Chapter Fourteen
Pairing: W/T
Rating: PG-13
Angst/Drama Rating: This is about a 2 on the 1-10 scale, for mild nervousness.
Setting: The Grove – Tucson
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they're owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money - and trust me I don't have anything you would want anyway - is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.
Author's Note: I would also like to thank my beta foreverchanges for all the help. This is probably one of the lightest chapters to date in terms of angst and largest in terms of sappy. I sometimes can't help myself, so thank me now, it won't happen again for a while. Music for this chapter was as saccharine as it should be, filled with Sarah McLachlan, October Project, Sara Bareillis, Keane & more. The two songs the girls' reference here that I've put in italics are "Crazy Love" by Van Morrison and "Thank You" by Led Zepplin, if you are so inclined and want to hear them you can find them on YouTube. Just like with all the rest, I'm making no money so please don't sue me.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. – Robert Frost
Willow launched herself at Tara, catching her around the waist and using the momentum to swing her onto the bed. To Tara's surprise Willow had her pinned to the bed using her knees to secure Tara's elbows. Bending over so they were almost nose to nose, Tara watched a mischievous gleam flicker behind Willow's eyes.
"You must pay, Miss Maclay. Do you know how you must pay? Hmmm?" Willow asked in a deliberately calm tone, as she slowly licked the tip of Tara's nose before easing up on her haunches. Waiting for a response, Willow slowly began to wiggle her fingers just out of immediate sight, but enough for Tara to catch the movement.
Tara recognized the movement only too well, and began to squirm in earnest. "Oh, no, no, no…you can't be serious, Will. No, sweetie…" Tara tried to plead her way out of the tickling she knew was coming.
A wide smirk grew across Willow's face. "Oh, yes." Willow moved her hands to hover above every tempting, sensitive part of Tara's body, trying to decide where to start, and all the while wiggling her fingers. "I think here will do just fine."
With that, Willow pitched forward and began to tickle Tara mercilessly, tormenting every spot she could remember and some Tara hoped she had forgotten. Tara kicked and howled, laughing herself to tears. She tried to use her hips to buck Willow off but Willow would not be budged.
"Give?" Willow asked.
"YES! YES! I give! Just stop, my sides hurt, please!" Tara lay still as she regained control of her breathing. "You don't play fair," she said with a pout, tugging her arms free to wipe away the tears.
"Mmm, sometimes I do, but you like it better when I don't." Willow flashed a wicked grin as she hopped off Tara, then with a saunter headed to her bedroom to finish her packing; with the full expectation of some sort of retaliation. Tara could be as sneaky as she was, so Willow would have to pay close attention to her sneaky love. The smile on her face couldn't hide the fact that she didn't mind that one bit.
Willow spent another twenty minutes or so putting things into her bag before she sat down on the floor staring at what she had placed there. She was going home, and she was beyond terrified. So much had change – she had changed. Fear loomed over her as she wondered if her past deeds would be more than could be forgiven by the people that she had left behind.
Willow wasn't sure how long she sat and stared vacantly into her bag before Tara came in, and sat opposite her on the floor. Tara waited in silence, and delicately reached over to tuck a stray lock of white and red hair behind Willow's ear.
Without looking up, Willow whispered, "I'm terrified, and in equal measure ecstatic to be going home. Have you talked to Dawn again? Do they know you've been invited to stay here?"
"I talked to Dawn and Buffy; they're excited to see you. I know Buffy has told Xander, but I don't know if there is any plan for once we get there other than for us to go home," Tara said gently, taking the sock out of Willow's hand to place in her bag.
Willow just gazed at Tara. "Home…" Willow said softly. "Whose? My parents are out of the country – yet again – so I can stay there with no problem. I don't want to make things worse, Tara."
"We are going home, to our home at Buffy's unless you would rather not," Tara said with a shrug. "It has been made clear that the Summers' house had better be our first stop to avoid having one very pissed Slayer coming to look for us. Buffy may be little, but looks are deceiving as you well know, so it's always best to avoid a Slayer pummeling in my book." Tara stroked Willow's cheek. "Before you ask again, yes really, verbatim from the Slayer's mouth. You look tired sweetie, let's go to bed. You can obsess some more in the morning."
Tara stood, holding out a hand that Willow gratefully took, letting herself be led to the next room. Tara undressed Willow, and put her to bed, following right behind her. No sooner had Tara settled in, than she was enveloped by Willow. Tara wrapped her arms around Willow to hold her close, waiting for her to drift off, hoping she would get at least a little peaceful rest. Tara knew tomorrow was going to be a doozy of a day.
