Because you all deserve it.

Lui catches me in the hall and notes the tears that linger on the edge of my lashes.

"What happened? Are you hurt?"

I shake my head, but it's a lie.

"I'm so tired of this," I head into my bedroom and Lui follows, shutting the door behind him.

"What is it?"

"I can't do this anymore," I say, feeling deflated.

"You don't have a choice, do you?"

"I don't know what I could possibly say to Tsunade-sama that would change her mind."

"Is there no one else that can do this?"

"Not that I know of, and not that she would be comfortable with," I expel an exasperated sigh and it comes out sounding like a choked groan.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing I want to repeat."

Lui's jaw hardens.

"I hope you ripped him a new one."

I can't help but laugh. It forces its way out of me, but it feels good.

The next morning, Lui greets me with a plate of eggs, rice and seaweed as I exit Sasuke's room.

"I thought you could use a pick-me-up," he says with a smile.

"Thank you," I take it gratefully, "Did you want to eat with me?"

"Sure," he grins and we head downstairs.

Lui is the cook in his household. He had studied culinary arts while training to be a nin and had met his wife one evening while apprenticing a chef at a restaurant near school.

"She said the meat was undercooked and the broth was bland," he chuckles softly as he stabs a piece of egg with his fork, "So, I asked her to give me another chance, offered to cook her a meal, dessert and everything, as long as it included a date."

"And she said yes?" I clarify through a mouthful of rice.

"Nope," he shakes his head, "She told me to screw off."

"What?" I laugh, "Why?"

"Well, I thought I was being original but apparently she'd heard the line before," he shrugs, "But that didn't deter me. I saw her walking home one evening, alone, so I caught up with her. At first she was really annoyed, but I was persistent. Finally she got so mad at me she threatened to beat me up so I challenged her to a spar. If she won, I had to give up, if I won, I got to take her on a date."

"That's adorable," I coo, "It's like something out of a romantic comedy. So, you won, right?"

"We were at it for the whole afternoon, she kept pinning me and I kept refusing to give in. I think she admired my perseverance."

"Or bullheadedness," I joke.

"Or stupidity," he concedes, "Nonetheless she agreed to a date by the end of it."

"And you've been together ever since?"

"Pretty much, it took some convincing before she wanted to get married."

"How long were you together before that?"

"Five years."

"How long have you been married?"

"Four."

"Wow," I lay my fork down, "What's that like?"

"Amazing," he speaks the word like it's a prayer. It occurs to me that I've never even asked my mom; I witnessed it as a third party, "I love her and I'm so grateful that I get to share my life with her."

"That's beautiful," something settles deep in the pit of my stomach. It feels cold and unwelcome, reminding me of the absence of love in my life, the absence of any significant other. I wish I had somebody like Lui, somebody to share my life with, to share my problems and fears with. I feel a lump sink into my throat and wish I had somebody that could make it go away.

"Thanks for keeping me company today," I give Lui a hug as he prepares to leave. A nice breeze rolls through the backyard as we release each other.

"It's my pleasure. I'll see you tomorrow morning," he waves as guards escort him to the front door.

"Bright and early," I half-heartedly promise. I take a seat on the far end of the deck, away from Sasuke and his depleting presence. I close my eyes for a moment. I feel the sun hit my legs, hear the birds in the trees, smell the flowers and imagine that they surround us, me. I imagine that I am somewhere else and for a brief moment, it feels real.

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep again. I pad down the hallway, making sure to avoid looking in Sasuke's room, and descend the stairs. Guards are scattered through the house shrouded in dim lighting. A group sits at the couch with a board game between them. I feel a flash of irritation. They get fucking board games.

I slip into the kitchen, flooding the area with light, looking for something to do. For some reason I flip through the cupboards expecting something different each time I open them. The fridge doesn't seem to be a portal to another kitchen either. I lean against the wood wall - exasperated, tired and unable to rest - and feel the uneven texture against my thigh. I kneel down and feel along the horizontal cuts. They're varying notches worked into the wood with small 'S's and 'I's beside them.

My throat constricts. Sasuke was a child once, something that I easily forget. He had a brother, and parents that documented their children's height. Itachi was a brother once. But it's almost impossible to put the two together. The hardest part when he left was recognizing that the Sasuke I knew when I was a child and the Sasuke that abandoned us years later, were ultimately the same person.

I can't help the sympathy, maybe even the empathy, that reaches out for Sasuke. He's been faced with his worst nightmare every day since we've arrived. I guess I didn't think how it might affect him to be here. My foremost concern was getting him out of my life and that obviously backfired.

"Do you need something?" a female guard stalks over to me, eyeing me warily. I'm startled out of my reverie and flush; I probably look weird, crouched down, spacing out on a piece of wall.

"No," I stand and retreat upstairs.

Sasuke and I don't speak for two weeks. I go through the motions, 'tending' to him morning and evening. I make our visitations short. The longer I'm in his presence, the more my time here seems to stretch out indefinitely. I feel helpless and weak, like my old self and I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate Sasuke for making me feel this way.

There's a knock on the door so I pull some sweatpants on and move to open it. Lui stands there with a smile that falters when he lays eyes on me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm getting my ass kicked," I move aside to let him in and immediately regret it when I note the state of the room. My clothes are everywhere, sheets hanging off the bedside; I'm a mess.

"No amount of training could have prepared you for this. I think it's unfair and a lot to expect of one person," he doesn't sit, mainly because there is no place for him. His hands are in his pockets as he fidgets slightly, "Look, I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking my paternity leave."

My heart sinks. Lui's been such a comfort to me since I've been here, especially in recent days.

"Damn," I curse, "What am I going to do without you?"

For a moment I think he'll make a joke, brush it off, but his expression is somber when he speaks.

"Try and take care of yourself," he pulls me into a hug and it becomes apparent to me how much of a caretaker he's been, like a big brother, "It's not all bad, though."

"Speak for yourself," I grimace as I step back. Lui grins.

"There's a surprise waiting for you downstairs."

"What?"