AN: And in this chappie, we get some answers. I'm nervous about the reception that this chapter will recieve. I'm probably the most nervous about this chapter. i kinda don't want to post it and just skip right on over to chapter 15, but i think there might be lynch mobs, and those are never fun, and i just started sign language class, I'd like to actually graduate. So: Read on Oso-ers, read on! I'll meet you down beloooooooooow!
The woods were dark and lovely at night. They hid everything. I remember running into them, seeking refuge every time the faint, delicate sound of clinking bottles could be heard from the basement. A sound considered so faint, something that might even be seen as music, reached my ears as a loud, roaring warning to get far away.
There was a swing within the trees. Sometimes I had to wander in the darkness for a while to find it, but I usually did. For some reason, the solitude in the darkness didn't frighten me. If I couldn't see anything, nothing would be able to see me.
That swing was there all the time. When I needed to take comfort within the darkness. When I wanted to cry and have no one see. When I just wanted silence. When all I had left was silence. It was always there.
All I could think about was that swing and how much I wished I were able to just go to it right now. My dad had shaken up my life once again, and all I could bring myself to think about was the swing in the back of his house in Forks. It was like it was engrained in my mind. Charlie did something, I went to the swing. Now there was no swing and I wasn't sure what to do to seek comfort.
"Bella?"
I looked up from where I was sitting to see someone looking down at me with concern in their eyes. It was the first sound I had heard since I hung up the phone. I wasn't trapped in the silence anymore at least. I wasn't sure if this was the first time my name had been called, but it was the first time it had registered in my mind.
They crouched in front of my and hesitantly put their hands on my shoulders.
"Bella? I don't know what to do for you. You have to help me out here. What do you need, Bella? What can I do?"
Just the fact that I could hear this person's voice was making it easier, better. I was being held down to earth again. The hands on my shoulders were planting me to this floor and making it so I wasn't just flying off into space.
"I think…I think I want… to take a shower."
Eyes filled with shock looked back at me.
"You... you want to take a shower? Right now?"
"Yes."
I sat on the floor a little longer staring into the concerned eyes. Neither of us moved. Neither of us spoke. We stayed where we were until I was picked up off the ground and carried into the bathroom where I was placed on my feet once again. I sat down on the toilet and stared at the shower. A little while later, I'm not sure how long; a clean set of clothes was thrust in my line of vision. Sweats.
Just as the door to the bathroom was closing I seemed to snap out of my daze and be able to speak.
"Stay! Please…"
Shocked eyes met mine once again through a space between the door and its frame.
"Ok."
I stepped into the shower and took off my clothes, throwing them over the curtain when I was done. I turned on the taps and stood in the corner until the water adjusted.
"You can just sit on the toilet if you'd like. Or…whatever…"
I checked the water temperature and when it was hot enough to leave my skin pink but not hot enough to burn, I stepped under the spray. I didn't really need a shower; I had taken one at the gym. But for some reason, whenever something happened, the water always calmed me down. For some reason everything just made sense in the shower. The steam itself seemed to seep into me and clear out my mind. The heat that pulsed against my skin and ran in rivers down my body was warm and welcoming, like the water itself was comforting me. It was as close as I could get at times to someone wrapping their arms around me and holding on tight. I don't know how many times I had done this in the past. Sometimes it left me feeling empty, but it always made me feel like I could hold on for just a little longer.
"Why did you call me?"
I turned my head toward the voice that came from just beyond the flimsy shower curtain. I was pretty sure my silhouette was visible through the thin barrier, but I didn't think much of it and I felt no shame.
"I don't know."
That was a lot of the truth. I really didn't know why it had been my first instinct to dial the number that I did. I don't think anyone was as shocked as I was that I had made my fingers punch those few keys into the phone.
"Who died, Bella?"
It was like someone slapped me. Somehow I had seemed to just get lost in the feelings that were drowning me alone and forgot that he was really gone. My dad was dead; it was a strange notion to come to terms with.
"My father."
There was a beat of silence before he spoke again.
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"I'm not entirely sure I am…"
There was more silence as I just stood under the water. I reached for the shampoo and decided to at least pretend that I actually needed this shower. My water bill was going to be insane because I knew that I wouldn't be getting out of this shower anytime soon and that this would be happening for a few days to come.
"Why did you call me, Bella?"
I thought about his question.
Why had I called him? It was pure instinct. I didn't think about it. I needed him, and I wanted him with me. Things had happened between us, but that didn't change the fact that he was the glue I needed to hold myself together.
