Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
Warning: This story contains crude humor and swearing. So don't say I didn't warn you. I do not own Beavis and Butt-head nor Friendship Is Magic.
Chapter 14
Days ago...
"Hey Beavis." Butt-head looked at Beavis, "You should try shoving that thing up the horse's butt."
"Heh heh heh. YEAH!" Beavis shouted as he ran to the back of the statue to look at the alicorn's flank end, he frowned, "Where's the bunghole on this thing?"
Butt-head followed, "Uh. You mean there isn't one?"
The two looked at the statue dumb founded, well ofcourse they're dumb to begin with if you haven't figured that out.
"Huh huh huh. You should just make one." Butt-head added.
The horn on the other hand had other plans, the aura glowed in a mystical blue color that soon engulfed the two teens then suddenly vanished...
ooo
David Van Driessen took a head count of his students and came up two short. "Beavis?" He looked to his left, "Butt-head?" He looked to his right. All of his students but two were still following the tour guide as he talked on and on about the the art sculptures they came across. The hippie excused himself from the group and went back to the last place he saw them. The alicorn. It wasn't too far. He peaked his head in, "Beavis? Butt-head?" He called out. He adjusted his glasses and grunted softly. "Those two will never learn to stay with the group."
Then a broken painting with the frame busted into pieces. "Oh great." he muttered, "These two must of done this. No doubt." For all the time David babied the two teens, even he had his limits when they destroyed his eight track collection. The alicorn statue was still there. Still in its stance. Ands till giving off a weird feeling. David already made his statement clear, he didn't like the bad chi it was giving off. But for some reason, he couldn't stop looking at it. He rubbed his chin while looking at its head. Then he noticed, "Didn't that thing have a horn earlier?" The horn was indeed gone. Looked more like it was busted off. David shook his head, "Great... two pieces of art we might have to replace."
David made a full one eighty and stepped out of the alicorn room. He didn't want to be in there. But why did he get the sudden feeling that he was being watched? Again finding his two students was his first priority. He called out again, "Beavis! Butt-head!" His voice only echoed, only for a worker told him to shush in reply. He apologized and asked the museum employees if they saw Beavis and Butt-head anywhere. They all said no or haven't seen them. He lowered his glasses and pressed his index finger and thumb between his eyes. Next he asked the security guards if they could help him find his students. Again, this was a pretty lazy society. The guards just shifted their shoulders. David couldn't believe this, no one wanted to help. He searched high and low, as well as the bathrooms then outside in the parking lot. He called the police and things got settled, the field trip ended earlier than expected. Questions were asked and answered the best they could. Of course the tour guide that was leading David's class saw the broken painting and wanted retribution. The cops stepped in and tried to make sense of everything.
David pulled out his cell phone and decided he had to face the music. He phoned principle McVicker back at the school, "Yes this is David Van Driessen. Yes I know this is his time for him to take his medication and have a shot of Jack Daniels but this is important." He nodded his head as he talked to McVicker's secretary. "Mmhmm. Could you just please put him on?"
He was then greeted by a loud thud over the phone, "Uhhhhhhhhhh what?"
David cleared his throat first then spoke into his end of the phone. "Yes. This is David Van Driessan. I took my class to the museum we scheduled for today and might be coming back with two less students."
McVicker was shaking violently, "Well if its those two bastards Beavis and Butt-head then good!"
David frowned, "Yes. I did call the police and they formed a search around the museum and area."
McVicker again shook like a vibrating pen, "Uhuhuhhuhhhhhhhhhhhh... Who cares!"
They talked for a few more minutes. David gave up. He pressed end on his phone and sighed. "I'm sorry you two." He put his hands in his pockets and told the other students to get back on the bus. The police will call if they turn up any leads. Most teachers in Highland would be smiling during the drive back to Highland because of those two spawns of Satan missing. Not David, he was the only one that ever tried to reach out to them. That was his personal code of honor. He looked through the bus window he was sitting next to kept thinking about that statue. It just wouldn't leave him alone. Just then, he could of sworn he heard growling. His eyes wandered to the bus driver starting up the bus with its heavy engine fumbling.
School was finally let out that day. David canceled the after school activities he was involved in. Was pretty understandable to some of the students while others didn't care that Beavis and Butt-head were gone. He flung his back pack over his shoulder and walked out of his classroom. Along the way, the many teachers were con gratulating him. Well the one that had to teach Beavis and Butt-head anyway.
It was very out of character for even Mr. Buzzcut to throw his arm around someone and share a joyous occasion and laugh, "I thought those sons of bitches would never get lost."
David really wasn't in the mood, he let out a nervous grunt. "I'm sure they'll turn up safe and sound Brad."
