Summer Adventures

Chapter 14

Morse Code

XXX

Sleep, what there was of it, was not what I would consider restful. Colors swirled in my mind, slow at first then faster until they blended together, turning a murky dark red color. Like the color of blood when too much has spilled from the body. Unfamiliar voices called out to me like echoes, meshing in the night. Foreboding. Ominous. Dark. Just before I could scream, my eyes opened to streams of moonlight filtering through the thin curtains of my room. I sat up with a start, feeling around for Soda who should be laying beside me, desperate for his protection against whatever had spooked me. My hand touched only the wall behind me, he wasn't there. Feeling my heart thump in a slow, pounding rhythm in my chest; I remembered where I was - and that I was alone, to face these demons of the night by myself. I wasn't sure what frightened me more... the nightmare, or the solitude.

A bead of sweat rolled down my face and I wiped it away. Reaching between my mattresses, I grasped my switch from its temporary hiding place. I lay back on my bed trying to relax, looking at the moonlight glinting off the metal. I popped it open, waited, shut it again, waited, then popped it back out. Over and over as the tight burning in my chest refused to let me return to sleep. As the trepidation from my nightmare eased, another feeling began to build. Withdrawal.

The cravings had been dull all day as I had kept busy, but now, laying here in the dark with nothing to do, they hit me hard. I wanted a smoke so bad I was shaking for it. Physically shaking! It was a good thing I didn't have any, because I knew my compliance to follow Mrs. Nixon's one hard and fast rule had gone long ago.

I got out of bed and paced, quietly, back and forth in this little cell of a room; my arms tightly hugging myself, trying to squeeze the pangs away. The room got smaller with every pass of the bed. I couldn't take it any longer. I pulled on my jean shorts, slipped on a t-shirt and left the room, going downstairs and softly opened the front door. Outside, the ground was still radiating with the day's heat left over from hours ago, hovering just above the earth's surface. I pulled on my sneakers, leapt off the porch and began to run. If I didn't run, I knew I would start to claw at my skin, scratch to try and reach the burning itchy ache that wormed around inside me, rake my skin until I bled. Physical pain from the outside was more bearable than the untouchable pain emanating from the inside.

Around the house, up the path between the pastures, down a grassy slope. The cows mooed their protest at my disturbing their night, the horses whinnied from somewhere in the dark. I ran until I was covered in sweat, but still my lungs burned with a fire, desiring a flame I couldn't give them. I'd cough, but it was like a tease, doing nothing to help.

Suddenly, I realized I was moaning. Softly at first, then louder with every breath I took. Before long, I wanted to scream. Yeah, it hurt that bad. I shoved my fist as far in my mouth as I could and let it out. I bit my own hand, tasting some blood running between my teeth but not feeling the pain of the bite at all. The ground and I had a meeting, as I fell to my knees and leaned with my forehead touching the dirt. My cries still came, but not as harshly. I rocked myself, feeling the smoldering fire of want that still existed inside me.

Catching my breath, I started crying. I wanted to go home. I wanted to hear Darry chew me out about something stupid I had done again. I wanted Steve to rag on me about being a know-it-all tag-along that never gave him and Soda any peace. I wanted to see Soda grin his happy grin and watch the girls hover all over him while Steve sulked at the station. I wanted Two-Bit to tease me with a beer he knew I'd never drink. I wanted Karen to bug me about something... anything again. I wanted to feel Soda's arms around me, like he did that last moment I was ever with him, when he told me he loved me, and that he and Darry would get me back. Would they? Could they? Tears flooded my vision as I looked up at he night sky. Would I ever go home again?

I wiped my face, blending tears and blood over my cheeks. I was a good distance from the house, and yet I set off again, stumbling to my feet, running still further away. I couldn't run home, I knew that; but my insides still ached, and I knew even if I went back to the house to lay down, despite being tired, I wouldn't be able to sleep. Not yet. I had hours to go before this ache inside me - one for the family I was refused contact with, the other for a smoke I was unable to have, was going to settle down. So I ran. It was the only thing I knew to do.

