Disclaimer: Don't join a Dark Lord that doesn't have a dental plan.

Proper Purebloods

"Elizabeth?" The girls squealed. "How do you like serving the Dark Lord?"

"We heard you got captured?" another asked.

"Oh I did," Elizabeth agreed. "By the Dark Wizard Jeremy."

There was a sharp intake of breath. "They say that he's the darkest of the dark wizard."

"They say he defeated a Death Eater strike team of one hundred men," another added. "And that he knows pain curses one thousand times worse then the Crucio."

"All true," Elizabeth said proudly. "And it looks like I'm going to be the first member of his harem."

"You lucky witch," her best friend screamed. "How'd you score that?"

"The dark wizard Jeremy recognises talent," Elizabeth said smugly. "I might be able to put in a good word for you guys… if you're interested in becoming the dark wizard Jeremy's devoted servants that is."

"Dental plan?"

"We haven't set it up yet," Elizabeth confessed. "But that doesn't matter. The important thing is that he doesn't punish you when you make a mistake."

"Then what does he do?"

"He's got a wonderful charm he uses as a reward," Elizabeth said with a dreamy smile. "Such a wonderful charm… oh dark wizard Jeremy."

The other girls watched as their friend began giggling insanely and hugging herself. "I don't know what he did to her but I gotta get me some of that," one of them said finally.

"We'll give her a list of names," another suggested. In a short time, Ron would be the recipient of a list of young witches willing to do anything to please him… anything.

IIIIIIIIII

"Auror Tonks," Amelia greeted the woman as she walked towards her desk. "Just the girl I wanted to see."

"Oh?" Tonks said nervously. "Does this have to do with what happened in Diagon Alley?"

"Not as such no," Amelia replied. "But I may as well take your report now, what did the Granger girl have to say?"

"Not much," Tonks said quickly. "She was really shook up, I think it was mostly because she didn't stop the bastard when she had the chance."

"Understandable, go on."

"He pushed her down and tried to steal her purse," Tonks continued. "She didn't even realise it was Lucius Malfoy till after it happened, just thought it was a look-alike."

"And then?"

"Then she spent a few hours… uh… getting comforted." Tonks said with a blush, one of the many advantages of her ability was blushing on command.

"I see… also understandable."

"Right now I think she just wants to put the whole thing behind her, I wouldn't bring it up unless she brings it up first. Even then, I'd be cautious about what I said."

"I'll make sure the ranks get the word," Amelia agreed. "Good work, Auror Tonks."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"But I'm going to need you to keep working," Amelia said. "Go back to the Potters and tell them that the Malfoy home was broken into, ask for their help."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Be sure to let Hermione know that the invitation includes her," Amelia said sharply. "In a tactful manner, and make sure she knows that I will be along personally to guarantee her safety."

"Understood, ma'am."

"Move." Amelia watched the young Auror leave at a dead run with a fond smile, kids.

Tonks was in front of Harry and Hermione's hotel room and pounding on the door in a matter of minutes. "It's me, Tonks."

"What can I do for you, Tonks?"

"The Fox and the Hound have hit their first house," Tonks replied. "The Malfoy's are a bit less rich then they were yesterday."

"Couldn't have happened to a better family."

"And I need to make sure that Hermione knows that she was assaulted by Lucius Malfoy in Diagon Alley," Tonks continued.

"I was? What now?" Hermione asked as she walked up.

"Bastard knocked you down as he made his escape," Tonks explained. "You're kind of shook up and a bit ashamed that you didn't stop him, you don't want to talk about it and you think that he might have tried to steal your purse. I took your statement and you've been spending the last few hours being 'comforted' by Harry."

"This happen when you borrowed my face?"

"Yup," Tonks said proudly. "Got another charge added to the list, too."

"Right, shall we go then?" Hermione sighed.

"Yeah," Tonks agreed. "Only…"

"What is it, Tonks?" The girl asked in resignation.

"Harry, put your arm around her shoulders. She's had a rough day and you need to be a bit overprotective. Don't let her out of your sight and don't let another wizard come near her."