"I sure hope not!" Buzzcutt roared still with his arm around David. "Those little bastards need to stay lost!"
"Yeah well... I need to go. I got to get tomorrows lesson plan ready." David slipped out of the bulky gym teacher's grasp and paced to the exit. He walked to his van and drove home. He wasn't feeling very well after that. Could be a fierce head ache. Or maybe guilt? He pulled into his driveway and bolted into his house. Slamming the door behind him.
That night... it wasn't peaceful...
He tossed and turned in his bed.
His eyes would snap open from the noises.
The temperature in his room suddenly felt dropped. He wanted to check the thermostat but something was preventing him from getting up. He could see his breath. He rolled over to his side. Wanting to believe something wasn't there. It was childhood all over again. Fear of something lurking in the dark. His window shutters made clanging noises at night due to the wind. That was excusable. Did he remember to close one of the windows. He wasn't sure.
*CRASH*
David gasped. He reached for his baseball bat he kept by his bedside.
"Where is my horn..."
David's eyes widened. Something was making heavy footsteps in his house.
"Where is my horn..."
He nervously twitched. The steps he knew went into the open areas of the house but then started up again by walking through the hallways slowly.
"Where is my horn..."
It sounded like it was coming from somewhere outside his room. The voice was horrific, almost demonic but was indeed female. The steps then stopped at his bedroom door. David clutched the bat closer to him. Slowly he rolled out of bed as quiet as he could and put his back to the wall where the door would open inwards. He would have a jump on the intruder.
The door opened forcefully slamming into the wall where it would normally stop. David's heart was racing. He waited for who ever or whatever to walk in. Only thing was... it was silent. He didn't hear the breathing anymore. No more wailing for a horn. David poked his bat around the corner to feel for anything in the doorway. Nothing. He peeked his head around the corner into the hallway. Nothing.
He sighed. He walked over to his small desk and pulled out his cell phone. He had 911 already set to speed dial. He slowly paced out the bedroom door and turned the hallway light on. He looked at the weird footprint that pressed itself onto his hallway carpet. "Looks like... a hoof." Strange. He smirked and walked to his living room. His living room window was broken as like an animal bashed through it. "Dear god..." He grunted. But that didn't explain the weird voice. He dialed 911 while walking back to his room. "Yes hello, this is David Van Dreissen. I would like to report that someone broke into my house." He was about to step into his room until...
"Where is my horn..."
He stopped. The hallway light flickered on and off again. But his attention wasn't on that. It was the dark looking animal standing there. Black fur. White soulless eyes. Alluring breezing white hair and tail. Its head fixed on him. David dropped his phone in terror. The dark horse slowly walked its way toward him. Its voice sounding like a banshee demanding for something that was lost...
With a very nice view from the outside of his own house. You can hear him scream.
ooo
Days later back in Equestria...
"Guys I would like you to meet my friend Gilda." Rainbow Dash put on a half smile as she introduced her griffin friend to her human friends.
"Hey how's it going?" Beavis spoke quickly.
Gilda smugged, "Pretty well so far. Dash did mention she made some cool new friends."
"Uh. Yeah we're pretty damn cool alright." Butt-head chuckled.
Rainbow poked her head in, "So why don't we spend the day doing something together?"
Butt-head brought up, "Uh... we're supposed to be like. Helping Barney with something."
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, "Barney?"
Beavis jumped in, "Yeah yeah that purple lizard thing."
"You mean Spike right?" Dash asked.
"Oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled.
"Well I guess that seems alright. You can catch us later tonight if you want." Dash smiled.
ooo
Beavis and Butt-head made their way to the library. Spike unraveled the last of his bandages and flexed his fingers to find them in working order. Now all he had to do is put on his little suit for his date with Rarity tonight. He never been on a date before he admitted. Maybe a few friendly outings with Twilight but that was it. He was convinced by the two teens that they'll help him and maybe he can finally tell Rarity how he feels.
He got dressed and paced back and forth nervously. Twilight was going to be coming in later that night so he had the place to himself for awhile. The doorbell rang. Spike answered and right on cue it was Beavis and Butt-head. The plan was simple, the two would give Spike a walkie-talkie so they can tell him what to do. The plan set in motion. Spike went to Rarity's house with selected flowers he pulled out from a nearby garden. A couple daisies, then maybe a couple of weeds. He gave Rarity the flowers as he saw she was dressed in her best outfit. Apparently she decided to give Spike a chance and see what he has to offer. But with Beavis and Butt-heads help, that offer might go sour.
"Okay Spork... Go take Rarity to some place to eat. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled into the device.