XXX

"Mama, why is Ponyboy out here?"

Alex was staring down at me, startling me when I opened my eyes. I tried to get up too fast, however, and my feet got tangled in the chain that held the swing up. I landed with an unceremonious thud on the porch.

"Hahahahaha, funny, Ponyboy. Mama, can I sleep on the swing tonight? Please?"

"No, young lady, you may not. Go inside and get your stuff, the bus will be here soon." Alex scampered off and I sat back down on the swing, rubbing my ankle where the chain had scratched it.

"Ponyboy, are you okay? Why did you sleep out here? Is something wrong?"

"No ma'am. I just came out to look at the stars sometime during the night and fell asleep. It was fascinating, all the constellations were so clear and bright. Sorry if I've done something I shouldn't."

I lied. Wasn't the first time, probably wouldn't be the last time. But telling her I had both a nightmare and a nic-fit in the middle of the night wouldn't have changed the rotation of the Earth either. I hid my hand at my side, the marks of my own teeth clearly visible around my knuckles. I didn't need more questions about my various scrapes and bruises... some fresh, other's fading. The sounds of the bus distracted Mrs. Nixon, and she returned to the door to call for Alex to come out.

"Bye, Ponyboy!" Alex called to me as she took the four steps off the porch to the awaiting bus.

"Bye, Alex, have fun." I waved but she didn't see me.

"Well, come on in and get breakfast. I made pancakes, there's plenty on the table. I'm going to head on up and get started."

"I'll come help as soon as I get done in here."

Mrs. Nixon headed out to the field and I went back inside. I found my pain pills and took one, hoping it would quell the continuous gnawing pangs I had to light up. Granted, it wasn't as bad as it was last night, but I was still aching. If the pills didn't work and I fell asleep, oh well. Same difference. I'd still be out of my misery.

Bypassing breakfast again, I wrapped up the leftover pancakes and stuck them in the freezer, washed the dishes and went back to my room to make my bed and clean up. I skipped the shower, knowing in an hour I'd smell like the back end of a horse anyway. I changed my shirt but kept the jean shorts, then headed outside to help.

"You know," Mrs. Nixon said an hour later as we worked, "I was thinking about something last night. I paid Manuel, the field hand who was helping me, a tidy amount of money to do the same job you're doing. You're a growing young man who deserves to make a little money to spend, and you've shown me you're a hard worker too. You've not complained once at anything I've asked of you. I'd like to pay you something, say maybe twenty dollars a week for doing the horse stalls and smaller jobs around the property. What do you think? That sound fair, Ponyboy? It would sort of be like an allowance."

"Sure," I said without thinking about it. I was already doing the work, may as well get paid for it.

"Wonderful. Now remember though, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable doing. I don't want you or anyone else getting the wrong idea."

I understood what that meant. If asked, it's an allowance, not a paid job I was doing. Just like at Max's pet store, I was going to be working and getting paid off the books. That was fine by me, as long as she wasn't planning to break my back out here on her farm. I wanted to help Darry financially, not become him.

As we finished up the horse stalls and moved on to the cattle area, she brought something else up.

"Ponyboy, what do you do for fun? You and your family, that is?"

I looked at her, not knowing exactly how to answer that question. Darry, Soda and I were so different in that area. Darry, when he did just go relax, hung out with some of his buddies at the pool hall or worked out at the gym. Soda usually hung out with Steve at the drag strip or double dated when there wasn't a poker game going on, and I liked to hang out at the library or the movies. I wasn't old enough to hang out with Darry – not that he'd really want me hanging out with him anyway, pool hall or not; and Steve already couldn't stand it if I happened to be within fifty feet of him when he and Soda were out. Two-Bit was preoccupied a lot with Kathy here lately, so I usually loned it. It wasn't like I could just disappear, the whole gang usually knew how to find me. I think the librarian called to rat me out every time I overstayed my welcome.