"I…"

"And Hermione." Tonks turned to the girl. "Snuggle into Harry's chest, you just got attacked and it left you in tears, damn it."

"Fine."

"Let's get our game faces on," Tonks commanded. "Let's go."

"I don't think I'm going to let Tonks borrow my face again without assuring myself that I know what she's intending to do with it," Hermione said thoughtfully.

"Good plan."

"Hurry up," Tonks demanded. "We don't want to keep Madame Bones waiting."

"Don't think I don't appreciate this Auror Tonks." Amelia appeared suddenly. "But I think you should go a bit easier on them."

"Ahhh," Tonks squeaked. "Madame Bones… how'd you sneak up on me?"

"I've been an Auror as long as you've been alive," Amelia said dryly. "In that time, I've picked up a couple of tricks."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So, are you ready, Mr. Potter?" Amelia turned to Harry. "Ms. Uh… Granger?"

"We're ready," Harry agreed.

"Grab my robes," Amelia ordered. "I'll have you there before you can count to three."

"One, two…"

"You weren't supposed to count Auror Tonks," Amelia said as the appeared in the Malfoy living room.

"So what'd they take?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing," Amelia replied. "According to Lucius, they melted the door off of a safe and departed."

"Maybe something he couldn't report?" Hermione mused.

"That was my thought as well," Amelia agreed.

"Nothing of the sort, I assure you," Lucius said as he swept into the room.

"Then what?" Harry demanded. "You say they didn't take anything?"

"There are a few things missing," Lucius said in an oily voice. "But nothing of consequence… are you still unwilling to put up a new set of wards? I promise to generously compensate you for you time."

"Finding anything, Shack?" Harry ignored the Malfoy.

"Not a thing, Harry," the Auror replied.

"This is too easy," Harry muttered to himself. "I'm going to take a look at the wards, there's gotta be something we're missing."

"Bout the only thing we can do," Shacklebolt agreed.

"I'm not… I've got something." Harry said quickly. "It's brilliant, they warded another area inside the house. My guess is that they've got their loot stored there."

"Open it up, Harry," Shacklebolt said with a smile.

"One moment," Lucius shouted. "I'll have you know that they had nothing to do with that hidden area."

"Open it up anyway, Harry," the Auror commanded.

"Just about… got it," Harry said in triumph. "Wow… will you look at all those illegal and dark objects."

"It's obvious that those were planted there to frame me," Lucius managed to say.

"Thought you said that this had nothing to do with the thieves?" Shacklebolt muttered. "No matter, arrest him. We'll sort everything out at the station."

"You can't do this," Lucius yelled at they dragged him out of the room.

"Will you be able to make it stick?" Harry asked.

"Doubt it," the Auror replied. "But it gets these objects out of his hands and the thought of him spending a few nights in a cell makes me all warm and tingly."

Narcissa watched as they dragged off her husband. She had to admit that she was impressed by Potter's performance, not at all the sort of thing one would think he'd do after listening to her son's rants. Perhaps… perhaps it was time to reassess things. It was evident to her that someone or some group was intent on destroying the Malfoy family: first the little performance in Diagon Alley and now this. No, it couldn't be a coincidence, Lucius couldn't buy his way out of trouble forever and she had no intention of allowing him to drag her down with him.

"Draco, pack your things. We're leaving."

"Yes, mother," Draco agreed.

IIIIIIIIII

"Get in, you sick bastard," the guards said as they through him into the cell. "Just so everyone knows, it's one of those prisoners… up for a break, Frank?"

"Three hours should do it," Frank agreed. "Don't like to leave the place without guards for so long though."

"It'll be alright," the first guard said. "What could happen in three hours, it's not like they know we're leaving, is it?"

"'Course not," Lucius' new cellmate agreed. "I wouldn't have the slightest clue."

"Thanks mate," Frank said. "Try not to escape; we'll see you in three."

"Make it five."

"My name is Lucius Malfoy," Lucius said as he rose to his feet. "I expect you to stay on your side of the cell and I shall stay on mine."