"You said that if I needed you, you'd be here. I need you."
A moment passed and I took my time rubbing the shampoo into my hair.
"Do you…do you forgive me?"
I thought about this as I kept lathering the shampoo into my hair. The strawberry scent was pungent in the air.
"I don't know… I just… I'm not sure yet. I don't really understand what happened… or is happening. I just… I need someone right now. You were my first instinct. You were my first reaction. Can you just…be with me? Just for right now? I don't know how much more I can handle right now. I'm not sure I can deal with everything all at once…"
"That's fine. I'll do whatever you need me to do."
"Thank you."
I washed out the soap from my hair and moved onto conditioner.
"Bella?"
"Yes?"
"What do you need me to do?"
I rubbed the conditioner into the ends of my hair, the spread it through the rest of it. I massaged the cream in for a while as I thought about it. What did I need? What could someone actually do for me?
"I have to go to New Jersey. I have to face my father's side of the family. I can't fall apart. I don't know… I don't know how I'm going to do all of this-"
"I'll go with you."
My head snapped up at this and I tried to make out his shape in through the shower curtain.
"You will?"
"Yeah. Of course. You said you needed me; I'll go. No obligation, no tricks. You need me; I'll be there for you. Always, Bella. I told you that. In a heartbeat."
Tears slowly and silently made their way down my cheeks, mixing with the water from the shower. Sometimes crying silently took more energy than heaving great sobs. Sometimes it drained everything out of you.
"Thank you."
"Bella?"
"Mmhmm?"
I was washing out some of the conditioner, running my fingers through the silky strands of hair that were left behind.
"I thought your father was already dead."
My heart stopped. He's dead.
He's dead.
Why does it seem like I keep forgetting that he's gone? Is it because it seemed like he always was gone? Is it because a part of me has been waiting…maybe even…hoping? That he would be gone. But now, now it's forever. Now there is nothing.
"No. I said he wasn't here. I said he was gone. He was alive. I don't know where. Washington, New Jersey, somewhere else… I'm not sure. He's dead now. Charles William Swan. He's dead. He's gone."
The silence that fell among us after that statement was pressing against my lungs, shouting louder than anything I'd heard. It seemed to drag on forever and not even the sound of the water falling from the shower was enough to counteract it.
"Bella, what did he do to you?"
I stared at the tiles as I sank down to the floor of the shower, the water hitting harder against my skin. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around myself. And then I began the story that I never wanted to tell again. Then I became naked.
"My parents divorced when I was young. My mom hung around for a while, staying in Port Angeles, near Forks, where I was born. But eventually, she met my stepdad and we moved to where he was from, in Arizona. I saw my dad on weekends when we were in Washington but once we moved, I saw him every summer."
"I never knew why my parents divorced. To me it seemed like they loved each other. I mean, looking back now, it was obvious that they didn't. Ignorance really is bliss, I guess. In the child's eye, it looked like love, but in reality, it was survival. My mom was trying to survive so that she didn't tear my life apart. She was trying to give me stability and the home life that she had when she was a girl. She wanted things to work out. My dad was just trying to get what he wanted. It was cold...they…were just… cold. Everything in my mind is just these cold memories of the two of them. They never touched. They never laughed with each other. They never danced or played or really spent any time together. They were more like roommates than lovers. But that's hindsight, I suppose."
"When I was thirteen my mom started making me go to Alateen. It's a support group for kids and teens that have alcoholics in their families or immediate circles. I never knew who the alcoholic in my family was, so I never really got a lot out of it. It was just something I had to do on Sunday nights. My mom went to Alanon, I went to Alateen. That's how it was. Finally, I learned from my mom that it was Charlie, my dad, who had problems with drinking. I didn't believe her at first. Then I kind of got a rude awakening."
"After we moved to Arizona, Charlie was different. Whenever I talked to him on the phone, he was always going on about how horrible my mother was. He would tell me these stories about how she always wanted to get rid of me. He told me once that she drove to Portland and left me there with a woman and my dad had to go all the way there to get me. But, my mom had never been to Portland. She'd never even been to Oregon."