"Watch TV, play cards, toss the football around. That sort of stuff." Well, we sort of had fun doing that stuff. We just rarely did any of that together anymore since I'd come back from Windrixville. No time and too many bills. Besides, we were permanently two men down for our football games, a message that hit home every time I thought of suggesting we go play again.

"There's a jamboree later tonight in town. I was hoping you would like to go to it. They'll have barbecue, baked beans, slaw, corn on the cob... all sorts of good food. Live music, dancing. How about it?"

I stopped pouring the feed into the cattle trough and wiped the sweat off my face with the bottom of my shirt, thinking this over. I've been to many dances, but I'm always the one that hangs back and watches everyone else dancing with their girls. This would probably be the same thing - but with food. I wasn't too keen on the dancing part, but the food sounded good.

"It'll be fun." she prodded. "And it's Friday, Alex is having her sleepover with the camp, so she won't be pestering you. She'll be home for a bit, then I'll drop her off on our way out. For a few hours, you can spend time with kids closer to your age. Not only that, I think you'd enjoy being off the ranch for a little while."

Fine, fine, whatever. I could tell I was going, one way or another. "Okay, sure. But I only have jeans to wear, nothing fancy."

"You won't need fancy clothes, just clean one's. Have you ever been to a jamboree before?"

"That's a dance, right?" I asked, even though I was already pretty sure.

"A country dance. Let me guess, you like rock -n-roll?"

"Yeah, but I'll still go."

She smiled as she cranked up the tractor again, and we headed out to another part of the field to work on the fencing.

XXX

Lunch came late, but I didn't notice the time had passed until a car beeping in the driveway made us both look up.

"I wonder who... that can't be the bus already? It's way too early!"

Mrs. Nixon put the tractor in gear and off we went back to the house. Once we got back over a small hill where we could see the front, I recognized the car. It was Mrs. O' Donovan! Maybe Darry got this mess straightened out … maybe I could go home!

"Mrs. Nixon, how are you? Ponyboy.. hello!" She called to us both as we got closer.

"Did the judge reverse his decision? Can I go home?" I asked, jumping the gun way too early. So much for being cool about it.

Mrs. O' Donovan looked at me with a touch of sadness in her eyes. "No, Ponyboy. I already told you, that would be decided next month. I'm just here to do a check up, see how you're doing and while I'm out here, see how you're arm is."

"You should have called, seems like such a long drive out for just a how- de-do." Mrs Nixon said.

"Yes, it's a long drive, but I knew Ponyboy would want to hear it from me in person that Darrel is in fact okay. He was held up coming home after the storm. Also, he asked me to give you this. Said it was your favorite book and that you'd want to read it."

She reached in her bag and pulled out my old dusty copy of Gone With The Wind. I stared at it, dumbfounded. Why would Darry send that book, of all books, to me. He knows I don't read it. It hurt to much to even try to go over the inside covers. Still, I took it. Darry had sent it, it was from home, and that was what counted. "Thanks."

"So how is your arm?"

I lifted the sleeve and looked at it. I didn't put a bandage on it this morning, but I have at least been smearing that cream on it like Dr. Cannady said to. It wasn't red anymore and I'd even forgotten about it this morning. Either it was really getting better, or those pain pills I was taking without Mrs. Nixon knowing were doing the trick.

"Doesn't hurt. Stitches come out in a few days."

"Looks like you're doing very well out here. I do believe this country air is what you needed."

I looked at her and scratched the back of my neck some. It was nice out here, but something about that statement, as much as I knew she didn't mean it like it sounded, didn't sit well with me. I was concerned there was a double meaning behind it.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Mrs. Nixon, Mrs. O' Donovan," I said not wanting to hurt either of their feelings, "but really, I want to go home. As soon as the judge realizes his mistake... I want to be back with my family."

