Shepard performed some basic administrative duties after Kaidan was rushed away, simply to pass some time. She wouldn't be able to see him immediately anyway and she struggled to keep her mind occupied.
Before she visited the Council, Shepard decided to chance visiting Kaidan in the hospital – hopefully the doctors had finished their work on him by now. The medics' parting words had left her with a constant twisting in the pit of her stomach.
It was hard enough on Shepard when she lost fellow soldiers on a mission, but losing Kaidan combined with the manner in which she left Earth brought Shepard close to her limit. While she wouldn't admit this to many people, she needed to have some kind of hope.
As she entered the lobby, she was surprised to see Thane sitting on a couch, eyes unfocused as he stared out of floor-to-ceiling picture window.
She sat down next to her friend, knowing that if Thane was here, the prognosis was grim. Their conversation left her saddened, but also somewhat relieved.
It seemed Thane had finally made peace with himself; his reconnection with his son had done him wonders and he accepted the inevitably of his death with grace.
"I assume, Shepard, that you are here for the man that they ran through here not long ago?" Thane asked.
"Yes, Kaidan Alenko. We served together two years ago on the original Normandy," Shepard said.
"I sense that there is more to your relationship," Thane said, "but it's not my place to pry. I always assumed that there was someone you were waiting for since you so persistently rejected the affections of the many men who attempted to gain your favor. I will keep a watch over him while you are gone, Shepard."
"Thank you," was all Shepard could say.
As always, Shepard was amazed at his composure and promised to visit again soon, a promise she whole-heartedly intended to keep.
She spotted Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Michel as she approached the door that would lead her to the patient rooms. In order to get some idea of what to expect, she steered toward Dr. Chakwas.
"Shepard! There you are. Somehow I knew to expect you," Dr. Chakwas smiled warmly
"Dr. Chakwas? What are you doing here? I didn't think you could stand to be off a ship."
"I'm working at an Alliance R&D lab down in the words. I'm working closely with Admiral Hackett. I heard you escaped Earth on the Normandy and that someone was critically injured. I came as fast as I could."
"We had a run-in with a Cerberus synthetic on Mars. Kaidan took the worst of it. How is he doing?" Shepard managed to sound fairly cavalier but Dr. Chakwas knew the worry underneath.
"Very well, all things considered. I'm impressed with Major Alenko's resilience, as well as Dr. Michel's expertise. I wish I could have been there to help on Mars."
Shepard knew without a doubt that she wanted Dr. Chakwas onboard the Normandy. There was no one she would trust more to take care of the crew's medical needs and knew she could implicitly trust the woman. Not to mention that Dr. Chakwas' natural maternal instincts had made her feel like family.
After making sure that the doctor hadn't suffered any for loyally following her to Cerberus, Shepard invited her aboard the Normandy, an offer the doctor joyfully accepted.
The tension of the day mildly relieved by Dr. Chakwas' prognosis, Shepard stepped through the passage to the inpatient rooms.
She gained permission to Kaidan's room and stepped in, holding her breath.
The staff had somehow managed to strip Kaidan of his mangled armor and he lay naked except for a loose white sheet, arms limply laying at his sides. With his wounds cleaned Kaidan looked marginally better, but the extent of the damage was all too visible.
The worst damage was clearly to his head, but he had other, smaller wounds covering his body. He had a large cut on the bridge of his nose and deep purple bruises welling on both sides of his face.
His head was turned to the side, away from her, clearly to keep pressure off the back of his head where the worst injuries lay.
She took in the wounds, noticing again the small scar at the base of his skull that indicated that he had received biotic implants. His face looked completely relaxed for the first time, but she could still see the small lines that had begun to form, especially the small crinkles at the corners of his eyes.
Shepard stepped forward slowly, standing beside the man with whom she shared such strangely tumultuous love. That was still how Shepard thought of it, regardless of Kaidan's hesitance.
She leaned over him and stroked the back of his neck, tracing the line of scar tissue. She slowly her way to his cheek, trailing her finger from forehead to jaw. As she leaned closer to his face, she was shocked to find tears welling in her eyes.
Shepard didn't cry. Being alone made it slightly harder to fight, and she let a single tear drop. It fell on Kaidan's cheek and ran down to the sheet below.
"Kaidan," she whispered, "It's hard seeing you like this. I don't know if you can hear me, but since you can't tell me to get the hell out, either…I'm going to take my chances."
She tried to laugh a little at that last, but she could hear her voice wavering.
"Don't die, Kaidan. You've got to fight," Shepard continued, but she heard the door hiss behind her and footsteps, inevitably a doctor performing a routine check. She straightened up, keeping her back to the doctor to give her time to compose herself.
"We need you in this. Seeing you in action again reminded me that you're a hell of a soldier. The Alliance could sure use you," she attempted to sound as if she were merely professionally concerned, but her voice lowered again and she whispered, "I could…use you."
She turned to face the doctor, "If you need anything, doctor, let me know. I will help in any way I can."
The man nodded and Shepard turned to walk away, but she couldn't resist one more glance over her shoulder.
"Please, Kaidan," she whispered, and stepped back out, her face transforming into a stoic mask.