"When I would visit, he started being so…I don't know what the right word is. Controlling, in your face, I don't know. He wanted to know what I was doing and who I was doing it with at all times. Not like a father who wants to know what his daughter is doing, but like…like a jealous and controlling boyfriend. Dating was out of the question. My dad was police chief for one, so it's not like anyone there would want anything to do with me. He started yelling, all the time, just constant yelling. The noise…God, he would just yell and yell and yell about everything. The house was a mess, the car wasn't working, my mother was a whore, my mother's family was insane, my stepfather was no good, I was useless. Always things about how useless I was. My father was the only boy in his family, so he had to have a son to carry on the family name. Obviously, that didn't happen."
"In his family's eyes, I was an automatic failure. I would never continue on the family name, which was all they wanted. They wanted Swan in high places and among high people. My father's job was to produce an heir that would do that; he failed. But in turn, he made sure I knew all the time that it was all my fault. I killed the family because I couldn't be a boy."
"Girls can't do anything. They're good for nothing, only carrying babies and cleaning. What was he going to do with that? So that's what I did. I was his surrogate wife. What he couldn't get from me he got from the town's whores. That was the only way in which I wasn't his true wife. He never saw me as a daughter. Never. He saw me as something to own. He saw me as some sort of…tool. An object. I can't explain it. There was no love. There was only convenience. Most fathers would protect their daughters with their lives. Mine didn't. Mine wanted me to cook and clean and ignore the fact that he was constantly drunk."
"He would go into the basement and come back reeking of cheap beer. And then he would start in on me. When I was in my junior year, my mom married Phil, and that was when I went to live with Charlie. They were newlyweds and I didn't want to take away from their time together. I thought they deserved to be alone without the hindrance of a teenager hanging around. I figured I could stay out of Charlie's way and he'd stay out of mine."
"But that's not what happened. He would constantly try and set me up with these guys. He would constantly try and get me to want to be with one of his friends' sons or just even his friends. And I would date them, just to try to get some peace. But then as soon as we were alone Charlie would just scream. He would scream about how I was a whore like my mother, good for nothing, and that I was supposed to stay and take care of him. He told me I had no business leaving him and how dare I even think about being with another man. He always told me that I was nothing without him. Nothing, he would say. Worse than the shit on his shoes. It was horrible. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working, going to school and getting straight A's in high level classes, all AP and honors, taking care of the house and him, having no social life outside of all the dates he forced on me, and just trying to survive."
"He would do things. God. He made me live in fear. In constant fear. He never hit me. Never once did anything illegal. But that's not really surprising; I mean he was the goddamned chief of police. Who would have thought that Charlie Swan would ever be anything other than charming and polite? But he kept me filled with fear. I wouldn't sleep, I'd stay up until all hours of the night because I was afraid that he would come into my room and do…something. I didn't even have a door to my bedroom. Just the frame. He took my door off one day because he said it made more room. But God, it was just another way for him to control. It was just another way for me to jump at every little goddamn noise that came through the air. Every shadow that passed in front of that doorframe made my heart leap. I would get dressed in the bathroom. I had no privacy. Nothing was private. It didn't matter. In his eyes I shouldn't have anything that was private. He wanted to control. He wanted me to be weaker."
"He would just, touch me. High up on my thigh. And…rub it. And then just smirk and walk off. Like it was nothing. Or I would say something and he would get this look on his face and wind up like he was going to hit me. He used to smack me upside the head constantly. Love pats he called them. Sometimes it would make my vision go out for a few seconds, but it never left a mark. An open handed smack to the back of the head. No severe head trauma, no bruising or swelling, no evidence, nothing. Just a love pat to make sure I stayed in line. And he would get this look on his face. God, I see it in my nightmares and I just can't take it. He would look at me like…like he wanted to kill me. Like he was going to do all the things that I was so afraid that he would do. And he had…pure evil in his eyes. He would grit his teeth and lock his jaw and his veins would be bulging and he would just charge at me and it was horrible. It was horrible. The fear. I can't even explain it. All I knew for so long was fear from my father."
"One night, God, I hate thinking about this. I hate reliving it, but it plays in my mind over and over like a goddamn fucking movie. I came home from visiting my mom, and I was so tired. I had just graduated and I was going back to Arizona in a few weeks again to live with my mom before going off to college. I hadn't told Charlie about it but I had to get all sorts of things organized before I left so I had to come back to Washington. I had to. I couldn't…I had to go back. I came home and he just, he headed straight for the basement. He was gone for so long and he just… he came back and there was just fury. Pure hatred. Nothing less. He yelled and yelled about how I was selfish to leave him, that my mother would ruin me. That she never cared about me and that the only person who could ever love me was him. God, he said that so much. No one could possibly love someone like me. He kept saying it over and over and over. And I snapped."
