comes back and knocks over a trash can full of nails.
"That ought to slow him down." Frank said running away.
Meanwhile, back at Flappy's, Persephone was talking to some of the customers.
"Being an under aged mother and father is hard, but the real challenge is having a baby that's addicted to crack." Persephone told a fib to the customers hoping to earn a bonus, "Right, Stewie?"
John cleared his throat while elbowing Stewie from the right.
"What's that?" Stewie asked John, who nodded his head to Persephone, "Oh, oh, yes. I love crack." Hearing Stewie gained the attention of a woman eating beside them, "I'm absolutely coo-coo for crack!"
"This is the first time he's eaten something other than dog food in three weeks." Persephone continued to lie, but it didn't stop John from trying to hold in his laughter after hearing what Persephone said about Stewie, "Well, here's your check. God bless."
She then went over to Stewie and John at the dining bar while the customers she was talking to earlier gave out tips out of charity.
"Here, honey." The waitress from before said to Stewie handing him another plate of pancakes, this time with blueberries.
"What's this?" Stewie asked in excitement, "Blueberries?" He took a bite and immediately his mouth went into a frenzy, "Oh, my G- Mmm, Oh! That's better than sex!" As Stewie continued eating, the woman who heard the infant's rantings was about to leave.
"Oh, and could I have that waitress and her husband's address?" The woman asked Flappy, "I like to help their baby."
It went back to Stewie, who is now covered in blueberry syrup and tries to finish off the last drips of it.
Back at Spooner Street, everyone was setting up their traps for Tyler. Peter, Frank, Frank Jr were sitting at the top of the house keeping watch for you-know-who.
"How's everyone else doing?" Meg came up from a ladder asking Peter while bringing them glasses of iced tea.
"Well, Cleveland and Quagmire are holding their positions, but I haven't seen Tyler all day." Peter reported, "Come to think of it, I haven't Joe all day neither."
It showed Kevin Swanson coming home from school when...
"Freeze!" Joe's voice ordered Kevin.
"Dad, zeke?" Kevin asked looking where his father was as it showed Joe rolling out of the background. His body was painted in the look of the front of the house.
"Careful, Kevin. There's a bear trap two feet to your right." zeke warned Kevin revealing the bear trap as Joe said.
"Thanks, guys.' Kevin thanked Joe and zeke who blended back into the background.
"Look out for your mother and rage!" Joe then warned, but Kevin ran into something invisible.
"There's a sandwich on the counter, honey." Bonnie's voice said to Kevin, revealing her also blended into the environment.
Joe then looked both way, starting with his left, but when he got to his right, however...
"Hi, Joe and zeke!" Tyler suddenly appeared out of nowhere startling Joe.
Joe wheeled away from Tyler backwards, but the wheelchair then toppled over also backwards, ending up having Joe's lower area flop over onto the bear trap he warned Kevin about and the trap, no surprise, closed shut on Joe's said area. Joe screamed in pain as zeke got out of his camouflage and ran to Joe's side. When Joe looked to where Tyler was, the latter then disappeared.
"Where'd he go?!" Joe questioned.
Then at the Browns', Cleveland and menma were setting up bait inside a lion-sized cage for Tyler.
"Cleveland, menma, this thing won't catch that screwball we all call Tyler." Loretta said to Cleveland and menma.
"Yes, it will." Menma reassured, "we baited the inside with this plump and tasty corndog. Tyler can never resist the aroma of a fresh corndog. All right. Now it's time to take other."
Just as Cleveland, Menma and Loretta were about to hide, though...
"Daddy, it's gone. Daddy, it's gone." Cleveland, Jr. alerted his father, much to Cleveland's surprise."
"What?" Cleveland exclaimed running over to the cage and found the bait gone, "I don't understand. I just set this trap up." While he and his family were observing the inside of the cage, Tyler, of course, was behind them eating the corndog, "How could the bait have just-"
"Hi, Cleveland!" Tyler greeted Cleveland with his mouth full.
This caught the Browns by surprise as they tumbled backwards and ended up trapped in the cage as the door locked shut.
"Oh, we're trapped! Tyler, you gotten get us out of here!" Cleveland acknowledged and, like Joe, saw that Tyler already left, "Where did he head off to?"
Quagmire was relaxing in his chair wielding a gun in his hands listening to his record player when the woman from Flappy's comes up to him.
"Hello." The woman greeted Quagmire.
"Hey, got ya now, Ty- Well, hello, lips, legs, breasts and ass." Quagmire threatened, but then greeted the woman.
"Yes. I was hoping I could ask you about your neighbors, the Griffins." The woman asked Quagmire.