Willow woke before sunrise laying still while her mind cleared, and blinked several times as the room came into focus in the grey half light of the early morning. She was spooned against Tara, and lightly kissed her bare shoulder as her mind began to race, and anxiety set in. Her body hummed as emotions started to wash over her. Willow eased away from the warm body sleeping next to her, and grabbed her robe and padded into her adjoining room. Sitting heavily on her bed she took several deep breaths before going around to the bag she had left on the floor the previous night.
Looking again around the room, it struck Willow as somehow surreal. She had never imagined leaving Sunnydale, much less for the reasons she had, so to now be returning in fear of losing everything she held so dear just seemed innately wrong. All the years of 'fighting the good fight', the push for better ways of protecting everyone; becoming a stronger more powerful witch had all been to keep them all safe. At first she felt that the magicks had turned on her, that it wasn't her fault; then, as she started over from the beginning and learned the proper way to practice, she realized she had in fact turned on herself. She had become her own worst enemy.
There was so much she had never bothered to take the time to learn, because there was always a need for a quicker, better way. The irony of that was not lost on Willow; 'Knowledge Girl' had failed to learn the basics to keep herself safe. With a heavy sigh, Willow shook her head to clear her thoughts. She picked up her bag, tossed it on to the bed, and decided the only way she was even remotely going to get through this day was to start with meditation.
Silently Willow changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before heading into her living room. Sitting down in the middle of the room, and assuming the lotus position, Willow closed her eyes and attempted to still her mind. She began her chant in soft tones, "This candle is myself, burning steady and true. Here do I find peace and tranquility. A place apart where I may safely meditate and grow in spirituality." Willow was finding it hard to concentrate, and to make matters worse, the knot in her stomach seemed to be growing to accommodate the bats that were hatching there.
She stopped chanting to roll her neck and shake her arms out, trying to dismiss the emotions firing through her like electrical currents. Focusing on her breathing to calm herself, Willow tried again but still could not still her thoughts, so she decided to use a candle to help her focus. She hadn't so much as opened her eyes when she felt Tara enter the room. Willow smiled, remaining where she was, feeling the calm she hadn't been able to achieve since she had started trying to meditate.
Tara sat facing Willow and took one of her hands, entwining their fingers. "Teach me your chant."
Willow looked at her, scanning her face. Lifting a hand to Tara's cheek, Willow smiled a grateful smile and nodded as she took Tara's other hand.
"This candle is myself, burning steady and true. Here do I find peace and tranquility. A place apart where I may safely meditate and grow in spirituality." Tara repeated it with her a few times to make sure she had it.
While meditating, normally a solitary practice, they still held hands and completed the pose as normal, making themselves a shared conduit, a circle of energy that included them both. Effortlessly, their breathing made a single rhythm, and the chant grew softer as their meditation deepened. Willow's calm grew, and as it did she began to glow an opalescent shimmer. Her first colors were sporadic and crackling, yellow seemed to be pulsing brightly before smoothing out to her normal, gentle rainbow of colors. The knot in her stomach eased, the bats disappeared, and she could feel Tara right down to her bones. Warmth and love, understanding and support. Tears started to slide down her cheeks, washing away her unease.
Tara had felt Willow's kiss and the bed shift as she got up. She knew her love would be stressed and emotional today. Today would either dispel or confirm all her fears. Tara rolled onto her back and just listened to Willow move around in the other room. Drawers opened and closed, Tara assumed Willow was dressing.
Soon, there was silence and it was deafening; Tara could feel Willow's tension mount, and it screamed to her. There was little she could do to ease Willow's fears. She couldn't make promises that everything would be alright and that all would be forgiven. This forgiveness was not hers to give. Assurances had been made, but once face-to-face with her real family, Buffy most of all, would they crumble? Maybe everything would just fall back into place? Or would the incisions that had torn through the relationships, relationships built and nurtured through so much danger and death prove to be too deep for even the resilient Scoobies to overcome. They all had done so much for each other, been so much to each other.
The soft sounds of breathing finally cut through Tara's own thoughts, and she could tell by the measure and repetition of those breaths that Willow was trying to meditate. Within moments she heard Willow begin a soft chant though she could not hear the exact words. Tara pulled Willow's pillow to her, rested her head on it, and breathed in Willow's scent. She was still relaxing in the remnants of Willow's essence when she heard a heavy sigh and a brief pause, before everything started up again.