"I told him I was leaving. I told him that I would come back, because I didn't want him to freak out. But I said that in about a week I would be on a plane back to Arizona and that I would be staying there until college, a college that he didn't know I was going to, that was not in Washington. I said that I needed to pack my things and leave. I told him that I would stay for a week, but that my mom was coming. She was going to come up a few days later to help me with some things."
"And he just…he flipped. I don't know how to describe what happened… it was chaos. He started screaming that I wasn't leaving, that there was no way in hell that I was leaving. He told me I would never make it in college. He told me that I didn't have what it takes to be in the real world. He told me I would never be able to survive without him. He said that he brought me into this world and he could take me out just as fast. Then he just started waving his hands at me. He was just throwing his arms around in the air gesturing wildly. I can't…I don't know. I just don't know. He told me I was dead to him. He said that I wasn't his daughter, that I was just a piece of shit whore. And he walked out of the house to go to the basement. You had to go outside to get to it, there were these metal doors with stairs that led down there, to like a crawl space, I don't know. But he left."
"I ran upstairs to my room and just started packing. I called a friend from school who had his license and had always helped me out when I really needed it but didn't want to ask for it. Seth did everything he could to try and help me out. When I call him, He started freaking out, because he was on his way to his apartment in Port Angeles, about a half hour away, maybe more, I don't know, I can't really remember… like an hour away tops, but he turned around and came back. He turned around to help me."
"Then Charlie came up to my room. And he was so drunk. But…he had taken drugs this time, too. His eyes…you couldn't see the blue anymore…they were just black. Pitch black. He kept screaming at me to sit down. And I wouldn't. He just kept saying sit down, sit down, sit the fuck down, and I just kept saying no. I wouldn't sit down. It was like… it was the only thing I had. It was me standing up to him. You know? I mean, it was stupid but…it was the only thing I had. He had taken…everything. It was all I had…"
"I told him that Seth was coming. I told him that I would wait outside on the porch for Seth and that I would come back, but that I thought we needed some time apart to think. I was trying so hard to calm him down. I was trying so hard to just handle the situation. I was trying to just get out and get out alive. I was just…trying. There was nothing though… there was nothing. And he just sat down in my doorway, blocking it. He had nailed my windows shut previously, so I had no escape. There was nowhere I could go. He just kept yelling and yelling and yelling and I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. The things he said… the disgusting things he said. I was so scared. I didn't know if he'd rape me or kill me, or what. I just… I didn't know what to do. He just kept yelling."
"Then he finally got up, and he cornered me. My room wasn't that big but I just…God I can't explain the terror. I almost blacked out. And you know what the sick part is? I wanted him to hit me. I just wanted him to do something so badly so that it would all just end. So that it could be over and I could move on. And he knew. He did it on purpose so that I would feel that way. And he never really did anything. He just used words. He used something that I used so passionately; he used something that was a part of me against me. He got up in my face and screamed again. Then, finally, he stumbled to the side and I ran. I sprinted down the stairs and out of the house, calling Seth and telling him I would meet him at the diner and that he could pick me up there. I was walking away from the house as fast as I could. And then I heard them. The fucking footsteps. God, I still fucking hear them all the time. The sound of him fucking coming after me. Like I was a fucking dog. He chased me like I was just…cattle. I don't know. He chased me down the fucking road. He grabbed me and he held onto my arms so tightly that they bruised and he shook me. I remember my head snapping back and forth because of it. And he tried to pull me to the ground. He tried to flip my body so that I would go head first into the pavement so that I would black out and he could drag me back to the house. I had seen him to it to other people before; I'd seen him train fellow cops to do it. I'd seen him use it on criminals."
"I shoved him hard and then tried to get away. He grabbed my phone and my bag out of my hand and I shoved him again. I got free from his grip and I ran. I ran about 3 or 4 blocks before I stopped and just looked around me. I was alone, so I just started walking. We lived pretty far from the diner. Maybe 5 miles? So I just started walking. Eventually, a cop car pulled up alongside me. I freaked. I was afraid that Charlie has put his badge on, or that one of the creepier officers that Charlie had made me go on dates with was pulling up. I started hyperventilating. I just…it was a nightmare. It couldn't be real…it just couldn't be real… and it was."