"The Griffins? Well, let me tell you, don't trust Tyler." Quagmire insisted, "Just a card-carrying' Commie, if you ask me. Heh, heh, all right. No. No. No, no, it's not all right!"
The woman then visited the Browns, who were still trapped in the cage.
"Tyler is not to be trusted." Cleveland told the woman with Loretta agreeing.
Lastly, the woman talked to the Swanson's, where Bonnie, zeke, rage and Kevin were trying to wind up the jaw of the bear trap that snapped between Joe's crotch and stomach.
"That nerd is nothing but vile, cheating, lying scum." Joe said to the woman.
"And his glasses." Bonnie said before she let go of the part of the bear trap to imitate gaging as the trap then slams back into where it was and crushing Kevin's fingers before being shown.
Joe, zeke, rage and Kevin both screamed in agony off-screen as the woman gasped in horror at what she saw.
"Oops." Bonnie exclaimed off-screen.
Later that day, Lois was trying to feed Stewie, but the toddler wasn't making it easy.
"No! No, I won't!" Stewie refused, "Get that puree of loathsomeness away from me!"
"But you love mashed turkey and peas." Lois pointed out
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Stewie demanded, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Did you just tell me what I love? Hmm? Write this down, you toad-faced frump. I love pancakes!"
They heard the door ring and Lois took Stewie with her to the door. Unfortunately for her, Tyler already answered it.
"Hi, little fella." The woman greeted Stewie affectionately before going back to being serious, "Are Persephone and John Griffin here?"
"Uh, no, they're not. Why?" Tyler answered.
"Probably out scoring more rock." The woman remarked.
"Excuse me?" Tyler asked a bit outraged by what he heard, "And who may we be speaking to, please?"
"Sandy Balfour, Child Services." The woman answered revealing who she really was, "We're placing this baby in a foster home."
"What?" Both Lois and Tyler exclaimed in unison.
"For God's sake, feed me!" Stewie demanded for obviously more pancakes.
"Let me guess. All out of Puppy Chow?" Sandy asked sarcastically, "What an awful home for a child!"
"How dare you!" Lois talked back, "This is a wonderful home!"
"Yeah, I only ate dog food one time!" Tyler helped fire back, "And that was on a dare!"
"Oh, so you must the Tyler I've been hearing about around here." Sandy said to Tyler, "And I see you're not all the cruel things they've said."
"That's ridiculous!" Tyler said denying Sandy's words, "They wouldn't- Hey, look over there, an apple!" He then left off-screen as gun fire was heard. But suddenly came back on-screen eating the aforementioned apple.
"Honey, would you like some pancakes?" Sandy offered.
"Oh, yes! God, yes!" Stewie answered gratified as he lunged onto Sandy's blouse, "Take me!"
"STEWIE!" Lois and Tyler shouted in unison as the police stopped them from retrieving the infant.
Sometime later, John and Persephone came back and the latter finally got her new Prada bag.
"Next up is Persephone Griffin, sporting her stylishly cool, brand-new-" Persephone said imitating a fashion show showing off her purse.
"Oh, Persephone! A woman from Child Services came and took Stewie!" Lois informed Persephone about what happened, "She said we fed him dog food!"
This caught both Persephone and John by surprise.
"Dog food, huh?" Persephone replied nervously whilst John tried sneaking out of the room to avoid getting into trouble.
"Persephone, is that real Prada bag?" Lois asked Persephone about her new purse, "How in the world did you make $1,100 as a waitress in one week?"
"It's easy..." Persephone answered forced to confess, "...when you're the pre-married teenage mother of a crack-addicted baby." She then gave out a nervous laugh.
"Wait a minute. Persephone... When did you become a teenager?" Frank Jr asked Persephone.
"She's 16, Frank Jr." Lois informed Frank Jr.
"You knew about this?" Peter and Frank Jr then asked Lois.
Tyler and Frank then noticed John was sneaking away, giving him suspicions.
John was about to dash down the basement, but when he opened the door, Tyler was at the other side, much to John's dismay.
"Were you involved in this scam?" Tyler asked.
"How'd you figure me out?" John asked.
"It's written all over your face." Frank answered.
Just as Frank said, John's face was literally written with, "I helped Persephone scam customers" all over.
"All right! All right! I admit I did it!" John shouted wiping off the writing on his face, "But what's the big deal? This is Stewie Griffin we're talking about here. For all I know, he's probably killed the foster family by now."
"Well, now I know how long I need to wait until sex." John muttered, then spoke, "Okay! Okay, we admit it! But what's the big deal? This is Stewie we're talking about here. For all I know, he's probably already killed the family who took him in by now."