"Ponyboy, if there is one thing I thoroughly understand, is the power of family," Mrs. Nixon reached over and tousled my hair a moment. Oddly enough, I didn't even think to pull away. She didn't even seem upset by what I'd said. I didn't want her to think I was ungrateful for her hospitality. I knew my situation could be much worse, in a community home with dozens of boys. I just missed Darry and Soda so badly.

"Why don't you go on in and take a shower - clean up and cool off some. I'll make us lunch when I get done with Mrs. O' Donovan."

"Yes ma'am, thanks." I headed into the house and went to wash up. Once in my room, I looked at the book again, still unsure as to why Darry had sent it. However, I dismissed the thoughts and got my bathroom kit, remembering this time to take my clothes in with me. By the time I was done, Mrs. O' Donovan had left again.

"I made hot dogs, I hope that's okay with you," she said as I sat down. She was all cleaned up with a change of clothes too. I guess she used the other bathroom.

"Yes ma'am. That's fine. I usually don't get picky. The only foods I really don't like are venison, crab and baloney. Anything else and it just depends on if I'm hungry or not."

"Ah, so no baloney then. I'll try to remember that. As far as venison, I don't think I have any of that in the freezer, and the only crab I think I have is crab soup. So you're safe."

I ate my hot dog in silence for a moment, then broke the silence of our lunch again.

"Did she say anything else about my brothers or about me going home?" I tried to keep the hope out of my voice, but I was pretty sure it was there.

"Only that your brothers are coming along nicely on your house, and that they miss you." She must have seen the disappointment in my eyes. "Oh Ponyboy, I really wish I could break the rules about the no calling business, but if I do and if it gets caught, you know the judge would have a field day. I'm happy to have you here, you've been a big help. I just don't want to see you wind up in a group home. I've seen the boys that end up there, you're too good for that."

"Thanks." I nibbled a bit more at my lunch, but my heart wasn't in it. I waited until she was done then went to wash the lunch dishes and clean up the few crumbs we'd made. Once that was done, I went back to my room to sit down a while, wanting to be alone. I missed being home with a vengeance, feeling like it had just been stripped from me all over again. Especially now that a piece of home was laying by my hands. The book. Why that book, Darry? Why?

I picked it up and thumbed through it, but nothing was stuck inside it. Then I noticed something written on the inside front cover.

"Happy Birthday, Ponyboy!"

That wasn't there before. Why would Darry, and I knew it was Darry from the penmanship, do that? My birthday was coming up, but I hoped I'd be home by then. Was he telling me I wouldn't be home for it, or that I would? Why couldn't he be clearer? July 22 was just a few weeks away. July 22, July 22. 7-22. Crap, it couldn't be that obvious, could it?

I turned to the seventh chapter, page 22 and looked closer at it. Sure enough, there were the dots and dashes. I grabbed a piece of paper and started jotting it down, dots over the letters, dashes under whole words. It took a while, but eventually I had the whole message deciphered.

"Ponyboy, I knew you would figure this out. I hope you are well. I am fine, made it through the storm in one piece. And just so sorry I wasn't here to stop this from happening. I'll get you back, I promise, so don't worry. I'll get a lawyer if I have to. It won't take long to fix the house, so the judge should have no reason to not reverse this decision when that time comes. You just behave yourself, do as the people who are taking care of you say to do, and try not to get discouraged. Eat, Pony, I know your habits well enough. I don't want you to fall in a depression or lose any weight over this. Try to get some rest at night, because I know you will have a hard time with that too. Soda misses you, but that goes without saying. I am keeping him as busy as I can to make time go by faster. I hope you are staying busy too. The guys miss you. If you need anything, if you are hurt, scared, or aren't being taken care of like you should, call me immediately. Don't worry about the consequences, your health and wellbeing come first. I love you, Pony. Love, Darry."

It took nearly three chapters to get all the letters and words dotted and dashed to make that message. I read it over and over, and looked at the other chapters closer to make sure I wasn't missing any other messages, but I didn't see any. I was proud, only Darry could think of a way to smuggle me a message right under the social workers nose. I was also glad Darry was keeping Soda busy, and I hoped he wasn't going to have to get a lawyer. I was pretty sure the house repairs were gonna cost enough, a lawyer would put us in so much debt we'd never get out of that hole. As far as eating, well, I was trying.