Tara rolled over and out of bed, pulled on some clothes and slipped quietly into the bathroom. She crept to the adjoining door and listened as she moved within sight of Willow. Tara stopped again. She could see the ghost of a smile flicker across Willow's face and knew the invitation to join her had been made.
Tara sat down facing Willow and took her hand, entwining their fingers. "Teach me your chant." Willow looked at her, smiling a grateful smile and nodded. "This candle is myself, burning steady and true. Here do I find peace and tranquility. A place apart where I may safely meditate and grow in spirituality." Tara repeated it with her a few times to make sure she had it.
Tara had never been able to get Willow to meditate with any regularity with her before. Willow couldn't sit still long enough; she could focus on a task when it involved life or death, school, or some part of Tara's anatomy, but trying to get her to relax for her own good was like pulling teeth – it just wasn't gonna happen without some pain. Tara could feel Willow's…well everything; her fear, her guilt, her hope being choked by self-doubt and anxiety. No wonder Willow felt so overwhelmed. She had told Tara some of this but Tara could only guess at the depth to which these emotions were suffocating her.
Focusing on her own breathing and Willow's chant, Tara began to clear her mind. Without pulling across Willow's energy she began to feed Willow some of hers. As she felt Willow shift, she began to draw energy from her, working like a filter; feeding it back through the circuit they created. Slowly Willow began to pull energy back and they worked together like the tide – give and take, moving in a circle, first clockwise then counter-clockwise.
Their energy shifted again, becoming stronger, more potent and all encompassing. It reminded Tara of the first glorious day of full sunshine after a long cold, snowy winter. The way the sun sinks in, flooding all the grey places that have been hidden for so long. Tara began to shimmer in a carnival of color, primarily a soft indigo hue, with all the other colors present as they should be; brighter pulses of a lighter blue and green fading in and out.
At some point Willow had opened her eyes. She was used to seeing her own glow, and had even seen Tara meditate before, but she had never seen her glow like this. She gently squeezed Tara's hand to get her attention. When Tara opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a wide smile on Willow's face and the second was the glow that surrounded her. She could see the tears on Willow's face but knew they were not related.
She looked around herself, the light she was now wrapped in, and watched the pulses of color flicker through. Tara smiled, believing that her mother would be so proud to see this. She knew what the colors represented; she remembered seeing them around her mother when she meditated, and hoped that she might one day see them in herself. Indigo for intuitiveness, fearlessness, practicality, idealism, wisdom, and truth ; Blue for loyalty, tact, affection, inspiration, inventiveness, caring, and caution; Green for understanding, self-control, adaptability, sympathy, compassion, generosity, humility, nature, and romance. The gifts her mother had tried to pass on and nurtured in her had not been in vain; they were now coming to fruition. In all the years her mother had been gone Tara had never felt as close to her as she did at that moment; this was the manifestation of Tara at her core, what her soul gave and shared with others – her gifts from the Goddess.
Tara closed her eyes again and her own tears fell, as she thanked her mother and the Goddess. So many trials had all led her here; to Willow, to this coven, to this opportunity, and now it was time to go home and help Willow mend bridges.
Willow immediately felt when their energy began to change. She could feel Tara pulling from her and then giving back. She felt the cycling begin, the dance they always danced. It was like when they first started doing spells together, but this was so much deeper somehow. Everything faded, everything was Tara. The way she felt, the way she smelled, the way she made Willow a better person, and feel complete. Their energy cycled back and forth, yin and yang, their worth together not more than separate, just better. Like a taste of what would be in the glimmer of what could be.
Willow opened her eyes, awestruck at what she saw. She had always known Tara was beautiful inside and out, her gentle soul was one of the things that drew Willow to her. She had never had the ability to see auras, but she knew if she could see only one she would want it to be Tara's. Having learned so much over the months of meditation about Chakra colors and their meanings, it was no surprise to see what was in front of her.
So many of the words she would use to describe her love floated through her mind in relation to what she was seeing. She had never needed anything to reinforce or confirm the wonderful qualities that made up Tara, yet here they were. She gently squeezed Tara's hand, watching her closely as her eyes opened and looked around her. There were no need for words; they were all in the flow of energy they shared. She could feel Tara's pride, her thankfulness, and that the experience was just a little bittersweet, and she knew it was because of her mother. She closed her eyes to give Tara a moment to enjoy what she was surrounded in, sending love and her own sense of pride in and thankfulness for the woman she loved back to her.
