I think it is fairly safe to say that this chapter is angsty. Sorry bout that. I also apologize for the long wait. It's been kind of hectic here. Fun stuff.

Changing of Tides

She hates me. It came as a realization that very night as I sat across the inn's porch, gazing into the night sky whose color so resembled my Sayuki's hair. She hated the Battousai. Had I killed one that was beloved to her for her to speak the manslayer's name with such loathing? It is true that my name would strike fear throughout the lands… but the thought of hatred from her eyes, from her lips was unbearable. I am unworthy. Even now I could feel the urge to purge myself of these sins creeping along my veins; I have yet to reach redemption. This one is unworthy.

This one does not deserve the light of one such as Sayuki-san. Truly, this one should separate himself from her. But I can not. She knows her art too well; she has entrapped me. This had been the first dose of her that I've had in years, and already I am addicted. Like a drug, she has seeped into my veins—boiling my blood, rousing emotions that I thought long buried. There is a darkness in me that she tempts. I fear that slowly, she is awakening the demon within me. That 'fiend' as she so eloquently called it. I only pray that this one will do nothing that he will regret.

The night is crisp; it's breeze a soothing caress. I close my eyes, inhaling the scent of the fresh air. If I cannot keep myself away, I shall at least protect her from myself. To her, my secret will forever remain silent. God help me if she ever finds out who I really am.

---

He had come riding into my village, declaring his intention to take over. I remember there being a great uproar of laughter at his announcements as if it were the greatest joke in the world. A few officers had approached, taking the threat lightly. They expected to have him within custody in only a few moments, thought that perhaps he was yet another drunk, and had hoped to quiet the mad-man quickly. What they did not expect was to be cut down only seconds after they had drawn their swords. There was no more laughter—only a plethora of screams. More officers were dispatched, just as more were slain. Soon, the bodies of civilians joined. When he was assured that the citizens knew this was no simple joke, he paused in his slaughter, calling out a proposition to all: join or die. Such strength he had possessed, such power—indeed he should be regarded as a god. I was happy to join and no words could express the joy I felt as I rose within his ranks. I could see the bloodlust, the determination, the fierce passion for battle. I was enraptured. This man, this warrior who had stolen the lives of so many of my village, had stolen my heart. It was this man, Shishio, that I, Kamatari, had fallen in love with. Under this mans' hand, we would slowly plunge Japan into a new era.

----

The rage filled my veins, fueling the desire for me to destroy everything within my sight: to blind my thoughts, to escape from the memories. Eventually, my body tired, and amidst the chaos, I slumped onto the floor, silent and shaking. I knew what I must have looked like: like a damned kid, like some punk who didn't get his way and was too spoiled to just suck it up and accept it. But it was just so HARD. Over and over again, in my mind, I blamed her. As if all of it were her fault, the training, the work… the desperate need for money. And through all of the explanations she gave that swam in my mind, I could hear the soft cries of my mother. I couldn't seem to get the tears to stop. They ran down my eyes, burning them and soaking the sleeve of my haori. I'll be damned if I let her see me like this when she walks in, I had told myself. But even as I heard the door to her room slide open, I couldn't stop the flow of tears.

For a moment, all was silent, and all I could hear was my own harsh breathing. A fleeting hope that she had retreated back to her room flitted through my mind, before the desperate need for someone…anyone, quenched that thought. Before I could stop myself, I swung my head around towards her doorway, half-hoping she would not see the desperation in the action…half-hoping that she would. "Kaoru…." My voice croaked as I watched her. Unlike myself, she made no attempts to blot away the tears that fell from her eyes, she made no attempt to hide the pain she was in, nor did she attempt to hide the remorse she held. In those eyes, I saw understanding. With shaking steps, I stood and stumbled towards her.

---

Abruptly, the noise in the other room had stopped, and I vaguely I wondered if he had at least left something remotely in its original shape. Highly doubtful, but I hoped none-the-less. The silence seemed odd, disturbingly eerie. In times past, there was never silence, even when no one spoke, I could hear the years of love, dedication, and hard work, drifting and echoing throughout the halls. But on this night, it felt as if all support had drained away, all the wonderful memories, as if mocking me... You don't belong here.

Eventually, as I cried, I began to feel a pull—the need for someone to simply care. I forced myself up, and stumbled towards the doorway where I could feel the silent call of a lonely boy who desperately needed someone to care for him. Who needed it almost as much as I needed someone to take care of.

I stood at the doorway, watching him, wanting to approach but fearful of being turned away. In the end, he made the decision for me. I smiled faintly as he crashed into me, cradling his head against me with gentle fingers. A hand lightly combed through his hair and whispered soothing noises, as if a mother rocking a babe. Slowly, we sunk onto the ground, where his embrace only tightened further. Minutes passed, and eventually he stilled somewhat. Though his shoulders still trembled, it was not with a force that shook at my own heart. Tentatively, I broke the silence, "Tell me about her?"

----

I had of course known that he was a powerful man. Indeed, that is what attracted me to him in the first place. However, I would never have guessed the amount of sheer strength that had lain within him. When they tried to separate us, he had shown exactly how powerful he could be. With his hands, he exacted the vengeance I craved. With his sword, he slew the fools who had dared to humiliate me. He laughed as my okiya burned. I could only watch in awe, watching his silhouette against the flames. This was the man I fell in love with, this was the demon who I stood by. This was the future ruler of Japan, the conqueror whose throne I would one day share.

I went with him, always by his side, even as more joined him—more understood the depth his strength reached. I alone could claim his heart, no one else, not even Kamatari. Little by little, our army grew, and little by little, we advanced through Japan.

---

I couldn't help the smile that pulled at my lips as I watched him. He had set himself within my lap, burying his face within the folds of my kimono. As he calmed, he clutched at the fabric, refusing to let go. With a lowered head, he began to tell his tale. His voice was hoarse, and he spoke softly, as if relaying a secret that none but I was privilege to, as if the very walls of the room were listening in and condemning what he had to say.

"My mother was a geisha."

I blinked down at him, biting my lip in question. Patiently, I waited him out as he took a deep breath, preparing himself for what I assumed would be a long story.

"She once told me that when she met my father, it was love at first sight. They had met in a teahouse where she had been visiting. This was before her mizuage."

His eyes remained trained on his hands, though I thought I saw a brief dart of his eyes as I flinched at the name of that dreadful ceremony.

"She was extremely fortunate. When it came time for the bidding, my father won. He was an honorable man, and would not touch her. No one ever knew that she remained un-bedded. He became her danna, and when years had passed, she accepted him. When it was learned that she was with child, she quit her life as a geisha. Then I was born."

A mirrored his smile as he reflected on the precious memories he held of his mother. "We lived happily until father was called to war. He died in battle." His eyes clenched in grief. "Mother had to return to her life as a geisha to support us. It was fine at first, that is, until a man wished to become her danna." His voice shook at this and his fists clenched; his knuckles whitened. "When she refused, he took her…" At this, his voice softened even greater.

As he choked out the next words, I could feel the blood within my bones freeze. "He raped her." He had to pause here and recollect himself. "He tarnished her reputation and spread his feat amongst his friends who in turn told the entire city that she had been taken to bed. No one would accept her as a geisha after that point. She had no choice but to turn to the brothel." He spat the location out as if it were a plague.

"In there, she slowly lost her mind. Her body deteriorated along with her sanity."

I didn't directly say it, but Yahiko's mother died of syphilis. In case anyone was confused about that.

Again, sorry this chapter was so depressing. I promise the next will have more KxK moments. Yay.