I heard the bus pull up and Alex came bounding out from its doors again. I put the note and my book away and went downstairs, ready for the onslaught that was named Alex. I was getting used to her ways by now and she obviously had no fear of me whatsoever. Once she saw me, she came running to me, leaping into my unsuspecting arms - nearly knocking me backwards. I gave her a small hug then sat her back down. While her mother showed no objection to Alex being in my arms, or, like yesterday, sitting in my lap, I still wasn't as comfortable with the idea. She was just a little girl and I'm a guy over twice her age, and I don't need that kind of trouble.

Alex showed us what new creation she'd made.. this time a sock puppet. "See, it's gots eyes, and a nose... and down here a mouth!" It looked like crayons of every color had been used to design this puppet, but she was proud of her work. She slipped it off her hand and gave it to her mother, along with a kiss, then ran out to play. "Come swing with me, Ponyboy! Please?!?!"

I looked at her mother, who just smiled. "It's up to you. The jamboree gets going in about an hour, so I hope to leave in about thirty minutes or so. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack her a bag for tonight." Mrs. Nixon turned and headed upstairs, and I followed Alex outside to the tire swing.

"Push, push!" she called, holding onto the rope as I came over.

"Okay, calm down. Hold on, I'll show you what I used to do when I was a small squirt like you."

Once I made sure she was holding onto the rope, I turned the tire round and round winding it up tight, then let go. She squealed with delight as she spun around at a blinding speed. Even I had to laugh at her. Looked as much fun as I remembered it.

"Again!" she called once the tire slowed to a stop. I wound her up again, this time the opposite way and let her go again. She laughed and giggled with delight, and I had to laugh too. "Again!" she called a second time, but I shook my head.

"Nope, I don't want you getting sick. I'll push you though, hold on." I gave her a good push, and for a while she swung back and forth without saying much. Then she spoke.

"Where's your daddy?"

Okay, I wasn't expecting that. My past was something the courts knew, my school knew (I swear I think my folder is required reading for all my teachers at the start of every year), and just about everyone in my neighborhood who knew anything about us knew about what happened to my parents. I was pretty sure Mrs. Nixon knew too, how much of everything – I didn't know, but she at least knew my parents were both dead. How much could a six year old know, and worse, understand?

"Where's yours?" I countered.

"He went to heaven with some of his friends. Momma says he watches down at me, so I better be good."

She was quiet after that, and I didn't have much to say either. Mrs. Nixon came out a while later to call us both in.

"Okay you two, time to get ready. Alex, go wash up. Ponyboy, it's going to cool off before we get back, so if you wanted to change into longer denims, now would be your chance. You don't have to if you don't want to, just throwing the offer out there. I'm heading out in five minutes!"

"Yes ma'am," I answered back. Alex jumped off and headed inside too. I found one of the nicer shirts and the long jeans Mrs. Nixon had just bought me and changed into them, figuring I may as well look nice since I was a guest at this thing. After I was changed and ready, I met everyone back outside.

"Ponyboy, you look very nice. You too, Alex. Okay, lets go."

I didn't know what to expect, but I was pretty sure a country jamboree wasn't like a Tulsa style rock -n- roll dance hall. As Mrs. Nixon headed down the road, I knew I was either going to regret this, or enjoy it. Both options scared me.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose

Hey, readers...*taps computer screen glass* yeah, YOU! I'd uh... I'd really like to hear from you. I know it's summer and all, but if you can spare a moment from the pool, the BBQ's and the various summer activities you are enjoying to give a meaningful review.. I'd sure appreciate it.

As for my other story... From The Beginning... no, I haven't ended it or forgotten it. I'm just wrapped up in other things going on. I'll come back to it eventually.

Happy ... and more importantly... have a SAFE ... 4th of July!