"It turned out to be an old friend of my mom's, one of Charlie's cops. He stopped me on the side of the road and told me that my dad had tried to get them to pick me up for assaulting a police officer. I started sobbing. I sobbed and told Harry what happened and begged him to believe me. A younger cop pulled up, someone just new on the force, James…something… I think? He walked over to me and smirked, like I was some sort of plaything. He asked me, "So, your dad's the chief of police, huh?" Like my story didn't even matter. Like the fact that my dad wore a uniform and a badge made him completely above the law and made his word law, made him completely incapable of ever doing anything wrong, even though Harry was well aware that Charlie was drunk and high beyond belief."
"Harry told me he would go get my things from my dad's, but that I had to ride with James to the station to wait for Seth. I had to give my statement. Harry wasn't arresting me, he knew Charlie wouldn't remember what happened in the morning and he knew that I was innocent. Harry wanted the incident report written up though. He told me he would file it here and in Port Angeles so that Charlie couldn't do anything with it. James made me ride in the back of the car. Like I was a criminal. I did nothing wrong and I ended the night in the back of a cop car. He started cranking the radio, playing this new Britney Spears song and singing along. He actually stopped the car and started talking to these girls about his plans for later that night. It was disgusting. He kept winking at me through the rear view mirror, leering at me. He finally got me to the station and Harry was already there with my suitcases and a box of my things. He handed me my cell and told me Charlie had passed out, so he cleared out my room for me. I called Seth and he came and got me. I stayed with him until my mother flew up and brought me back to Arizona. I haven't seen Charlie since. His family wants nothing to do with me, I was supposed to just shut up and deal with it, just take care of Charlie and deal with the drinking. It wasn't something that was supposed to be aired in public. It was something to be swept under the rug and ignored. My job was to care for Charlie. That was my duty. It was what was expected of me. And now I have to go…and face them all…and…God…the way they'll look at me…and oh my God, I'll have to…stay with them…shit… and… and-"
The reality of the situation was crashing down on me and sobs wracked through my body as the now cold water stung my skin. I sobbed and cried and barely noticed as the water was turned off and I was picked up.
I clung to him. I held on as tightly as I could. It didn't matter that I was naked, the words I had spoken left me barer than simply my lack of clothing. There was nothing left of me right now. I was aware he was speaking softly, but nothing was making sense. I was trapped inside myself again. I felt clothing being pushed on my body, but I wouldn't be able to tell you if I was in my bathrobe or if I had sweats and a t-shirt on. That night was flashing in my mind over and over and over. I couldn't escape it. I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.
"Shh…come on, Bella. Deep breaths. Listen, can you hear me breathing? Breathe when I breathe, ok? In and out. In and out. Good. Good girl. Come on. In and out."
My breathing calmed slightly as I tried to follow his breaths. I was desperate to just get away from this. But it was just so hard; it clung to me so tightly.
I was lying on my bed now, on top of him, as he exaggerated his breathing to try to get me to follow it.
"Tell me what to do, Bella. Tell me what you want me to do. What do you need?"
"I need it to go away, make it go away. Please."
"How? How, Bella?"
"Why is the sky blue?"
"What?"
"You told me…in your letter…you'd tell me why the sky is blue. Why is the sky blue, Edward? Why is the sky blue?"
"It's a reaction of certain gases and pollution in the air...I think. I'm not entirely positive."
I tried to think of anything else to ask, anything that would get my mind away from where it was but I was just getting sucked back into the movie that was playing in my mind.
"I can't…I just…I can't."
"What's your favorite Audrey Hepburn movie, Bella?"
What?
"Umm… uh… Paris When It Sizzles. Or Breakfast at Tiffany's. I don't… Sabrina? I don't-"
"What's your favorite fruit?"
"Umm…," I took a big breath of air, trying to calm my sobs and trying to be able to speak, "Strawberries."
"What color was your dress when your mother got remarried?"
"Uh… it was…" I took a big, deep breath, feeling like I was hyperventilating, "It was kind of a rose…rose pink. It was pretty. I still…I still…have it."
"Where was Phil from?"
I gasped in a deep breath of air, trying to follow the rise and fall of his chest as an indicator of how I should pace my breaths. His questions were all over the place and it was hard to jump from each one.
"He's…umm…he was from…Arizona. His mother…was… from Chile. His father…his father…was American."
"Do you speak any other languages?"
I nodded my head, desperately trying to regain control over my body.
"Three."
"Spanish? Do you speak Spanish, Bella?"
"Yes. I speak… I know…yes."
"How do you say bed in Spanish, Bella?"
The words were floating through my brain. I tried to focus on his voice. The sound of his voice was pulling me back.
"Cama."