At the foster family's home, however, Stewie wasn't doing that at all. He was, at the moment, being acquainted by his new foster parents. The mother had a ponytail, wore glasses, a pink sweater and blue pants. And the father wore a sweater vest with a formal shirt and blue tie underneath.
"Welcome to your new foster home." The foster mother said, "Baby Stewie, say hello to your new brothers and sisters."
Stewie gasped in horror as he saw that all the kids were all each a different race wearing an outfit representing their country/culture.
"Hola, Stewie." A Mexican child wearing stereotypical Mexican attire greeted Stewie.
"Ni hao, Stewie." An Asian child wearing stereotypical Chinese attire greeted Stewie.
"*clicks twice* Stewie." An African-American child dressed as a African native greeted Stewie.
"Good God!" Stewie exclaimed in horror, "I've been adopted by a Benetton ad!"
Meanwhile, the family was at Child Services hoping to get their rights to Stewie back. A mother with brunette hair wearing a light pink shirt and blue jeans (No, this is not the foster mother from earlier, this is a completely different character.) was first.
"I promise, it'll never happen again." The mother promised.
"I hope not, Mrs. Stevens." The man in the booth said, "Because we won't just take him away... We'll kill him." The man then went to a filing cabinet and opened it and looked through the files, "Uh, let's see. Stanley. Stark weather. Stevens!" The man found the file where he took the requested baby out from the file and gave it to Mrs. Stevens, who ran off with it in her arms.
"So, this is where babies come from?" Chris and Frank Jr asked.
"Yes, Chris, Frank Jr, this is where babies come from." Brian answered sarcastically.
Frank Jr then took this to thought for a moment.
"You told us that we came out of yours vaginas!" Chris and Frank Jr shouted at Lois and Meg, who didn't seem to notice where it came from as they didn't bother to look behind.
"Next!" The man in the booth called out.
"Hi, uh, we're the Griffins!" Peter told the man.
"Griffin... Griffin..." The man muttered sorting through some papers, "I'm sorry, I can't find your paperwork."
"Well, look harder!" Lois told the man, "I want my baby back!"
"WE DON'T!" John and Tyler shouted off-screen.
"SHUT UP" Frank Jr shouted off-screen.
"Lois, Lois, please, let me handle this." Peter said to Lois, "The name's Griffin. We're the ones who fed dog food to our crack-addicted baby."
The man, however, closed the booth in disgust.
"Huh." Frank exclaimed, "Geez, Pops never was any good at dealing with the authorities."
"Like when?" Tyler asked off-screen.
Cutaway #4
Peter was driving the station wagon with Brian when he pulled over.
"Don't worry, Brian." Peter assured Brian, "I know how to handle this."
The state trooper came up to Peter's side of the car.
"Sir, you aware that you were going 50 in a-" The man paused seeing Peter lift up his shirt, "I'm gonna have to ask you to put your shirt down, sir."
"Ah, crap." Peter cursed tucking his shirt back in, "I get the one straight cop in Rhode Island."
End
Back at the foster home, Stewie was storming the pantry.
"Damn it, I WANT PANCAKES!" Stewie cried, "God, you people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!"
"Poor little guy." The mother pitied for Stewie, "'Pancakes' must be street for 'crack'. Damn those parents of his."
"Sarah, forgiveness." the father reminded the mother, "Now, Stewie, why don't you go play with the others." He picked up Stewie and took him back to their other children.
"Stewie." The Chinese child called out to Stewie where as it showed her and the other kids were aligned in an almost circular position, "Come complete out rainbow."
"I have a better idea." Stewie suggested, "Let's go play 'swallow the stuff under the sink'."
Back at Spooner Street, Tyler noticed that the neighbors were gathered by the curb.
"Hey, guys." Tyler greeted everyone there.
They all turned toward Tyler with a very bitter look. This made Tyler feeling uncomfortable.
"Uh, something wrong?" Tyler asked trying to lighten the mood.
"Yes, there is something wrong." Lois said, "First you took away our trophy, now you took away our son."
"What? Hold on. I don't even know what you're all taking about." Tyler said.
"Don't play dumb." Joe scolded, "This was part of your plan all along. It's a good thing we told the woman everything about you."
"Wait, YOU'RE the ones who told her?" Lois asked.
"Well, no wonder, everything in this note Child Services gave us said you told them Tyler steals lawn mowers, cheats on taxes and goes against region."
"Um, actually, I-I said religion." Bonnie confessed, "That's a typo."
"Wait, we didn't know who that woman was." Quagmire tried to explain, "It was all about Tyler."