Willow just waited, letting Tara signal when she was ready to stop. Her sense of calm had never, to her recollection, been more profound. It wasn't because of Tara; it was because it was with Tara.
There was a mutual sigh of contentment when they both opened their eyes. There was no need for words, speaking would have broken this very special spell. A spell of two, two that had found and lost their soulmate, only to be gifted with each other again without losing their unique syncopation.
Sunrise had stolen in while they meditated, changing the light in their rooms. It was still early and their flight wasn't until late in the afternoon. Wordlessly they stripped and crawled back into bed to hold one another. Legs entwined they slumbered, breast to breast feeling the others heartbeat, just being. Hands stroked hair and soft skin with quiet reverence. With the shared feeling and knowledge of being right where they belonged, sleep claimed them quickly
Willow woke to the sound of the shower turning off. Lying on her side she watched for Tara to emerge from the bathroom. Tara walked out with a towel wrapped around her head, and her robe so loosely tied it showed a large strip of skin down to her belly button. She smiled as she approached the bed and removed the towel; she leaned over to kiss Willow giving her a view of her breasts.
"Hey, you," she said.
"Mmmm, hey, you," Willow purred. "Nice view to wake up to."
"I thought you might like it. How are you feeling, sweetie?" Tara asked as she stood up and crossed to the dresser for her comb.
"Calm, ready. It'll be okay. Thank you."
Combing out her hair, Tara asked, "For what?"
Willow sat up, scooting to lean back against the headboard. "For being you, for this morning, for loving me." Willow shrugged. "For everything you are that is so very wonderful and for making me so very lucky."
Tara sat down on the bed, tossing a look over her shoulder as she finished combing her hair. "Yeah, I am pretty great aren't I?"
Willow laughed a deep laugh and pulled Tara down onto her so her damp head was in her lap. Smiling down at Tara, she nodded. "Yeah, you are."
Dropping a kiss on Tara's forehead, she caressed her face, tracing her eyebrows, the slope of her nose, the line of her jaw and finally her wonderful mouth. Tara leaned up to kiss her before sitting up.
Willow got up and went to the bathroom. Looking at the time when she came out, only to find a half dressed Tara; she saw it was just before ten o'clock. Their flight didn't leave until three.
"Hey, what about morning snuggles?" she asked.
Tara turned around. "I wasn't sure that you'd want to, sweetie."
Willow pouted. "There is never any reason to go without snuggles. Back to bed with you!" She pointed at the bed with full-on resolve face.
Tara undressed and sat back down on the bed settling under the sheet, partially reclined against the headboard. "Yes, ma'am, Private Tara Maclay, reporting for snuggles, ma'am." With a mock salute, she opened her arms for a smiling Willow to move into. Willow placed herself with her head against Tara's chest so she could hear her heartbeat, and closed her eyes. Willow wrapped her arm around Tara's waist, squeezing tightly as Tara played with her hair.
They lay like that for a few minutes, and Tara thought that Willow might have fallen asleep again she was so still and her breathing so regular, so she rested her hand gently on her head. Willow also thought that Tara had dozed off again and with a hushed giggle she began to hum. Tara knew Willow didn't sing, and she didn't think she had ever heard her whistle either, much less hum, and on key no-less. Tara stayed still and listened to the tune until she could pick out just what Willow was humming.
"Sweetie," she whispered, and Willow jumped and cleared her throat.
"I thought you were asleep," Willow said, trying to sound nonchalant.
"I thought you were too. What were you humming?" Tara asked innocently.
"Oh, nothing really. Um, how long were you listening?" Willow asked without looking up at her.
"Well, sweetie, I heard all of it. I know you don't sing, but I've never heard you hum either. What was it?" she asked the smile apparent in her voice.
"Just a song, you're the singer not me," Willow responded, trying to deflect further questions.
"Finish it? I couldn't tell what it was. Or you could just tell me?" Tara asked sweetly.
Clearing her throat again, Willow started to explain. "Well, you know, I learned a lot about music when I was with Oz." Willow felt Tara stiffen slightly, making her look up. "Honey, I did, but this doesn't remind me of him, no remnants of Oz at all, this is strictly music, okay?" Tara nodded.
"So, I started listening to the classics, and I really began to like Van Morrison…and this song makes me think of you…so that's what I was humming while you were being sneaky awake-girl, listening to me and my mushy love song," Willow said with a sigh.
"Sing it for me?" Tara asked softly, stroking Willow's hair again.
"Um, I don't sing," Willow said nervously.
"Sing for me, you don't have to sing loudly. Please?"