"They call me Uncle Bubba," the large man replied. "And you don't tell me what ta do, Fish."

Something told Lucius, that this stay in prison wouldn't be quite as comfortable as the last one had been.

IIIIIIIIII

"What?" Ron asked dully.

"I recruited several more pretty young witches to be your devoted servants, Master," Elizabeth said happily. "Will you reward me? Please, will you use THAT charm, master?"

"Fine," Ron agreed with a sigh. "Cunnus Instigo."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEk," Elizabeth screamed. "OH Dark Wizard Jeremy."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Hermione were walking out of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement when they were confronted by a goblin.

"I am sorry to disturb you and your wife, Mr. Potter," the goblin began. "But we've had a request that I believe you should know about."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Narcissa Malfoy would like to meet with you," the goblin explained. "I think it would be worth your while to attend."

"Any idea what she wants?" Hermione asked.

"I believe that she wants to make a deal," the goblin replied.

"Well?"

"Couldn't hurt to see what she wants," Harry said.

"I agree," Hermione said with a nod.

"Let's go," Harry said to the goblin.

"Right this way, Mr. Potter," the goblin said. They followed the goblin into Gringotts and past the tellers. "She's right through this door."

"Thank you."

"Yes, thank you."

"Hermione?"

"Ready," the girl confirmed. With a deep breath, the two friends opened the door and walked in.

"Thank you for meeting with me, Lord Black," Narcissa said in as humble a tone as she could manage.

"Lord?"

"Father used to collect muggle titles," Narcissa admitted with a frown. "I believe that you are a Lord three times and possible a Baron or something similar. I never kept up with it and calling him Lord always put him in a good mood for when I wanted something."

"What is it you want then?" Harry asked neutrally.

"Well." Narcissa winced. She should not have said that last part.

"Out with it."

"I want to divorce Lucius and return to the Black family," Narcissa blurted. "Without your permission I'll be left without a name, no better then a muggleborn."

"What's in it for us?" Hermione demanded before Harry could speak, she'd make the woman pay for that muggleborn comment.

"The Malfoy family spells and family fortune," Narcissa replied. "While I still have access to the accounts."

"It'll also make it more difficult for him to buy his way out of trouble this time," Hermione whispered to her friend.

"What's in it for you?" Harry asked bluntly.

"A small stipend to keep me living in the style of which I am accustom to," Narcissa said with a smile. "Everyone wins."

"You don't join Voldemort, you keep Draco under control and you behave yourself." Harry demanded. "And you get to live comfortably, otherwise…"

"Deal," Narcissa agreed quickly. "I'd also like to add one thing."

"What is it?"

"In the old days, families had a way of dealing with… wilful daughters." Narcissa began. "It almost happened to my sister Andy. They would keep them locked up in an isolated and comfortable area where they couldn't embarrass the family or be a danger to anyone."

"So?"

"So I'd like to take my sister Bellatrix with me," Narcissa said slowly.

"No."

"Would you rather she be locked away where she couldn't hurt herself and others or would you rather she was on the loose?" Narcissa sneered.

"Bellatrix can come in, her husband and brother in law…"

"I understand," Narcissa agreed. "I never liked them anyway. I presume you want me to add their family wealth… such as it is?"

"Yes."

"Then it looks like we have a deal, Mr. Potter."

"Yes it does, Ms. Malfoy," Harry agreed.

"What now?"

"Could you prepare the contract, Hermione?" Harry asked with a fond smile.

"Of course, Harry," Hermione agreed with a smile of her own.

Narcissa bit her tongue to avoid saying something unpleasant. After a few minutes of watching the girl work, she was impressed. "Where did you find those spells? I've never seen them before."

"You wouldn't have," Hermione replied. "I created them myself."

"I see." Narcissa gave Harry a measured look. "I'm afraid I misjudged you, Potter, I apologize for that. It seems you are proper pureblood after all."

"Is it finished yet, Hermione?" Harry asked, ignoring the older woman.

"It's ready for your signatures, Harry," Hermione agreed.

AN: Narcissa is a fun character to write about, just have to give her a little intelligence.