"What, me?" Tyler asked, "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing." Brian called out, "It was theirs'! You were all getting together just fine, but then you won that stupid trophy. You put some shiny hunk of metal before your own friendship with Tyler."
"Brian's right." Meg realized, "Oh, we were so obsessed with that trophy, we lost sight of what was really going on and assumed Tyler was the problem."
"But I didn't- Ah, forget it." Tyler said.
"Well, now we have a big problem." Lois then stated.
"That's right. Somebody tipped off the cable company about our free Cinemax. Tyler." Frank Jr accused Tyler once again before seeing Meg's angry face, "And we have to get Stewie back! I remembered."
"Well, we're here to help." Menma volunteered, "And we must get our baby back!"
"RIGHT ON! LET'S DO IT! ROCK THAT WORLD! ROCK THAT WORLD!" Rage chanted loudly.
"Who, rage?" Tyler ordered, "Heal, boy! HEAL!"
Rage still had his psycho face on for a moment before sitting on seemingly calm.
"Good boy." Tyler complimented rage as everyone then began their mission.
At the foster home, the foster family (except Stewie) was gathered at the couch.
"See, kids?" The mother asked her children, "The world is going to be just like our home. All races living together in harmony and love."
Then some creaking was heard and a bookcase fell over, shown to have been Stewie tipping it over from behind.
"Pancakes." Stewie chanted.
"He must still be working the junk out of his system." The mother assumed, "He needs hugs!" She got to give Stewie when the doorbell rang.
"Doorbell! DOORBELL!" Stewie ordered frantically.
The father went and answered the door. It was Cleveland, menma, rage and Joe both in suits.
"Hi. We're from the One World, One People Book-of-the-Month Club." Cleveland introduced himself, the teens and Joe to the father, "Is there something missing in your life?"
"You know, I just bet there is." The father replied, "Sarah, we have guests! And one of them is homosexual!"
Joe, rage, menma and Cleveland were confused at what he meant. It panned to a van parked nearby with the wives inside.
"They're in place!" Bonnie reported, "God, it gets me hot when Joe lies to strangers. When I get him home, I swear to God I'm gonna grease up the-"
"That's fine, Debbie." Lois shrug off Bonnie, "Go, Peter."
It then cut to Peter, Frank and Chris up the roof.
"All right, Frank, Chris. Your mother said the signal." Peter told Frank and Chris.
"Here we go, guys!" Chris told John, Frank Jr and Tyler in the chimney as he lowered them down.
Inside the living room, one of the children was wrapping a turban around his head.
"Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?" The child offered to Stewie.
"Well, why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl?" Stewie then suggested, "Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country."
"Yee, would your people really do this?" The child asked the Chinese sibling.
"Oh, try and stop them." Stewie insisted, "And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen, who will in turn sell them to Ura's people, so they can ethnically cleanse the rest of this diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. So, now you understand, yes? You all hate each other?"
The kids were upset by this and started crying when Frank Jr, John and Tyler finally came in... Dressed as Santa Clause and two of his elves.
"Oh, Hosanna! It's the lesser of two evils!" Stewie cheered for the duo's arrival.
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, children!" Frank Jr impersonated hoping to fool the kids, "I'm Santa Clause!"
"And we're his elf!" Tyler pointed out.
"Yeah, all right." John said, "Anyway, we're just doing my chimney practices for this year."
"But you're White." The Indian child acknowledged.
"Yeah, so?" Frank Jr asked.
"Jack and Sarah told me Santa is Indian." The child explained.
"Don't be stupid!" The African child scolded, "Santa is Black!"
"Santa can't be Black." The Indian child said, "We do not fear him."
"Cram it, Ghandi!" The Asian child brushed off the Indian child, "Santa is Asian."
"How can he be Asian?" The Hispanic child then questioned the Asian child's believe, "Santa doesn't drive his sled 20 miles under the speed limit with his blinker on! Go back to your rice paddy, Mulan!"
This then got all the children arguing.
"Kids! Kids!" Tyler called out to the kids and stopped to hear him, "Santa's magic! He can be any race you all want!"
"Then make him Black!" The African child ordered.
"No, make him Asian!" The Asian child demanded.
"No, Hispanic!" The Hispanic child demanded.
This then got them all back to arguing.
"Well, at least I tried..." Tyler sighed.
"All right, come on, Stewie." John told Stewie picking him up, "We're out of here!" they dashed toward the window.
"Dance, puppets, dance!" Stewie ordered seeing the kids fight, to his satisfaction.