"You know I sound like someone trying to drown a cat, baby," Willow said, trying to backpedal out of it quickly.
"Can you recite it to the tune? Then you don't have to sing?" Tara knew she was pressing her luck, but she really wanted to hear Willow's song.
Clearing her throat again, Willow said, "You're not going to give up are you?"
"Uh uh, please, sweetie?"
With a heavy sigh Willow said softly, "Okay, I won't sing it but I can kinda recite it to the tune, but you know I suck at that too. Promise you won't laugh?"
"I don't mind. The song means something to you, I just want to hear it because it's sweet and from you. That's all that matters to me, and I would never laugh at that, promise."
Coughing, Willow replied, "Okay, here goes." With a deep breath Willow started to quietly recite, the words surprisingly on key despite her nerves.
I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that's where I belong
Yet I'm running to her like a river's song
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
And when I'm returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin' brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
Tara slid down so she could face Willow, covering her in kisses. Whispering in her ear, she said, "Thank you, sweetheart, I loved it, you can sing to me any time you like. I didn't know you liked Van Morrison."
Willow smiled sheepishly. "Yeah. I'd like to dance to 'Moondance' with you sometime, under a full moon of course."
"But of course, it wouldn't be appropriate any other way," Tara said with a smile. "What's your favorite Van Morrison song?"
"Hmmm, well, there are the ones everyone knows like 'Into the Mystic', 'Brown Eyed Girl', even 'Moondance', and I don't know that I have 'a' favorite per se. I like 'Queen of The Slipstream' and 'Wonderful Remark' too."
"Huh, more things I never knew…" Tara kissed Willow's cheek by her eye and whispered, "I think if I had to pick a single song that reminded me of you that would be impossible, but there are lyrics that come to mind."
"Really? Like what, baby?"
Tara softly sang. "If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. If mountains crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me. Kind woman, I give you my all, Kind woman, nothing more."
"Led Zepplin?" Willow nuzzled Tara's neck. "Who knew? I guess there's a whole long conversation about music we can have. Led Zepplin…I never would have thought. I've heard you listen to music, but the classics…"
Tara laughed. "We're not talking Chopin's Nocturnes here, sweetie, but yeah, my mom listened to them and tons of others. I even have some of this stuff called vinyl that they pressed into discs with grooves on them that play music. They're called records," she teased, and nipped Willow's ear.
"Oooo, really? You'll have to show me, because you know, I just don't believe you. That's fantastical, and what would you play it on? " Willow teased right back. At that moment Tara's stomach decided to growl making them both laugh.
"Ok, enough snuggling, I guess. The Tarabelly has spoken. Let me get a quick shower and we can go get something to eat." Letting Tara go, Willow rolled over and scooted out of bed.
It was Tara's turn to watch as Willow disappeared into the bathroom. Throwing the sheet off, she looked at the clock, surprised that it was now after noon and got up to dress as Willow started the shower. She added the final things to her bag and closed it waiting for Willow. Sitting back down with her back against the headboard and one leg on the bed, she hummed 'Crazy Love.'
A few minutes later, a towel encased Willow emerged, her hair still dripping as she hurriedly dressed. Heading for her room and her bag, Willow tripped over her own feet but righted herself without falling. She gave Tara an embarrassed look as she came back in zipping the bag closed.
"We still have a couple of hours before we leave, so we can take our time. Let me do something with my hair, it'll dry quickly enough. Gotta love the desert - it virtually eliminates the need for a hair dryer. I guess we should take our bags with us and see if Giles is here, time's a wasting and you know how he gets. I swear he's wound more tightly than I am sometimes, must be the British thing. You'd think with all the tea he drinks he'd be a little more laid back. Maybe it's the Watcher thing, or maybe the being Buffy's Watcher thing. I know we've added more grey to his hair than he will admit to…well maybe not." Willow laughed, combing her hair and trying not to go into full babble mode.
Tara just watched her with an affectionate smile as she continued to hum. Willow stopped what she was doing and listened. Her smile lit up the room. Holding her hand out to Tara, she pulled her off the bed into a tight hug.
"Vixen, you knew what that was all along didn't you?"
With a sweet smile, Tara nodded her head.
Willow rested her forehead against Tara's. "I love you, you know that, right?"
"Just as much as I love you, my Willow."
"Let's go eat something before I get too wound up to eat." Willow winked at Tara. They each grabbed their bags and headed for the main hall, already preparing for what would undoubtedly be an emotional homecoming for everyone.
TBC…