"How do you say shirt?"
"Camisa."
"How do you say hug in Spanish?"
"Abrazo."
"Hello, my name is Edward?"
"Umm… uhh…God…um…"
I couldn't think. My mind was clouded and it felt like body was flooded with water and weighed down, and I was high above it. Like I was floating away but that I was just barely tethered to the earth. I felt separated and pulled apart in an inexplicable way.
"Come on, Bella, keep talking. Focus on translating for me. How do you say Hello, my name is Edward."
I racked my brain for the words. Shifting through everything trying to get the words I wanted.
"Hola, me llama Edward."
"Good. Good. Your accent is beautiful, Bella. How do you say 'How much does a cheeseburger cost?"
He was going all over the place with this.
"Umm… cuanto…cuanto cuesta una…hamburguesa con…queso?"
I wasn't sure if anything I was saying made sense in Spanish. But I was trying to focus on his voice; trying to get out of the trap my mind was setting for itself.
"Good girl. What other languages do you speak, Bella? Huh?"
"Umm… a little Portuguese? And ummm…"
"Good. Good. Say something, Bella. Say…Christ…ummm… Thank you! How do you say 'thank you' in Portuguese?"
Thank you. What did thank you mean? It was coming easier, my mind was tiring, but I kept trying to focus on what he was saying.
"Muitu obligado."
"Ok. Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world, Bella?"
"Any…anywhere?"
"Anywhere, right now. Come on, Bella. We need you to calm down. You're almost there. Where would you go?"
"En- … England. Jane… Jane Austen's house. London. Everywhere."
"I'll take you, Bella. I swear. We'll go to England. Where else? Where else do you want to go? Shakespeare's amphitheater? Buckingham Palace? Big Ben? Where else, Bella?"
"Yes. There, too. Everywhere…just…every…everywhere."
"Ok. Good. Ok, if you could eat anything right now, what do you want? Any food. Name it."
"Umm…cheese…cheeseburger? Maybe-"
"With chips right? Do you want chips with your burger, Bella?"
"Yeah…ok…"
"Esme wants to visit soon. She wants to go to a play somewhere; do you want to go with her?"
"Ok… um… sure?"
"Great. What play do you want to see, Bella? What have you always wanted to see?"
"Um… the uh… Phantom of the Opera? Ummm…Les Miserables?"
"Ok. I'll tell Esme and we'll see what we can find. What do you want to do when you graduate, Bella? Hmm? What do you want to do? Where do you want to work?"
"I…ummm…teaching? And to…write."
I was fading fast, the hysterics were wearing off and exhaustion was setting in, but Edward kept me talking. He kept asking questions, he kept my mind away from where it wanted to go, and I prayed it would be enough to keep the nightmares away.
"Brilliant. What do you want to write about, Bella?"
"I don't…I don't know. Life. Goals. Anything…something…something good."
"What do you want to teach?"
"Umm…high…high school. Literature."
I was falling asleep and I didn't hear his next question. I just felt him stroking my hair and whispering. All I heard was his voice humming a melody I could just barely make out. Tears were still falling down my face, but I was no longer hyperventilating. I was just so tired. I was tired physically, and I was tired of the reaction that Charlie always caused. I was just tired of it all. I wanted to sleep and never wake up.
And then his voice broke through, just as I was about to drift away finally.
"I'll give you all your dreams, Bella. I'll fix it. I'll find a way to give you everything you deserve and more."
And those words took me to my dreamland.
AN: So. we have Bella's story. Well, at least Bella's story in relation to Charlie. We have the re-entrance of Edward (umm... can I get a Hallelujah and an Amen?). Just a note: Bella is not running back into Edward's arms. This will all be explained later on (i know, you probably want to murder me for how often I say that. Please dont...) but for now we're at the: "fuck if i know" stage.
So: More Edward, no more Charlie, Family drama to come. OH MY!
About last chapter and why it was all italicized: i have no freaking idea. I kinda want to change it but I don't want to delete all the reviews it has. meh. when the story is finished, I'll fix it. someone remind me. haha!
so. Bella's story? what do we think? what do we think about edward being there? WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT THE NAKED? though it wasn't really sexin' naked...
but it was still naked.
ok that's enough of my nervous rant.
read, review, and let me know what you're thinkin' guys, gals, and undecideds!
mucho love,
Mo
p.s. MUSEGIRL = BEST BETA EVER! for cereal boys and girls. you should be jealous. many thanks are being sent her way. many.