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"Is there any hope that Lina might pull out of it?" Ray asked.
"It's too late." Bobby said, shaking his head. Roberto hung his head.
"She's gone."
"I never really figured her for a Johnny Depp fanatic." Everett said as they watched the girls drool over the male leads in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, which Kitty had gotten.
"It's always the quiet ones." Ray said profoundly.
"No it isn't you idiot." Roberto snapped. "Fans are loud, shrieky mobs! There is NOTHING quiet about them!"
"Johnny…" Lina sighed as she hugged a couch cushion. Kitty, Betsy, Jean, Amara, Danielle, Jubilee, and even Rogue were sitting on the couch, transfixed on the TV.
"Darn!" Ray sighed. "I was planning to have a nice quiet dinner alone with Lina!"
"I can think of at least two things wrong with that!" Roberto shot back. "First of all, there's no such thing as a quiet dinner here and secondly, Lina would never have accepted to have dinner with you when I'm available!"
"I'll tell Amara you said that." Ray threatened. "And she so totally would!"
"Dream on." Bobby scoffed.
"SHUT UP! We're trying to watch the movie!" Rogue shouted at them.
"Chere, what could you want with a movie when you got Remy?" Gambit asked.
"Where to begin…" Kurt wondered, but was cut off by a humming noise that grew louder and louder as it seemingly came closer.
"…The heck?" Rogue asked as she looked up. "What's going on?" Suddenly, the roof the Mansion exploded revealing a giant floating object above the Mansion.
"We're under attack!" Ray gasped.
"No, really? Ya think?" Scott snapped.
"Attack!" A shrill voice screamed from above. Suddenly, a horde of men in black and yellow costumes with fake wings descended on ropes. They threw grenades and bombs that exploded all around the X-Men and wrecked wide swaths of the Institute. Suddenly, a gang plank descended a man in a tall thin man with a red pointed beard and impossibly long red eyebrows in another yellow and black uniform adorned with a crown, costume wings, and a red symbol on his chest strode forth.
"Enter…The Monarch! I—wait a second! Where is Doctor Venture?" He demanded angrily. "What the f--k? This isn't the science symposium where Venture's supposed to be!"
"Uh boss? There's been a mistake!" A portly henchman said. "We're at the wrong address!"
"What?" The Monarch demanded. "That was like, my best entrance ever!"
"We were only following orders! You can't punish us for following orders!"
"Or kill us for following orders!" Another one agreed.
"Oh for the love of….fine. Let's just get going. Maybe we can still catch Venture…"
"Hold it! You blast our house apart and think you can just walk away?" Scott demanded. "Think again!"
"I have no time to waste on you children!" The Monarch scoffed. "Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and…also-cat…for years!" He boasted.
"This homme makes Cobra Commander seem like Napoleon." Gambit blinked.
"Let's get back to the Flying Cocoon." The Monarch told his men.
"But I have to use the bathroom!" One of them whined.
"Wait a minute. Your base? is a cocoon...that flies?" Betsy blinked
"Obviously!" The Monarch scoffed.
"That makes no sense!" Kurt said. "Cocoons don't fly!"
"Duh! Monarch! Butterfly, butterfly cocoon, it's a theme thing!" The Monarch put his hands on his hips. "Get with the program!"
"Yeah, I get it, but why didn't you just make it look like a butterfly?" Bobby asked.
"Because that's gay? Hellooo?"
"Let's just beat them up for trashing our home and interrupting our movie." Amara sighed.
"The wrath of the Monarch is not something to be risked lightly! I offer you one chance to…hello? What's this?" The Monarch asked as he saw Lina. "A queen worthy of the Monarch! I must have her!" And idea struck him.
"I have a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!" He raised his arm, on which he wore a dart launching amulet. A knock-out dart struck Lina's neck, rendering her unconscious. "Henchmen, retreat!" He screeched as Lina collapsed into his arms. Before the X-Men could stop them, the Monarch and his men had returned to the Flying Cocoon and escaped.
"This isn't good." Scott said as the Flying Cocoon vanished into the night.
"The Misfits are never going to let us hear the end of this." Scott groaned.
"We better go rescue her." Bobby gulped. "Before Fred finds out and kills us!"
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A/N: Lina's Johhny Depp obsession is inspired by Klinoa "A Day at the Mall"
The Monarch is © to Comedy Central. (I think).