"It's Spike." Spoke from his end. Only problem was, Spike didn't have a lot of money on him to go to those fancy places Rarity was so accustomed to. So he took a gamble and took her to pony version of Subway. Her response, was merely a giggle. But a giggle as in disbelief but still was charmed by Spike's decision. He was a baby dragon after all.
They stood in line what seemed to be like ten minutes. Spike was nervous, "Um. Are you enjoying yourself Rarity?"
Rarity let her eyes wander left then right. She never really care for these places but she's willing to give this a chance. "I am Spike. Don't worry." Beavis and Butt-head were standing a few ponies behind the two. Beavis was getting hungry while Butt-head was playing around with the device some more.
"Um. I'll have an LT on Italian please." Spike looked at Rarity, "Order anything you like Rarity."
Rarity smiled, "I would to order your finest salad."
"Now whip out your schlong Spike!" Beavis shouted and waving his arms violently.
Butt-head smacked Beavis across the face, "Not now dumb ass." he chuckled, "You got to like play it slow for these kinds of chicks."
Beavis rubbed his face, "Oh... sorry about that."
Spike and Rarity eventually got their food after messing up his sandwich five times because the employee was slow as hell. The two sat down near a window that had a pretty nice view of Ponyville in its twilight hour. The lights were coming on one by one to give it that romantic feel. The purple dragon unfolded his sandwich and ate happily. Rarity slowly ate her salad.
"So Rarity?" Spike mustered up his courage.
"Yes?" Rarity asked.
"Um. Are you?" He blushed. "Having a good time?"
Rarity didn't beat around the bush, "For a little thoughtful guy like you I am."
Spike smiled, "Really?"
"Sure." She nodded, "Even if you're not the richest, you sure know how to pick a sanitary place for me to enjoy in."
"Hey Butt-head!" Beavis chuckled, "I think I just saw a cockroach!"
"Uh. That's pretty cool." Butt-head chuckled.
"Cockroach?" Random ponies screamed. Suddenly the restaurant was nearly empty except for the four and worker behind the counter.
"Good work Beavis." Butt-head chuckled, "Now there's no line." The two stepped up to the counter to order.
Later that night. The two continued to follow Rarity and Spike around. Rarity wasn't stupid as she knew Spike was getting help from his little radio emitting static and chuckling. Spike being able to afford a cheap nite because he was still a kid flew with the white unicorn. Next was the movie. The choices were, "Puff Come Home" a total kids movie or "Dawn of the Pony", a zombie film. It was obvious what Spike wanted to see, Rarity unfortunately had to buy the tickets since he was underage which was embarrassing for the little dragon. Rarity excused herself to use the restroom before the show started.
Beavis and Butt-head came up to the dragon after buying a bucket of popcorn. They explained something rather odd to him, "So why do I want to cut a hole on the bottom of the bucket for?"
"Don't be stupid Spike." Butt-head chuckled, "It's obvious for you to put your..." The two looked at Spike's crotch. "Uh... hmmm... maybe this won't work after all."
"What won't work?" Spike asked again.
"Hold on I got an idea." Butt-head chuckled. He looked at Rarity's diet soda that Spike got for her. He turned to Beavis, "Hey Beavis. I need that stuff you bought in the bathroom."
Spike's eyes bugged out, "Wait guys you aren't going to..."
"Damn it Spike do you want to score or not?" Butt-head asked in a commanding tone.
"As in score you mean kiss right?" Spike asked.
Butt-head frowned, "Uh yeah sure. You might go further than that too if you're lucky."
Beavis pulled out a little wrapper with a capsule in it. Butt-head ripped it open and poured the contents into the diet soda then gave it back to Spike. Rarity came back and soon her and Spike took their seats and watched the movie.
Butt-head chuckled, "Good thing you kept that Spanish fly."
Beavis brought out something from his pocket, "Uh. This is the Spanish Fly Butt-head."
Butt-head paused, "Uh... So what did you give me to use?"
"Eh heh heh. Laxative." Beavis chuckled.
Beavis and Butt-head paused for a moment, then started laughing again.
to be continued... review please.
note: another week or two and another chapter. anyone notice that this is trying to turn from a senseless plot into something that could be brewing in the future? or am I just bored? I did want to refer to what might of happened in Beavis and Butt-head's world. Looks like there might be something going on. Thank you all for the reviews people as we finally reached the one hundred mark! A pretty big achievement on my end from taking a two year hiatus. Even the Arthur section didn't give me that many, well close with Mr. Ratburn has Tourettes which is twenty five short but hey still fun. Make sure to check out my other stories people! They need the attention. I also like to point out my short series called the Strange Adventure series. I already completed ASA 1: Big Mac the Bounty Hunter, now its onto ASA 2: Whorseville! Hope to catch you guys again.