"Mrs. Griffin, we got him!" John called Lois through a walkie-talkie, "It's all over."
"Careful, boys." Lois warned John and Tyler, "Joe and Cleveland can't stall them anymore. They're heading' your way."
"What?!" Frank Jr, John and Tyler reacted in unison.
"Hold it right there!" Jack the father ordered as the duo turned to find the man was pointing a shotgun at them.
"Don't shoot!" Stewie pleaded before pulling out the strings at the bottom of his overalls and slipping out through the loosened pant sleeves and running off, "Now shoot!"
"I was trying to rescue you!" John yelled to Stewie before coming up with an idea. He whispered his plan into Tyler's ear, whom was eagerly on board.
"What are you telling him?" Jack demanded, "Answer me!"
Frank Jr, however, walked right up to Jack, who was amazed that the latter was attempting to possibly attack.
"I said hold it!" Jack ordered, "STOP!" he then stopped Frank Jr in his tracks aiming his rifle at the latter, "All right. You made me do this!"
Suddenly, Frank Jr opened his mouth around the front of the gun and immediately bit the front half off hard. He then started chewing the now eaten parts.
Jack and Sarah then cowered in fear at what just happened as Jack dropped the now useless weapon.
"You see what you two are dealing' with?" John asked the couple with Frank Jr's mouth full, "Wow, this ain't bad!"
Jack and Sarah screamed and tried to make a run for it, but Tyler used Chaos Control to get in front of the door.
Eventually, everyone was outside discussing the situation.
"So, we're terribly sorry we broke into your home and almost traumatized both for life, but we just had to get Stewie back somehow." Lois apologized.
"Well, that's a very long story." Sarah acknowledged, "But we've grown attached to little Stewie. Plus, the law's on our side."
"Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!" Peter backlashed the couple, "We'll be back, Stewie!"
They were all about to leave seemingly defeated.
"Wait!" Sarah halted everyone as she whispered into her husband's ear.
"Is that a real Prada bag?" Jack asked referring to Persephone's purse.
Persephone wasn't willing to give it up so easily. But eventually the trade was made as everyone was now eating outside celebrating Stewie's return home.
"I'd like to propose a toast. To Tyler!" Frank Jr declared, "Sure he may be a nerd and is able to pop up right out of nowhere at times and not interested in girls his age. But, hey! If he moved out, some smelly Cuban might fill his place."
"Cheers to you, Tyler!" Joe praised Tyler while Persephone was crying.
"Thanks, Joe." Tyler thanked Joe.
"Hey, where's Quagmire?" Cleveland asked noticing Quagmire's absence from the table.
"Yeah. If it wasn't for him, we never would have found out where Stewie's foster family lived." Meg agreed petting Stewie's head.
"Eh, he said he was gonna distract that social worker." Peter explained.
It then cut to the inside of Quagmire's bedroom where the latter was in his robe from earlier in the episode with a martini. In his bed was also a naked Sandy Balfour.
"Mmm, Glenn, honey, I have a question for you." Sandy said to Quagmire in a rather pleased tone, "What do you do for a living?"
"Heh. Hey, I have a question for you, too." Quagmire fired back, "Why are you still here?"
Back at the dinner table.
"Hey, Tyler, what the heck did you do with that trophy, anyway?" Joe asked Tyler about the trophy.
"Ah, don't bother, Joe." Frank told Joe, "He probably still has no idea what you're taking about."
"Oh, that's what this was all about? The trophy?" Tyler asked finally realizing the situation now, "I was just making a trophy case for it. So, I thought I should keep it around with me so that it wouldn't get stolen so easily and to place it in the case for display."
Everyone paused in shock at what they heard as Tyler revealed a homemade trophy case with figures of Peter, Lois, Quagmire, Cleveland, Loretta, Joe and Bonnie formed in a circular position carrying a Tyler figure that appears to hold the trophy. Everyone else was still shocked from Tyler's revelation to even take notice at the work. To make matters worse, Tyler even pulls out the trophy from his pocket and gives it back to them.
"Oh, and Persephone, before Tyler forget, this is for you." Frank Jr said to Persephone as he then gave her a Prada bag.
Persephone gasped at the sight and squealed in joy.
"Oh, Tyler, thank you so much!" Persephone thanked gratefully hugging him tightly, getting John's attention, "You're the bestest friend there is!" She then gave Tyler a kiss in the cheek.
Tyler was caught off-guard by that when john suddenly went berserk and attacked Tyler.
"Get him!" Joe exclaimed as the neighbors got up and formed an angry mob at Tyler.
Tyler and Frank Jr then runs away as both John and the neighbors chase after him.
The End